I don't understand a lot of things in life and this frustrates me greatly.  I don't understand why the longest relationship I've had is 7 months long.  I don't understand why people can't get over ex's.  I don't understand why people have to creep me out!  AHHH!  The stress of life.  I don't understand why I'm here right now.

So we're sitting at lunch and Brandon and I get up to go leave.  I put my UTC Band jacket on and the guy we're sitting with says, "oh, you're in band?"  I told him yes then he asked what I played and I pointed at my jacket because it says Becky Amonett and underneath it says Piccolo.  He said, "Becky?" and I said, "No, below that!"  Then Brandon pipes in and goes, "I play the Becky!"  We all started cracking up, then I got it and hit him haha.  Fun times in the UC.

I will be allowed to come home for a VERY SHORT period of time this weekend.  By short I mean tomorrow I will leave Chattanooga around 5 and have to leave Murfreesboro again at 2 on Saturday afternoon.  If you want to hang out please let me know and I will hope to see all of you.  I love you!

As some of you know, I have not been feeling good since I woke up on Sunday morning.  My throat has been extremely sore and I've had trouble breathing and swallowing.  I finally took Thursday and went to the student health clinic on campus.  They didn't know what was wrong with me there so they sent me to the Emergency Room at Erlanger Hospital to see an ENT specialist.  I saw my room mates when I was coming back from the clinic to go to the hospital and I burst into tears as I told them what was wrong and they brought me to the hospital.  We waited for about 30 minutes to an hour because I told them I was having trouble breathing.  Then, my room mates left once I got sent back and it was ok because I knew my dad would be there soon.  Shortly after waiting on an exam room, I was stuck 4 times because they couldn't find a vein on me because I was so dehydrated.  They decided to start an IV and take blood and then they admitted me overnight to keep on eye on my fever.  They woke me up every 2 hours last night to check vitals or take blood or change my IV bags.  About 6 tonight, I FINALLY got to see an ENT specialist and he prescribed about 4 different types of medication.  He said my activites are very limited right now and I'm not allowed to do anything outside for an extended period of time.  I am feeling better now.  I'm just a little tired and sore.  I can kind of eat normal foods again and both my parents and Brandon are here keeping a close watch on me.  The doctor wants a follow-up in 10 days to make sure my tonsils have gone down and if this happens again they will probably have to do surgery.  Anyways, I would like to thank those of you who knew and have been calling to check up on me.  Sorry for those who weren't informed, this was a surprise to me too.  Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers and pray that I keep fluids in me and that I eat and take all my meds at the right time.  I love you!      

Today has been one of those days when I really miss my family and home and my friends.  It's really depressing.  I hate slow days!  I just wish I had some answers for stuff right now.  I guess I could use some prayer.  Love you all! 

Ok so last night at our freshman girls Bible study for RUF we talked about different churches around town.  There are about 12 Presbyterian churches around here and my friend, Anna P., is still looking for one.  She mentioned that at one church, which I visited also, they said something about your destination when you die already being set out for you.  Anna H. and I decided to discuss this issue further on the drive back to the dorm.  She said she has always been taught to believe that from the second you are born, God knows where you're going when you die.  While I believe that, I also believe that God put Christians on this Earth to save people who are 'destined' to go to Hell when they die.  Why else do we have missionaries and other people who devote their lives to saving people?  I was just curious to get some feedback from my friends on this subject because Anna and I have gone to the same church for 8 years and this has never come up before.  So, is your destiny already determined at birth or do you think you can change it? 

I have come across some realizatoins this week:

Going home depresses me, this will be my first weekend here where my parents haven't come to visit and I haven't gone home, no matter how hard you try not to you end up pulling late nights to finish papers it WILL happen, a 4 day college week is very nice, i miss lots of my friends back home but i dont necessarily miss my house, i enjoy my freedom, unfortunately for me the newness of college wears off eventually and you feel blah for a couple days. 

That is all. 

sad times.  i feel kinda outta the loop.

I'm almost done with my first week of college.  It hasn't been too bad yet.  I ended up dropping my Western Humanities class because I took on too much at once and was already freaking out so I'll have to pick that up again next semester but it will be easier then, I think.  My roomies left me for the weekend.  I need to study lots because I have lots to catch up on before classes start up next week.  I'm coming home next weekend for the long weekend so anyone that wants to hang out let me know and I'll try to make time.  Anytime someone wants to come visit let me know.  You can also write me letters or message me on here or facebook.  I miss you all and I love you and I'll hopefully see lots of you next weekend! 

College life is GREAT!  The only bad thing is that my computer isn't working in my room yet so I'm in the library but hopefully that will be up and running soon!  Something weird happened.  I miss home but not as much as I thought I would.  Right now I'm keeping so busy with band that I really don't have time to think about it all.  I'm not sure if this is good or bad.  Don't get me wrong, I love you all and miss you but just not as much as I thought I would.  I can't wait to post pictures of my beautiful dorm room!  Thanks to my family and Leah for decorating it so nicely while I was in band rehearsal.  This may be my last post until my computer gets up and running but we'll see how long it takes.  Hopefully soon I can get on AIM and stuff again.  I miss chatting with people.  Oh yea, I'm definitely getting my exercise walking around campus.  That's all for now.  Next band rehearsal from 1-4 then I'm off for the night!  Yes!

*edit-  I got my computer to work!  I am very excited about this!  My roommates are great! 

I'm leaving in about 45 minutes.  Sorry to those that I didn't get to say good-bye to.  I'll try to get on AIM lots still so I'll definitely keep in touch.  I love you all and will miss you dearly but right now I'm planning on coming home for Labor Day weekend. Wish me luck! 

I never thought this day would come when I would get to the single digits.  As of today, I have officially 9 days until I go to Chattanooga.  I'm so scared yet very excited.  I know I'm about to do some major growing up but I'm so stressed out about forgetting something.  I have to decide what I want/need to bring and start pulling everything together.  This is my final full weekend at home.  This is all so strange!  So much has happened lately but most things have been good and then of course you have the few bad things because life is full of ups and downs.  I'm going to miss everyone so much.  I feel like I need to hang out with everyone before I leave but I don't know how I can possibly get everyone/thing crammed into 9 days plus work from 6-2:30.  So much to do, so little time! 

This song was playing through my head all day and I think it describes me right now.  I also made 2 changes to it but they work.  It's by Carrie Underwood.

  "Don't Forget To Remember Me"

19 years have come and gone
For momma they flew by
But for me they drug on and on
We were loading up that Saturn
Both tryin' not to cry
Momma kept on talking
Putting off good-bye
Then she took my hand and said
'Baby don't forget

Before you hit the highway
You better stop for gas
There's a 50 in the ashtray
In case you run short on cash
Here's a map and here's a Bible
If you ever lose your way

Just one more thing before you leave
Don't forget to remember me'

This downtown apartment sure makes me miss home
And those bills there on the counter
Keep telling me I'm on my own
And just like every Sunday I called momma up last night
And even when it's not, I tell her everything's alright
Before we hung up I said
'Hey momma, don't forget to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell mee-ma that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah, I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me'

Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while
So I don't know what to say but
'Lord I feel so small sometimes in this big ol' place
Yeah, I know there are more important things, but
But don't forget to remember me
But don't forget to remember me'

I hate to say it but I'm pretty sure my 19th birthday was better than my 18th birthday.  I had a 'mocktail' party with 4 girls and 4 boys.  I pulled the party together in 2 days with much help from family and friends so I know of 2 people who I certainly forgot about so I'm sorry about that.  Basically we had hors-doeurves and nonalcoholic beverages.  It was really fun just sitting around visitng and having an overall great time.  Thanks to everyone who came and to all those who wished me a happy birthday.  I'm blessed to have so many awesome friends. 

Camp was absolutely amazing.  I met some really cool people and even built up some relationships with people in youth group.  I was the oldest girl there so I hung out with the guys most of the time but I had a blast.  The beach was nice and the weather was amazing.  I even got in the ocean the last day!  The theme was Peace on Earth as it is in Heaven and the speaker was great.  I learned a whole lot.  The last night always hits me the hardest.  We were sitting on the beach having our devotion last night and Nathan was talking about how bad he felt for not being a good leader and example to the younger high schoolers and it hit me that I should have done more in my time in the youth group but I was too scared to.  I wanted so badly to say something but I clammed up and just thought about my life.  I'll be 19 in 6 days and that doesn't bother me but then I thought, wow, I now have less than a month before college.  The thought of that really stung so I sat there after we were done and just laid there on the sail boat on the beach and thought about having peace and what peace meant to me.  I so often give my mom such a hard time when it comes to me leaving and I realize I shouldn't do that because now she is losing me in less than a month and possibly Amy in January if everything goes as planned.  These thoughts made me realze how I really need to keep things peaceful at home and with friends and to try and be a good leader and role model in college.  I hope that made some sense.  I felt like it was a bunch of rambling but I wanted to share my experience because it's much easier to type out than to say in front of a group like I wish I had done last night on the beach.  I've missed you all and I love you.

My first and probably only day off and what do I do?  I get up at 8 to go feed and walk Jeremy's dogs and then I come back home and go back to bed and end up sleeping until 1:40.  I knew I was tired but I didn't think I would sleep that late!  Now I won't sleep tonight, yay rah.  So from then until now I've just been lounging around the house.  As for tonight, we aren't going to church to watch the MTSU fireworks as usual.  My parents decided to just rent a movie and sit at home.  Dang, today has been so boring.  I'm actually about to go practice my flute which tells you a whole lot right there.  Oh and my car is being gay which makes me really nervous about taking it to college.  I think mom and dad are taking it to Saturn next week while I'm in Panama City Beach.  Mom also told me yesterday at the lake that I need to get my tetanus shot tomorrow so that's not gonna be fun since I hate needles.  Isn't my life just horrible?  HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!  Not.  I thought today was supposed to be a great day but it just turned out making me miss work, or someone...   Maybe in 39 days I'll have a more exciting life, or at least I can only hope.

Yesterday I was so upset when I was the only one on the line that actually had to work today and didn't get off.  I didn't understand why I had to pack motors in a different department and everyone else got today off.  It actually turned out ok.  I only had to pack motors from 6-7 then I got moved to the MST line, which my dad designs for, and I had a blast!  My friend Charles, who is 19 and turns 20 11 days before I turn 19, works on that line and he sat next to me and we talked the whole time.  It was really fun getting to know him a lot better.  He is from Michigan and he has the greatest northern accent!  I love it!  He told me he was sad that I'm going to Chattanooga for college but that I need to go to college.  I told him I might be back at Kingston for Christmas and next summer and that cheered him up a little bit.  Oh and then I only had to work until 12 and dad and I went to the lake and went on a long sea-doo ride and I skiied.  It really did turn out to be a wonderful day and it's about to get even better because Leah and Megan are coming over and spending the night and get to come to the lake with me tomorrow.  My weekend is looking great now too!  The only downfall...I have to work at 4 on Monday morning.  This means getting up at 2:45!  That kinda stinks but I'll get off at 12 again and can go to the lake.  I'm loving my life right now.    

As many of you know, I play at church every Sunday morning.  Well today was a normal day and we concluded the service and I went to go put my flute in my case.  I was talking to Christi, and mom and dad were talking to another couple about cruises.  In the midst of Christi and I talking, a new lady came up to me and started telling me a story.  She told me about her daughter who played flute in high school and was involved in a car wreck.  She asked if I was going to UT Martin and I told her that I was going to UT Chattanooga.  Then she told me that her daughter was taken to Erlinger Hospital in Chattanooga, which happens to be right behind my dorm.  Her daughter ended up dying but she was going to major in Physical Therapy also.  This lady had come to our church yard sale a month or so ago and had seen my name and had heard about my flute playing and where I was going to college and what my major was.  She then told me that God had brought her to our church for her to present a gift to me in her daughters memory.  I only hope that I can find a great use for this gift.  This had really moved me because the minister had just finished saying how angels are always around us when we worship.  I had no idea how much my flute playing could impact the life of anyone else.  It's very humbling to see how God has used me in the past several months.  As I retell this story to others I can't help but cry to think of that sad story and what an impact this experience has now had on my life.     

So I might not be going to the lake for awhile.  If any of you have seen the news, our marina caught on fire last night.  Some lady told me this today at work and I called mom and told her.  The section was the houseboats though and theres a ton of gas and oil in the water.  Was planning on going out tomorrow after work but thats not looking like an option right now.  Hopefully it gets fixed by this weekend but we shall see...

Walking late with JerBear always solves my problems....

Tonight was one of those nights I have every now and then when I actually WANT to go to college.  Kinda odd.  Now I smell like chlorine and am too tired to shower.  I slept on the driveway while Christi and Jeremy talked.  It's THAT bad.  Dang.  I need a break.

I'm sitting in my dad's office.  He's in a meeting until 3 and then we get to go to the lake.  I got burnt yesterday at the lake so it could be interesting there today although it will only be for 2 to 3 hours probably.  For those that don't know by now, I am working with my dad.  I sit on the assembly line putting together manual range locks.  It's actually not too bad of a job.  $7 per hour and 40 hours a week for 11 weeks this summer.  Not bad huh?  Worst thing is the hours:6 am to 2:30.  This, of course, means getting up at 4:45!  Oh well, it's worth it.  I was listening to my MP3 player today because I'm allowed to and I get bored otherwise and I got depressed.  I kinda miss things how they used to be but I know that my decision was for the best.  I just wish he would call....  I miss him.  I try to stay busy but listening to music and thinking doesn't help much.  If you have know idea what I'm talking about then ask me seperately and I might answer.  Hint: heartbreak.  Well now I'm gonna go delete my facebook and phusebox so dad doesn't look at them while he's working tomorrow.  Just wanted to update.  Things are good since I graduated and it's nice to be done with high school. 

Graduation party at my house on Saturday! From noon to 3 if you want to come.  I would love for you to be there!!!!

Tomorrow is a 2 hour day and then I'm done.  As someone said when asked about graduating, it's bitter sweet.  I'm ready to get out of high school but I'm not ready to leave everyone that is so dear to me.  All I'm gonna say is my summer better be packed full of hanging out with my friends!!!  Anyways, graduation is in almost a week and I need to send out friend invitations.  So if you want an invitation about my party and graduation send me a message on here or something and I will add it to my list.  Thanks guys!  I love you!

Prom was great fun.  The dance was the best because C.A.P. was too tiring and I didn't win anything.  I can't gamble!  Oh well, there are better things in life.  I tried to put prom pictures on here but it won't accept .bmp documents so you have to go to facebook to see my pictures and if you dont have one then sorry!  I think the highlight of prom was waking up Saturday morning to a rose on my dresser and a card from Ben.  He's such a sweetheart!  Hope everyone has a great week.  MYO concert tomorrow night at 7 if you're bored...

Lately everything has been a little hectic.  I want to discuss 2 or 3 things tonight.  Graduation is in less than a month now.  The countdown has officially begun.  We are getting chords and cap and gown and it's great!  As a result of graduation, I had my freshman orientation at UTC today.  It was very exciting.  I got my MOCS card and it says student on it and I registered for classes and, wow.  It's so weird to think that August 16 I will be gone.  Anyone gonna miss me?  Yea, you all BETTER, or else!  The day started off with taking a math placement exam and I got a 40 on it and that's the highest you can get so they suggested I take Calculus or Pre-calculus but then Amy says to take college algebra because I need all the easy A's I can get before classes get really hard!  Then the day was followed by lots of talking and informative stuff.  I have signed up for 16 hours so far plus I have to sign up for my band stuff in order to keep my scholarship.  I need to make a decision there but I guess I'll still do band, even though I really don't want to march!, because it IS a good stress reliever.  There were about 40 people that had declarder Physical Therapy as their major today and this is the first of about 5 orientations I think.  I also went to see where my dorm is and it has a decent location I guess.  I can't think of what else happened so if you think of anything I didn't say comment and ask.

Tomorrow is a big day.  First of all I'm hanging out with Leah and Megan and I can't wait but it is also Ben and I's 6 month anniversary.  We hung out tonight since he won't be in town tomorrow and we talked about it a little bit.  We've had a great relatoinship so far and we had our first little fight tonight so we're doing great.  6 months is a long time, especially in high school and with the odds being against us since he's a freshman and I'm a senior.  It's very exciting.  Ok sorry, I know I don't normally write about things like that but it was just something neat that I wanted to share.  Sorry if that was boring or anything.

Prom is in a week!  That's gonna be a great night!  I think Ben is taking me to a restaurant in Nashville called Merchant's.  Apparently it's very nice and has a piano and seats overlooking a good view.  I'm about to go look it up and see how great it is.  All I know is I need a pedicure REALLY bad and I can't wait to get it in a week.  Nails at 10, hair at 1, then leave for dinner at 5 and reservations at 6.  Definitely will take a ton of pictures and post them on here.  Hope everyone is doing as great as me.  13 more days of school! (for seniors)