"Everyone surely has darkness
Hidden somewhere in their heart
Sometimes it prevents them
From living as they wish.
Even in the middle of such a grey city
Where you can hardly hold yourself together
Don't laugh so weakly
With a resigned look
As if to say "Such is life""
-Ayu (About you)

I had the most amazing nite last nite... first we went and saw Charile Brown Christmas at Siegel which Jackie was phenominal in as Peppermint Patty! ^^ and  then i begged my parents for like an hour to let me go w/ my peeps to see Chronicles of Narnia and they finally let me... but my dad said i couldn't come home after 11... so i spent the nite @ Jackie's ^^ and we ended up see RENT cuz Narnia was sold out (my 3rd time!) and we saw RICHARD!!!!! ^^ and his man friend... lol i miss him so much! anywayz, Jackie and i baked muffins and watched some of the Little Shop of Horrors movie and then we went to sleep... got up @ like 12 and made French toast (the wrong way, Jackie's way. ok i'm not closed minded. i kno there are more ways to make it than my way lol) and we finished the movie which is really good

"Today's happy face, today's sad face.
Yesterday's weak self, tomorrow's strong self.
If it's you, who are you showing it to? If it's me, who should I show it to?"
-Ayu (Trauma)

"When the white snow colors the city
Let me stay by your side
Though I may bother you
Again and again"
-Ayu (Carols)

"Even in my age now, I'm the same as before
As timid as before
I only learn how to pretend to be strong"
-Ayu (No Way to Say)

"I can smile naturally about this time tomorrow
As if nothing had happened
I've always walked in such a manner
But I can't control this game as I wish"
-Ayu (GAME)

i posted those lyrics and that picture cuz i watched Ayu perform that song in her MY STORY concert this morning while I was getting ready for school. but now those lyrics are speaking to me...:
I've always been the one thatz ok with God being in charge and control of my entire life (tho i wasn't always the one to give up everything especially willingly). but i kno i think all the time how i want things to go my way... I usually can smile about something horrible that happened today tomorrow... and i like to see myself walking along happy-go-lucky... but i'm not. i'm really not and that makes me feel like i'm lying to myself or someone else or something... i can't control the GAME that is LIFE... but i wanna keep walking. i don't wanna give up. i can make it tho i kno it will not go smoothly at all... but I will walk on.... 

yes, I wasn't at school today.

no, I wasn't skipping.

I am sick.

I woke up @ like 11:30 last nite and couldn't get back to sleep cuz i was burning up and i had horrible chills. I just couldn't stay warm... and so i yelled for my mommy and cried and moved to my mom and dad's bed... now, i have a fever thatz on and off and i just feel off ya kno? o well, i should be back at school tomorrow...

check this out! Ayu the pimp:
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=TJLOgYycTww&search=ayu
lol

CONGRATS TO MY BABY SISTER ELISSA FOR MAKING CALL BACKS @ BLACKMAN FOR DAMN YANKEES! ^^ W00T W00T!

today was alright.... Bekah saw Richard at Hollywood Video... i'm jealous lol

Bekah lent me some mangas today and they were magical... * sigh*  i'm never gonna find a good fit! >.<

"I don't particularly feel like
walking in front of anyone.
But I don't feel like walking
behind anyone either."
-Ayu (AUDIENCE)

The Chamber Choir Girls Sleepover was amazing! We had so much fun and we got to kno eachother better. the great LP showed up which was a special treat lol we talked about girl stuff, watched never been kissed, and ate junk food. In the morning I put cheese on ML's face and we had breakfast and Jackie and I did action stunts on the most amazing bed ever lol so all and all it was awesome!

Elissa and I saw RENT last nite (NO DAY BUT TODAY!) then Elissa spent the nite.

We went to church this morning and Elissa and I did a skit. then Rae and I skipped youth to help my mom watch the babies in the nursery ^^ babies so cute... after church, we went to Chef Wangs... and then Rae went home w/ me... and we napped til her dad picked her up

but right now i feel awful! i guess cuz i stayed up late the past 2 nites... but my throat was killing me this morning (now itz better) but i keep getting these headaches and my eyes hurt and feel like they are bulging almost...

"But I escaped from the reality
Escaped from all the pain
I said to myself
'I'll be my ideal self some day
Though I'm far from that now'"
-Ayu (walking proud)

so i just got back from my Grandmama's visitation. i saw some family there that i hadn't seen in like.... 10 years and some i'd never seen! but i've learned this about my mom's dad's side of the family: they're weird and hilarious!! lol
-"I'm 53!"
-"Well, I'm 59!"
lol

haha and now i see that my mom looked like Chris Farley when she was a lil chubby kid lol i am very entertained... lol

well, i gotta go and get ready for the Girls sleepover @ ML's! ^^ ciao!

I get out of school early today!!! ^^ w00t! but for Grandmama's visitation.... and i get to sing "Remember Me" at her funeral tomorrow. so... that'll be interesting... but i cannot wait til the Chamber Choir Girls Sleepover!!!! ^^ it shall be fun! Mean Girls and Disney movies w/ some awesomely talented and fun chicks! ^^ w00ty w00t!

"We can't imagine other people's pain
It's hard for us to share it
But if I meet someone
Whom I really want to face
I don't want to feel fear"
-Ayu (About you)

that song is awesome!!! ^^

Grandmama's visitation is tomorrow. but so is the Chamber Choir Girls Sleepover! I'm so excited about that!

i got a job application at Dollar Tree lol here we go... lol

who wants to go see RENT Saturday nite? call me if ya wanna!

i just watched the new Ayu music video for her song Pride and it was awesome! w00t! Ayu does it again! ^^ lol

"Even if it's the end of the world
Even if people say with laughter we are trying in vain
Let's go together
Because nothing is so fearful as giving up"
-Ayu (Pride)

I LOVE MY KAL!!!!!

so... after school yesterday my mom called me and my brother and told us the bad news: our Grandmama died this morning... well, another one... these things happen in 3s... Grannie, Johnny, and now Grandmama... itz alright tho... i mean, she was like ninety sumthin and she's alot better off now... so the visitation and funeral will prolly be Thurs. and Fri.

"Sayonara --- Even my last words don't reach you
I'm made to realize the coldness of the parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie"
-Ayu (Memorial address)

"Be free
Raise your voices more
Let me realize
That you are there"
-Ayu (Bold & Delicious)

"We always open the window to tomorrow
By dreaming
Ah, even if we know
Nothing is certain in this world"
-Ayu (Pride)

"Even in the middle of such a grey city
Where you can hardly hold yourself together
Don't laugh so weakly
With a resigned look
As if to say 'Such is life'"
-Ayu (About You)

I feel awful... cry and cry and cry... til i feel like a drug addict... and there's a feeling i can't get rid of, no matter how hard i try... but Rae and I went for a walk when i went to her house and we planned the spinny game which was fun and good for me... gosh, i keep getting headaches! i wanna grow up... how do you grow up...

i found this on some gurl's phusebox:  cool huh? lol

and i really love this one she had!  i love rainbows! ^^

drop me a line someone....      but i hope i go shopping w/ me mum...

p.s. A Chorus Line is prolly the worst movie ever *cries a lil and gets a headache*

i'm goin' Christmas shoppin'! ^^

"It's on my lips.
It's in my dreams.
It's a story told by two.
You say you want to be happy.
You've already been so many times.
What do you want?
What's lacking?
Where will you turn?
Even if you ask,
I won't have the answer."
-Ayu (Boys & Girls)

i saw RENT wednesday w/ Brady! and it was awesome! i cried when.... oh, i won't say. i don't wanna spoil it for anyone! ^^ lol but it was really good! Thanksgiving was alright except for my bratty lil cousin lol but i guess everyone has one of those lol

well, Ayu's new album's title has been released. it sounds real gansta lol itz called:            (miss) understood
lol yeah, thatz it... lol

"Daybreak comes quickly these days
The scent of wind has changed
It seems familiar and unfamiliar
It makes my heartbeat quicker
Sweet and sad"
-Ayu (Fairyland)

so, i finally found times for RENT and i'm going to the first showing at Carmike tomorrow.
1:20 pm
call me if you wanna go w/! ^^

"It's all in this hand for sure.
If it doesn't move, I can't move it, but
It's all in this hand for sure.
If I don't start it, it never will."
-Ayu (Fly High)