Well, it's another apologetic explanatory time, although I'm not sure the people who need to hear these words the most will listen.  But here's the deal: I'm imperfect and have long admitted to that fact.  And then there's God's love and His peace which passes all human understanding.

Most of you Bible readers out there are probably familiar with the story of the wicked servant--you know, the one that owes the king millions of dollars.  Likewise, you know, that upon begging for forgiveness to the king, the servant gets his debt expunged from the record.  Then he turns and incarcerates someone who owes him mere pennies.  The other servants tell the king about this, and the wicked servant faces judgment.  It's one of the best parables in the Bible, and it gives us a clear understanding of how we should be gracious of the mercy given to us.

suggested dumping my crying baby in a trashcan so he wouldn't have to
be quiet at my in-laws' house. I don't care how much nicer he gets; I'm
never going to like him, I'm never going to respect him, and I'm never
going to consider him a friend.


I get a little snippy when it comes to my child.

A few years ago, I heard a rumor; I heard specifically from someone's mouth that my friend was sleeping in the same bed with his girlfriend at the time.  I wondered about it, and I resolved to ask the friend himself.  First serious, he explained to me how it did not seem wrong to sleep in the same bed with a woman with whom he was not married.  After all, he assured me that nothing physical had gone on, and much more, he admonished me not to slip about it in front of his parents.  Still, he wanted peace, and I granted it foolishly.  However, I did warn him to be very careful.  He agreed.

A few months later, things were bumpier and getting worse for me.  In a practice for a ensemble, this same friend became sullen with some news.  He was going to be the father of child his girlfriend was carrying.  Knowing our customs in the Assemblies of God, it came as a shock to some possibly, but I remained silent.  They married, and things seemed to fly smoothly for them from my perspective.

He told a mutual friend of ours that he wanted to make sure that I was positive he did not lie.  His girlfriend and he were not doing anything at the time I spoke to him.  He even got around to telling me once.  Instead of exposing my feelings about the situation, my tongue lay dormant, a rare occurence.

I've thought, even through all I've been through, what a slap in the face. Especially now, when some of my high school friends won't even talk to me after bearing their souls to me only two years ago, I felt the sting of someone who called me his friend but did not listen to me in the least.  How much more when I call him after all this time to be told in a mostly genial conversation that I'm hardheaded above all things did these thoughts frustrate me!  So I prayed to God to help me forgive others!

Now, I say a lot of stupid things, and at times today, I had evil desires to show that friend what I was made of, telling him of that hurt.  Lord willing, I'll always keep those thoughts to myself and will pray for forgiveness when needed.  I must forgive.  God must become greater in my life than any problem I have or any wrong others have done to me.  When rage comes, I must subdue it under the authority of an Almighty God.  I'm serious.  If you readers only knew the anger I've kept, you would hardly speak to me, but I'm saying that I must control all of that.

I've said some stupid things.  She's right: I did suggest that her baby be thrown in a dumpster.  How imposing I thought at the time that he and she with their sick child come to a place where they knew a substantial group of people would be.  Even if for family's sake, they could have come later or kindly asked us to move.  Instead, we received harsh words for being too loud, which seemed fairly relative at the time.  So, in my anger, I said something harsh, sarcastically belittling her frustration that she couldn't make her child's sickness magically disappear, what any loving parent wishes for.

The problem with anger is that it assumes too much on one end while knowing too much on the other.  We know our feelings about such and such and assume the other person's just attacking us.  But that's not the case, especially in this case.  I would have attacked anyone who came through that door angry with the people in the room.  Heck, I was angry at the world at the time and also with myself.  I could go into a further explanation but I hope this should suffice.

I'm sorry for what I said.  It was said in the heat of the moment to be semi-clever to mask feelings of general hostility waging war within myself.  I ask for your forgiveness and your husband's as well.  I also forgive you both for what misunderstandings we've had.

These words are the truth, and I can do no less.