Well, I don't know exactly what to say...I love to write. That's quite obvious from my title. I suppose by now, you are wondering what I am so distressed about. It's more complicated than one might think, but I feel writing it out would be helpful.

Ever since I was around 9 I have written stories, though never finishing them, never even getting past the first chapter somtimes. This never bothered me too much,  becasue though I did love creating stories, I knew I didn't have the drive...at least not yet.

I didn't get the "drive" to write until I met a certain friend with a binder holding a 600 page hand written story. I was so inspired by her dedication, that I vowed to finish a story.

It is my pleasure to say that after two years I have been true to my vow and finished my first real story, "Faith Will Lead You On".

Ok, so now I will be getting to my main point. While writing my I started off real slow, writing here and there, and I was doing fairly well. Then, I decided to post this story of Fictionpress.com, a site I recently found. I imediatly was consumed by this site, reading other people's stories writing my own, and even getting on the computer almost every few hours just to check if I got a review. My mind was filled with thoughts of "did I get a review?" or "what should my next chapter be about?" or "I wonder what will happen next in that person's story?". It was the first thought in morning and last tough at night.

As you can tell, I was engulfed, and my grades slipped just a little. My parents approached me about this and I told them I would try to back off a little. This helped but I still constantly thought of it.

Ever since I made the vow to myself, I felt God tugging at my heart saying, "don't write this certain story" (I had started more than one story before I wrote "FWLYO"). I was distressed becasue I just COULDN"T stop. I would break my vow, my friend (the one who inspired me and has in turn looked up to me for spiritual advice in her own trials), would not understand why, and plus I didn't WANT to. The former may be my biggest downfall.

Then I started playing mind games with myself saying that God didn't want me to give up writing, he just wanted me to give it up to him. This was reasonable enough and I gave it to him, at least I thought I did. Deep down in my heart, though, I knew that it wasn't true. 

As of now, I decided to refrain from posting another story until it is finished. I found that part of the reason that I got so engulfed was becasue I had the drive that I needed to please the readers and update as soon as possible.

Even upon taking this step, I still struggle with the same question as the summer starts. With all the time on my hands, it is so easy to fall into temptation and become even more engulfed in my writing. My question..."What is God's will for my writing?". I want to write for God, but I don't exactly know how. When I write I don't think about God...I only think about the story. I know you all are not God to tell me what I should do, but I just wanted to ask your honest opinion.