I figured a more intelligible entry was past due for a while, and so here it is.  I never told my mom, but on her way home, because my dad was unaware of that fact, he managed to somehow engage in a cellphone conversation with her about it.  So she calls me later and freaks out, as I knew she would.  I think it still hurts her, but she seems to be making an effort to hide her emotions about the situation, while I am unphased by it.  Besides, it was months ago...the fee involved is the only matter to me.

In a conversation with Chris Morgan (very) early this morning, I realized that my current belief system (or possibly lack thereof) lacks the needed reasons why and explanations behind it, but it is, however, a very hard thing to explain, seeing as I have trouble explaining it to myself.  I guess I'm more a deist than anything.  I figure God created the world and let it be, and then somewhere along the line, humanity tried to fill in where they thought it ought to be.  Although the general of manking might be to "glorify God", I highly doubt if someone missing from that group will be cared about.  You see, I think, when people say God helped me through it, really they just got over it, and God really had nothing to do with it.  I don't think God really answers prayer; at least, He hasn't answered my own.  Those cases did have lack of belief or anything so come with me with your reasons for why God didn't answer me or why I seem to have no purpose in life.  You don't know my life, and most of you because you simply didn't bother.  That's what I love about people: they're really good at passing judgment without being involved in the situation at all.  I guess I'm one of the most guilty.  So the current plan for suicide, if and when it happens, looks to be driving my car into concrete without killing anyone else.  I chose this because it seems to be easy.  The van has no real value, and if all goes well, it should be over quickly.  Still, the issue is doing it cleanly.  So I was wondering whether I should wear a seatbelt or not if and when it happens.  The only thing that makes me hesitate is my parents because I think it'd be a burden to hold a funeral and all that.  I'm sure the a lot of the people I thought were my friends won't show up, yet a bunch of old retards with nothing better in their lives than to pry into lives of others will show up.  That would suck.  I wonder what people would say.  I mean really.  God, he was dumb, and he's in hell, so let's go eat!  What a world...it's quite depressing...