I appreciate the comments on my last post, and anyone who wants to further discuss God through e-mail, just let me know.

But I have to say, I'm rather angry right now. I've been reading my boyfriend's blog entries, the comments he gets, I've heard the gossip and rumors of what people are saying about him at FWC, and I've just been taking it all in and I can't hold back my opinions any longer.
Surely you people can find some worth in what have to say seeing as how I am the one person he sees and talks to more than anyone else. I see him every day - through good moods and bad moods. I can tell you that neither of us have abandoned our beliefs in God, and if one of us has even come close - it would be me. I am the one who doubts and questions and beats myself up over it all. Andrew was the one holding me when I was dangerously drunk and crying my eyes out, and when I asked him that night if he believed in God, he said yes. Andrew is the one sitting with me in church almost every Sunday holding my hand during praise and worship. Andrew is one of the only reasons I have left for believing in God. The night before we started dating, (and I haven't even told him this) I had a complete emotional break down. I had nothing left. I wanted to die. I've gone through tough times, everyone has, but I had had all I could take. I was going to kill myself. I prayed for the first time in months that God would please give me some reason to live- something to keep me going. The next day, Andrew and I hung out and ended up hinting around that we had feelings for each other. I was still depressed, and he left for Tampa that night, but I held on to see what would happen when he got back. He came home and we've been inseperable ever since. Andrew wasn't exactly having the easiest time in life before me. He was going through a lot, too. But now we both have at least one reason for being alive, and that's each other. No one can tell me that anything or anyone other than God brought us together. Now I can't tell you if those things prove we're good Christians, because I don't think they do. But I can say what doesn't prove we're bad Christians. When two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together, but can't afford to get married right now, decide to move in with each other, does not mean they're going against God. When a person throws out a cuss word every now and then, it does not mean they're going against God. People should stop looking at everything they think Andrew is doing wrong, and try to understand that maybe, just maybe, he's doing some things right. He is still the kindest and sweetest and most caring person I have ever met. He's a guy who listens to his fellow employees' problems at work and encourages them. He's a guy who is always incredibly kind to complete strangers. He is always there for me when I need him. He always keeps a calm head and takes care of me.
I'm the one who has a drinking problem, people. I'm the one who suggests daily that maybe God doesn't exist. Andrew is the one who discourages that behavior. And I thank God for that, because I know no one else ever bothered. I went to FWC for a year and a half - why did I stop going? Why is there a rumor that I hate that church and I'm the one keeping Andrew from going? Because I went to that church through good times and through bad....through all kinds of addictions and tough times....and it's not like it was some huge secret. I never really tried to hide what I was doing. Can I think of anyone at that church who ever truly made me believe they gave a damn? No. Can I think of one time anyone there ever convinced me about anything regarding God? No. I tried, I came, I listened, I tried to reach out, and I never got anything. And now I have this God sent man in my life who is my constant reminder that not only does God exist, but also my reminder that I have a future. I have a reason to live. I have a reason to not to drink.
Not only that, but I have found a church that doesn't consist of just one or two renegades that used to smoke pot, but a church where the preacher constantly reminds everyone that he was once a crack head. A preacher who has been in prison. A preacher who admits he was a crack head and a youth minister at the same time. And who goes to that church? People like him. People that haven't just dabbled in a few bad things here and there before deciding to walk a straight path, but people who have dived head first into darkness and are slowly finding their way out. Because in the real world, you don't wake up one morning completely renewed and pure. Not after living the way some of us have. You have to work. It's hard. You don't decide one day that God is always there and never question it and never look back. You struggle. You fight. And if you're strong, if you have real honest faith - not the kind of faith that brings you to church every time it's open - but the kind of faith it takes to watch a friend drown in a drug addiction, the kind of faith it takes to see young promising people die right in front of you, to walk into a completely godless school where beliefs without scientific reason are considered pointless, when people are constantly feeding you ideas that anything goes and nothing is sacred, to come home to an insane father and over controlling mother where screaming fights and broken glass are normal, or a home where a marriage is being torn to shreds and you whitness it first hand, when a mistake hits you so hard you can literally feel your heart break, not a mistake that just finds its way back around to you and humiliates you, but a mistake that has ruined your life and you have to deal with it while trying to find forgiveness and trying to put what's left of your life back together - if you have that kind of faith, you can take all of that and more and still find your way out on the other side believing in God. That is real faith, and I can tell you that even if I don't have a grasp on it, Andrew does. And that's what inspires me to keep trying. And if you think he's doing so horribly right now, you take yourself back to around the middle of last year and look at him then - compare who he is now to who he was then and you will realize that he is stronger than all of us. He has made it through so much and is cleaning his act up so well. It baffles me. I don't think I could have done what he has done. My point is that if you knew even a third of who he really is and what he has really gone through, you wouldn't be able to say the things you do. Because he has faith that most of you can't even comprehend.
Now, I can only pray that the ones I am writing this for have read this entire thing and at least tried to step out of their narrow views enough to understand where I am coming from. And I know what FWC teaches you. I know you'll find some scripture to go against everything I have said, and that's fine. Because the rules are black and white, right? Well, in the real world, in our very real lives, nothing is black and white. And we have to take the rules and do the best we can with them. And that's what we're doing. We're trying, and that's all God asks of us - is that we try. And whether you believe it or not, I can tell you we are at least doing that much. I'm not God. I'm not Jesus. I can't tell you for certain what either of them would or would not approve of. But considering God knows things Andrew hasn't even told me, I'm certain He is proud of all that Andrew has done. All that he has made it through. And I'm pretty sure He would favor some people understanding that and maybe giving a little encouragement rather than constantly pointing out every little thing you think he is doing wrong.
Maybe this is just going to be a pointless rant, but I pray that it can get through to some of you.