Ahhhh ... Saturday morning. The day after Friday.  Urgh, what a difficult day at work ... meetings, meetings, meetings.  Can't wait until night time ... and then it comes.

Dinner with friends ... Indonesian woman married to expat men ... most men were French.  Not me, I'm different.  In many ways.  Had a good time. Lots of eating and drinking, but not too much spicey food (I love spicey food).

Had some issues with transportation last night ... what else is new, it rained again and this is Luanda.  Did you know that Luanda only receives about 12 inches of rain a year.  And, it usually comes in 4-5 rains ... in a 2-3 month period.  So ... get a mental pic ... dry, dry, dry ... dust, dust, dust ... then finally ... mud, mud, mud .... great big "mud drifts" everywhere ... time to get the snow plows out  ... oops I mean mud plows.

Bet you guys are bored with my blogging.  I'm learning, slowly.  Step-by-step as I get comfortable with this I'll add more details.

I will say this - - I love my family very much.  I am proud of each of my sons - Josh, Chris, Paul.  Decy, my wife, is the most wonderful woman in the world (I don't deserve her).  Tasya and Chely, my daughters are great girls. They are going to be men-killers ... I'm already having problems with the dogs sniffing around Chely - - I have to protect and guide her, but I don't think she appreciates that.

I could write about other family members ... but I will save that for later ... except for Grandma Suzy ... my mother.  A great woman with a wonderful story ... a true trooper in life.

Gotta go ...

who knew that it could be so....fun....to be a latin dork.

but hey, i got third in the mosaics comp...so yeeah.

going to see Ben Folds tomorrow! 

the play was so cute i loved it!!!!

hanging out after was awesome it started out as a few out it and ended up being where the cast went lol so ya we totally packed into steak n shake

i got to hang out with kait and glen which was cool cause i never ever get to see them

we were loud we ate alot and it was a blast

much much love!!!!

-milly

i leave you with a song...

if i had a little square box to put my Jesus in

id take him out and hug his neck and put him back again

but if i had a little square box to put the devil in

id take him out and STOMP HIS FACE and put him back again

Lately everything has been a little hectic.  I want to discuss 2 or 3 things tonight.  Graduation is in less than a month now.  The countdown has officially begun.  We are getting chords and cap and gown and it's great!  As a result of graduation, I had my freshman orientation at UTC today.  It was very exciting.  I got my MOCS card and it says student on it and I registered for classes and, wow.  It's so weird to think that August 16 I will be gone.  Anyone gonna miss me?  Yea, you all BETTER, or else!  The day started off with taking a math placement exam and I got a 40 on it and that's the highest you can get so they suggested I take Calculus or Pre-calculus but then Amy says to take college algebra because I need all the easy A's I can get before classes get really hard!  Then the day was followed by lots of talking and informative stuff.  I have signed up for 16 hours so far plus I have to sign up for my band stuff in order to keep my scholarship.  I need to make a decision there but I guess I'll still do band, even though I really don't want to march!, because it IS a good stress reliever.  There were about 40 people that had declarder Physical Therapy as their major today and this is the first of about 5 orientations I think.  I also went to see where my dorm is and it has a decent location I guess.  I can't think of what else happened so if you think of anything I didn't say comment and ask.

Tomorrow is a big day.  First of all I'm hanging out with Leah and Megan and I can't wait but it is also Ben and I's 6 month anniversary.  We hung out tonight since he won't be in town tomorrow and we talked about it a little bit.  We've had a great relatoinship so far and we had our first little fight tonight so we're doing great.  6 months is a long time, especially in high school and with the odds being against us since he's a freshman and I'm a senior.  It's very exciting.  Ok sorry, I know I don't normally write about things like that but it was just something neat that I wanted to share.  Sorry if that was boring or anything.

Prom is in a week!  That's gonna be a great night!  I think Ben is taking me to a restaurant in Nashville called Merchant's.  Apparently it's very nice and has a piano and seats overlooking a good view.  I'm about to go look it up and see how great it is.  All I know is I need a pedicure REALLY bad and I can't wait to get it in a week.  Nails at 10, hair at 1, then leave for dinner at 5 and reservations at 6.  Definitely will take a ton of pictures and post them on here.  Hope everyone is doing as great as me.  13 more days of school! (for seniors)         

NOTHING... its supposed to rain all day and i have nothing planned... doesn't that sound beautiful?  I actually don't have to work... ishould but i am not forced to... Most of my friends are out of town and Easter is over... so i am going to become Hurmit Kim and stay inside all freaking day... my only problem is that i don't have food... but i'll do... I am so excited... but of course that means I will be ready to see people sunday because extrovert Kim is in season... but for now I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO A RAINY saturday becuase if you know me at all... if it were the least bit sunny, I'd be out taking pictures all day if i could... which is a great thing...  i am just ready for an excuse to VEG!!! yeah
How is that for stream of conscience.

NASHILLE  4, SAN JOSE  3

Series: Nashville 1, San Jose 0

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- The Nashville Predators signed Paul Kariya to boost their postseason hopes. He showed them just how effective he can be when it matters most.

Adam Hall scored the go-ahead goal at 12:06 of the third period by
redirecting a shot by Kariya, who assisted on all four of Nashville's
power-play goals. That carried the Predators to a 4-3 victory over the San Jose Sharks on Friday in the opener of the first-round Western Conference series.

"Anytime your best player gets on the scoreboard, you usually do win," Predators center Mike Sillinger said of Kariya.

"He finds a way to pick up points, and that's what your best players have to do to be successful. He makes great plays. He's got great speed, great vision. He's a scorer, he's a passer."

Game 2 is Sunday afternoon in Nashville.

"It's a good start for us," said Kariya, who has 11 points in his last
four games. "It's going to be a long series. That's a great hockey club over there. Our power play was clicking tonight, and (Chris Mason) Mase played very well and managed to get the win."

I got to find some way to get to the game on Sunday!

I love this man! An assist on all 4 goals. What a beast!

yeah.

so i might have to get surgery on my knee.

might have to.

i think i've met my surgery quota for this year.

with that car wreck and all.

no more surgeries!!

anyway...

looks like i'm done with soccer for a while.

i was just thinking
that i have been missing you
for way too long
and theres something inside this weary head
that wants us to love just instead

..i am sinkin, merrily sinkin.

i think about long distance rates
instead of kissing you babe
and if i wait for you longer my affection is stronger
but i was just thinking
merrily thinking



...the grandparents dropped in today.

i love my grandparents so much - they are so happy and so full of life... they've got stories to tell and everything they say is sentimental to me...

my grandpa has been diagnosed with Alzheimers... which makes me so sad..hes acting a little differently already.. keep my grandma in your prayers

-kels

k.so.
boy and i aren't gonna work.
at least not right now.
so. i'm single. staying that way.

i'm not here to be around.
and be that girl that you forget about.
cause all i want is just to be a song.
that you can feel longer than just right now.
so come on baby let me be the girl.
that you can count on to rock your world.

then you'll see that you and me belong.♥♥

yeah.
i just overhauled my closet and dresser.
and took out all my old old clothes.

it made me sad.
because i found things that i had worn.
when i went out with certain boys.
yeah. i know. i'm stupid.

but. anyways.

i'm done now.



she's cold and she's cruel.
but she knows what she's doin.<33

Just found out that I'm failing a class I need in order to graduate. Wish I could just quit.

i just watched Officer Krupkee in Japanese.

WSS rehearsal was the hardest one ever. *knock on wood*

ppl better appreciate America when they come see the show cuz we put everything we had into that song >.< *sigh*

"I couldn't leave at all, because
there's scenery I've gotten so used to seeing.

Even if I come here again some time
I'll see the same sky in the same way
Maybe I thought too much
about whether or not you could call it beautiful.
After a little sleep let's hurry again tomorrow.

I'm afraid. The steps I can't take
pile up, and turn into a long, long
path untraveled; I'm too late.
During that time, I started thinking that
somehow maybe even this place isn't so bad.
I kept giving myself reasons.

In reality, since as long as I haven't understood even once,
I've been pretending to understand everything.

I couldn't leave at all, because
there's scenery I've gotten used to seeing.

Somehow everything seems small, and
what I thought was a small lump was
the sky I look up at that has no end.
Maybe because it's too wide.
Maybe because I was next to you.

I wanted to understand it with my head, but
I envy looking back at
someone, somewhere that I missed.

I'll forever be demanding something that isn't there.
I've been thinking like that since I met you.

It's all in this hand for sure.
I mustn't leave my dreams here.
It's all in this hand for sure.
I don't need a predetermined future.

It's all in this hand for sure.
If it doesn't move, I can't move it, but
It's all in this hand for sure.
If I don't start it, it never will."
-Ayu (Fly High)

4-22-06 HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, JACKIE! ^^

Do you ever feel as if no one really likes you and that you don't really belong to a certain group of friends? Do you ever come home and start to cry for no reason? I wish it was easier to be happy then I wouldn't have to pretend sometimes.

k, so not much goin on...i had soccer practice today.  we scrimmaged 13 and 14 year olds.  lol, kinda funny.  specially since the guys were like getting beat up by them.  i messed up my knee though, so that kinda sucks, but oh well, i hope it wont last but other than that, not much more going on.

i drove today by myself, and i love my car. yay

As some of you know, the oil changing place I work((ed)) for closed its doors today. I went in yesterday to get my paycheck, and Taevan told me to hang around so he could talk to me. I knew something was up and was peacefully stunned when the words, "Tomorrow is our last day." came out of his mouth. He and his family are moving back to Knoxville to be with more of their family. I sat and listened as he explained, and as it settled more and more in my mind, I realized that the relationships I had built with everybody that worked there were soon to be gone. I walked down to the pit and hugged Jeff, almost crying as he said "You were always my favorite." 

To say we were co-workers is an understatement. We were family. I know I complained about the job sometimes, but I really doubt that I'll ever have that kind of bond with my co-workers in the future.

It was wretched saying goodbye. Taevan called me while I was eating lunch at school today and told me to make sure I came by early enough to "do something". I figured I had to fill some paperwork out, but he told me he was going to flush my transmission. That's a $130 service, and he did it for free. After flushing the trans, I pulled my car in one of the bays to vacuum it out and check the air filter. As I turned around to put the screw driver back after checking the air filter, emotion overtook me, and I walked in the break room where Tracy ((Jeff, the manager's, wife)) was and started to cry. She hugged me till I finished, tears in her eyes, and I walked back out to the bays. I hugged Bryant, and walked over the the bay where Taevan was under in the pit and said bye to him. He told me to come down there, and I started crying again. He kept telling me it would be okay, and that if I ever needed anything to call him. We hugged each other for a long time, and I went back up to the bays. As I walked to my car, Tracy whispered to me that Taevan was crying in the pit. Taevan! I made Taevan cry. This is the man who acted like he couldn't stand me. Heh, I knew the he loved me.

The only person I hadn't said goodbye to was Otis. Otis was, without a doubt, my absolute most favorite. I loved everybody, but Otis was seriously my best friend at work. We only worked together Friday afternoons and all day Saturday, so naturally, last Saturday we expected to see each other today. Obviously, that didn't happen. I was pretty upset, but something inside me kept me calm. About two hours ago, my phone rang and an unfamiliar number showed up. I answered, "Hello?" "HELLO?! WHO IS THIS?!" "Anna. . ." "ANNNNNA MAAARRRIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A huge grin came on my face. Anna Marie was Otis' name for me at work. I don't know why; my middle name is Elizabeth. We talked for about ten minutes, about reasons why Taevan's closed and everybody's feelings on it before saying goodbye.

I was an employee at Taevan's for nine months and one week. In those nine months, I learned how to check an air filter ((on almost ANY car)) and check the fluids and levels of the oil, transmission, power steering, and antifreeze. I learned how to appropriately wash windows, vacuum floorboards, and fill up the air in a tire. I learned how to start a stick shift and put it in neutral. I learned how to pull cars in the bays, talk to people I don't know, and formaly answer the telephone. I learned how to pop towels and breath around second hand smoke.  I learned how to simultaneously eat pizza and add oil to a car while typing information into a computer. I learned where not to take your car and I learned where the best mechancs were. I learned the appropriate mileages to get your fluids flushed. I learned that some people are downright ugly, but to balance that ugliness are some of the most beautiful people in the world.  I learned that sometimes you just have do to stuff that you really don't want to do.

Yeah, this is a long blog entry, but I'm blessed to have had the experience that lead to this entry.

today was wow
       i broke his finger...sorry
i'm missing you
&
i don't even know you
yet
      i want plans this weekend
      call me? k
listen to 'lips of an angel' by hinder
&
listen to 'angel eyes' by the jeff healey band

thankyou

this week-- im GLAD its O-V-E-R!!!!!! i didnt have a good week with ppl at school- they treated me horrid- at least i thought so-- ugh- neways- so glad its FINALLY over!!!! yeah- so pray for my papa- hes in the hospital again with heart problems..... i think they are going to let him go home tomorrow- i hope so cuz tomorrow is my great aunts surprise 80th summin birthday party- so thatll be fun!! cuz the only time that i get to see that side of my family is at funerals and weddings- and an occasional family reunion- so itll be alot of fun..... neways- im gonna go- ttyl

emily<><

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Fast Car- Tracy Chapman

best song in the universe.

So yea today is it....I am finally 18.......ha yes I am finally not considered a kid......although I never acted much like one anyways......but yea run down for plans on my b-day weekend.....first today I had to work then I am planning on going out with some people to hang out and junk or possibly going out to eat with my mom as stepdad.....tomorrow.....Encounter Spring Blast till 6 pm then going to an investigation at 7pm......Sunday.....finally going to get to go for church for the first time in almost a month if not longer then I am going out to eat with my dad stepmom and step siblings......after all that it should return to semi normallity unless people want me to have a party in which case it will have to wait a couple of weeks till I have enough time to take off from work and not have to worry about bills.....cause I am taking off this Sat. and Sun. so yea gunna be a kinda short check.....well I am off leave me some remarks cause its my birthday......peace out bye bye

That's my dream car... I wish... Never gonna happen in a million years... Unless Marybeth buys it for me for my birthday... :)  (:

Hey everyone... just thought because nobody really knows everything about me i would tell yal almost everything

You …
Name…Krista
Age…14
Birthday…06/24/91
Eye Color…Brown sometimes hazel or green
Hair Color…Natural Color: Brown has been auburn and black 
Height…5'9"
Favorite Saying…a little goes a long way
Fears…not being loved
Bad Habits…biting my nails in a suspense movie



… School …
Where do you go to School…Riverdale High
Do You Like it…it's better than when i was homeschooled in middle school. 
Whos Your Gym Teacher. . .Coach Scott
Whats your favorite Subject…French (no homework)
Whats your least Favorite Subject…chorus (the teacher)
Whats your school Colors…red and gold
Whats your School Mascot…the warriors
Do you play any Sports at your School…used to play soccer


… Love Life …
Do You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend…no
Have you Ever had a boy friend...no
How Long… til death do us part
Do you Love them…i know i will when i find the one....
Have you ever been dumped…no and i don't plan ib ever being



… Favorties …
ice cream…pretty much anything
food…italian
holiday....
actor…none

actress…
season…summer!
color(s)…orange
sport…football
hobby(s)…singing and drawing and playing instruments
friend(s)…a lot
song…anything christian rock

instrument…my voice



… Friends …
best…too many to say an ultimate "best"
craziest…Andrea Boyer

funniest…Jesse M
outgoingest…Myself
loudest…Brady
shyest…i can be sometimes 

well we are finished with the costumes for the play!!! yay!! whoa that was alot of sewing but its all cool. im going to see the play with Justin on sunday because that is the unison night we can go.

so Prom is next week!!! ohmigosh.. i am so excited!!! im like that little kid on tv where they are going to Disneyland or whatever and hes like 'I'm Too Excited to Sleep!!" yeah that's me.

now i have to go work on graduation invitations. >:|

So, if I haven't told yet- the insurance company wants to destroy my car from the storm damage. I'm excited, I didn't like my car much. My mom and I are going to some car lots to look around today, hopefully I have one by next week.

Sorry Mrs. Steen for not messaging you back, I was going to but it said your profile was under 'routine maintainance' so it wouldn't let me. But I'm doing fine, and thanks for your comment.

We have the Grand National Adjudicators Invitational tomorrow. I'm excited, I have been since my freshman year (play bass clarinet) and it's going to be amazing. I can't wait. I'm proud to say that the band directors have told me that I have surpassed my competition (the two people who sit ahead of me). My senior year is complete as far as horn playing goes, my goal was to be more the best in the Rutherford County area, and I have done that.

My concerto is sounded very well in MYO, I'm very excited about the concert. We (Elizabeth and I) had our interviews on Wednesday and the article is supposed to be published on Tuesday. Mrs. Mullen said that the woman who interviewed us said that we were the most cordial that she's interviewed for the MYO articles in years, it was cute. Yay for performing prom dates!

Tyler has gone on his band trip, I will be muy lonesome not talking to him till monday. He means a great deal to me. It's good to know that we really care for each other. I'm sure some of you know that we argue a bit, more than most couples, but it just shows how much we like each other because we always work things out and move past it. I hope more than anything we can survive through college.

Random question: does anyone (mostly guys) feel gross if they haven't shaved in a while? I know I do. I haven't shaved in like...4 days and even though I know I'm clean, I just feel gross. I don't know if it is the same for girls (the ones who wear pants all the time) but like...it is on your face and you see it whenever you look at yourself. Oh well. Beth and I are going to Nashville tonight for some prom shopping so I will shave before I leave.

I found out today that I'm going to be playing in the West Side Story pit! I'm so excited! Won't be paid, but I just want it for the experience and to put on my resume, lol. Yay!

Woot woot!

ugh...

Physics is actually coming to an end.  It was starting to feel like a life sentence in a French prison where torture is legal so they give you problems to solve with equations so horribly complicated that small children cry and woodland creatures flee in terror.  But we're not getting any more bookwork and I'm almost done with the modules.  I was so happy today I was humming to myself.  Now I can do pretty much whatever random task pops into my head.  If I want to create an elaborate song and dance routine involving no less than forty-seven trained monkeys solely to express how much I love jello, I can.  Conquering Estonia - why not?  I may even make up my own language spoken entirely by waving various types of pasta noodles.  Certainly I have already used enough of my newfound time on this post.

In the words of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore:

"Nitwit!  Blubber!  Oddment!  Tweak!"

For all of you who are planning on going to the INVISIBLE CHILDREN GLOBAL NIGHT COMMUTE, you have to sign up online, AND confirm in the email they will send you! Don't forget to do this!!! 

Sign Up online at www.invisiblechildren.com


::b

have you ever felt like giving up? i have plenty of times!!! but something kept me from doing so. i was at a cross road in my life where i had to choose to do my own thing or allow God to shape me and mold me. i chose to allow God to shape me and mold me. God never promised that life was going to be easy. although life throws obstcles in our path, we can overcome them with God's help. no matter waht you face in life God is their waiting for you to take his hand. He sticks closer than a brother.

Well I am about to leave for a College Leaders Retreat with my church. I was given the position of tech team director. I am so excited. I can't wait to see what God is going to do with this ministry.

I move out on May 6th. YAY!!!!! I will be living in the college house at church with six other guys.


In Him,
J-bird



This is the DVD that I am making for out mission trip to Trinidad.

So, If you say something is right, should I listen? Or Should I find out for myself, and prove you wrong...What do you think. I got in a debate in 3rd with my friend about religion. It didn't hurt our relationship, but we both knew what we we're talking about. We were able to talk during class but me and Spencer were so interesting, everyone was quiet and would ocassionaly look back and listen. He is the kind of religious people I like; They don't gloat about it, they don't think they are better than everyone else: Love. I'm reading this book about Inner Peace, and it's very interesting. I havent updated in a while but yea, I<3Debating.

Leave some,

Thoams

I am depressed my best friend is trying her hardest to ruin the good mood that I finally managed to get into with a bunch of petty shit. This is becoming to hard. I wish it would just end.

amnesia hits like a ton of bricks.
coincidently, so do term papers.

Graduation!!!

Graduation is so close, I can feel the time of a new begining vastly aproaching.

I think the best way I could describe my life would be to say I'm tired and I'm burnt out on a lot of things....practically everything. I need a break. I wish I could take a long road trip.....just pull out of my driveway and drive for days and days....with only myself and my CD player to keep me company.....and of course you can't forget the haunting memories........

This song describes me......

Not Ready to Make Nice~ Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as ...... and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as.......
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Hello.

My name is Elissa.

And I'll admit it.

I have an addiction.

I can't help it.

 I love High School Musical.

And I'm excited about it coming on tonite.

"Wha-"

Oh no. Don't speak. It gets worse.

It's coming on twice.

Sing-along and Dance-along versions.

And I'm...

I'm...

recording!

Destinys calling
but Im in a dream
I tell myself I have to get up
,but Im lost in the lazy blue
I cant feel my heart
once a thunderous drum
now a souless beat
This dream has me
its grasp unrelenting
I can't help but feel Im sinking
"Help me"...
The urgency of my plea, non existant
Do I really want to wake up?
Or is this my oasis?
"Help me"...
Who would come to such a lazy plea?
Ive lost the way back to the reality of their world
Now Im stuck in the twilight of a life filled with eon's
My only hope is the yin,the norm, the right
My only hope is your reality

I do NOT like people who talk to me like I am stupid. I do NOT like people being rude to me for no reason. Urg! Have you ever been so mad that you cried because there is nothing else you can do? Yep... I was totally just there. So if you guys are reading this please be praying for me. I have to get a certain form filled out in order to do something important. However, certain people are being rude, and then there are a few other issues. God has had His hand in the situation from the start. And I know He will continue to be faithful. I guess the best thing for me to do now is just take a deep breath and trust....

so today has been pretty mixed up


woke up when my alarm went off and heard the thunder and the rain and wanted to lay and listen to it for forever

but.... sadly i had to go to school at 615 in the morning and worked on my algebra review for two freaking hours and was really tired
so i get into first period ..... algebra and i had to take this test that i've been studying for since 615 and i pretty much know that i failed because i didn't get to finish 30% of the test.
second period we watched a movie and mrs. martin let me into her teachers room so that i could finish my english without killing my eyes by reading in the dark.
third period was amazing because i got out of a test i was supposed to take and that was cool because i wrote a note to molly and then slept
and now i'm in choir writing on my blog b/c i am bored


oh yea i got representative......which is pretty schwee

If you know me, you know i am sarcastic...  Well I love sarcasm in music as well.   NickelCreek has this song that i listen to alot and everytime i hear it i laugh my head off. Its called "somebody more like you" its subtle sarcasm... which is what makes it so funny.

I hope you finally find someone
Someone that you trust
and give him everything
I hope you meet someone your height
So you can see eye to eye
With someone as small as you

Its full of bitterness and sarcasm... now that's writing...

Okay, so I've got some definite things about to be happening, and other things I'm not so sure will be happening, and they're all starting to get on my nerves.

Definite: I'm going to lose a $5000/yr. scholarship after this semester.

Indefinite: I was playing with numbers last night and found that it would be possible to make that money up in work-study, but it would require approximately 12 hours of work every Saturday mixed with 24 hours during the week for 14 weeks on top of a 17-hour schedule.

Definite: I'm researching right now on how to create a mythical, mystical demo tape to send to a few recording companies (all Christian labels, mind you, but they do exist).

Indefinite: After finally viewing American Idol away from a psycho ex-girlfriend, I think I may like to audition next time it comes around where I am.  The only problems I would have with it are that I am going to be working all summer and having the school situation described above /|.  But, yeah, I'd love to try.

Definite: I will be returning to Tech next year.

Indefinite: My parents will provide their blessing, financial assistance, or anything else.

*sigh*

and term papers at night make for an interesting morning

ok....i know we are to love one another. and i do love everybody. yes there are a few people that i would rather not be around. but the point of my last blog was that people use the word "christian" way too loosley. "yeah i go to church!....omg! i was so wasted this weekend!".....etc. you see? i know im not te perfect person. i was just puting my thoughts out there.

So I have knots in the pit of my stomach and they have been there for 2 days and they won't go away, and I know why they are there, and I know what I need to do to "loosen them up" but I'm nervous about it and what I have to do, and I've NEVER felt this way before, and I want it to GO AWAY, and I had 4 chances yesterday to do it, and today I've had 3 and it's only 2nd period! I just need to get the guts up to do it, but it's getting the guts to do it that is the problem. Anyways, I'm getting off of here and going to go read or something of that nature (and hopefully build up the courage to do this thing so I can get over it!)

   Well, I have a new boyfriend now because the old one got involved in a lot of drug shit.  Brandon is my new boyfriends name, and he is so sweet. I just hope he turns out to be better than my last boy.  I have Prom next weekend I can't wait. I am going to look so good in my tux. Brandon is going to be in a tux. He is so sweet about everything and is very supportive of everything I choose to do as long as it isn't illegal so he supports everthing I do because none of its illegal...listen to me. I am begining to ramble on and on and on...... I am doing it again  so gtg before I start rambling again.

Today I woke up and looked in the mirror and saw a person that I had never seen before, someone who is beggining to grow and becoming something actually worth being when I hit walls i find the key and walk through instead of letting them get me down.....when I can't sleep I listen in the silence to gods voice telling me what I need to do. I pray more, I love more, I am me more and no matter what anyone else does that can't take that away, I admit that I struggle alot with many things but have found that if you place it in gods hands it will be ok......if you let him lead you will never want to leave because the peace that you feel when he is around is unmistakably awesome. He is the only one that can take away your pain and calm the storms that crash around you and when you are down and theres no one to talk to he there. he hears your voice even in the tinest whisper he knows how you hurt he sees what you are going through. he cares so why don't we just place our problems in his hands?

As I mentioned, I got a poor grade on half of the presentation, because the professor was talking to other students and not listening to us talk.  (This is the same professor who walked out of the room and came back 2 or 3 minutes later during someone else's presentation.)  She told me that if I wanted to improve my grade, I could write a paper with the other girl in my group who got a poor grade.  I told her I'd love to do a paper on my own, but if I had to work with her again, could I just keep my 80?

So I wrote the paper on my own, turned it in last week, and expected maybe 5 additional points.  I got the paper back yesterday.  My presentation grade is now a 100.  (Yeah, that'd be higher than my groupmates who didn't have to write a paper.)  Needless to say, I am quite please.

In case you were curious, yes, Daniel's still cute.

So Banquet is tonight. Im really excited about it. I can't wait its gonna be alot of fun. I can kick Megan's butt in bowling again. Well I will tell ya'll all about it whenever I wake up Sat. Morning.

I got the new Tool Cd
"10,000 years"
Yeah, I know what you're saying,
"Ashley, it comes out May 2nd"
Well I found the Leak Bish.

Yes, Yes, worship me.

Freakin storms woke me up 2 hours early. I hate it when that happens soo now ive just wasted 30min of sleep time oh well. im gonna try to get at least 1 more hour so  nighty night.

So, last weekend Matt and I went to Hendersonville to help people whose houses were damaged by the tornados that came through recently.  It was craziness.  Friday we woke his brother Andrew up on his day out of school and convinced him to come help us.  We went to a house and helped a family try to find things inside that were salvageable.  Matt found several old photo albums and some old newspapers with the daughter in them from being on her high school basketball team.  It was obvious that the house we were at was a really nice house.  Amazingly, it looked like someone had just decided to take the brink all around the house off, as well as the roof.  So all that was left was the inside, kinds like a doll house.  Unfortunately, I do not have pictures to show you.  We went back on Saturday and took the J-Mo with us.  I was able to get some pictures that day.  I will share some with you....








That house had 10 people in it that decided to go to the other side of the house and get in a closet before the storm hit.







And this house...


was across the street from this house...


Pretty crazy, huh?

These were all in one neighborhood.  There are more in my photo box.  Amazingly, no one was killed, as was written in the poster on the right which says, "God is good, nobody died here."



We ended up in the yard of Matt's 6th grade teacher.  Her husband had planted trees back in the 70s that were uprooted and desroyed.  We spent several hours moving all the branches/trunks, etc. out to the street so they could be picked up.  They had been at home when the storm hit, but they survived.  We ate lunch with some fire fighters and they told us that the tornado had struck an electric company nearby.  The employees did not really have any where to go, so they held on to each other around a steel pole.  Unfortunately, the son of the owner, who was in his 30s got sucked into the storm right out of his fathers arms and did not survive.  That breaks my heart.  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that family is going through, along with the other families who lost loved ones in the storm.  It would be devestating to lose your house and everything you own as well.  And it hits so close to home...only 45 minutes away.  Anyways, sorry if this is a downer, but I wanted to share what we experienced.  If anyone wants to go up there and help, there is still lots more to do.  And for all you boys out there, let this be a lesson to you that when your mother tells you to get in the closet, you should go instead of starring out the window watching the storm...

I find it funny that I got seven remarks for what people disagreed with, but only two for what people generally thought was good.  Supposedly, I could glean from this that people would rather blast me for my bad than take my good and bad at balance.  (I have a despicable patina after all the secular college demons have "seduced" me.)  But I'm not going to.  Furthermore, it doesn't really matter in the big picture right now.

People are illogical, and being a person, I would know that very well after all I've said and done so far.  I would tell you, because this is my site and I feel I've been granted the right by my lack of shame for fault lines I have, but I've been strictly instructed not to do so, for fear the ruins of reputation will precipitate my utter demise into the bowels of hell.

I think I get it now.  No one understands me not because they don't try, but because I unintentionally make myself confusing, then intentionally do it as a backlash against people's not understanding me.  Or maybe not. I don't know: it's just a theory anyway, and as far as my theories go, I haven't much luck as of late.

Most of you don't trust me, or don't talk to me much.  So it's hard to make anything I say justifiable, for I am naturally pessimistic and horrifically, "humanly" logical, both traits which never reward me with a good sense of social accomplishment.  It's funny to think on these things from the perspective from where I came.  How did this come to be?

None of this probably makes any sense...but God doesn't make any sense either and somehow a lot of people trust Him.  God doesn't make any sense because of what has happened in my life, for example; but He doesn't make sense in other ways as well.

That said, things that don't seem to make sense at the time aren't bad by any sort of value judgment necessarily: they are just incomprehensible at the time to you (general you).  For example, you might not understand physics, but physics is very important and good.  So your misunderstanding or lack of comprehension of that material has no say in the value judgment of physics at large.  This is not always true, mind you, for arguments that don't make sense are no good because the purpose of an argument is persuasion.  Forcing a person to reevaluate their position seems to be, to me anyway, the primary purpose of any argument one might have.  We are not animals.  We are humans with the capacity to distinguish animal instinct from the choices we make.  Every human can reevaluate their position, and that's why we discuss things with each other and not animals, besides not being able to communicate with them.

All my problems stem from a lack of communication with God, in my opinion.  Some people disagree, but they don't know.  The issue therefore remains not on discovering the origin of the problem but revealing why and what has to change to solve the problem.  The origin of the problem would be nice however, although I can offer some mere guesses at what started it all.  This origin, nevertheless, was incomplete from the get-go.  A compilation of things attributing to the problem exists, but again, these are not important at this point in time.

No, the real issue is this.  How do I talk to God so that He responds to me?  He Himself said that, if one asks, it shall be given to him.  In other words, what are the right questions?  Why hasn't He responded?  Who am I?  And why was I made?  These are the important questions, no matter what anyone, from gossip to philosopher to political analyst, tells you.

Here are some quotes from my very special friend:

“To laugh often and love much…to appreciate beauty, to find the best in other’s, to give one’s self…this is to have succeeded.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ~When Harry Met Sally

“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God.” ~Unknown

“Friendships are the vessels on which to sail life’s stormiest seas.” ~Unknown

“I wonder what God was thinking when He created you.” ~Natalie Grant

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.” ~Donald Miller

“All the best things in life are not things at all.” ~Unknown

“Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” ~Unknown

“All people smile in the same language.” ~Unknown

“Laughter is God’s sunshine.” ~Unknown

“God never said doing this would be easy, He only said it would be worth it.” ~Joanne Shelter

“Love is not what we become but what we already are.” ~Unknown

“A hug is a great gift…one size fits all. It can be given on any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.” ~Unknown

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ~Unknown

“Love is like smiling. It never fades, and it’s contagious.” ~Paula Dean

“Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in touch.” John 3:18

i had a bad day.

i didnt do anything first period. literally, i sat there for an hour and a half. second period, my ipod was stolen. we found it in a rubbish can. who would do that? third period was the same as first period. fourth period was just plain boring. and i had a headache the last part of the day.

i hope tomorrow is better. i have to go to kapolei tomorrow. i have to go downtown on saturday. more details then.

aloha,

matt

TGIF.  What a week!  Have any of you been to Africa? Particularly, Angola?  It is very much a challenge here in Luanda. Infrastructure, although much improving, is a mess.

Consider, what if you took New York City, froze all spending on infrastructure, subjected it to a 30-yr civil war, then quadrupled the population.  Things were tough here when I arrived in 2002, when the war was still going on.  Wars over now ... rebuilding is beginning.  BUT, (a) rebuilding is way behind, and (b) there is immense pent up demand for goods and services.  Cars, cars, cars ... traffick, traffick, traffick.  Commuting is a nightmare ... often taking 1-1.5 hours to complete a 6 mile commute.  Two weeks ago it rained here (wow) ... took me 5 1/2 hours to get home from work (ugh).

Enough about commuting and roads.  Why am I here?  Good question.  Short answer:  Three sons in college.  Yep - MONEY !!!

And, speaking of money. I better post this and get my tail to work.

Later ... gator.

To say I am upset (not angry, just general upset) is about like saying that the day I found out how my parents created me was just mildly odd.

Time for some BIG talkin.

Been gone a while.

School - Ok grades and a lot of Tests. Boring at Riverdale, but trying to make the best of Freshmen year

Good Friday - emotional. watched The Passion and had 2 church services. felt very touched.

Easter - Family and a well needed day of rest.Big turnout at church

Coming Weekend - Some thing with my dad, uncles, and guy cousins. 5 mile hike and sleeping in a 3-sided shack. Sound like fun. Right?

Story of the Day - Last night I jumped up in the air and did an amazing 360* turn and landed perfect. Then a bug attacked my ear and I did this awesome duck and spin thing. good times...

(-Jacup-)

"suddenly the world seems such a perfect place"
-Come What May

"When you see someone worse off than you
you feel a little relieved.
When you see someone happier than you
you quickly become impatient.

But sometimes you
realize just how pitiful you are
and you crash into reality.

What should I think?
What should I say?
You're probably the
first person who has
tried to understand me.

It must be impossible to live
without hurting anyone.

If you think you're such a victim,
then you should act out until the end
this pretense of not caring about losing everything.

What do you wish for tomorrow?
Sometime please tell me if you
think you can get through this
interminable night that continues
in darkness.

What should I think?
What should I say?
I don't even know if you understand
that I'm praised,
that I'm envied.

What should I think?
What should I say?
You're probably the only
one who really
understands me."
-Ayu (End of the World)

CHRIS YOUNG DAY KICKS BUTT!!!!

everyone watch nashville star next tuesday at 9:00 ill be on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why can't people practice what they preach?

question:

what makes someone beautiful?

Not much has changed either. I still just lay around on my waterbed playing with my phone.

ok so i have been really busy lately. i have had elections, tests, projects, work, easter, ect. So elections were today!!!!! we wont know the results till tomorrow.....omg im nervas. oh and today was the last day i will wear my unifrom at school whoop whoop. the last time i will EVER wear it is next tues. at awards!!!!!! awww tear...not! also today trey got me to try a jelly bean...for those of u who don't kno i have never eaten one b4, an it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. well, anyways yesterday i ran my mile in the time i needed to get presidential physical fitness award!!!! whoop whoop...maybe it helped that i knew the wheater was about to get really bad and i needed to hurry up. other than that i have been busy with school work and working in the nursery. i need to find a summer job. hmmmm.... well ashleigh had an interview today....i hope it went well!

yeah thats about it

luv

lisa

worry:
philippians 4:6-7a
dont worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. if you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand

inner peace:
jeremiah 29:11
"for i know the plans i have for you," declares the Lord. "plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope"
psalm 121:5
"the Lord HIMSELF watches over you!"

soo.. today we had elections. i was all stressed out, but i have come to realize that i have no control over the situation. whatever happens, happens. God has much greater plans in store for me, i dont know them, but i know that HE knows what they are. thats all that matters. its hard to let go and be at peace with everything, but thats all that we can do. i have been caught up in my plans and what i am going to do, on my agenda.. how can i go through life consumed in myself? i would be living in vain. God so knows much more than all humans combine. why do i think i can take on such large tasks by myself? i love how Christ reveals Himself, over and over. in every single situation. my Jesus is in control, and thats all that i have to know. =)

edit...
everything happens for a reason. i did not win, but its ok. being president of the sophomore class does not define who i am as a person--i am fearfully and wonderfully made.. and thats the way the cookie crumbles.

well.. elections were today for student council. im running for senior class secretary. im confident, but still a little nervous. we find out tomorrow who won. i appreciate all the votes from people.. thanks so much.

i wasnt myself today. i tried to act fine, but something was a little off. i think tomorrow will be better cause itll be.. FRIDAY! gah im oh so ready.. and ive got a full weekend. friday im gonna try to go see chris run at county, then im going to my friends party. saturday im babysitting all day (cha-ching!) and ive got something going on that night.. so that makes me extra excited. sorry for not being in the best of moods. i wasnt my usual happy self. but i know yall understand how those days go. love yall! have a delightful weekend.. =)

YES GOT MY NEW DRUM SET








..... now if i only knew how to set it up and play

I was drowning in Canterbury Tales-related despair, but the foul fiend of a term paper has now been dispatched to its rightful abode in the netherworld.  There is much rejoicing!

HAPPY 4-20 I LUV YA!!!!!!!!!!

i shaved my hair off.

The National Honour Society induction ceremony was today.

They so told me to be there at 8:15.

So why did I stroll in two scant people before I had to read about the emblem??

A day in the life.... I thought it was funny.  "In my defense, I was late to my own birth by three days, so I could have shown up on Saturday."  Mom wasn't so amused.

And we stole a box of leftover cakes from the teacher's lounge while we skipped second period, offering it as a sacrifice to Mrs. Wolff.

Quite possibly the funniest stint I've ever been involved with during school hours.

guess that last entry's not completely true anymore is it? those of you who know me well know what i am sayin...  this is all i got that i will share on here... luv ya'll!

My new IT verse for life.

Philippians 2:1-11

Imitating Christ's Humility

 1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
 6Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
      did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
 7but made himself nothing,
      taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
      being made in human likeness.
 8And being found in appearance as a man,
      he humbled himself
      and became obedient to death—
         even death on a cross!
 9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
      and gave him the name that is above every name,
 10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
      in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
      to the glory of God the Father.

Amen We all have to humble ourselves and consider ourselves servants for the Lord because that is what God has called us to do.  We must do the work our Heavenly Father has set before us.

I love each and everyone of you guys so much. Pray continuously, never cease.  Love Jesus with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!

-Matthew-

Greetings Readers,

This is my first blog entry. I'm just an old fart living in a far away place (Angola, Africa), but that is another story for another day.

I created the ID so that I could easily see my son's blog site ... and comment on the things that are going on in his life.  I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.  If I make some mistakes along the way, please forgive me.

I'm going to stop here, with the first entry.  Why? Because, I am not yet sure how to post.  So, I'll see if this sticks and then will try again another time with something more meaningful.

Ciao. Desperado.

Oh my gosh.... i'm so bored!!! I'm sitting in english class and i'm supposed to be writing a essay on front street, but i don't feel lyk it!!!! I'm tired!!!! anywaiz... just wanted to make a blog!!! by the way front street is awsome... last friday...me and megan and catelin headed down front street!!! it was lyk 8:00 in the morning and NOTHING was open... so we decided to head back and grab our swimming stuff... then we walked to the hotels and went pool jumping... i didn't even get in the pool and we decided to leave because we didn't wanna get busted... so we went on the beach and got locked out of the hotel... because we didn't have a key... we had to walk around the hotel and go back on front street... then we walked down front street again and we started to walk back... and the stores were open so we went shopping... then Catelin got this crazy iea that we should buy a disposable camera and take random pictures... we each had to take pictures with tourists... so we went down front street again... and we went to burger king and saw this guy that looked like napolean dynamite... so random.... and Catelin took a picture with him... and then we walked back down front street and i took a picture with these tourists and the tourists took a picture of the three of us... so we continued our walk through front street and Megan took a picture with tourists who were up tight and thought they were to good to take pictures with locals... yeah.. then we went to bubba gumps and ate food and drank lava flows... yeah.. then we walked to the hotels again and went swimming in the ocean...and then we went back to Kaiser and then Megan's dad took us to olowalu and we went body boarding for the rest of the week end. by the way it was a three day weekend... and a four day weekend for me!!!! YEah... that's our adventure!!!!!

it is raining outside... and i used to see rain as God's tears falling down on us... but now i see it as a beautiful miracle. 

you know what i dont get....

people who call themselves christian (i mean got the church family, go to church whenever possible, read their bible, pray...etc) and yet they act nothing like it. they are just like the people in the world if not worse. dont call yourself a christian if your not willing to be one! i mean everything that goes along with it, including turning the other cheek, not gossiping, people not agreeing with who you are, etc. this is the life a true christian lives. you think because people didnt like jesus or because he didnt quite fit in that he did whatever possible to fit in?...no! thats not what were here for. dont worry about fitting in here! this is not our home. the heavens is our home, not this waste of space we call earth. would you rather be popular, fit in, whatever while youre here or live for christ and live eternally in heaven? i myself choose heaven. looking like a christian does nothing if you dont live up to the name of christ. no, we cant be exactly like Him, we are humans. but we are supposed to live like christ as much as possible. if you truly love christ its not much to ask. afterall He DIED for us.

My birthday has passed...... im 18! yayayayayyayayaya!

Geez kids! why didn't you let me know how long its been since i've updated...... but guess what.... after friday..... we have only 3 weeks of school........   and...... next week is senior week!   hrmm... what have yahl been up to?     lub yahl!

Rissa

im still getting over mono, the whole gross sick part (when I looked dead) is over, but now i dont have much energy, when i get home from school, i do absolutely nothing.. it really sucks though, i will want to do something, but i will fall asleep instead...

Tody i read out (or whatever its called) a book called Grey Knights by Ben Counter. i feel inspired, and that does not happen with ease. the whole book was a colletion of gore filled, gut ripping fighting in such detail. its sci fi set back makes the possebilities endless, it kept me on my toes what would happen next.

its back read:

HIGH SPEED ACTION and adventure with the elite Grey Knights as they struggle to banish the powerfull daemon Ghargatuloth before time runs out and the creature is free to rampage around the universe!

www.blacklibrary.com

ive read Iron Warrior and Farseer as well, both in the detailed blood tearing style, both able to keep my mind in that universe for as long as i saw the letters.

i can't WAIT for this weekend! i'm gonna get to go see clayton and spend all day with him sunday. he said something about going down the lake. i haven't been down there since last summer when my friend miranda got married! tell me how sad that is? so ne ways, i'm sure u guys are tired of hearing about him so i'm out.....

There is a message to be heard today,

For you only have one life to live.

There may be only one last chance for me to say,

That I want to tell you it is time to give,

Jesus Christ your everything since He is the only way.

It is time for us all to ignite our passion and to keep the flame lit,

And it is time for us to quit letting Satan hinder us in our walk

For we need to be more like God, more than just a little bit,

We need to truly act and live and talk,

The way God would have us to.

I just lost a bunch of stuff I just typed so now I have to start over.

Ok, I am very tired. Yesterday I fell asleep in 4 out of 6 classes. West Side Story rehersals are wearing me out, even though I don't do much. I have so much stuff to do. I really need sleep, but I'm not going to get much any time soon.

There is so much stuff coming up all at once. Fine Arts, prom, West Side Story, graduation, finding a job, college, and the list goes on. I am a tad bit stressed (slight underexaggeration). But not as stressed as I thought I would be at this time in my life. Lately I have stopped caring. I don't think about it all and then end up not caring and then end up not trying. Untill one day it hits me and I realize that all this crazy stuff is going on and I totally blow up and lose it. I am about to graduate and have not clue who I am or what I am doing.

And I am learning that people can totally change into different people and that they are not what you thought they were, even when you've known them and been their "best friend" for 4 or more years.

On a happier note, Chris got me some jellybeans the other night. I love jellybeans!

Alright so it is 4-20 and the day before my b-day.......I just gotta say......for all those out there that decided to commerate this sad day by smoking it away have lost the other events on this day........Remember Columbine......Pray for those that still feel the pain from that event......and remember those boys who in their lost state decided that the only way to end the taunting was to take the lives of their taunters.......If you want to truly do something productive on this day.......Say something nice to someone you usually don't......be a friend to someone in need.......help someone out instead of looking the other way.......in fact to put it bluntly do everything Christ wants us to exemplify

... and not stop...

blog blog blog.

well, its raining and thundering. yeah, unfortunately we probably won't get out of school so that kinda sucks.   got out of having to here a sociology ranting by mrs.blair b/c we had extended schedule.  so other than that nothin' new.

                Life is a bottomless pit it sucks you in and keeps pulling and pulling till you have no strength left to fight, no love left to give, no light lsft at the end of the tunnel because it burnt out when you gave up....on everything...theres nothing left to hide cause everyone knows nothing to be scared of cause everything that can hurt you has. You see your friends slowly becoming just like you and you try to do evrything you can to help them but you are so far away you can hear them but you can't reach them. what do you do? 

                Life is a bottomless pit it sucks you in and keeps pulling and pulling till you have no strength left to fight, no love left to give, no light lsft at the end of the tunnel because it burnt out when you gave up....on everything...theres nothing left to hide cause everyone knows nothing to be scared of cause everything that can hurt you has. You see your friends slowly becoming just like you and you try to do evrything you can to help them but you are so far away you can hear them but you can't reach them. what do you do? 

"Fo twenny"

Hello Beautifuls.

So nothing much has been going on except for at the moment my life is probably as perfect as it will ever get. I mean really. My friends are definitely A.M.A.Z.I.N.G, school is going half bad, and just everything is falling into place.

Today is the wonderful Becca Haleys birthday, and she will have her license in about a hour. How exciting is that? She is a really good friend and I love her. So Happy Birthday to her!

Also, It is Shane Morgan's birthday. I called him early this morning just to be the first one to say Happy Birthday, and I was. he is 17 gosh. I have known him for 13 freakin years. wow.

The choraliiers concert was the other night. To say the least it was great. If you weren't there you missed a good show. Amanda and Katie did absolutely amazing. You should have seen it. Not to mention I love their song.

That is about it yo. I have nothing else to say. I love you.

<3 Jess

So im in latin right now, so me && jessica decided to update.

ive been doing better about this phusebox thing.

but yeah i have nothing really to talk about.

my choir concert was Tuesday ... i think we did pretty good.

even though two certain HOES got me in trouble ... cough cough CHRIS SLATE && ARTCHALEE CALVERT. lol

But yeah

i have nothing else to say other than

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECCA

i hope u have a wonderful birthday

happy sweet 15

<3 // jessica

i believe that the Lord places everyone in your life for a reason. i'm so thankful for all of the people i love! i can't seem to describe the blessings...maybe because they are simply indescribable. all of these people you come in contact with..there's a reason for you seeing them! isn't that amazing? God is so good to me. here are a few of the people i hold dear...

my brothers josh and justin- i don't even know where to start. they're my role-models, men that i respect and adore. i cherish them and always want to be around them. they're  the epitome of Godly men. i long to be closer to them, and i am sooo excited about our future. as much as we have different opinions, as much as we don't get along, as much as we disagree, as much as we hurt each other's feelings...i can't help but think about them and want to be near them. i'd give my life for these boys! and the funny part is that they don't even know how much they mean to me. but i love them more than life!!     

friends- i can't imagine how i'd be sane without my friends!

God's so incredible...

21, today. Definitely a little weird and exciting all the same time.

"in America I'll reconstruct my dreams!"- Lestat

i am so tired.... my eyes hurt from crying last nite... it sux when reality comes at you in all forms starting with a jerky remark from someone you thought was your friend but you realize he's just an aquaintence...

"Why am I so powerless and stupid?"
-Ayu (criminal)

You know, the funny thing about relationships is that, for as much as we say can't live without them, they're all expendible.  Trust me, without you, your significant other will eventually get over you: you are just one mishap away from being permamently deleted from the human psyche.  Take, for instance, the death of a loved one in the family.  Sure, it hurts at first, but eventually, no one cares and you forget.  End of story...All relationships are expendible.

Garden for the ardent,

Show me something new in the fountain,

Baptize Jesus once again,

Call my mind's eye to your reflection.

What I used to see is no more--

No more visits from a friend,

No more embraces end upon end upon end,

All these things I've longed for.

Verdant garden, in your perimeter

Bring to mind my past,

For my present no longer lasts--

But quite a past, bloodsweat,

From better blood than my razor ripped open.

Inundate me with those memories.

I need some closure along with some peace,

And could you have pass understanding along to me?

It's done, and I will hear of this place no more…

I feel like it'll disappear the instante i look away.I just kept counting all the many traces of loneliness that i'd vomited up.In this time that seems so dry ,my heart is thrashing around and drowing .It takes those lies that make my head spin and tears them to pieces and the place i lose my way in is a dim ,hazy world .

Someone...who i won't mention...NM... will need to pay my verizon bill... HAHA...

Don't ever give out your information to eager "inovators" who like to insult you... by calling you mean things...

i'll sing a song for you,
if you just sit and wait
let my emotions come and ring me out
just come and set me straight
i swear i mean every word i say
just give me a second
to make all of this sound okay

you know i love it when you stand
and look me in the eye
just to let me tell you that i love you
i love it when you dance and laugh
just to leave me here
standing in awe of you're beauty

please don't let me down from this...

Sunflowers are my favorite.

hmm. today was extremely uneventful.

so theres nothing to tell anyone about.

unless you count that none of my friends in gym class can look at me without smiling..thats always a plus..lol.

Today was another good day. Our award ceremony was today and I got one of the medical awards I’ve been hoping to get. Whoo hoo! It was also our senior breakfast at IHOP, and tonight my family went to O’Charley’s for dinner. That’s about it. Church was canceled tonight to take a break after the trilogy.