my family is falling apart...

 

today my mom called me at 5pm almost in tears... my uncle was checked into the ICU today, he seems to be doing better at the current moment but his lungs are full of fluid and they arent working properly so his brain and heart arent getting the amount of oxygen that they need....

to make it worse my dad left to go to canada today for work... i talked to him a few hours ago and hes optimistic... but i could kinda tell that it was just a front... its hard to see someone that close to you hurting, and then not being able to be there with them...

my grandparents (his parents) are with him and my other uncle are there and of course his kids and wife... so he has tons of ppl with him... but my dad said that it also has been freaking him out...

i can kinda understand.. i mean you get put into the icu and next thing you know your brother from chicago has jumped on a plane and in hours is in the hospital room with you... it kinda freaks you out thinking things could be worse.. 

i know my uncle just wanted to be supportive... so its not bad... its just the last thing we need is him to give up....

 

i just hope and pray that he will make it through this again...

i wish sometimes that i didnt have school so i could just be there... i hate not knowing... but there really isnt anything i can do...

 

till next time...

 

"I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"

 

peace and love and fast healing.... 

Well, I haven't posted in forever, so i'm not sure who even looks at this...

But well, I hope you take the time to read this, I mean, o well if you don't, but here's my post.  So if you do read it, I hope it helps you somehow, maybe

 

 

Stop Fighting Him

 

 

I have often tried to tell you who I am,

But I have since done away with such things,

For trivial they are, in my opinion,

A wasted effort on a stubborn demeanor,

And I'm not one for coercion.

And besides, I'm not going to “win you over” with some magical display of my power,

Wouldn't you have seen that in yourself by now?

I see no need in proving more than the beautiful world you live in,

And the beauty I've instilled in you.

But you don't mind such petty things

“I'm just like anyone else,” you say “and this world could have spontaneously evolved anyway.”

And it seems fortified enough at the time:

Your nice, tightly knit pseudo-apathy.

And I'm not one to be pushy,

Which I suppose would be apparent since I haven't “struck you down” as you might have anticipated in the wake of your countless presumptuous tirades of

“God should be this!” and “God should be that!”,

And so, I won't slam my “so called greatness” as you would call it, down your throat.

But doesn't it seem strange that in spite of your greatest efforts,

And even though I have stood aside and allowed you the liberty of denial,

That we still end up in this place?

Haven't you decided by now?

Why accuse me?

Why argue, I'm not really here, am I?

I'm just a human originated ideology,

A false hope created for the sake of human comfort, and sense of purpose...

Right?

Haven't we decided this a million times?

Then who are you talking to?

And why keep coming back?

“Hmm” you might say, maybe even a brief setback, a quick double take...

But I'm not one to be too pushy,

I've long since done away with such things,

I don't need to prove myself to you,

You've already done enough of that by arguing with me,

In your somewhat... humorous attempt at eliminating me from your consciousness...

While all the while reinforcing my presence in doing so..

But anyway, not to dwell on the whole “I'm right since I'm God” thing...

Moving on, I would hope that it's pretty apparent I haven't been pushy,

I've allowed you what you wanted,

I've stepped aside from your life and its choices,

But you should know that by now you've found your way back.

And no, I'm not going to “strike you down” for horrendous blasphemies,

I'm not going to hold such things against you.

But,

I am here,

And always have been,

And if you're willing, we can wipe all of this away, and start fresh again,

Just you and me, no strings attached, on a new clean slate, from here on out.

No more arguments, no more bitterness,

All I ask, is that you finally let your countless defense mechanisms down,

Please.. just stop trying to figure in your mind why I'm not here, because you should know that the only reason you're having to do that is because I'm bugging you about my existence in the first place!

So please, just put your guard down,

Take that shield off of your heart,

Undo those frail ties holding together all those broken pieces of your life,

And just surrender,

And let me in.

 

 

i've always wanted to play the violin...especially like that!!!  this woman's name is Miri Ben-Ari...she is AMAZING.  she did this 'with' Martin Luther King Jr. as a kind of memorial for the tradgedy and heartache of racial segregation that this nation has overcome.  I think it has a GREAT meaning.  I wish there were some more people in the world like this.

ouch.  this hurts.  and i can't do anything about it.  really, i can't change ANYTHING.

So, my life has been crazy the past two weeks. Taking 21 hours definitely is a challening thing and I hope I can manage it all semester long. Thankfully, my job is easy and I can do my homework there. I get paid to do my homework.
It's now about 8 months away from the wedding and I'm starting to feel better about certain things. Friday afternoon Gray and I met up with a friend of ours to shoot some engagement pictures. We did some in the spring but I wanted to wear this great new dress I got and we definitely wanted some fun ones to add to the others. So, we asked a friend of ours and he agreed. I think that from what I saw, they are going to turn out amazing. He also was able to use us for models in some photos for his photography class roll. It was a lot of fun. I'm definitely going to start saving up money if I can and putting it towards photography for the wedding because that's something that's very important to me. I know who I want and I know that right now its out of the question because of my family's financial situation. However, I also know that I have 8 months to go and that's a lot of time to come up with money. So, we'll see what happens. Some changes occured over the summer. For example, I asked a good friend to be a bridesmaid, one of my bridesmaids pulled out (very good excuse, missions trip for a year in another country) and I asked a good friend to be a honorary bridesmaid. So I have 4 bridesmaids, a junior bridesmaid, and 3 honorary ones...
As far as planning goes, I haven't been doing much. My timeline says to look at dresses, talk to hotels for the guests out of town, and I think to look at cakes and flowers. My florist said come back closer to the wedding, the cake might be made by my aunt, I looked up hotels but need to call to set aside rooms and I know what the bridesmaid dress will look like, but must wait until January to start buying them with the girls.
So, that's it for planning. We sent out save the dates two weeks ago and will be sending out more soon to my family.  I'm in the midst of working on the favors and next up will be the invitations... craziness. 
Well, time for some sleep, I must get a lot done tomorrow.

Listen to me, even if you hate or love me, if you have become disappointed or excited about what I have to say.  Listen to me, not because of my wisdom, not because of my understanding of all life matters, but because I have thought about these things.  Most people listen to people all the time who have no thoughts about what they're saying.  If you have the time to listen to such vacuous thoughts, why would you refuse to listen to the worthwhile?  Alas, such are the times.

 

Listen to me: you can't save yourself.  Your purpose is not a job.  It's not education.  It's not the "Sunday School" answers you've been fed thus far.  America has lied to you.  That attractive person you saw doesn't matter.  That party you wanted to attend doesn't matter.  Don't bother losing yourself because you haven't tried probably and you probably don't understand what it means.  All you alternative kids, you're just as vapid as the preppy kids, so can it.

 

No matter how hard you try, you can't save yourself.  You're not immortal in yourself.  Every dime you spend on stuff here will eventually be worthless.  But you can save others.  Yes, you can save others.  Every person in middle class America is concerned with the struggle, but there isn't one.  Every Christian is concerned with God's will, but if you were really concerned about God's will, you'd help the people who really needed help.  You would witness.  You would care for the sick and the needy, and quite frankly, very few of you have scratched the surface of what that means.  Neither have I.

 

I'm the greatest hypocrite among you.  Why?  I've had everything handed to me from birth with very little bad experience and still managed to totally screw things up.  But God, in His infinite wisdom, had a plan.  You see, every bad thing you've been through had a purpose.  You ask God why, but the answer is a clear as day.  You cry at your church that your friends are going to hell, but you haven't done one thing to lift an ounce of suffering from the collective dying.  You whine and complain to God that your relationships aren't good enough, that that guy/girl you dated dumped you and that was unfair.  WELL, get over it.  Yeah, that's right: get over it.  I'm mean because I can be.  I'm controversial because I have to be to get your attention, and I'm getting your attention because the church is dying.  Screw this well my church is gaining more members crap!  It's just shifting from church to church because your parents (or you) can't deal with the fact that there are people in the world who get fired for being stupid.  The church is dead, and it's been that way for a while.

 

Wake up.  Who is hungry?  Who is needy?  Wake up, Chris Harrelson.  Wake yourself up.  You've been sleeping for a long time.  Think twice the next time you buy that cd, or that dvd, or that pair of shoes.  Think, "Where else could I spend this money?"  Think, "Who really needs this?"  To whom could you give your time?  For whom could you clean?  Who could you save?

 

Save others...because you can not save yourself... 

CRUSHED.  I like SOME of these quotes and this song is me... :''')

"If you love someone, write their name in a circle; not a heart...a heart can be broken but a circle goes on forever..."

<3love<3

im kinda new to this site :] i'm so used to myspace . but yeah . i like this site too :]

if anyone would like to help me out on this site ...  i'd love you forever :D

         see ya!

 

                          [whitney]

it by FM Static  Tonight

definately one of my favorite songs .  . . its like so 

amazingly true 

okay so i just like wrote a poem on a whim...i was thinking.  the poem really had nothing to do with what i was thinking about.  well the first line or two did and that was a metaphor.  but now that i'm done with it, the whole thing seems like a metaphor and i kinda like it.  AGAIN THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:The Un-crossed Line:

Once while taking a walk, I came upon an un-crossed line.  “The line not crossed” is what it read, “Do not cross the line”.  I pondered for a quick moment on what this could possibly mean.  Then I noticed something, something I hadn’t yet seen.  It was a beautiful field of wildflowers, lying just behind the line.  One flower was all that I wanted, one flower to only be mine.  But then I remember the sharp words, the ones written of the line.  But couldn’t I just take ONE flower?  Would it really be a horrible crime?  I decided I would grab a single bloom, it wouldn’t take all that long.  But once I was over the line, I realized that this was all wrong.  These flowers were wonderful, beautiful things.  But they weren’t meant for me to take.  They surrounded a picturesque setting, went around a humongous lake.  I wanted to turn around, wanted so badly to run away.  But now that I was over that line, I figured that I might as well stay.  I stayed the night there, with the ground as my bed.  As I dozed, I wondered-what was it that line had read?  Then, in that moment, I remember.  I remember ever so clearly.  It told me to stay on the other side, away from the flowers I wanted so dearly.  OH!  The flowers, the wonderful flowers.  I never had gone to get one.  I got up, but when I did, I knew right then I should have run.  Run far away, away from those things…but I just couldn’t do it.  They teased me yet captured me, told me how to go, and said there was nothing to it.  I followed, reluctantly, through the field of flowers.  On the way there, our new location, time seemed to creep by the hour.  When we finally had arrived, in this crazy new spot, I felt so out of place.  There was too much confusion, too much chaos, here in this immaculate space.  I tried to make a run for it, tried to loose myself, yet I just couldn’t move.  Then I realized, then I knew, just what that line had proved.  I wish I had listened, I wish I had known, I wish I’d been given a map.  But now it’s too late, there’s no turning back, I’m stuck forever in this trap.

So the pageant was today. At ten o'clock. I was so tired. I had to get up so early to get my hair done. I didn't win, but it was really fun. I might do it next year. Maybe. I don't know. Everyone's dresses were so pretty. Ugh, three people had the same dress as me. I felt so weird. Everyone had a lot of make-up on, and I had like none. I really hate wearing make-up. It makes me feel so fake. Besides I don't need. I'm just so pretty with out it. Ha, I wish! So, yeah. It was a fun day. Can't wait 'till next year...maybe. lol

hello people

well the pageant is over until next year and....i did not win!  and that's okay because this was a GREAT experience and it was SOOOOO much fun to do!  i think i'll do it again next year.  i wish some of my friends could have been there...it was raining.  i'm super bored...wonder what movies are playing...hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

i wonder.

carmen

h
ha
hap
happ
happy
happy b
happy bi
happy bir
happy birt
happy birth
happy birthd
happy birthda
happy birthday!

   Dont forget September 30.. lol its myyy Birthday day. My sweet 16.. yeah yeah

MY SISTER IS FLYING OVER HERE TODAY. SO IF YOU GUYS COULD PLEASE PRAY FOR HER THAT SHE WILL HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT THAT WOULD BE GREAT :) THANK YOU

AND ALSO PRAY FOR MY MOM, SHE IS TOTALLY STRESSING ABOUT HAVING EVERYTHING CLEAN AND STUFF. thanks

LOVE YOU GUYS 

So tonight, i went with
Seth
Milla
Nana
Jake
Josh
Lilly
and some adults to the High-school football game. It was a lot of fun. Personally for me just to be out of the house and not worrying about school was FANTASTIC! We won! yaaaaaa use...but we won like in the last 40 seconds! it was really good!
Here are some random pictures i took....

lets see.... we are on like the 3rd week of classes... and so far its not too bad which is awesome...

i've gone out a little but not that much... i just have a lot of other stuff that i have to deal with and it just hasnt become a priority anymore...

i recently found out that my uncles cancer might be back again which is stressing out my dad...which is never fun...

i think im going home next weekend cause we dont have a home game... and my dad wont be there so that means i have a whole weekend with just me and my mom... and thats always tons of fun... :/

its kinda weird how much things can change in such a sort amount of time... like the person that was my best friend for the past 5 years i dont even talk to anymore... its so weird... how everything can change that fast...over something so dumb... i wish things could be fixed but at this point its not even worth it anymore...

 

so the one thing i miss more than anything is performing... that wass my life in high school.. its how i let out stress, my emotions of the day and everything else that was going on in my head.... every since its been over i feel like im just not the same person... that something is missing inside of me...

i've been thinking about it more and more recently since my old instructor contacted me asking if i was interested in being in his new guard... i would love that more than anything... but its going to be based out of nashville which is 3 hours away... and i would have to be there every weekend... and i dont even have a car...

i've also been thinking more and more about how my life would be so different if i had decided to go to mtsu instead of ut... i would be in the guard there and i would definitely be in the guard with my instructor matt... i just keep thinking if i would be happier doing that...

dont get me wrong i love ut... but its just so different.. i feel like i have changed so much since i have been here.. not necessarily in a bad way.. its just different then who i was.. and for a long time thats what i wanted... but now im just not sure anymore...

i dunno i wish my dad was going to be home next weekend so i could talk to him about it face to face... but i guess this is just another thing i will have to figure out on my own...

 

well i think thats about all the thoughts i have for now...

time to go to laundry and take a shower....

 

" And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small"

 

peace...emily 

I absolutely love Vitamin Water. It tastes really good, and I love the commercials and ads on the bottles. Although, I'm lead to belive that it's not really water, and I've always wondered if what the "water" is supposed to help you do (focus, strength, revive, etc.) actually helps you in that way.

 

Well anyway here's a bottle ad from the water I got tonight, and probally one of my favorites so far...

 

if you woke up tired, you probaly need more sleep. if you woke up drooling at your desk, you probaly need a new  job. if you woke up with a headache , on a ferris wheel at the idaho state fair, wearing a toga, you probaly need answers. not to mention this product.

 it's got potassium and b vitamins to help you recover and feel refreshed-kinda like in those old irish spring soap commercials.

and if you're like our boss, mike, and woke up married to an elvis impersonator, you probaly need a lawyer.

 

I thought this was hilarious. Especially the elvis/lawyer part. lol

 Talk to you wonderful guys later. I'm out! 

Free Fun Quizzes at FunQuizCards.comARE YOU AN ALIEN?. . . i am.

September 30 is . . . . National Mud Pack Day

I realized that when you put your cursor over the pictures they swap like they are being mirrored. It's really cool looking. I thought I would just tell you guys.

 

So...I haven't posted in a while. I haven't had time to do anything lately because I'm always doing homework. I've been getting like five hours of sleep a night for the like past two weeks. I can not wait 'till fall break so I can get some rest. Better yet I can't wait 'till winter break so I won't have honors geometry and English, which is like my two hardest classes. Although I'm acutally doing really well in English and OK in geometry. I got a 95 in geom. and a 100 in Eng. I can't wait until next semester though because I'll have all easy classes.

 

I can't believe I haven't gone to the fair in like two years. The only reason I'm going this year is because my sister's pageant is tonight and mine is tomorrow morning. I'm really nervous I will like fall on my face or something. I'm kind of nervous about being asked a question, but that's only for the top 10 which I most likely won't make so I don't think I'll have to worry about that.

 

Well I got to be going...so talk to all you fun guys and gals later. ;-)

I really do. Every single time I go to one of those blasted things I'm stuck with a headache. And the seniors have no choice but to go. I guess I could just hide out in the bathroom or something.

 

But yeah, I'm already sure I've contracted senioritis, which is no bueno. But I'm just dealing with it. 

haha...conversation in geometry this morning-

Aleisha to Mrs. Post: Proofs take up a half of page...and we have a lot of them!  Proofs are killing trees.

Mrs. Post to Aleisha: Trees are happy to sacrifice their lives for your education.

======================

yeah i know that's sorta random but i really thought that was downright HI-larious.

so have a nice day, dang it.

photo from

Fame Cast has launched a web based music competition and the winner takes home $10,000!! There are five rounds and there will be different videos submitted for each round. The only way to win this competition is to have the most votes.

The voting has begun! So please check out Devin's videos on Fame Cast and
vote for him! We can't win this without you guys.

Devin is in 3 different categories so he could win up to $30,000 if he were
to win in all three. The categories he is competing in are:
Rock, Pop, and Singer-Songwriter.

Here's how to register/login so you can cast your votes!

1) Create a Fan Account by clicking here:

Famecast Registration -
http://www.famecast.com/registration/voter_profile.php

2) Verify your email address after you register, by checking your email
and clicking on the link provided.

3) After you are logged into Famecast, type this in the address line of
your browser --
www.famecast.com/devinwilliams, or you can go to www.mouthpieceonline.com
and click on the links listed on the website.

You can also copy and paste each of these links to get to the categories.




Rock -
http://www.famecast.com/contest/stage.php?stage_id=22&round_id=98&artist_id=4743





Pop -
http://www.famecast.com/contest/stage.php?stage_id=23&round_id=99&artist_id=4743




Singer-Song-Writer -
http://www.famecast.com/contest/stage.php?stage_id=25&round_id=101&artist_id=4743

4) To vote - click the big vote button at the top of the video or click
the Vote for this artist button. You can only vote once per category per
round, so you won't have to vote again until we send you another email for the
next round.

That's all it takes! While you're there, be sure to leave a comment on his
video if you want, and become a fan!

Thanks so much for your support!!!

okay i don't know how many of you know this...but i am the coolest kid on the face of the earth (pshaw who am i kidding...everyone knows that!! lol).  but anyway i'm going to verginny in like 4 weeks or so...well the "resort" cabin thing we are staying at has horseback riding.  well my dad told me that it's trails...so i was like...okay at least i get to ride.  i just found out that you can ride like normal around places and stuff...BUT you have to pass the little riding test.  i think me and neely will be fine.  but i will be sad if i don't pass.  i don't know why i wouldn't though.

 Ok Ok i know i already posted ONCE today but i was like MAN i have changed the past year or so. And then i went back to the first few pictures i put on here and then looked at the last few ones i put on here! lol it was pretty funny!

 

BEFORE

AFTER

haha

telephones are the root of all evil.  don't ever talk on them.

Michael Johnson is apparently a mastermind. We had to write up new proposals for these new video ideas that came from some other group, and today we turned them in. He then asked all the prodcuers to pass their copy of the new proposal BACK TO THE ORIGINAL GROUP! What a relief! So my group got their old idea back, really without too much change. Anyhow, the point of all that was that we would each have a new perspective on our project and work with that in mind. So that was the good news...

 

The bad news was this terrible Sidelines article written about the "evil" business office! I will be writing a letter tonight and sending it in to set a few things straight! 

MOOD: Dieing from to much HomeWork

 

I lost my voice (sad face) BUT i am still talking, although i sound really weird :P ha today at MOPS (something i Volunteer for @ my church) and Chandler was making fun of me b/c i sounded funny...  But he is a fun kid so i dont care :P haha i make fun of him for being short so we are cool. And then i got the 1 room i didn't want to work in. It was the 4 and 5 year olds! OMGosh when we went to the gym to play...all the little kids chased me and when i gave up they started beating me. I was like "GOSH your all evil" Their looks are deceiving. But it was fun. Then Devin wouldn't work...he thinks valunteering with the kids is boring. ( i think its dangerous )
But Last Night (yeah i'm going backwards) i got to hang out with the cool kids (they think they are cool that is) no i hung out with Devin, Chandler and Daniel. It was so a party....lol no but Devin did run into some guys car with is bike....haha it was funny (you would have had to been there to understand) Anyways, i'm just taking a break from school and thought i would tell you guys whats up with me.
Talks to you people later
"Don't Be Messy"

I have sent repeted email and looked many time on how to cancel my account, and yet it never seems to get done!

well my night..... fun fun fun fun! went to he fair and i rode a ride called dk lol but it was that rolar coaster that went in circles.. well was having fun till the ride quit.. and i relized i lost my cell phone.. yeah my cell phone fell out of my pocket will upside down... =( its sorta broken and theirs nooo backe and im lost a chip or something.. im sooo mad... the the faris wheel like almost broke.... it was terrible... tons of more but dont fell like typing... hala ...

try look at my cool small background

:) its really COOL even though it is small

 

 

THANKS BETH 

Austin makes out with cars.  Beware. 

(As of now there are big lip prints on my drivers side window.)

That was entertaining to say the least.

so i went home for labor day, it was pretty great. got to hang out with tyler. ( :

speakin of which...i cant change my relationship status still. hmmm

oh well. as long as i know. lol

the only bad part of course was friday night when i got into a wreck but no one was hurt so its all good.

today was crazy busy. as are all mondays and wednesdays. fridays not so much.

 

tuesdays and thursdays are amazing

 

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

AND FINALLY-MY FAVORITE!!!A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
..."HELLLLOOOO!!!You need to roll up the windows."

I can't get the feeling that something so horrible,

is going to go down.

I am not sure why...

Anywho, we think I have strep.

yaaaaaaaaay.... not

So this is my song of the day .. week... ! lol i just like this song :P haha it makes me smile. Anyway, i'm taking a break from school and thought i would put it on here :) Talks to you people later

Sometimes it so hard to deal with everything at once. I mean I hate how everyone wants something from me and I barely have time to deal with my own life. It is important to me that I am able to help people, and I don’t mind giving a little advice every now and again. But sometimes a girl needs time to work out her own stuff. I’m so busy fixing everyone else’s problems, but who is going to listen and fix mine. I’m a big girl; I can deal with my own issues, except that I never have time to do it. I’ve got to handle Mock Trial and homework; I have to take care of stuff around the house. I’m listening to everyone's problems and trying my damnedest to solve them so no one goes crazy or freaks out. But I do have my own problems.

 

Take the fact that I’m in a serious long distance relationship, and I really love him. But we never get to talk because he is always at work or asleep because he works so much. No one get’s that, ever, they all want to judge and go nuts on me. I’m sick of the doubts and the snide comments. ‘Are you sure he isn’t cheating?’ Yes I’m pretty sure. ‘Why don’t you find someone closer?’ No one else can get any closer considering the fact Kennny takes up all of my heart and soul. Its really hard to go through life in love with a person you can’t see. No one ever thinks about that.

 

And for about five minutes I’d like to not think about the rest of the world. Nicole hasn’t had any ‘just herself’ time in a while. I haven’t slowed down long enough to do more than eat and half sleep. This is no way to live. I want to have time when it’s just relax and do nothing. I want to take the time to look pretty, not just decent for class or mock trial, but really pretty. After everything I think I’m owed that. Nicole hasn’t always looked tired and worn out. Sometimes she was fairly attractive for a plain girl who need to lose some weight. I mean the most me time I’ve had is a hot shower and maybe a little blogging. This is just crazy.

Yall i woke up this morning and my heart hurts soo bad. i dont know what it is. my friends recently had this and the doctor said that she had to much stress... i could have to much stree because im am stress.. but i dont know how you get rid of it....ohh it its soo bad. it could be a growing thing but i dont think soo.. ahhhh im about to die no joke... :( :(

A few days ago my youth group here had a vote. It was to see who the new student leaders were going to be. I just got a call that I was voted number 1 out of everyone. That in itself is quite amazing because i just moved here a month and a half ago. PRETTY COOL.  As some of you know i was one of the leaders in Dickson too but, I think this will be more of a challenge. Most of the kids in our youth group here are Christians but not all of them are very strong. Once again I am up for the challenge. My Job is to build others up, be a servant, and help organize the activities for the next year for our youth group.

Well i was just filling you guys in on what has happend lately to me.  TALK TO YOU PEOPLE LATER . . . well some of you

i've read the book "i kissed dating goodbye" a thousand times. but this time there was something different. i knew God had someone for me, but i would go to sleep every night praying for Him to allow me to find the guy i'm supposed to be with. i've realized that it doesn't quite work that way though. all this time i've been being selfish and been wanting things my way and on my time. isn't it supposed to be God's time? in the book it says:

 

"God has a perfect plan for your life, and more thatn likely that plan includes marriage. and if so, somewhere in the world God has the perfect person for you. waiting for God's timing requires trusting in his goodness and his wisdom. we develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because he has something better for us- both now and in the future."

 

1st Corinthians 7:32- the time and energy that married people spend on caring and nurturing eachother, the unmarried can spend on becoming...holy instuments of God.

 

the Lord has showed me a lot through this book.
it's not that i have anthing against dating, it's just made me realize that in order for me to have a strong relationship with a guy i need to have an even stronger relationship with God. there's a reason why i'm single right now and i need to be using this time on focusing on God rather than focusing on what i want. i need to have enough trust in God. trust that He has someone for me, that His plans really are greater that mine, and that He can get me through anything.

 

"when God knows you're ready for the commitment and responsibility, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances."

 

in Christ,

court

 

So... last Thursday in Single Cam each group was instructed to come up with an idea for our first video project, which is supposed to be a "how to" video.

 

My group came up with a pretty decent idea ("How to be a Gentleman on the First Date"). We had some good ideas for how we were going to present it.

 

But then Michael Johnson told the producer of each group to hold up their paper with the group's idea.

 

Then pass it to the right.

 

And then do it again.

 

Now the paper we were holding was the topic we were going to have to do.

 

Don't even ask what my group got... I'll tell you about it eventually...

Well im thinking about going to the the fair tonight .. but i dont kow. whats everyones plans some of us should meet up there. i heard thirs not alott of teen rides but idc. i wanna go i might go friday too. but idk. anyone wanna meet?

"You can't go around telling people they are stupid just because you think they need to hear it.  Because one day you'll need to hear something and no one will tell you...and then who is stupid?"

• -song heavenly

I am getting sick. NOOOOOOOOO

 

 

omg i am so bored

this week has just started and it has already gotten off to a bad start. i'm ready for it to be over. but the thing is. i'm so sick of one of my roommates. i really wanna move out. i dont know if i can though. i may not be able to break my lease. which sucks. they might let me though. we'll see how it goes. pray for me though. it really irritates me.

 

i had a good holiday weekend. i hope ya'll did as well. but i didnt get my work done. blah. i'm in the procecss of writing my paper right now that is due in like, oh, and hour or so. well, like 2 and half hours, but i have another class in an hour, so i gotta finish it before that. i could just take the computer with me, but i'd still have to print it out. i'll get it done.

 

man, i just feel so, distraught all of a sudden. blah

 

piece

    ok this has been on my mind lately.. its sorta been a burden on my heart. When elizabeth wrote that blog about me and her. i started thinking wow we did go far and we were just young. who knows we prob wouldve went further then what we did. im glad god got us out of that situation. i was sorta mean about the whole bog i was really mad and hurt. I didnt want no one to know what i did with her its no one bussiness but i guess it will help others see our prospective on dating.  Elizabeth and i didnt know what we were doing we was young and wanted to do what everyone else was doing. Dating isnt bad. i think it helps you find your mate. and it helps me find put what kind of girl was wanna merry. ive been praying to get all this anger off of me ithat i have against elizabeth. no one know what all happened that day and went threw my mind. i jump into conclusions and was embarresed and didnt want people seeing me different (which i honstly dont care anymore b/c everyone is different) i fell sortave bad for quiting the mime team but i already quit and stuff and thats all good. god has alott of plans w/ yall. i dont no one to be mad at me. even though i know alott of people are confused.. ( i am too .. lol) its no ones fault but mine. it was my choice. i love mission 12:2 alott and i still want to be a part of this team. im not running off. imll be at proformances and some practices. (promise)

      Ok back to the dating thing. in the bible it saids love is patcient love is kind loves does not invy.. or something like that. i think that means .. dont run into relationships. they have to work out. dont get down if someone doesnt like you and lead you on.. there is tons of people out there trust me. dating is a process everyone is gonna go threw so do it the right way. and work out your problems... and trust me dont be jeoulous. Jeoulously isnt good. i had a problem w/ this but im over it. and thats a diferent story. i guess this blog is a sorry,learning blog. i hope everyone enjoys it and likes it,  and i honstly mean this im sorry to everyone. and elizabeth your blog is really good.!  (=peace =)

Week one: I've determined that I will make it this year. I am taking 21 hours of classes and I have a job... 14 hours each week working at the desk in a dorm. It's a crazy busy schedule, but I think I'll be just fine. I get paid to do my homework and then some. 
As far as life, it's intersting right now. I'm loving living off campus with my roomies. I have the best roomies ever. I'm loving the time I get to spend with Gray, although it's brief. I am just loving life right now.
It's hard to believe that I graduate in 3 1/2 months and get married in 8... crazy!

Fief this

i dont understand 

MOOD: Crying

Ha isn't amazing how one day you could be so happy and the next so sad. Well yeah all i have to say is for 3 months life will be VERY VERY different for me. You dont need to know why, its nothing big or bad, but its something i dont want to do. Yet i fell God has asked me to. SO.... i have to
Please keep me in your prayers! Thanks

Another Soldier Down by The Isaacsi love this song.  please listen to it!!!  it's called "Another Soldier Down" by the Isaacs.  it's bluegrass but it's aboslutely wonderful!

so there's a lot of things coming up that i'm pretty dang excited about!!!  i get to be in the pageant...i get to be a model, i get my ring, i am going to virginia, tyler's coming, and it's almost my birthday!!!  ugh i am so tired.  gatlinburg is tiring.  whew...need sleep.  how was everyone's weekend?  mine was long...and tiring...did i mention that i was tired?  haha did you know that it takes me like 10 minutes to make a thought because my thoughts come and go and a lot of times i don't have any?  haha. 

"When it comes to friends, it's not the quantity that counts...it's the quality."

-Unknown

SO true.

Hey every one.. im doing good/great. im hope everyone else is the same. life is treating me good. i went tubing yeaterday with some of my friends.. wow it was fun. then on friday the sophomores won the pep rally.....! yeah cause we are good like that! I went to the game on friday and we lost... but we are still good! then after the game i went with some friends to arbys where some of the other team was there and i was like c-r-e-e-k-w-o-o-d and everyone was like r-e-d-h-a-w-k-k it was soo cool.... yeah the freshman lost to dickson.... but i have no comment on that. ohh we are selling magazines for my school so if anyone wants to buy one.. just write me.. k well thats abut it right now.. im gonna go swimming.. holla

MOOD: Smiling

Whats up people?
So yesterday was a really good day for me. My whole family came out (aunts and uncles and all that big shabang) it was so much fun! Well i just thought i would let you people now i had a FANTASTIC day yesterday! Yaaaaa Me!
How are you people?

Why Is The Sky Blue? The sun's rays hit the Earth's atmosphere, where the light is scattered by nitrogen and oxygen molecules in the air. The blue wavelength of this light is affected more than the red and green wavelengths, causing the surrounding air to appear blue. At sunset, the sun's light passes farther through the atmosphere, deflecting and decreasing the blue in the air. Scattering by dust particles and pollution in the air causes the sunset to appear red.

I love Dr. Cox in this I think what he says is pretty true. ENJOY. I did.

things didn't work out with the guy..

go figure! =] story of my life. lol.

 

well AP english is gonna kick my butt this year

like, for serious. =/

but as of right now, that's the hardest class i have. 

thank god.

 

yeah.

things aren't goin so great right now

but i'm sure they'll get better soon.

they have to. 

 

well.

i'm gonna go now.

[becca] 

This is going to be the craziest school year ever. I'm wrestling, shooting, and weight lifting. I'm gonna be so crammed. Not to mention, I have a lot of hard classes and a LOT of home work. Well I'm in a party right now so I'll keep ya'll posted later.
The HUNTER41

So far, my schedule's had classes added twice, and I seemed to have done pretty well.  Unfortunately, I get this great feeling of being overwhelmed even when I'm not so that I'm stressed out over what is, essentially, unknown and, probably, not as difficult as I think will be.  It's learning to balance such ideas as contentment and caution with where I am that's proven so tedious a task after what I've been through the past three years.

 

But God is so good, and, at moments like the Ramp on Thursday, He reminds me that I'm not alone, that He's gone before me, and that He knows of what I need even before I ask.  It's these times that the quiet times are more precious than anything else.

So what is it? How do you do it? What if everything is as it seems? So perfect. Is this perfect? Have I finally hit that home run that wins the game? Or am I just at the top of the 3rd? Do I really have that much longer to go? Will the score stay the same? Do I want it to stay the same? I can't tell if I am a head or if I am behind in points. I can't just press cruise control. Someone must progress. I would rather it be me than the alternative. I don't want to make a major change. I don't want to beat the other team by that much. Or do I want to shut 'em out? They have already scored so I can't go back in time. I have already screwed up early in the game. But I came back. I am winning now, from what I can tell.

Whats up people.  My day us kinda boring so far but we are going to Bellow's Beach here in a little while, ok maybe like 3 hours and i get to hang out with people. SO maybe it will be a little more fun.

   My sister is coming here to visit in ONE WEEK.  I am so exited, but kinda bummed too because she is coming while I am in school so I will have to do Homework. Speaking of home work i have a lot to do so i guess i will talk to you people LATER

Bye

I want to pull my hair out!!!!!!!

 

lol this makes me laugh.....hahahahaha :)

MOOD: BORED

Grace + Boredom = BAD

So i am bored tonight, like awalys. But instead of wallowing in my boredom i thought i would post to you boring people.

i'm going to be somewhere this weekend with no internet...grawr.  so please i beg you call me or something.  thanks

oh if you don't know my cell # just message me or email me or something.

Woah buddy it has been...forever. I still check people's phuseboxes, i just...don't post for myself. School started yesterday and both yesterday and today i have a whole bunch of homework. It's gonna be a stressful year. Lots of hard classes. No Bueno.

Guess what everyone?!?! I GET TO GO SEE SHANE & SHANE TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!! I am sooooooo excited! They are the best ever and...I get to see them live! Gah, i can't even explain how pumped i am. It's going to be awesome...i just know it. I'm going up with my dearest friend Kate :-) it's gonna be fun.  

Soooo...I don't really know what to say. -shrugs- life's going great. This is going to be a very busy year for me with hard classes, lots of homework, working for my dad, church activities and..whatever else. I'm excited about some things that are happening in my life and...yeah. So anyway...i've got to go study for a quiz i've got in Latin. yuck.

Everyone be excited for me about Shane and Shane, becuase i most definitley am. -huge smile- oh goodness i'm excited. Everyone have...good lives. Talk to Jesus and love him; he likes that a lot.  

hey kiddos i went to the football game for like 45 minutes today...and when i left it was 28 to ZIPPO.  then we came back when it was over and the score was like...41 to 0...i think.  but anyway

all you cool kiddos that go to my school please PLEASE vote for me for freshman homecoming attendant!!!  THANX

so i went to church up here last night, and it stunk. i was really excited about going. but no one really talked to me. i tried to talk to the other college people, but it didnt work. oh well. you would think that the one place you could go and make alot of friends would be at church. i guess not. it really bummed me out last night. i havent felt that way since freshman year. oh well.

i really like this picture. i'm in there somewhere. have a good day.piece

A bunch of stuff is going on for me right now. But i wanted you people to pray for my family. My cousin died last night of drug overdose. He had been clean for about 2 years but went out to a party and died. So its kinda har don us so yeah just pray

MOOD: Confused 

 

Ok, so i have a question.

What if i want to do something, but i am afraid people will treat me diffent b/c i am not going with the flow. (and no this is nothing bad, it has to do with going to my youth at DFA) i mean everytime i tell someone i am ~thinking~ about going to the youth b/c i like it, they look at me like i am a horrible person and say they dont like it and dont think i should go. But what i am yelling (well thinking in my head at lest) is *HELLO you are so sheltered you can't handle people that might be different from you or what you are used to. You just rather walk away then stop and help, listen to their story, give then a helping hand and maybe be a good influence. They need Jesus just as much as you did, and if we all just walked away b/c you were different from us, then you wouldn't have met Jesus, we have to give them the same chance that you were given* I dont know, maybe i should listent to them and not go to youth and just teach the kids...... but i think i could do some good in youth. I mean seeing 12 year old girls with so much makeup... its sick. It tells me, they think they have to put on so much makeup b/c the world doesn't think they are pretty enough. But they are FANTASTIC just the way God made them. They dont need man made things to make them any prettier. Maybe i could show them that being your self is fun, and is a lot easier then acting like someone else.

 

I dont know,

What do you guys think?

I'm so excited! It's actually raining at my house after such a long time. I'm suprised I even remember what rain is considering it's been so long.  Now it just needs to rain for like two weeks non-stop,and then MAYBE we won't be in such of a drought.

well this love post is a little overdue.  but i was looking through some stuff and i found this and i thought it was a pretty cool little free verse poem...so yeah

========================

Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility...It is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and warrants them to take effect, where he who does not love would faint and lie down.  Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not.

Though weary, it is not tired; though pressed, it is not sraightened; though alarmed, it is not confounded.  Love is like a mountain, hard to climb, but once you get to the top, the view is beautiful.  Love that is true never grows old.  True love reminds you that nothing else matters.  A Friend's Love says: "If you ever need anything,

I'll be there."  True Love says: "You'll never need anything; I'll be there."  Love is a decision, not an emotion or feeling, that if made from the heart will outlast anything.  Love is more than a feeling; it's a state of mind.  Love is what makes a weak man brave and a king step off his throne.

Good times, bad times,

easy times, tough times,

it comes in an instant

and lasts three days after forever...That's what love is.

You must be differant to make a differance.

for those of you that didn't know...i'm learning a song in italian called "Time to Say Goodbye"...it is more of an opera style song but not for me...i just sing. and it's a duet in this video but i probably won't sing it like that...still don't know what i'm singing it for...how bout fun? oh yeah this is sarah brightman and andrea bocelli...he is blind.

Dancing With God
 When I meditated on the word  Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.  
 I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.  
 When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.  
 The movement doesn't flow with the music,  
 and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.  
 When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,  
 both bodies begin to flow with the music.  
 One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back  
 or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.  
 It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.  
 The dance takes surrender, willingness,  
 and attentiveness from one person  
 and gentle guidance and skill from the other.  
 My eyes drew back to the word  Guidance.  
 When I saw "G": I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".  
 "God, "u" and "i" dance."  
 God, you, and I dance.  
 As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust  
 that I would get  guidance about my life.  
 Once again, I became willing to let God lead.  
 My prayer for you today is that God's blessings  
 and mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.  
 May you abide in God, as God   abides in you.!  
 Dance together with God, trusting God to lead  
 and to guide you through each season of your life.  
 This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.  
 If God has done anything for  you in your life,  
 please share this message with someone else.  
There is no cost but a lot of rewards;  
 so let's continue to pray for one another.  
 And I Hope You Dance !

I think I just signed my life and soul over to my Single Camera Directing and Producing professor, Michael Johnson...

Is one of the best after school snack I think there is. But I'm pretty sure my brain is turning into mush, three math classes is more than taxing to my right brain dominant self.

 

 

I am ready.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(i hope) 

So today was my 21st birthday. I had fun but I wish more people could have come and hung out longer (Monday is not the ideal day for a birthday get together especially with school starting). I was also sad some of my friends left and didn't even say goodbye but I don't want to elaborate.

 

Anywho first we went to Fuji and after we sat down we all realized there was no way we could afford it so we left (I felt really bad but we didn't order food or drinks or anything so I suppose that wasn't terribly bad). We ended up going to Golden Eagle Mongolian Stir-Fry which was way more reasonably priced and really good.

 

As far as presents go my mom got me Apples to Apples since I've been wanting that game forever and my grandma sent me $20 (to most people that doesn't seem like a lot but my grandmother really gives anyone anything so I felt special!)

 

I also had a sip of Boone's Farm and then quickly realized it didn't taste that great which sparked a debate over the drinking issue. I mean hello nothing can beat a Cherry Coke! (which of course I mentioned! lol). You would think alcohol would taste amazing, like liquid candy the way people around here get drunk but it doesn't.

 

It just suprises me how causal people treat drinking and getting drunk. No one in my family ever really drank. (I suppose this was because my grandfather was an alcoholic until the day he died. I also have a cousin who was just 8 years old when he was killed by a drunk driver walking to the bus stop.) My mom never drinks and my father had a beer every blue moon but we were always encouraged to follow the Bible standards in that regard. I believe that it is okay to have a drink (hello one of Jesus first miracles was turning water into wine!) but the Bible does warn us about being drunk and the consequences:

 

 *Ephesians 5:18: *

"Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit."

 

I also believe we should respect those who choose not to drink at all (that means if drinking is offense to them then you shouldn't drink in front of them since this could be a stumbling block for them). We also shouldn't snub our noses or talk badly about those who do choose to drink. Now if they are getting drunk and being irresponisble when drinking then I feel it is okay to warn them in a loving and non-judgement way.

 

All in all, I suppose I wanted my birthday to mean more to me than it did. I didn't have a bad time or anything its just in some way I am a little disappointed.  I wanted to invite more people and be more friendly, socialable, and not so quiet but I didn't. I know this is something God is pushing on me to change as well.

 

I guess I expected it to be great or something as I do a lot of things but I also know I need to not try to over analyze everything. I need to learn how to enjoy things for what they are and to just be content. At times I fear i am unthankful and complain too much. Maybe I just like to actually get things out of my head that I can't say out loud. I don't know but I do know I am blessed.

 

Thank you Jesus for a lovely day.

Today in journalism we worked on a two-page newspaper we have to make. We spent most of our time trying to come up with a name, but we finally came up with The Crusty Wizard. (It's a long story.) Our lead story is about an Australina wizard named Brundie Ashla turning his pet cat, Correboree, into a pyterdactil. As you can see we were very bored and needed to entertain ourselves.

For the three people who'll actually read this post, the one that comments will probably say something to the effect of "Suck it up, and introduce yourself."  However, I'm not necessarily asking for advice, or a critique, but rather for somewhere to be heard.  Blogging is probably one of the dumber things for people to do.  Most of the time, people gripe about their own problems day and day out, and after dealing with depression, I decided to stay away as much as possible from that kind of thinking/posting.

I just feel that none of the relationships I have have any intimacy--that is, not the physical kind--to the extent I keep looking for relationships to fill the gaps of ones gone by, especially at Lee.  But with my scars from depression, I feel I've gained an even more unsightly and ungainly characteristic of added self-consciousness combined with a lack of confidence.  Introductions are awkward, and even if they aren't, they're usually followed by my brand of humor in the attempt to entertain someone into liking me.  People have noticed the entertainer being successful, but where are those people who've been entertained?  I feel lonely most of the time, like I just keep giving and giving without any hope of return, unrequited love for the masses as it were.  You might criticize me for my lack of action, but I have tried.  I am trying to break in.  I just need a way to stay there.

Another semester started out on the wrong foot. There's nothing wrong with my classes, mind you, it's work... it's crazy! That and feeling overwhelmed by all I have to do and wondering if something's gonna have to give... but I guess I'll give it a week or so and see...

Well it’s the first day of a new semester and the first thing I learned is that going from class to class every monday, wednesday, and friday is going to give me a hell of a workout, especially considering that I was stupid/smart enough to have all four classes on three days and I have to drag around my bag containing at least four books and my laptop, my notebook, and variuous other items all over hell and half of Georgia. I mean I have to walk from the blazer across to the KUC for breakfast since the new diet is in it’s cleansing stages and I have to have a fruit smoothie for breakfast, then back to the BAS. In the BAS it’s up two flights of stairs to class and the back down two to head to the next ones. I then walk to PH, the devil’s maze, and up a flight of stairs for one class then up another for the next one. Then I’m back at the KUC for who knows what for lunch, which is a two hour break. From there it’s the KOM and up at least a flight of stairs for the last class of the day. When the day finally ends I have to walk all the way across campus to the blazer and head home.

 

Campus looks like someone dumped the entire high school population of the county on top of it, and it’s so crowded that I can barely breathe. This is insane. I went to lunch and stood in line for thirty minutes just to get some food then fifteen more to pay for it. It’s a good thing I have that long break between classes or I’d never get time to eat. I just hope that things thin out when all. the freshman and transfer students figure out what’s going on and where they are going. You can tell who is new because they walk around with maps in front of their faces. I spent a great deal of time pointing out buildings and giving directions. 

 

Classwise the schedule goes something like this:
The Legal Environment of Business 9:10-10:05 I have a bad feeling about this class. I think it may be like that terrible Economics class I had in highschool that made me want to die. The professor seems to be a little weird and we’re going to have to do things like group projects and stuff. The midterm review is going to be a game. I just hope that the course material ios enough to keep me engaged and paying attention.
US Presidency 10:20-11:15 Patrick’s class, though I suppose I’ll have to call him Mr. Chinnery or Mr. C. I think I’ll like that class, it seems like it’s going to be a good one to take. I’m at least somewhat excited about that course.
Folk and Fairy Tales, Myths and Legends 11:30-12:25 Dr. Hixon looks sort of crazy, but other than the stupid group project thing I think that the class is going to be fun. I talked to a few people who had her and turns out she’d really great.
The Political Status of Women 2:20-3:45 Dr. Peterson is really cool; I’ve had her before and really liked her class. She’s sarcastic and a smartass but I think that may be why I like her so much. Not a fan of the group project thing, but I’ll live. I just wish she’d allow the use of laptops to take notes since I type faster than I write sometimes.

MOOD: Trying To Smile
So my people, today has been.... i suppose a good but yet bad day. I dont really feel like talking about it though. I do want to ask you guys to be praying for something though. I might be stepping back from something i REALLY dont want to b/c i feel God is asking me to, and did i mention i really dont want to do this. I suppose you would say i am giving up something for a while that i would really rather not do. But you and i both know you cant fight with God, well you can, but you will never win thats for sure. So i have put down my fighting attitude and letting God take over, which i should have done a long time ago. BUT i would really appreciate if you (my fantastic friends) would please be praying for me during this time, that i dont go back to my old ways and start to fight with God again, that i will win this victory over the devil, that i will do Gods will instead of mine. Well thanks and i hope you guys have a fantastic rest of this fine day.

Part of a song. I really need to apply this to my life. Don't we all.

 

 

Don't blink, just like that

Your 6 years old and you take a nap

And you wake up and your 25

And your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don't blink

You just might miss your babys growin, like mine did

Turning into moms and dads, next thing you know, your better half

Of 50 years is there in bed

Your prayin God takes you instead

Trust me friend, 100 years

Goes faster than you think

Don't blink

the things i promise you :

 

 

take me(you)  at my (your) word

i will ...live what i believe

i will..live out loud

i will watch the lamb

Its an honor to serve

i will keep your ...Best kept Secret!

 

things i will try to do:

 

Set You (me) free

reminds you its .. the End Of The Beginning

 remind you we can both be .. Forgiven!

Ill help you with the.. Basic Instructions

try to help this .... Youth of The Nation

try to remember .. I am Blessed!

 

things i will not do:

i will not leave  you .. Shaken!

i will not leave you in... shackles

testify against you in the .. Courtroom!

i will not ... GO!

Back to school.

 

So this is my first entry on phusebvox of this semester. And on my new laptop. Anyway not much to report yet.

 

Nicole

I don't see where I said I was for abortion... And why is that the only thing people zero in on? What about the government's relationship to social services? Anyone with big opinions on that?

 

Also, yes I have to go here, if abortion is murder, why do you say there are exceptions? I don't want tons of comments about that, just think on it. 

you know that gut feeling i had?  it wasn't a good gut feeling.

love shack baby....

Mood: Not Smiling

When trying to hide my deep pain, I somehow always end up thinking of you

...how you left without even a last trace of a smile or...anything

While trying to fight the feelings I can't stand, I remember the times we used to have together

...knowing we could have had something good but now it's...gone

Forsaking my smile to work on my frown, it's harder each time I laugh out of pity for myself

...hearing people's real joy and sadly finding that I have...none

When I see your sweet smile every single day, I look back and think about how childish I am

...thinking how I could have possibly been depressed when you were....mine

But, now, you're not mine anymore and I can't seem to see the present for what it is

...imagining that you are still here, that this can't possibly be

reality.

 

 

so i like totally forgot about updating this thing...

 

well my human video didn't place and my worship team took 6th in the nation =] it was pretty amazing.

 

school is back in session now...kinda sucks, but i was ready for something new. i've got a couple hard classes this year, but for the most part, i don't think i'm gonna die or anything...haha.

 

buuuuttttt yeah.

life is amazing....

me and this one boy are talking again.

so that's definitely been the highlight of my month.. =]

hah. hopefully things will work out this time.

 

i'm gonna go now.

love you all...

[becca] 

I could not get any sleep at all last night I just kept sitting up and thinking. It was like this one thought would not escape my head...

What most people know about the massacre is what they learned in the first few days after it occurred. The basic narrative of Columbine—the story that Americans absorbed—was based on fragmentary and incorrect information from the first hours after the shooting. The story was that Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, a pair of lonely, outcast Goths, tore through the school hunting down jocks to settle a long-running feud between athletes and the Trenchcoat Mafia. After years of bullying, the pair finally snapped and turned on their tormenters with automatic weapons and pipe bombs. They arrived at the school with a hit list of victims, including despised minorities, Christians, and athletes. In fact, this tale was mostly a myth, as were other supposed "facts" about Columbine involving Marilyn Manson, the martyrdom of Cassie Bernall, and a plan to hijack a plane and crash it into New York City.

Here is the straight story on seven of the central myths:

1. Targeting jocks, blacks, and Christians: There were no targets. Harris and Klebold just wanted body count, and they didn't care who died. They expected their bombs to do most of the killing, murdering everyone in the cafeteria, irrespective of clique or social standing. When the bombs failed, they shot indiscriminately, firing into open crowds and under tables without bothering to see who their victims were. They taunted jocks briefly in the library, but they taunted virtually everyone else there, too.

2. The Trench Coat Mafia: A small group of Columbine students did dub themselves the Trenchcoat Mafia, and they did have a feud with a band of jocks in 1999. But it was never a formal gang or club, and most of the members graduated nearly a year before the massacre. Harris and Klebold were never closely affiliated with the group and did not appear in the 1998 yearbook picture identifying the members. The TCM had little to do with Harris and Klebold and nothing to do with the massacre. The killers wore long coats in order to hide their weapons.

3. The Hit List: Eric Harris did create an enemies list, with a wide and sometimes comical assortment of personalities—students who pissed him off, girls who refused his dates, Tiger Woods. There's no indication that these were ever intended as targets. No one on the list was killed.

4. Christian Martyr Cassie Bernall: One of the killers allegedly asked student Cassie Bernall if she believed in God, then killed her when she said yes. Bernall became a revered figure among evangelical Christians. In fact, one of the killers posed the question to another girl, Valeen Schnurr, after she had already been shot. They had a short exchange, he reloaded, got distracted, and she crawled away to safety.

5. Marilyn Manson: Klebold and Harris hated Marilyn Manson. On his Web site, Harris said he loved, "Good, fast, hard, strong, pounding TECHNO!! Such as KMFDM, PRODIGY, ORBITAL, RAMMSTEIN, and such."

6. Escape to New York: Harris' journal does contain a passage about hijacking a plane and crashing it into New York City, but that appears to have been an early fantasy. He settled on a more practical scheme long before he and Klebold actually staged their massacre. By the time of the attack, they fully expected to die at the high school. They refer to their death routinely and explicitly in their writings and in their videos.

7. Outcasts: Perhaps the most pervasive myth is that Harris and Klebold were rejected outcasts. They were not captains of the football team, but they were far more accepted than many of their schoolmates. They hung out with a tight circle of close friends and partied regularly on the weekend with a wider crowd.

That is the tongue-in-cheek motto for the University Democrats at Lee. We came up with it because we are very tired of people assuming we are all baby-killers.

 

Anyway, I worked the UDems booth for this big display of all the clubs at Lee yesterday. I handed out propaganda (yes, I called it that) and tried to convince people to come if they are open-minded or in the middle, basically anyone who is not a hardcore Republican. We call ourselves the University Non-Republicans. It is more true.

The Republicans' table was right next to ours, and the girl running it was a friend who is actually a Moderate. We get along well.

So many students gave me a weird look. Some picked up the propaganda sheet and laughed at it and me. I got some evil stares from those Bible-thumping you-can't-be-a-Democrat-and-be-a-Christian kids who only know about politics from their parents and who don't think for themselves. They would look at me like I was a prostitute and ask where the Republican table was. I tried to be accepting of them because I was representing the club and all Non-Republicans, but I wanted to yell at them. I wanted to sit them down and explain why they were being stupid and mean. They have no idea what is going on the political world, they just know "Death to Hilary!" Do they not get it? I wanted to scream at them, "Fine, you won't come to my table? I think I'll just go PUNCH A BABY!"

 

I'm not mad anymore... Just disappointed in my fellow man, not to mention my fellow Christians. 

...random...

it is late and i am up

you say hey and i say sup

i really want to go to wal mart

so i can ride in the shopping cart

this is a poem with some words

all my friends are silly nerds

i don't really mean that i'm just joking

it's only fun that i am poking

that line was stupid and so are you

i'm a llama and i say moo

okay that was stupid like your jokes

you'll get fat if you drink too many cokes

no i don't mean that you're really not dumb

it really is late and my brain is quite numb

i just wrote this poem on a whim

i like to drink milk, particularly skim

that was really random and i'm crazy

if you look outside, the sky is kinda hazy

this is kinda long but i'm really bored

don't fear, its the end you're coming toward

i'm running out of rhymes, of things to say

i think i'll sleep now

have a nice day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yay go me...that's my late night poem

-love austin-

I'm so frustrated right now. I haven't been able to sleep at all hardly the past two weeks because I've have so much homework because of stupid honors classes. But what's really odd is so far I'm making a whole lot better grade then last year in English this year. And somehow in journalism I have a 114. I've had so many projects already this year. I just finished and turned in a poem for English last week, and this week we started a new project that was due today and next Friday. High school is so much harder, and I miss eighth grade so much. I'm also stressing about this pageant fair. I would actually be excited if I had a chance of winning, but I don't. There's a lot of people in my group, and they are all tons prettier than I am. My pageant pictures are also extremely horrific. I look like a fat cow.

 

Well sorry for my rant, but I needed to vent....

 

"I hope this is the corn dog line. If it's not, I'll be disgruntled."

So today made me smile. (yeah thats my new thing, i say "that makes me smile" its fun to say) anyways today was so much fun! I went to classes *that didn't make me smile* and then i went to Lillys *that made me smile* we got really bored and she was like "do you wanna do our make up craZy and take pictures" and i was like "Oh Yeah" lol so thats how it started THEN we kinda got craZy with it.... but it was so much fun!
And after pictures Lilly washed it all off and got all pretty and i stayed in my makeup and just changed into my T-shirt :) so yeah i walked around in my CRAZY make-up and one sock all day. Then we had to go pick up the Pizza for dinner and she was like "hey will you wear that in" i was like "HECK YES I WLL...how much will you pay me:P" but i ended up wearing it in. it was so much fun :) It made me smile :)
So yeah, i had a FANTASTIC day with Lilly, how about you people? How was your day? Did it make you smile :) lol