February 21 2006

It's really been a fantastic couple of weeks. I've been hanging out at the CSC a lot and really don't know what I did without my friends there! It really reminds me of one of my favorite verses.

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times and brother is born for adversity."

I've made a TON of friends and they've taught me a lot...or maybe just reaffirmed what part of my heart already knew. Last night we definitely sat around and watched the Emperor's New Groove! HAHAHA! College is amazing!

I'm really psyched to see all my high school friends from the good ole boro!!! That's right kids...UTHSMUN 2006 in 72 hours and 51 minutes.....AHHHHHH I love you guys and I can't wait  to have incredible power over you as co-chair! Just kidding! but...SERIOUSLY (lol)

Find the Grace, you may think it's hiding...but trust me it's there.


I cried for no reason...

January 28 2006

Be not far from me for trouble is neaer and there is none to help. (Psalm 22: 11)

I just like it...God's there when you feel like there really is none to help, whether it be a physical circumstance or just  a low heart. He really is all we need. That doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong to want other things, just dont' want other things more than you need Him.

I've been kind of having a rough time with my roommate lately. I feel like there might as well be a wall in the middle of the room. It's sort of an awkward silence. I love her to death, but it seems like we never really talk anymore...we used to be so close.

I've done so many stupid things lately. Don't you hate when you do stuff that you know is really, really stupid...... *doh*  I'm asking that you guys pray for me...we all know I can always use it. . *smiles, hugs* I miss you M'boro pals....and I love you!

Weddings, Words, and the end of Break...

January 03 2006

   Break is almost over. In a way I'm completely ready to go back to school. At the same time DEFINITELY not. I wish I could move my church, family, and friends to Knoxville. This would make things MUCH easier. I love my roommate and my friends in Knoxvegas too. I just wish I could keep all of them close to me at once. I was talking to Patrick the other day about how things were so much easier in high school. Growing up is tough stuff. Even though I'm technically an "adult" now I know I have a loooong way to go until I'm ready for the title. There have been so many decisions to make since I left home college bound. Sometimes I made the right ones. Sometimes I definitely made the wrong ones. But I feel like I've learned so much in the past six months that I wouldn't have learned had I stayed here. That doesn't mean that I don't miss it, though. Maybe it's like a part of you that always lives and you always love, but you have to leave behind for new adventures. Childhood....bleh....I'm holding on but letting go....does that make sense? Of course that doesn't mean that I still can't act childish a lot...we all know I do that anyway!

I leave to go skiing with Matt, Michael, Meagan, the Fisher parents, and another family on Sat. Yikes!!! I've never been before and am pretty nervous/psyched. I like new adventures and experiences. When you get out of your shell it's usually when the best things happen, you grow the most, you meet the coolest people, and you HAVE THE MOST FUN!!! Just pray that I don't kiss a tree :)

BTW------Matt and I went to a wedding at 7 on New Year's Eve. I'll put up two pics of us was sooo pretty! Two of my friends from Church! Awwwwwww. Getting married...what a way to start a new year, right?!?!?!? They're great together- AWESOME couple.

Study days just make me nervous...

December 08 2005

I'm fairly convinced that study days just make me more nervous about exams. Sitting in my dorm room doesn't help...too many shiny, fun, happy distractions. Maybe I should take a nap for a few minutes instead of studying? Watch a movie?


November 08 2005

Did you ever notice that fall is one of the few times when we think that death and decay are beautiful?


Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. It's not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away....good song

...the picture....well, why not?

Best Ben Wicks quote ever:

"I don't break things. I just put my mojo on them and then they don't work no more"

A million things...

November 04 2005

Dinner for the honors college last night...check out the pictures! I really wanted to go to the basketball game afterwards, but I had homework. I've decided that I'm going to have to be responsible and do it in advance before game days. I really <3 the basketball and am DETERMINED to make it to many games this season! I many rockin people were going, too. Rupert, Ryan Towle, Matt, Patrick Pope!!! It would've been a fantastic time...silly homework...silly responsibilities! LoL

My mom flies out for a work-related trip on Sunday. Especially odd since she hates to fly. My family is kind of like that...likes to stay with their feet firmly on the might just be my mom. Both of her parents had their pilot's lisecense. My grandpa used to have a piper cub...Don't know if you know what that is. It's a small, two passenger plane. I got to ride around in it all the time when I was little SOOOO FUN. We'd fly over my house and wave the wings at my mom, who would usually be out in the yard doing something fairly productive. It really broke my heart when my grandfather died. Selling the plane was really letting him go. I thought it particularly hardcore that my grandma has her liscence too...but then maybe you'd have to know my grandma! Btw...both of these people were high school teachers in Murfreesboro for around thirty years. Your parents probably had them if they took Chemistry or Physics at Riverdale or Math at Oakland. Tangent....but pray for my mom, her trip, and her safety in "far away" places.

I got a call from Adam, one of my good friends from home, on Wednesday after Church. It was really weird because I'd just been thinking I needed to call him. We sang one of his favorite songs at service that night. He sent me a fantastic e mail which I felt like sharing a bit of...

There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty,
bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised
and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking through
town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird
cage.On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with 
cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?"
"Just some old birds," came the reply. "What are you gonna do with them?"   I asked. "Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease
'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real
good time" "But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will
you do?"  "Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em
to them." The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those
birds, son?"  "Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain
old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!" "How much?" the pastor asked 
again. The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and  said, "$10?"  The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up  the cage and gently carried it to the end of the 
alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot Setting the cage down, he
opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out,
setting them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the 
pastor began to tell this story. One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.           "Yes, sir, I  just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used
bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all! "What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked. Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun!  I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate  and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them  how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"   "And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked. "Oh,
I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus
asked  "Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take 
them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you.
You don't want those people!!" "How much?" He asked again. Satan looked  at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life." Jesus said, "DONE!"  Then He paid the price. The pastor picked up the cage he opened the  door and he walked from the pulpit.

I was reading something last night that I just thought about, really thought about...and made sense all over again...

"And that servant who knew his master's will but did not get ready or act according to his will, will receive a severe beating. But the one who did not know and did what deserved a beating will receive a light beating. everyone to whom much is give, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more." Luke 12:47-48

It makes me wonder how often we ask ourselves what we're doing with our faith. Our faith should be who we are not something we do. I feel like I fail God in so much. It's really hard to know what to say to some of the people I care about the most who are still trying to find Christ and have no idea of his purpose in their lives. I pray for them and for myself that I will be the influence and have the words to encourage. I pray so much to be a good example, the salt, and the light. It's so difficult sometimes. Pray for me, I'll be praying for all of you....especially those of you who I know are going through some rough spots... I talked to you about it so you know who you are...but I'm here if you need me. (That goes for the rest of you too)

" A friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17 - definitely one of my FAVORITE verses

keep on keepin' on... fight the fights that need fighting...

all my love,


the password strikes back....

November 01 2005 some of you might have noticed...I haven't written in a while. Guess why? I forgot my password! So I emailed Nathan, who was able to help me out! Things are going pretty well around here. I was thinking today that I am so blessed. While this is true in general, I was thinking it especially in regards to Matt. I know that a lot of people think/have thought that we shouldn't be together. I know a lot of people think that I will get my heart broken. But it's soooo worth the risk.Matt's such a great guy, and I feel that people really don't appreciate this enough about him. In addition to all his more overt qualities there are also so many little things to who he is that truly make him an amazing person. I was taking  a nap today after an eight o'clock class, some laundry, and some light cleaning. I was DEFINITELY feeling pretty rough. Matt calls me up to see if I want to go to lunch. I am of course sleeping but tell him to meet me at my room when he gets back and we'll go. I fall back asleep. I'm so tired I barely even heard him come into my room. He put his arm around me and we just took a nap... me, matt, and my roommate krysten all sleeping soundly in the gross heat of my room (the heater is broken so that it kicks on about every five minutes regardless of temperature). I woke up because I needed to go get some laundry. I remember just looking at him and thinking, "Wow... I wish this moment could last all day..."

     I feel like it doesn't really matter what we're doing, just spending time with him gives me a sort of joy that's hard to explain. It's kind of like those times when you're down for no reason, someone you love can give you a hug and you just feel so much better. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, our fights, our good times and our bad....what relationship hasn't? I truly feel that he is one of the greatest blessings in my life, always challenging me to see the my faith, my world, and myself from an entirely different perspective. He constantly pushes me to open my heart and my mind so that I can grow....OH and how about this for a turn around?..... he told ME not to skip class the other day! Talk about having matured a bit since high school!!!!!! I'm so proud of him for so many reasons!


college makes me sleepy...

October 07 2005
This week has been 110% tiring. I dropped a class, so now I'm taking a slackerish 13 hours. At least it should be a lot less tiring frolm now on, right? For one of those I'm an RA in a psychology lab studying child development. I'm trying to tell myself that this makes it a little better. For the next ffew, I'm just sitting in my room listening to Goo Goo Dolls and thinking about how much life has changed in the past couple of months. It's so hard to reconcile the old with the new sometimes. Things are soooo much different. No matter how much some things change others don't no matter how hard you try. Ironic?

My roommate is out of town, and Matt went to a square dance. My friends are in class and out. It's like tumbleweeds blowing through an abandoned town in an old western. I didn't really feel up to dancing. Hence, I'm going to chill a bit and then go run some errands. Speaking of dunder-dork (I mean that as affectionately as possible), Matt's birthday is soon. I've got a few most excellent presents in mind, but haven't gotten it all together yet...MUAHAHAHAHA!

I miss my friends from home, but college is pretty cool....on the whole