Well, my attempts at being heard prove futile...no remarks, but tons of regrets.  I'm quite bored and depressed, even at the chance of marijuana later on this night (which I doubt, and quite frankly is temporary anyway).  I've no one to call and no one to talk to back home.  Here, the chances are pretty slim too.

You know, I try to be happy and social, but for real, it doesn't work out too well for me.  Of course, all that's overshadowed by mistakes I've made.

And so...I'll probably fail again this semester these classes, and then run away from everything...again.  I thought about going to Lee next semester, but who'd want me there either after all this?  Ah, this venting ain't a cathardic session...I don't feel any better...

If you feel like I'm depressed (or depressing, whichever suits you best), you're correct.  This site's original intention was for me to actually keep some form of journal in private (b/c I won't if it's not in this form...I tried notebooks) as some sort of vent mechanism.  Now, it feels like just a confluence of humiliation.

You know the funny thing about depression?  There's really no point, no reason behind it.  It's like this semi-controllable (often seems totally uncontrollable) monster that creeps up on you to beat the crap out of you and then go away for a while.  This, of course, repeats a lot.  But there's no real point of grief behind all of it.  No one close to me died; I'm not poor; and things for the most part, on the outside, seem fairly good; yet that's not true.  Everyone seems a potential enemy to an ever vulnerable self-esteem.  Every success seems the beginning of what one doesn't have.  The lack of a significant other and the emotions entangled in such become a major "weakness"...

So...Life goes on at a crawl...