Jesus, God, friendships, piano, artwork, music, zelda............
the good kind
Does Anyone use Phusebox anymore?
August 06 2009
The Continuous Storms of Daily Life
January 15 2009
It's been nearly a year since I was last on Phusebox. Things have been like a living Hell for me this past year of 2008. The following is a summary of how life has been going for me in 2008.
CHAPTER 1: THE DOWNFALL
Everything had been going downhill for me ever since I chose to move onto campus. My backpack was stolen along with the items which it contained including my laptop, digital camera, some of my school books, notes, homework, and tests study guides. This caused me to quit my classes and fail the semester. My bank account surprisingly went from $4,000 to -$900. I ended up owing the bank more than I should have.
I was working for Aramark Food Services on the college campus at the time. They stationed me at Pizza Hut, but the money was barely enough for one week's worth of gas and a few days of food, even though I get paid every other week. I used to get $500 from the State of Tennessee for being in foster care, but I haven't seen that money since I moved out of the foster home I was staying in. The amount that I ended up receiving went down to $150 because I had lived on campus, but I haven't even gotten that much of it.
I used to sing in the choir and usher every Sunday at church, but I slowly faded from participating in it. I sometimes found myself missing church just because of some dumb excuses like
"I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING TODAY".
I found myself in these situations all because I chose to leave the path that God had set before me; the path of ministry. I found myself running from the calling God had placed in my life. I haven't even practiced piano since I left God's path, and piano is one of my most favorite things in the world. During the month of October of 2007, when I was in a performance at church a called THE JUGEMENT, I rededicated myself to God yet I still found it hard to do things the Christian way, harder than it was before.
I wish I could say that I continued to grow from there, but with it being that much harder for me to grow in Christ I fell away again because around that same time, I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant. I wanted to quit running from God and run back to him.
I wanted to quit being a pretender and become a contender. I didn't want to be false in my walk with Him, but I just kept on running from Him. I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend after I had heard from her mother that she had been cheating on me with another guy. Every time my girlfriend tried to call me and talk to me, I would ignore her and pretend that I didn’t hear the phone ring. By the middle of December, her mother had kicked her out of the house and instead of coming to me for help she chose to look for help from another guy. I should have been there for her, especially since she was carrying my child, but I was so rebellious and so angry at life that I didn’t even notice to beauty in everything.
But on the last week of December as I was driving to my back to MTSU, I felt the fist of God hit me so hard that I had to pull the car over. Now when God hits you, it isn't any kind of sissy hit like two cats fighting over a mouse or two champions battling each other for a shot at the UFC title. When God gets a hold of someone, they will know it. The power of God was so strong that I couldn't handle His presence while driving. I ended up becoming shortly blind so I had to pull the car over in one of the parking lots at MTSU and I parked over there at Monahan.
I felt God's presence even stronger when I parked my car and stepped out for air, because God hit me so hard with His Holy Spirit that it knocked the breathe out of me....literally. When that happened, it was like yellowish clear scales fell from my eyes and as they fell, they disintegrated when they made contact on my lap. About the same time, I saw two presences fighting in my car. One was light and the other was dark. The light one was in the front passenger side and the dark one was in the back left passenger side, which was directly behind me.
I heard to the voice of God tell me to pray for MTSU for the next seven nights. I then walked around the campus in the freezing cold praying in the Holy Spirit and singing and shouting praises to God while at the same time being warmed and comforted by God's Holy Spirit. Up until the first day of school, I had gone to the campus and prayed over everyone who would ever step foot on this campus this semester. And I continued to do so, until it came to the last night of praying on the campus.
The last night of praying, I decided to instead ask my brother if he wanted to go see a movie with me. Long story short, he and I got into a fight while in my car on the way back from seeing the movie. He was sitting directly behind me while I was trying to drive. He kept hitting me and I told him that he was making me angry and that I would hit him with something if he wouldn’t stop.
He continued hitting and then I picked up a box cutter and stabbed at him, making a slight contact with his leg. He then called the police on me. I called my former foster mother and I called the college pastor of my church and then I told them what had happened. I drove up to the police station and told them what happened and then they kept me there for nearly 13 hours. I had to pay nearly $1500 to get out on bond.
If I had continued doing what God had asked me to do, I would have been able to avoid the situation that I was put in. We went to court in February and I was given a diversion. All I had to do was pay probation and take anger management classes. If I was to violate the probation, I would have to spend 11/29 in jail.
CHAPTER 2: THE BAD LUCK MONTH
Speaking of the month of February, I had numerous things happen to me other than the court date. Something bad usually happens during the month of February, specifically on or around Valentine’s Day. For Example:
A virus is sent to my laptop.
my laptop got a virus randomly.
my laptop repaired itself only to crash again. My laptop again repairs itself only this time refuses to accept the Wipe Drive CD and refuses to accept the Malware/ Trojan/ Virus Remover software that I bought. I was going to stay home, but decided to go see the movie JUMPER, and was nearly run off the road by a drunk driver and I almost wrecked into another car on the way to the theatre. On the way back from the theatre, I was almost sideswiped by a driver exceeding the speed limit by at least 25 mph.
I got pulled over for a broken headlight when my lights were not broken and now I have to pay a $50 dollar fee. Around 2:30 am, I received nearly 10 calls by someone who thought it was alright to harass me and make threatening remarks to me while I was trying to drive back home to get some sleep. I don’t know who the person was or why they got my number, but I did inform the police who had pulled my car over.
Also, when I got to work around 9:30 am, I decided to get some orange juice, but it slipped out of my hand and spilled all over the floor in the KUC building at MTSU. When I finished mopping it up, I tripped over the mop bucket and spilled all the mop water which was very embarrassing. I then got the wet vacuum, and after cleaning up the mess, I almost walked into the wall, because the chord of the wet vacuum got wrapped around my leg.
I took my laptop to the Geek Squad to find out about the virus on my laptop. They told me that I had the worst virus ever created and that it was the latest version, a 2008 version of a virus known as "ZLOB". The cost to remove the virus and to protect against my laptop from getting this virus again is going to cost me $300. While I was on the way back from a friend's house around 11pm, a car that was going nearly 65 mph on a 40 mph lane almost rear ended my car while trying to pass me so they could get in front of me as if they wanted me to race them or something.
I missed all my classes for nearly the entire week because of a certain incident that I will not mention. Plus this was the date AI had the first court session on between my brother and I.
I bought new headlights for my car only to find out that it was just a lose wire and at the same time the guy at AutoZone showed me that my Water Pump had gone bad and I had to pay $23 to get it replaced. As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto Broad St, I realized that I had just wasted $50 for lights I didn't need. Also, I lost some homework that I was supposed to study for my acting class, which was a scene from a play entitle "The Boys Next Door". The play is about four mentally handicapped men who live in a group home.
I had to make 108 extra pizzas just as I had to clock in for work, because of the large group that came into the KUC. Also, the person who was supposed to close the night before left me half of the prep work and I barely finished almost everything on time. I was going to see Baby the musical, but couldn't because of all the make-up homework I had to do for missing nearly the entire week of classes. Also, I misplaced my insurance cards.
I realized that my car title was missing, along with 3 computer programs that I just bought. I decided to trace my steps, going to places I had been to see if I could find it. I went to Best Buy first, but it was closed and the guy inside looked all over but didn't see anything.
After leaving there I went to a gas station on Old Fort Parkway to check with the guy behind the counter, but it was closed, but on my way there an ambulance went by with its lights and sirens on. Everyone stopped and pulled over except the car behind me. He was tailgating and barely missed my car as he swerved over to the other lane nearly crashing into the car beside me as he continued to do 25 over the speed limit, all the while a cop car was coming down the opposite side and of course went after that crazy driver.
I went to the bank only to find out that I was missing nearly $200 that should have been in there. My gas was on empty. I hadn't eaten since that Saturday. I needed to get a new Water Pump for my car. I needed to pay for a new car title replacement. I needed to pay for the ticket I got for the headlight issue. I needed to pay for the rest of the court cost that was to be paid by that Wednesday. I needed to pay for laundry detergent so I could do my laundry.
I was hoping to go to a "70's Skate Night with the college group from my church, but now I can't go because I didn't even have $3.00. The college pastor ended up paying for me though. I was working on some homework later that night which was a lesson for my acting class and my printer ran out of color ink. Also the printer kept acting up and not working right. My computer began to freeze up and go extremely slow around 11:40pm
My computer continued to freeze up and go extremely slow, and it aggravated me so I got mad and closed it a little too hard. I ended up wishing that I hadn't done that because the screen got cracked in a few spots and the screen ended up not working. The computer still worked, but I had to get a new screen for the laptop.
Official Bad Luck Month or is it just the beginning of year that will be completely full of bad luck. In my opinion, it was just the beginning. I was on my way back home from Nashville on March 8th about 2am and someone with road rage decided to bump my car from behind. The speed limit on the interstate was supposed to be 70mph, but I was going 75 to make room between me and that crazy driver. There were only two lanes and the lane next to me was free, but the driver didn't move over.
So I moved over to let that person pass, but instead they moved over behind me. I moved over again to let them pass, but they moved over behind me again. I sped up to 80 mph and the other driver did the same. The whole time this was going on, it was raining heavily and I could barely see out the window. The next thing I know, the driver sped up to 100 mph and changed lanes only to ram into my car on the right side. He shoved me off the road and nearly flipped my car.
Luckily, there wasn't a wall there or any oncoming traffic, but there was this field of grass there. When this person rammed into my car, they broke my headlights making it worse for me to see out the window and since the right side of the car got damaged pretty bad, it cut into my tires on the right side and blew them out. I am so glad that God is always in control, because the car should have flipped over several times, but instead it didn't.
I should have been pulled over by a cop for driving without any lights...and with 2 flat tires, but instead God's grace prevailed once again. I made it back to MTSU on two blown tires and no headlights in the heavy pouring rain without even being pulled over by the police. My caution lights were even broken and yet I was safe the whole trip back to MTSU.
CHAPTER 3: THE TURN AROUND
In early April, my brother and I went back to court and that is when I was given the dates of my probation and how much I would have to pay. About a week later, I decided to make things right with my ex-girlfriend Scarlet, who was pregnant with my daughter. We got back together in the middle of April and while I was on my way to take her back home one night after going to see a movie with her, her mother called my phone and told me to not bring Scarlet back home, that she was kicked out of the house. I brought her to my dorm with me and she stayed a few days until I brought her to stay with her uncle for about a week, just to give me some time to clean up my dorm and get it ready so I could move everything to my mother’s house.
I had to leave the dorm because school was over and I needed to keep my things somewhere until I got my own place. My mother told me that Scarlet and I could stay with her and her boyfriend, so I then went to go pick Scarlet up from her Uncle’s and then I brought her to my mom’s house with me. About this time she was about 7 months pregnant. My mother ended up kicking us out so I decided to ask my brother about us staying with him at his apartment. He let us stay with him, so while I was on my way to his place my car began to act up a little bit. We stayed there for a few days until he made us leave, so we went back to my mother’s house.
While we were staying there, I finally decided to propose to her. She told me that she would love to marry me, even though I was going through numerous financial struggles. We stayed there for about a week and then she told us to leave again. We got about halfway through the interstate and my car began to run hot. I pulled over off one of the exits, and then checked my car out. When I tried to start the car back up, I realized that the engine was blown. It was smoking and they got some flames, but I put the flames out. Scarlet and I ended up being forced to walk the interstate back to Murfreesboro, TN from Nashville, TN.
A cop gave us a ride to Lebanon, TN and dropped us off at a Chili’s restaurant. One of the waitresses there gave us a ride all the way back to my brother’s place. We stayed with his for a few days until he kicked us out again. We walked back towards the interstate, but we ended up getting a few rides until we made it to the football coliseum. My mother ended up picking us up from near that location and she gave us a ride back to her place. She let the two of us stay for a few days and then made Scarlet go to the Women’s mission which is formally known as The Family Life Center. That following Friday, Scarlet had an appointment at Summit hospital for a checkup. We both stayed there for nearly 7 hours until we were picked up by the charter bus.
Scarlet couldn’t go back to the mission, because she was late getting back so I brought her to my mom’s, but she wouldn’t let scarlet come inside. So, I stayed outside with her all night and then we went to a friend’s house and he let us sleep in his extra bedroom. My mother told us that we should go to the Room in the Inn which was located in Murfreesboro, TN. Instead, Scarlet decided to call her mother to come pick her up.
Scarlet’s brother came to pick her up and then took her back to her mother’s house. That Monday, which was June 9th, Scarlet gave birth to our baby girl Emily Marie Ambrose. At the hospital, Scarlet’s family was acting strange around me and later I found out that Scarlet had told them that I had allegedly made sexual comments about my daughter. I later found out that she had said those things just so that her mother would not kick her out of the house, because her mother never liked me in the first place.
On June 23th, one of Scarlet’s sisters brought her and my daughter over to my mother’s house to come visit with me. Emily stayed with Scarlet’s sister the whole time though. Later that day, I found out that Scarlet’s mother called The Department of Children Services on my daughter. I later found out who the DCS worker was and I had them set up a Family Team Meeting so that I could figure out why DCS was called.
Everyone at the time was throwing allegations at me left and right. The DCS meeting was held on July 3rd. About a week or two later, Scarlet and I had planned to go see a movie together, but when her mother found out about that, she accused Scarlet of neglecting her child and proclaimed that Scarlet ran away from the house.
Then we had to have another Family Team Meeting. Scarlet stayed at my brother’s apartment with me for a few days until that meeting. During the meeting, our daughter was place in a safety placement with a lady named Heather Coakley. After the meeting she went back with her mother. A week later, Scarlet went to heather’s house to visit with Emily. About this time, I had realized that the Nashville MTA bus system ran all the way up through Murfreesboro to MTSU. I wished I had known about that before, because I would have probably been able to keep my car.
A few days later, Scarlet met with me in Nashville and she moved back in with me at my brother’s apartment. We stayed with my brother and his fiancée for about a week until they kicked us out again. We then went back to my mom’s for a few days and then back to my brother’s again for a few days until he and his fiancée moved to another apartment.
We stayed with them for the first week they were at the apartment and then they kicked us out again. By this time it was the last week of July. Scarlet ended up calling one of her aunts to see if she could go stay with her for a while. Scarlet stayed with her for about 2 weeks and then she came back to be with me again. She then came back to my brother’s house with me.
That same day, we met a lady while we were at the SunTrust bank eating hotdogs. SunTrust had a free food concessions stand for the college students since school was getting close to starting back. We stayed with that lady for one night and then when Scarlet and I went over there to sleep, she locked us out. So, we went up to MTSU and went into the BAS building and talked to one of the janitors who then unlocked the break room and told us that we could sleep in there for the night. The next morning Scarlet and I brought everything back to my mother’s house again.
She let the two of us stay there for about a week and then kicked us out again. That night, I talked to a friend about giving us a ride to The Room in the Inn. This is the place where we were supposed to have gone in the first place, which could have prevented all the DCS meetings and court meetings concerning our daughter.
CHAPTER 4: THE AFTER THOUGHTS
To put it in the simplest terms possible, I just couldn’t wait until my wedding day. I was not sure the exact date just yet, but whatever day we decided to schedule it on, that day would be one of the happiest days of my life. My life was having some major ups and downs at the moment, but in times like this it is better to look past the negative perspective of things and look forward to all the positive perspectives of life. I was engaged with a most precious girl. She meant the world to me.
She was everything I ever wanted in a long-term relationship. We had a newborn baby girl who was about 6 weeks old at the time. I had just started going back to church again just three weeks before going to The Room in the Inn. My fiancée wanted to start going back to church as well. Around the same week that we would be able to accommodate ourselves into a new apartment and buy ourselves another used, but good enough car, we both had plans to become married to one another.
Life had its high points and its strong points, but the only way to be a true over comer is to put God first in everything that we say and in everything that we do. It's going to be a challenge for the two of us, but with the two of us putting our full trust back in God and letting Him take care of everything, we will not have to worry about any of the stresses of life that has been wavering over our shoulders the past few months. I love my fiancee so very much. I love my daughter just the same. But I love God with all my heart, all my soul, all of my mind, and all of my strength.
From August 22nd until October 7th, Scarlet and I was supposed to be staying at the shelter entitled The Room In The Inn, but we ended up getting kicked out because Scarlet was having a hard time trying to find herself a job. I go went back to work on August 25th at MTSU and I was currently working in the James Union Building, even though I keep getting my hours cut pretty bad. I needed to find a new job, but it was hard to find a job in a town filled with College students who are also looking for jobs.
When we left The Room in the Inn, we brought our belongings to a friend’s house and stayed with him for nearly a week until I called my mother. She told us that we could go back to stay with her as long as we need and that she felt bad for always making us leave. So we then packed up and went to her place in Nashville. But a few nights before we went back to her place, Scarlet had an appointment in Nashville on Wednesday the 24th of September and after her appointment, we were invited to go visit our daughter Emily at Scarlet's mother's house.
The only problem was that Scarlet's mother pulled a good old fashioned sneaky trick on us which will ultimately be the fine line between the two of us getting our baby girl back and Scarlet's mother getting permanent custody of her. We ended up having to spend the night there, which was not supposed to happen since we are not allowed to be around our daughter without super vision.
Also, that night Scarlet's mother made up some plan where Scarlet and I can have our daughter back that night and that she would help us get her back without having to go to court. The whole time I had vibes that she was trying to con us, so I decided that I would do the same to her instead. But then I got to thinking about what Jesus would do in a situation like that and I decided to ignore all of it. But in the morning, Scarlet and her mother were still talking about going through with their plan.
So, Scarlet's mother bought some diapers for Emily and gave us $10 and dropped the three of us off at the MTA bus stop. So we get on the bus and head for my mom's house, but when we arrived at the bus station Scarlet's brother Luke was waiting for us over there and demanded us to give him our daughter. He snatched her away from us and took off saying that he was going to call the police on us for kidnapping Emily. We then had to go to another Family Team Meeting concerning the lie about Scarlet's mother proclaiming that we kidnapped our own daughter in which we both still have full custody of her.
But Scarlet's mother is doing her best to rip Emily out of our lives for good, in my own opinion. By the time we got to my mother’s house she was already at work so we walked up to the hotel she was working at.
When I saw her, I barely recognized her. She had two black eyes, a busted jaw and her whole right side was black and blue. She told me that her boyfriend did this to her when he had gotten drunk a few nights before. I wanted to tear the man limb from limb, especially since I was already angry about having my daughter taken away from me. I later calmed down and when we all got back to the house, I gave the man a good long speech about how my number one thing that angers me is abusive men hitting women.
Scarlet and I began to have thoughts about moving back to Nashville for good so that we could be closer to our daughter, but we had been struggling financially for nearly 6 months. My mother told me that it costs about $100 a week to live in the trailer park where she is living at, and that it costs $55 a week to live at the apartments next door to her trailer park. I'm thinking about going to Nashville and checking the places out that she referred me to and if we decided to move back to Nashville, the managers for Aramark told me that they could transfer me to TSU so that I could have a sure job in Nashville.
CHAPTER 5: THE ENDUREMENT
A few days after moving back with my mother, she and her boyfriend both got drunk and began to yell at each other and verbally fight with each other. Then I heard her boyfriend threaten to hit her, so I jumped up in the middle of it to prevent him from harming her again. When my mother saw this, she got bold and began to grab the man’s hair and ripped his shirt. He tried to hit her, but just as he raised his fist to her, I caught his fist and twisted his arm back behind him and told him to leave her alone. I let him go and then he decided to claw his own face up. At that time my mother began to pull his hair again.
I ran back in there and told them to stop the petty violence, but they didn’t stop. He yelled at her again and then I went and grabbed a warm wet rag and threw it at him and told him to clean the blood of his face while telling both of them to settle down.
He cleaned his face and the two of them told each other they were sorry and I went back into the living room. I lay back down next to Scarlet, but just a few minutes later my mother and her boyfriend were back at it again. My mother grabbed a knife and chased her boyfriend to the living room. I moved the coffee table out of the way, because I wanted to prevent someone from tripping over it and getting hurt. She chased him to the couch and he stood atop of the back of it because she kept swinging the knife at him. I grabbed a towel from the kitchen and snatched the knife by the blade, taking it from her while she was not paying attention.
I then threw the knife aside and told her boyfriend that he needed to leave the house or things would get worse, but instead he tried to fight me. He swung at my mother again, and again I caught his fist and twisted it behind his back. I escorted him to the door, but he kept trying to get loose, making the grip I had on his wrist hurt him that much more. My mom called the police at this time and I let her boyfriend go just a few minutes before the police got there. I walked outside to smoke a cigarette while waiting on them to show up. Her boyfriend took off outside somewhere just a second before the police arrived. Long story short, he went to jail and got out a week later.
He had to take about 36 hours of domestic violence classes and about 32 hours of alcohol rehab classes. My mother had to leave her house that Tuesday, causing me and Scarlet to have to leave as well. That Tuesday, we had another Family Team Meeting and after the meeting, the DCS worker gave us a ride to my mother’s and told me that she would find a place to store all of my belongings for me. My fiancée, Scarlet called her aunt and told her what had happened so she then went to go stay with her aunt again after we had to leave my mother’s house for the last time. I ended up staying outside for the next few weeks, sleeping on a bench or on a sidewalk downtown near the bus shelters.
The whole time I was out there I was cold, and during the day I was burning up. I began to grow hungry and started to catch a cold and become sick. I was down to nothing but the clothes and jacket on my back. No home, no money, no food, no car, no clean clothes, and no shower. I had my daughter taken from me and my fiancée was now living with her aunt at the time. We both went to court on October 15th for our daughter and I just pray that God will have His hand in everything.
Somewhere around mid November, we had planned to buy ourselves another car, because a friend of mine from church told me that he would give me a good deal on a car he was selling. While we were still staying at The Room in the Inn, I helped Scarlet obtain her Birth Certificate and a photo I.D., but we had to wait on her Social Security Card to come in the mail.
Also, we signed up for food stamps until we are able to get back on our feet. When we would be able to provide for ourselves and move to our own place, we prayed that we would be able to get our baby girl back for good. We had planned to move to the apartment complex University Terrace sometime in October, but it looked like that might not be an option for us. I got one more paycheck before we had to go to court on October 15th, and by then we still did not have enough money to get our feet back on the ground in time for Court. We had to have to have our own place by October 15th in order to have a chance at getting our 4 month old daughter back; instead we now have to wait until December 15th in order to get her back with us.
Scarlet was to stay with her aunt for a while until we could get our own place to live. We had an interview with an MDHA housing complex on October 23rd in Nashville. A letter was supposed to come in the mail 5 business days later. I had a backup plan for just in case the housing did not work out. I made an appointment at MDHA housing and set up and interview for December 5th for another location, which is way too close to the court date.
I had a job interview with one of my cousins on my father’s side of the family on October 12th and I was told that he would pay me between $100-$150 a day working with concrete and doing some construction work. I was going to sell plasma on October 10th in order to make enough money for a night in a hotel and for a bite to eat at McDonalds. Later that night, I was told by my college pastor that I could go stay at the house that is located on the church’s property where they are planning to build a new church someday.
I then realized that I need my Social Security card, photo I.D., and a proof of address. I believe that I may have left my Social Security card and my birth certificate in my car back in May when the engine blew out.
On October 13th, I filed for another social security card and I went to the health department and got a copy of mine and my daughter’s birth certificate. The day before, I had two friends mail me letters so that I could use the envelopes as a proof of address. Later that week, I was told that I had to go to court again on December 1st to pay child support. While staying at the house on the church’s property, I soon gave my life back to Jesus Christ again.
Every now and then I would go out to the exact location where I was told the Alter would be built, and I would pray and sing praises to God, thanking him for what he had been doing for me. I would pray for my daughter and for the situation that Scarlet and I were in and for Him to give us favor with MDHA and with the court.
CHAPTER 6: THE STREET LIFE
November 20th was my last day taking parenting classes. I got a certificate in which I had to bring to court with me on December 15th. On November 23rd, I found out that the past 2 months have been nothing but a big lie regarding the relationship I had with the girlfriend, the one who I was hoping to marry. I'm not going to go into detail about that, but I will say that she wants nothing to do with me anymore and that she believes she found someone better...about 2 months before I found out what she had been doing. My heart was ripped apart. I thought things were getting better but it wasn't.
So I ended up getting wasted on Thanksgiving because I thought to myself that there was nothing in this world that I should be thankful for since I didn't really have anything except for the clothes on my back. I got really depressed and began hitting myself in the face, kinda childish and stupid...but I did it. I continued to do it even after my whole entire face was bloody and my eyes were black & blue. I had to go to a DCS meeting the next week looking like I got hit by a Mach truck.
I haven't been staying at the house on the church property in about a month I think. I've been living out on the streets in Nashville spending time with the homeless people out there, making money by singing songs out on broadway while this guy nicknamed "Blue", plays the guitar. I have also been helping a guy named Glenn, who is in a wheelchair, get around downtown...especially when he has to go uphill.
There was this one 19 year old boy out there who just got back from Iraq, well discharged from the army for something...but anyway I hungout with him and showed him the ropes of living on the streets; like places to go for food, places to go to keep warm at night, and things like that. I let him borrow one of my extra coats and then he kinda disappeared. I think the cops probably picked him up. On December 6th about midnight or something, I was at the Buck Wild Saloon and as soon as I walked out I looked straight at the Gram Central Station bar.
I saw a guy run out while being chased by security. Just before he ran out, I saw him take a knife and slice a young man's head wide open. The gash was from the boy's forhead to the back of his head. Blood was all over the sidewalk. Anyway, I saw the security tackle the man who did the stabbing and they slammed his head into the concrete. The police arrested the man and the paramedics came and took the other guy to the hospital.
Events like that take place all the time in Nashville, like when I went down Broadway to go to the convient store next to the McDonalds. I went up there on December 5th to get a pack of cigaretts and 2 40 ounce Icehouse for Glenn, who is in a wheelchair. I saw 6 police cars at McDonalds and then I saw the paramedics come out with someone on the stretcher, then they covered up the persons head. According to someone at the convient store, there was a shootout around that area.
December 15th is coming up next week and I am not fully prepared to go into the courtroom just yet.
I attended the Titans football game against the Browns Sunday December 7th. I hungout with the homeless comunity and watch the game from outside the arena. We were given 12 tickets, but we gave 6 of them away. The guys I hung out with were pretty decent guys. Everyone of us know each other by our nicknames though, but there was Blue, JFK, Glenn, Dutch and Danny. They all know me by Pyro, since I used to play with fire so much in my past. I saw my brother at the game with a few of his friends.
I went back to Murfreesboro that Monday since I had to be at the probation office and while I was checking my myspace, I recieved a message from my brothter telling me that he had kicked my mom and her husband out of his appartment. My mom and her hsband were staying with him for about 2 months and were helping out with the rent. I hope the best for them, but at least the doesn't have to worry about court and DCS jumping on their back like they are doing to me.
CHAPTER 7: THE FRESH START
As the title of this chapter intels, this month is the begining of a fresh new start. I have been doing everything I could possibly do to make my situation better so that I can stabilize myslef with a decent paying job, obtain my own place, and save up for another car all so that I can be there for my daughter. The goal of this chapter is to show detail for detail everything that I have been doing in order to makes things better for my family. In the long run, once things get better, I'm going to give God all the praise for seeing me through all of my trials and tribulations. The following is the Journal of Steven Ambrose for the month of December of 2008.
THE MONTH OF DECEMBER: Online Journal
I went to court and was petitioned to pay child support every month. Also, when I went to my anger management class, there wasn't that many people in there so it went by kinda quick.
I went to court on December 15th and so far everything is looking bright for my daughter. I go back sometime in February and I should have everything I need done, by then. I hope the best for my daughter and I hope the best for her mother. I got a call on December 16th about an interview for a place that pays about $9 an hour. I am setting up an interview today so that I can go ahead and get the job. That way, I will have time to save up to pay the rest of my probation off and then be able to save up money so that I can be here for my baby girl Emily Maire Ambrose.
Around 5:30pm I walked over to DHS, because there is a church group that meets over there under the Jefferson Street brigde every Tuesday night at 6pm. They called themselves The Bridge Ministry. They gave out food to the homeless and then they have a church service right after. I was going to leave right after eating, because that was mainly the only reason I went up there. I decided to stay for the church service and at the end of the service, they had an alter call. Lots of people went up there and gave their hearts and lives to Christ.
I went up to the alter and gave my heart and life back to Christ and then the pastor of the church prayed for me and my situation regarding my daughter and not having a job and my own place. We prayed together for my daughter and that God will have his way in both our lives and also for God's will to be done in both our lives regarding the next and final court date concerning the custody issue over my daughter Emily Marie Ambrose.
Right after I left the bridge, I went to The Buck Wild Saloon to sing a few songs. After the first song I sang, I decided to step outside to ask a man for a cigarette. Come to find out, he owns a business and wants me to start working for him tomorrow. $12 an hour starting out and eventually earning up to $26 an hour...excluding taxes. The man is also going to rent me out a hotel for a few weeks until I can afford my own place. The hotel I think is close to the business. On regular weeks, I might be getting somewhere around $800 a week, but on good weeks I might be racking in about $5000 a week :)
Early that morning, I left the Buck Wild about 3:00am and walked up to the corner of Broadway and 4th ave to stand on the heat vent like I usually do. After a while I went to the old bus shelters and took about a two hour nap. I went back to the heat vent to stand and get warm and about 15 minutes later, a guy stopped and asked me if I was alright. I told him that I was fine...but then I told him that I was kinda cold and he took me to his place and cooked me some breakfast.
I helped him hook up his VCR to his tv and then I passed out on his couch for a few hours. When I woke up, he brought me back downtown and I went to go see if I could get a bus pass from DCS, but they still didn't have it. So, I walked down church street and stopped at a church for lunch. After lunch, I decided to go to the public library to check my facebook and my myspace.
As I was on my way to use the computer this morning and I saw a guy try to break into a car. He got in it and ran all up on the sidewalk and ramed into two trees. The police chased him on foot and almost gunned him down. One of the police who was chasing this man was wearing casual clothes and he ran pass me while holding a gun in one of his hands. The police did get the man. later that night, I went to the Buck Wild Saloon and sung a few songs. Everyone went wild when I sung Kryptonite and Walking in Memphis. A few people even handed me some cash because they knew my situation before I even got up there to sing.
I was at the Buck Wild Saloon and was about to sing a song and then one of the guys that worked there handed me a bag with a shirt and a pair of shoes. I was kinda needing those, and God used him to provide that for me. Then he slips a dollar in my pocket while I was up on the stage singing. Afterwards, I stepped outside and checked my pocket and then realized that he slipped a $20 in my pocket.
I went to a Christmas party with The Bridge Ministry. I got re-baptised in water and gave my life back to Jesus Christ. I met a few other guys who live out under a bridge. One of the guys ended up making enough money for a hotel for about a week, so he invited me and another guy to stay at the hotel with him...so that we wouldn't be on the street on Christmas. But I chose to spent the night with my daughter at her mother's aunt's house on the 24th so that I could be there with them on Christmas.
I had a wonderful Christmas, because I spent it with my daughter. Later that day I decided to sing out on Broadway, right in front of The Legends Corner and attempt to finish writing some of the songs I am currently working on and a few people overheard what I was singing. I ended up recieving about $25 and a $25 Subway card within about 20 minutes from the time I stood out there.
I then decided to go stand on the heat vent out on 4th Avenue for a while because it was getting kinda cold, and someone in a van drove up to those of us who were standing there and gave us a bag of things for Christmas. The contents included hygene items and a pair of clothes. Also a friend I met out there gave me one of his extra jackets. It's a nice leather Jacket.
I sung about 7 songs at the Buck Wild Saloon and drove the crowd wild. It was pretty Awesome I guess. A few peole kept grabbing at me when I stepped off the stage to sing out in the crowd. lol
I was standing out on Broadway and a guy came up to me asking me if I could show him around downtown, because he had just arrive to Tennessee from out of state. He gave me about 2 dollars so that I could catch the bus back to Murfreesboro in order to got the probation office to meet with my probation officer.
After meeting with my probation officer, I asked a guy named Cory for a cigararet and talked with him about the situation with my daughter while waiting for our names to be called by our probation officers. He offered to give me a ride to College Grove Apartments so that I could use the computers and sleep in the computer lab there. On the way, he stopped at Dairy Queen and bought me a burger and some fries. Then he gave me a full pack of cigaretts.
I recieved a myspace message from my daughter's mother telling me she was sorry about everything and that she wanted to get back together and make things right with me. I later found out that she was just BSing with me. We did hangout together at the Buck Wild Saloon for a while on January 2nd. It ended up being so cold outside on January 3rd, 4th, and 7th I was forced by nature to sleep in a port-a-jon in order to keep from freezing outside. It was still cold and I ended up building a fire inside the port-a-jon to keep warm, but burnt a whole in the floor of the port-a-jon.
CHAPTER 8: THE SPIRITUAL VIEWPOINT
Many of us have had struggles and hardships in life. At times we have just wanted to give up and give in to the temptations and desires that we know is wrong, but struggle even harder because we know it is wrong. There have been so many things that have gone completely wrong in my life and it always seemed that no matter what I did or attempted to do, I would always fail.
I would become so consumed in all my failures and become so oblivious to the fact that I could've have done better if I wasn't caught up with everything around me that was having a negative influence on me. Negativity isn't something that can be just overlooked, but should be acknowledged when pursuing anything, because everything and everyone has a purpose. Without light, how can there be dark? Without bad, how can there be good? Without failures, how can there be achievements? Without struggles and hardships, how can we grow in our faith?
God has recently placed His calling back into my heart and this time it is here to stay. I want to be real...as real as it gets. It's going to be a struggle, but I'm going to do my best to get out of poverty with the help of the Lord Jesus Christ. Sometimes God has to break us and tear us down to nothing before he can mold us and shape us into the being He has called us to be...kinda like how a potter molds and shapes clay.
When a potter puts the clay on the wheel...it looks like crap...but then he shapes it and molds it....and even tears it back down in order to fix it the way he wants. The same goes in our walk with Jesus Christ.
Oh but when we go through the fires of life, just as the potter puts the clay in the kilm...we are being tested for our durability to stand within that fire...sometimes we fall apart...but the potter is always willing to begin the process over and over until he gets the masterpiece that he craves so dearly.
The same is with us and God...he will keep letting us go through the fires of life until we come out srong and durable in our walk with him. It took a while for me to learn this, even after being told over and over again, but I realized how much I truely needed God after going through so much in the past year...
If God be for you, who could be against you? For God has been here for me and is still here with me, even when he has to carry me in his loving arms to get me through the obstacles of life. I tell you one thing, if not for God, I would either be dead right now, in jail, or so consumed in drugs that I could have even become the thing in which I hated the most. I thank God for rescuing me from all of that.
If you have read this testimony in its entirety...thank you for sparing some of your time to listen to some of the things God is doing in the lives of His people. Ever since I put my trust back in Him and given Him my all, He has poured back into me way much more than I could possibly hope to contain or pour back out into others.
If you have read My Testimony and you have never ask this Jesus that I speak of to come into your lives and to be your personal lord and Savior....or if you have done so, but maybe you have fallen away from God at some point in your life....I want to give you an opportunity to come to know Him today as your personal Lord and Savior.
When Adam and Eve committed the sin in the Garden Eden, they created a gap between us and God....but when Jesus Christ gave his live for all of us so that we may have life in Him and so that we might be saved through God's grace, a bridge was formed.....in the shape of a cross.
If you would like to ask Jesus to come into your life and to wash away everything you have ever done that you know is bad an unpleasing to God. If you would like for Jesus to come into your life and be your personal Lord and Savior, just pray this simple short prayer with me. And if you truly mean it in your heart, God will wipe your slate clean and you will become a new person in Jesus Christ. Just pray this short prayer with me:
I believe that you lived. I believe that you died. I believe that on the third day you rose again just so that I may be saved. Lord, forgive me for my sins and be my personal Lord and Savior. Amen. "
If you have prayed that prayer and you truly meant what you prayed. God will honor your decision. You don't have to let me know if you have prayed this prayer. The time has come for all of us to realize this truth and accept this truth for what it truly is, but the choice is yours. Are you ready to make the choice that could change your life…forever?
God is Always in Control
March 08 2008
There were only two lanes and the lane next to me was free, but the driver didn't move over. So I moved over to let that person pass, but instead they moved over behind me. I moved over again...to let them pass, but they moved over behind me again. I sped up to 90 mph and the other driver did the same. The whole time this was going on, it was raining heavily and I could barely see out the window. Next thing I know, the driver sped up to 100 mph and changed lanes only to ram into my car on the right side...running me of the road. Luckily there wasn't a wall there or any on comming traffic...but there was this field of grass there.
When they rammed into my car, they broke my headlights...making it worse for me to see out the window...and since the right side of the car got damaged pretty bad, it cut into my tires on the right side and blew them out. I am so glad that God is always in control, because the car should have flipped over several times, but instead it didn't. I should have been pulled over by a cop for driving without any lights...and with 2 flat tires, but instead God's grace prevaled again. I made it back to MTSU on two blown tires and no headlights...in the pouring rain...heavy rain, without even being pulled over by the police.
My caution lights were even broken and yet I was safe the whole trip back to MTSU...
December 20 2007
I was bullied in school all the way up from kindergarten to eighth grade, while the teachers would turn their heads and pretend not to notice and not only that...they would join in on it.
I used to be known as a piro, because I used to enjoy setting buildings, trees, and other things ablaze (not all the time though). I was heavily influenced by drugs and alcohol by the age of 12. I got so involved in drug use that by the time I was thirteen, my life was consumed in drugs and alcohol 24hr/7days a week.
My mother began to prostitute herself out, so that my brother and I could have food on the table. Since my mother was getting to a point where all her prostitution money was going to drugs (which caused her to never be around anymore), I ended up staying with a 21 year old drug dealer and his 40 something year old dad. The whole time I was with them, his father would molest me and rape me. I was so scared to tell anybody, because he threatened to harm me if I did.
For three months, he would do this to me. He would drug me up and use this to his advantage. I had no one there for me, to protect from him. I wanted to tell his 21 year old son, but instead I found out something very devestating. I found out that He had just gotten out of Prison for molesting his 21 yr old son when he was 9 years old.
By the grace of God, I was arrested July 18, 2001, for being out past curfew. I spent three days at Juvenile before being transferred to Magnolia Academy. (This place was run like a military camp). After a month and a week, I was transferred to T.P.S. (Tennessee Prepratory School).
After being there for about two months, I moved in with my aunt and uncle. While living there, I introduced one of my cousins to drugs. When I left June 2, 2001, I was transferred back to Magnolia.
This place has a church group that would come every Monday night at 7:07. I would sometimes reject the message. But one night, while I was supposed to be asleep, I decided to listen to a radio that one of my fellow peers loaned me. I used to listen to rap, but for some reason I wasn't in the mood for rap.
I turned the station, until I came across a song. This song that was played was about cartoons being saved. (I like to draw anime and cartoons, so I decided to listen to this song). I decided to listen to the next song, but something was different. The song was about the saving grace of Jesus Christ; about how he went through so much so that we might be saved. I wept like a baby that night and cried out to God saying, " If you are real...Lord God if you are real, send me to a Christian home that I might learn more about your love and your grace. Seven days later, I moved into the Christian foster home that I live in right now.
That Sunday was my birthday, and on my birthday I received salvation through the Lord Jesus Christ. I started Going to Family Worship Center a year later (I was going to Fosterville Baptist at the time). I attended the Tennessee Youth Convention at Opryland hotel that next November and received the power of the Holy Spirit. God has done so much for me in the past five years.
He has called me into ministry, He has delivered me from the grips of Death, Hell and The Grave, and He has made me victorious over the bondage of sin and over the power of darkness. I have already preached a number of sermons at church. I have performed in numerous Christian drama events including: The Judgment, The scarecrow, The Easter Trilogy, and more. God is still doing great things in my life. I now a Sophomore at Middle Tennessee State University and have been successful for awhile.
But It doesn't end there. Well all have our high points and we all have our low pionts in life. After moving onto the campus of MTSU...I began to fall away from God. I picked up old habits in which I thought were gone. I began to pick up smoking again. I began using profanity again. I began lusting after the flesh of this Earth again. I began dwelling in old things I used to do before I knew God. I began picking up a hateful and very rebellious attitude just as I had done when I was thirteen.
But since the past few months, God has proven to me that He is still in control. Just as the Prodical's Son in the Bible hit rock bottom before he finally came back to his father, evidently so must I had to do before comming back to my Heavenly father in Heaven.
Everthing had been going downhill for me ever since I chose to move onto campus. My backback got stolen, along with my laptop, digital camera, some of my school books, notes, homework, and tests study guides. This caused me to quit my classes and fail the semester.
My bank account surprisingly went from $4,000 to -$1,000. Now I owe the bank more than I should. I have a job at pizza hut, but the money is barely enough for one week's worth of gas and a few days of food. I get paid every other week.
I used to get $500 from the State of Tennessee for being in foster care, but I haven't seen that money since I moved out, but it instead went down to $150 because I live on campus. And I haven't even gotten that much of it.
I used to sing in the choir and usher every Sunday at church, but now I don't. I sometimes find myself missing church just because of some dumb excuss like "NOT FELLING LIKE IT TODAY".
I found myself in these situations all because I chose to leave the path that God had set before me; the path of ministry. I found myself running the calling God had placed in my life. I haven't even practiced piano since I moved out, and piano is one of my most favorite things in the world...yet now I barely even know how to play.
So, not to long ago...when I was in a performance at church a called THE JUGEMENT, I rededicated myself to God...yet I still find it hard to do things the Christian way...harder than it was before.
But I want to quit running from God and run back to him. I want to quit being a pretender and become a contender. I don't want to be fake in my walk with Him, but I want to be real...as real as it gets...
I'm tired of not having the blessings I once had back when I did things God's way.
Sometimes God has to break us and tear us down to nothing before he can mold us and shape us into the being He has called us to be...kinda like how a potter molds and shapes clay...
When a potter puts the clay on the wheel...it looks like crap...but then he shapes it and molds it....and even tears it back down in order to fix it the way he wants...
The same goes in our walk with Jesus Christ...
Oh but when we go through the fires of life, just as the potter puts the clay in the kilm...we are being tested for our durability to stand within that fire...sometimes we fall apart...but the potter is always willing to begin the process over and over until he gets the masterpiece that he craves so dearly..
The same is with us and God...he will keep letting us go through the fires of life until we come out srong and durable in our walk with him...
It took a while for me to learn this, even after being told over and over again...but I realized how much I truely needed and rely on God after moving onto the campus of MSU...
If God be for you, who could be against you? For God has been here for me and is still here with me, even when he has to carry me in his loving arms to get me through the obstacles of life. I tell you one thing, if not for God, I would either be dead right now, in jail, or so consumed in drugs that I could have even become the thing in which I hated the most. I thank God for rescuing me from all of that.
December 03 2007
I Just PIMPED out my
...check it out...
October 22 2007
How are you? Check this out.
September 17 2007
go to www.myyearbook.com/steven_ambrose
and check out my profile page on there...
school is here again
August 09 2007
I know some high schoolers hate school...but if this is your senor year...you will probably love school by the second semester since gradution time will be rolling around. And the time to make up last minute grades in order to graduate will cause school to be your best friend....and then college time hits...where will you go for school? MTSU is a great place to go to college...
June 06 2007
THE EASTER TRILOGY
March 15 2007
The Easter Trilogy is here again
March 14 2007
Come to Family Worship Center to see The Easter Trilogy. It is FREE!!! Trilogy one begins march 25. you don't want to miss it. There will be live acting, music,and things like that.Family Worship Center is located on 1503 Sulpher Springs Rd. right off of W. Northfield Blvd. and Memorial Blvd. The showing times for Trilogy one will be on Sunday at 8:30am, 11:00am, and 6:00pm. so if you can not make it to the 8:30am showing, come to one of the other times. you don't want to miss it. Did I mention that this event is FREE?
December 11 2006
To those who have a myspace or facebook
November 29 2006
November 22 2006
To those who have a myspace
If you have a Myspace, check mine out and add me as your friend. Also, since that is where I will be putting most of my blogs for a while, please feel free to check them out and comment on them.
September 20 2006
This is going to be a great event, so come on out and see it.