So together...yet so broken up inside...

October 25 2005
So I've decided that I hate Physical Science and the man who teaches it can go throw himself off a mountain! Ahh we just had a test on friday and mind you this is a MWF class we have a test TOMORROW do I need to repeat we have one TOMORROW we only went to class once since Friday and we "covered" chapters 11,12 and 13 through section 3! AHH College is awful....hmm oh well. On to other things this weekend was ok. Derek's b-day dinner was good had an unexpexted guest which through me for a minute but w/e things happen. Then after that I went and saw "my boy" lol at Fat Willies then went home for like 30min when Sarah called and went to the imfamous Steak and Shake where Robert, Cody,Lauren, Sarah, and Nate were there. That was really fun and GREAT conversation, let me tel ya it was awesome!! Then got home round 2ish and hit the bed.. I was pooped.... They tried to call me into work on Sunday and I was like nope not goin to I stayed in my pjs and in my bed ALL was nice I miss doing that. I've also come to releaze that I let peoples opinons on things way to much on my desicion making..and I dont need to do that anymore, I think thats why Im so unhappy is because I do things bc thats what most(not everyone) want me to do or think thats "whats best for me" well not anymore Im goin to make my desicions based on what I think is best for me not anyone else...thats how I got soooo screwed in the firstplace, I let everyone tell me why I needed to and not listen to my heart which was telling me not to....hmm life sucks sometimes but  gotta take the good with the bad....Well I need to study but just can't get myself to concentrate which STINKS because I really need to study this I feel like Im failing all my classes..hmm sometimes I wish I was back in highschool things were soo much easier and structured.. but have to press on cant look towards the rear but ahead into the vast open road ahead of me..Hmm I really feel like this is long and pointless so thanks to whoever reads it all which I know will only be Rachel lol she always reads my stuff I love ya girl I dont know what I would have done without you these past few months(ha except for introducing me to him lol what a jerk...oh well haha) Well most study...Mucho Love!

Because of you I never strayed to far from the sidewalk.....Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me...Because of you I'm afraid...


October 25 2005
hahahaha!!! i love ya girl!! and yes you need to make your own decisons!!! ya know! your desicions depend on you and God ya know!!! but yeah! life has been tuff im really glad you have been there for me tha past couple weeks! ya know!!! lol!! thanks bunches i love ya!!! and i love that song at tha end of your post! its soo true!!! lol!!!

chris duncan

October 26 2005
jamie! i miss you!