i stole this from my friend

November 13 2006
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day:

we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process
is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or
her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back,
so sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been
written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you
wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both
agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.


first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
of the question.

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl
Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had
more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed
asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his
transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of
resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay.The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.

He bumped his head and died
almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for
him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards
the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently
Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one
morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful
things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a
woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Little did she know,
but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the
city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium
fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one
to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

This is absurd. I
refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a
violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*ING TEA??? Oh
no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many
Danielle Steele novels!"




Go drink some tea - whore.

A+ -- I really liked this one.

Cari Jennings

November 13 2006
that is fan-freaking-tastic.

Sam-Graham Jinn (Graham Wells)

November 13 2006
That is one of the most amusing things I've ever read.


November 13 2006
Hilarious! : )


November 14 2006
Oh wow... ha ha...

Lashlee Odom

November 22 2006
I don't think I've read anything that funny in a while.

Rebekah Minor

December 18 2006
for german i have michael rice i think and geology i had clay harris but now i have laura collins!!


February 05 2007
Aw thanks!