Jeremy claims I write vague posts. Well here's another one to analyze.
I've never, EVER, been more unsure of myself than I am right now. I'm rethinking a lot in my life right now.

It's sad, but I'm beginning to realize that a lot of lasts are coming up in my high school life. Tomorrow ends my last band camp and, 2 weeks from tomorrow, I have my last first football game, if that makes any sense. Wow. School also starts up in a week. This is gonna be a fun long-awaited journey.

Ok so you're sitting online talking to people. Someone that you don't talk to much in person IM's you. You wonder why they are suddenly talking to you. Has something changed? Do they want or need something? Then what gets really annoying is when they IM you and don't talk to you. Maybe I'm just weird. Maybe I overanalyze things. Anyone have any input?

Went to the lake today with the Ramsey's. Only Zac was able to come of the 3 kids but it was still fun. We left at about 10:15 and came home at around 8. Then we went to their house for pizza and to see their new black lab puppy! She's so cute! The 4 of us kids went tubing today and Zac and Christi fell off once each and Amy and I managed to stay on. Christi's fall was graceful. She was trying to climb to the back to avoid a wave and the next thing Amy and I know, we are both hit in the face and Christi is in the water! My eye kinda hurts still but Amy's chin looks worse. We lost so much in the lake today too! When Christi was skiing she decided to wear her sunglasses. They're now on some fish in the lake we think. A towel also fell in and sank quickly because it was old and thin. We also lost a frisbee and aluminum foil that was covering the rice krispies. I think that's all we lost but never in our lives have we ever lost so much in the lake! I guess today was just an off day. Might go back tomorrow. I can't decide if I got burnt today or if I'm just sore from skiing and tubing. Guess I'll find out in a few days. Hope everyone's having a wonderful weekend and I'll talk to yall later!

So I am still excited about this year but now the entire band knows how to do ballet!!! Let's say it's not pretty and finding your center HURTS!!! Our freshman flutes are also AMAZING marchers which makes Jessica and I VERY happy! At least we got out at 11:45 today.(that's an hour and 15 minutes early) The lake was fun too. Leah and I intertubed and I skiied twice. I'm uber tired now though and tomorrow we will be staying til 1 so I need rest. Gosh, I'm gonna sleep good 2nite!!

Haha, no one needs to know what the last post is about. If I wanted you to know then I would've said the situation I guess. Tomorrow freshman pre-camp starts and so I'll be out in Oakland's parking lot from 8-1. Woo hoo!!! I have to get to bed in like 3 hours. Ugh, I don't wanna get up early yet. Band camp means school is getting super close and I'm not done with half of my summer work yet! Hmm, I guess I should really get my priorities straight..
DCI Countdown...5 days!!!

I decided something today. Some guys have really bad timing. Oh well, I guess that's not my problem.

Ok so today I turned 18 and another year is behind me. I look back and see how much I've changed and all that I've been through in the past year. It never ceases to amaze me, all the memories. I had a sleepover last night and 6 girls spent the night at my house (my poor dad). My car got decorated last night and it is so cute! We stayed up talking until 2 I think which wasn't too bad but I couldn't stay up too late because I had senior pics today and couldn't look bad for them. So this morning Leah and Megan came into the bonus room and sang me happy birthday at 7:53, the time I was born! Then 3 people stayed and got Mary Kay makeovers then I went to a band meeting for 30 minutes and then I was off to senior pics at 3. Those should be exciting to see when I get them back. I hope they turn out ok. I barely got back in time for our band practice from 6-9 tonight from the senior pics. I think I walked into practice at 5:59 or somethin. So after band I walk out and I'm starving and about to go to my birthday dinner at O'Charley's and I get practically ambushed by Leah, Megan, Malory, Kelly and Jeremy. They attacked me with silly string and confetti! It was so much fun. Then they had tied a balloon to my car and it's a princess balloon! I have to say that I've had THE BEST birthday ever!!!! I love you all very very much! Thanks to those who helped make it such a wonderful day!

I really wish the clouds would go away. I have to get rid of my tanlines before Thursday so they won't show up in my senior pictures!!!! I don't think I'm doing much today. I guess it will be a good day to start my summer reading or go to the music stop and look at flute books. If anyone has any exciting plans call me!

I just had a 3 hour long conversation with a pretty cool person and now all of today's worries are gone. Night!

You know what...I just found out that some people have a problem with my problem and it has officially pissed me off. I'm sorry that I'm like Aimee in the fact that I can't say no and I think that anyone with a true conscience has the same exact problem. Gah, I'm so mad right now and I don't know what to do. I can't help it if I'm a nice person and I actually WANT everyone to like me. I'm about to say screw my 18th birthday and screw a party! And you know what? Forget all off you that get offended by this post too! I don't care. I'm mad and I'm going to voice my opinion!!

If you want a happier post, then read the questions one below.

I have all these questions right now but I can't think of what to do about these questions so I'll let y'all help with them.
What do I want out of this year?
Do I worry about guys at this point in my life?
Do I really wanna major in physical therapy?
Have I hurt someone?
Do people lie to me often?
Am I hated by many people?
Do I join MYO? (Murfreesboro Youth Orchestra) and possibly risk my GPA dropping and/or having a stress attack from being too busy?
Will my schedule work out?
Will I be able to do everything I wanna do before I graduate or am I setting the bar too high?
Will I do my summer work?
Why does rain depress me?
Am I a people person?
What do I REALLY want for my birthday?

Ok well that's enough. There's tons more I could think of but that's a lot so I'll stop there. Help if you want.

I guess I am enjoying the fact that I didn't go to Florida. I'm glad I'm not missing out on anymore that goes on while I'm gone. My weekend was awesome. Went to the drive in on Saturday with my parents and Christi. Hung around the pool yesterday and got into some trouble with Leah and Megan. Learned that you can't send a guy to do a girl's job because they don't do it right. Today Christi and I helped Leah babysit then went to Corky's for dinner and saw Michael! Tonight I decided it would be fun to practice at 9:45 at night and I got out my piccolo and surprisingly, mom and dad didn't shoot me! Now I'm going to finish Chapter 1 of my first summer reading book then go to bed because I have to babysit tomorrow morning at 8:15. Ugh, tomorrow's gonna be a long day. I'm excited, though, because Jessica is spending the night tomorrow night and hopefully we can stay up REALLY late and help eachother with our girly issues! Everyone should join the group that Christi made. It's called I hate high school drama. Love you guys and goodnight!

So I get home from work and there's a new message on the machine. It's my youth minister, Brian, calling to say that RYM has been cancelled. I was actually looking forward to it. I keep asking myself if camp being cancelled was a good or bad thing and I can't decide. I mean, yea I wanna stay here and hang out with friends but then I look forward to going to Florida each year. I dunno why, but when I found out I started crying. Something is seriously wrong with me. I'm just not being myself. I wish I could figure out how to fix me... I guess I can now hang out with my friends more this week?
Edit: So I was talkin to a friend and this person said I should make a club called the "Becky is freakin hott" club. So if I made this club, who would join???

So it seems that Jenna may hold the key to my perfect birthday present... Her birthday was fun. Us cool people didn't end up leaving the bowling alley until like midnight. I didn't do so good but it was all fun so oh well. Now I am extremely tired so I'm going to bed because I have to go to work at 11. Night everyone!

So today after work Leah, Megan and I went to work out. We had too much fun there. We did 2 rounds of the machines then we played with the hula hoops. Then dad let them come over and help us eat leftovers for dinner. We then proceeded to make brownies and changed eachothers voicemails. Megan's says something about her ba-dunk-a-dunk. Leah's is very sexual lol and mine is, well, ghetto. Megan said something about me being out droppin it like it's hot. Gosh, I love those 2 so much! They keep me laughing. Oh well, I must go consult Amy on what we're wearing to Indiana. I'm ALMOST ready except I have to figure out what I'm wearing tomorrow and Saturday. I'll be back Monday night and Tuesday I get to babysit Abby and Amelia which should be TONS of fun. I'm excited. See y'all later! I LOVE YOU!

Jeremy told me I was depressing so I'm writing about happy things. Had some great conversations lately. Really loving my friends! Go USA was fun last night. I won for my team! I go to Indiana in 2 days! I will be bringing my cousin back with me. He's cool for a 13 year old. That's all for now. Gotta get up early in the morning. Love you guys!

Feeling lost lately and don't know why. Feeling definitely attachment problems. Don't know how to fix it all. All in all I would say I'm very lost and confused about a lot right now and don't know what to do to make anything better. Feeling hopeless.

Alright. I'm back. The trip was fun but it's good to be home. Saw my first Broadway play and I must say that I will definitely try to go back to New York sometime in the future. Virginia was fun too. We got to visit with my great aunt and uncle that we will get to see next weekend at my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. The ride back home was stressful but we won't go into those details. Megan is staying with me for the rest of the week and I'm very excited. Pictures follow! Ok well we took a lot so for more just go to Amy's site. I just did my 2 personal favorites!

photo from Beautiful_Wreck

photo from Beautiful_Wreck

I leave tomorrow and wanted to leave on a somewhat peaceful note. Today was fun. Mom keeps getting mad at me because I refuse to use sunscreen. Now my chest is a little pink. Oh well. Interesting news. Christi and I were babysitting yesterday and this lady came over to deliver some Mary Kay to the mom and then the representative asked Christi and I if we would be in her portfolio as before and after pictures. Sounds good to me. Mom thought it would be cool if we could get her to do the makeover things on July 21, when I get my senior pictures done AND when I turn 18 lol because it would make the pictures EXTRA pretty. Anyways, that's all. I'll be back in 2 weeks. I'll miss you!

photo from WonderWall

Haha, that party was too much fun! I have yet to figure out why my legs look like that but they're supposed to be tan on the bottom too, not white.

I'm so excited. I have no work tomorrow! I think Megan and I might go work out at the Rec Center. I'm beginning to get tummy pudge and I don't like it at all. Must fix this problem...among others hehe.

Got this today. Went to the lake. It was fun. Was expecting at least 1 phone call when I got back but alas, no missed calls. Bummer. Shows how reliable guys are...