February 06 2007

It's been a week and a day since we buried my grandfather.

We were really close; I was his oldest grandchild and he always told me how proud he was of me.

I miss him so bad. When my mind wanders, I find myself thinking of him during his last days. I know I did everything I could possibly do for him at the time but sometimes I wish I'd said "I love you" more or held his hand more often, or not been terrified to hold him.

And then I cry. I don't know if I cry because I'm sad that I'll never see him again, if I cry because I'm relieved he's not in pain anymore, or if I cry because I regret that I might not have told him enough how much he impacted my life.

I guess I cry a lot now. It's just so hard. I am not a strong enough person for this.

the brian king kenobi

February 06 2007
maybe you cry for all those reasons. i did when my grandfather died. and you ARE strong enough. if you weren't strong enough, you wouldn't be going through this. you are always strong enough for where you are. but i'm here if you need help. ;)