God,
Your words were, at one time,
The essence of my soul,
But now they have all but dissipated
From my torn memory,
And faded into the shell of religion.
O God, what have I done?
How much fleshly relationships
Pattern my spiritual course!
The Spirit has wept for me
Because I traded Him
For unfulfilling substances,
And His thoughts of me
Appear in the dreams of men.
But I reached out to the air
Beside me, and called Your name,
That You should appear
Physical yet pure,
Yet You did not appear.
I wept in my silence.
When shall I come to appear
Before the presence of God?
When shall I come to appear
Before the presence of God?
In my thoughts, twisted doubts
Tell me You are not.
Why should You relent
In disproving them?
Still, pride in my heart
Creeps like a vine
On the tree of faith,
Eventually to cripple me.
I have sat on my hands,
And laid on my feet,
And they are asleep,
My heart does not move,
I am numb and lifeless.
But what constitutes a life?
What purpose? What meaning?
Show Yourself to me:
I don't care if I go blind!
Appear in my dreams
Continually, if You will,
And reveal these mysteries.
When shall I come to appear
Before the presence of God?