36 Disclaimers on the Advice of Dearest Cousins
April 16 2006
In talking to Randy as of late, he warned me of the dangers of opening myself up on such a wide scale as the internet, that my reputation may remained stained and such and such; however, I find it quite funny that people relent in providing any help with my depressive states, yet they'll flock to pry into Rebecca Jensen's business at the drop of a hat. Coincidence? Eh...But these things are in no way to criticize Rebecca's motives or anyone else's in particular. I suppose that's the way my life has crumbled down the hatch to the regrouping cellar. If this cathardic session offends you in anyway, you should probably stop reading it. After all, what good is it to listen if not stretch the contents of your mind. I think, generally speaking, a lot of Christians countermand the ideas of knowing why you know what you know, and I think it's a problem. If I just accept what I, a flawed being, believe is true, then I've gained nothing except to just repeat back like a parrot, but know the meaning and the principles and to explore for oneself is a better gain in the end. Does that mean try everything? No...but it does mean that if someone produces a good argument that disagrees with your point of view, you should reconsider your view, consider theirs, and determine the best course of action. To simply say, "Well I believe this regardless," is stupid.
Now, many of you at this point are probably shrieking over my saying these things, for how can I justify my own life by the standard of this advice? It's true, regardless of my character, however flawed. Besides, most people didn't listen to my advice when I was "good" (and I can give examples so that it doesn't appear to a fanciful delusion of misery); why should your opinions change? No, I say these things in the hope one day someone will be helped, despite my stupidity and foolishness, not to make the mistakes or at least to come out of life with a better understanding of it.
I don't understand God, but I'll bet you a million bucks you don't either so that you can't judge. I don't think in this life we were ever meant to understand God totally, but to have some semblance of Him set in our minds as a goal for why we live. I realize that, without a God, life is pointless. There is no point without God, even in helping our species because the law of entropy will eventually consume everything until nothing else exists, but God exists outside this law, if He exists, and controls the aspects of it. If our end is death, we are simply wasting time; but if our end is life, we have something to hope for.
I figure that I believe in God, but that I'm at odds with Him so that, while I tell people I don't believe in God, I simply do so as a means of relinquishing some small amount of responsibility or judgment by not hypocritically claiming to be Christian, as so many in this age do. I am working things out. Am I suicidal? Yes, at times, and no, at times...I vacillate like nothing else. These are my problems, though, and if you knew me, you would communicate with me on regular basis, not simply with empty conversation, but with words of importance to life. I realize it's difficult with my situation, but if you care to judge, you must also care to try. If you don't try, you can't judge. You have no vested interest in my life, so why judge me? I only say these things on judgment to address Randy's fears, not to express paranoia, as some supposed "reprobates" do.
If you view my site, you have the right to remain silent; but if you do speak, speak these words to me as well, as I evaluate my own life. Who knows? You might have something good to say, something that may help.
You, the reader, may not understand all these things I've written and will write. Perhaps, you will remember and realize later, perhaps not. I don't know. I find I know very little of important things anymore.
So, here's my catharsis, my way of expression, and my ventilation that you make take as you like. This is my disclaimer: that I have, and will continue to, stretch your point of view as I stretch my own.
Now, many of you at this point are probably shrieking over my saying these things, for how can I justify my own life by the standard of this advice? It's true, regardless of my character, however flawed. Besides, most people didn't listen to my advice when I was "good" (and I can give examples so that it doesn't appear to a fanciful delusion of misery); why should your opinions change? No, I say these things in the hope one day someone will be helped, despite my stupidity and foolishness, not to make the mistakes or at least to come out of life with a better understanding of it.
I don't understand God, but I'll bet you a million bucks you don't either so that you can't judge. I don't think in this life we were ever meant to understand God totally, but to have some semblance of Him set in our minds as a goal for why we live. I realize that, without a God, life is pointless. There is no point without God, even in helping our species because the law of entropy will eventually consume everything until nothing else exists, but God exists outside this law, if He exists, and controls the aspects of it. If our end is death, we are simply wasting time; but if our end is life, we have something to hope for.
I figure that I believe in God, but that I'm at odds with Him so that, while I tell people I don't believe in God, I simply do so as a means of relinquishing some small amount of responsibility or judgment by not hypocritically claiming to be Christian, as so many in this age do. I am working things out. Am I suicidal? Yes, at times, and no, at times...I vacillate like nothing else. These are my problems, though, and if you knew me, you would communicate with me on regular basis, not simply with empty conversation, but with words of importance to life. I realize it's difficult with my situation, but if you care to judge, you must also care to try. If you don't try, you can't judge. You have no vested interest in my life, so why judge me? I only say these things on judgment to address Randy's fears, not to express paranoia, as some supposed "reprobates" do.
If you view my site, you have the right to remain silent; but if you do speak, speak these words to me as well, as I evaluate my own life. Who knows? You might have something good to say, something that may help.
You, the reader, may not understand all these things I've written and will write. Perhaps, you will remember and realize later, perhaps not. I don't know. I find I know very little of important things anymore.
So, here's my catharsis, my way of expression, and my ventilation that you make take as you like. This is my disclaimer: that I have, and will continue to, stretch your point of view as I stretch my own.
Randy Rodden
April 16 2006
What you have said ha actually effected me pretty greatly so let's see if I can do the same... I don't tell many people this but I figure that the people who would read your site could know and be responsible with the information. I, yes Randy the "always happy go-lucky hobbit man," contomplaited the very same things as you did, while them being as serious as your contomplations, I have no idea. For after all I know your thoughts but not the extent or severity (hopefully not as great as I fear). But yes this horrible thing called suicide, allthough looking back at it it seems quite frankly retarded, crossed through my mind quite frequently. You might say something like, " Randy what times have you had that would make you think that?", which would seem to me to be a pretty obvious question. But in 6th grade I don't know if you know this or not, but I struggled in my class in the area of friendship and for some people they might think well that not too bad, but for me I'd never had to Try to make friends; for before that I was homeschooled and at church I would like to think that friendships came easy to me. But yes, in 6th grade I was the nerd of the class and often feared of going back for I knew the way that people looked and felt about me. But I think the reason I actually felt AS horrible as I did is because I didn't look at the many things that were going great in my life, while you might think that this resolution is cliche, and so did I at the time, but really if you dweal on all the crap that God has blessed you with, and no I'm not trying to be Super Christian over here, you will find yourself in a better possition. I don't really know if you've heard this a million times before. But honestly, looking back at it this is exactly what someone needed to tell me at the time so I figured I'd pass along my outstanding wisdom....haha. Oh and I know that when I did hear stuff like was said above I would often think, "Well I already knew that," but honestly as much as I had heard it I didn't recieve it because I thought that everyone said that and that my problem was much deeper than that of theirs but it wasn't and again I was retarded. Oh and for something for you to look at possitively I think you had a great time last night with people of high quality in my oppinion that you can mostly call friendship which is something that apparently is hard to find at your college so that is something rare as well as priceless. So take it or leave it, I'm just trying to show that I do give a care. Not only as a family member but that of a good friend as well.
