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October 19 2005

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

There is no point in making plans as if God doesn't exist, because the future is in his hands. My question is how will I react if God steps in and rearranges my plans? It is necessary to plan ahead, but place God's desires at the center of my planning, and know that he will never disappoint me.

I have a new love for Fido's, not only is it a social place, but it is somewhere where I can relax. A place where I can go to clear my mind, and put things back in focuse. I went last night and had an amazing conversation with my father, my creator, my friend. It was a conversation well overdue!

As I sat there I came across a verse that spoke to me. It is James 4: 14, Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while, and than vanishes away.

It was like a breath of fresh air. I do not know what God has planned for me. I am just a vapor that can disappear at anytime.

* Life is short, enjoy it! It doesn't matter how many years that you live on this earth, but what matters is how you lived them. Live for God today! If you live for God today, than no matter how long you have lived , you will have fulfilled God's plan for you.

Humble yourself in the presence of the Lord, and he will lift you up. The word that gets me is WILL. It says he WILL lift you up, not he might, or maybe, but WILL.

Humbling yourself means recognizing that our worth comes from him alone. To be humble involves working with his power, according to his guidance.

* I don't deserve God's favor, but he reaches out to me with love, and gives me worth and dignity despite all of my shortcomings. That love is what I have been longing for, searching for, but searching in the wrong places. Only God can provide an unconditional love, not others like myself.

The last October

October 13 2005
I have spent all morning trying to write all my thoughts, emotions, and little tangents done.Just to read back over it, and push the backspace buttom because they make sense in my head, but not in writing.

If you know me I have probably already talked to you about this, so it should make sense to you. If it doesn't than bare with me.

The title was brought about by my thoughts, is this my last October here? I moved here in October of 96, and nine years later I am wondering, is this it, my last October.

Like I said, if you know me this isn't new, so here it goes. As I sat in church on Sunday Drew said that, "There comes a time in our lifes where we have to turn the page, and begin a new chapter of our life." Jes, looked at me and said, "But I don't want you to start a new chapter." I laughed, but in reality that is where I have come to.

God is reminding me that all of the broken friendships, heartaches, and trials that I have been through have brought me closer to him. He is also reminding me that, he will never leave my side. Which makes me think of the footprints in the sand. The times where there was only one set of footprints, he was not walking next to me , but carrying me.

I am not perfect by all means, and there are things in my life that I deaply regret, but those are the things that have helped build my character. So if you don't know about those things in my past, let me remind you that that is what it is my past. I can't change any of it if I tried, and if you love me now, you love all those things, because that past is what made me the person I am today. (another tangent)

Anyway, October has come along, and it brought some decisions that need to be made. I am not scared anymore, those feelings have kinda turned into feelings of excitement. I am excited to see what God has in store for me. Maybe a new begining, a new school, new job....new life!

I needed God to remind me, that it is ok to move on. The question still is, is it time to turn the page and start a new chapter? Please pray for me & my family

what I feel at this point in time

October 05 2005
I can't be loosing sleep over this, no I can't. You know I can't stop pacing, give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out. My mind can't stop racing. This is over my head, but underneath my feet, cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat, and everything will be back to the way it was. Lord is real just a dream? Would you catch me if I fell back into what I fell in. Don't be suprised if I fall back at your feet again. I don't want to run away from this. I just know I don't need this. I can not stand still. I can not be this unsteady. This can not be happening, cause I am waiting for tonight, been waiting for tomorrow. Im somewhere in between, Lord is real just a dream?

What I needed to hear

September 30 2005
When the house lights dimmed and the concert

was about to begin, the mother returned to

her seat and discovered that the child was missing
Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights

focused on the impressive Steinway on stage.

In horror, the mother saw her little
boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out

"Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star."

At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and

whispered in the boy's ear,

"Don't quit.""Keep playing."

Then, leaning over, Paderewski reached

down with his left hand and began filling

in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached

around to the other side of the child,

and he added a running obbligato.

Together, the old master and the young novice

transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience.

The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played.

Only the classic,

" Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."

Perhaps that's the way it is with God.

What we can accomplish on
our own is hardly noteworthy.

We try our best, but the results aren't always

graceful flowing music. However, with the

hand of the Master, our life's

work can truly be beautiful.

The next time you set out to accomplish great feats,

listen carefully. You may hear the voice of the

Master, whispering in your ear,
"Don't quit." "Keep playing."

May you feel His arms around you and

know that His hands are there, helping you

turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces.

Remember, God doesn't seem to

call the equipped, rather, He equips the 'called.'
Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than by the things you acquire.


September 06 2005
You know I have been thinking a lot lately. I am such a hopeless romantic! I love the thought of being in love, having someone who actually cares how your day went, and just spending every moment thinking about that person. I think that I am ready for all of that, but I guess I am not. I know that God knows exactly when that will happen to me, but I lose faith. Lately I have been doubting that he will ever let me experience that kind of love, a mutual love not just one sided, but equal. I realized that the only person that will be able to give me that unconditional love his him. Gosh it is crazy how I get so overwhelmed with my life. I want to be happy with my life and my choices, but I always ask "What if?" I really need to just give it all to god, and stop asking questions because I need to have full trust in him, and he will do something TOTALLY amazing i know. It is just that whole issue of letting go, and trusting him.
I also think that the main reason I want to get married id because I have grown up so fast for someone my age, and what is next? I have a good job, I am about to graduate well in a few years, and the next step is what?
Please if you would pray for me

It is a mad house!

September 02 2005
Gas is so freakin high right now! I really wish that I lived in a city where I could walk anywhere I wanted to go.

Life is GOOD!

September 01 2005
Really my life is good, it could be better, but I am happy. I look outside my window at work and see all of murfreesboro, it is truely a blessing. I complain about work and school, but in reality I should be thanking God more and more everyday for everything that I have. I take it all for granted every breath that I have, and every moment spent with loved ones. they all go by way to fast and I dont take the time to enjoy them, and tell God how AWESOME he is every second of the day!

The men in my life

August 16 2005
5 Things that need to be said to 5 important guys in my life:

Guy # 1: You are very special to me. I love the way you love everyone, you have such a big heart. Everytime I see you with those kids it makes me so happy to know that there are still amazing guys in this world. You are the guy in every dream, but right now isn't the right time, and only God knows when it will be.

Guy # 2: I don't know how one person can make one girl feel everyone emotion at one time. You had the love that you are searching for, but it is gone now. I can not wait for that day, the day you realize that I was the one that loved the real you, and not the guy that you want to be. It is nice to know that everything is back to normal for us. I miss you, but I can't be around you b/c that can lead to more unneeded emotions.

Guy # 3: You have grown up so much, and that amazes me. I know that you are tired, and Stressed, but you have resposibilities that need to be taken care of and I hope that you have a new outlook on life after that incident. You really and truely mean a lot to me and I am so glad that God has blessed me with you.

Guy # 4: You are stubborn, arrogant, and you have a part of my heart. We went together like Twinkies & cream filling, Beer & baseball, and a cigarette after good sex : ) (j/k) What happened? I guess life moves on, but I have learned a lot from you. I miss our long talks, listening to con-hoptry, Silly qoutes, Big Daddy & Skeetor, and your hugs.

Guy # 5: You are not right for me at all, but I think that God has placed you in my life for many reasons. I know that you are trying to get your life together, but if I am with you I know that I will fall b/c I am not strong enough, and you could probably be a weakness b/c you are very charming! All I can say to you is Don't be somebody that your not. Do not change b/c I don't agree with your ways, but change b/c you want too!


August 03 2005
i really want to go shopping today, but i am trying to save my money and it is hard doing both you know? I want sooooo many things that I cant see straight, but I dont need anything at all. I have been so blessed, so i have to keep reminding myself that everyday.

Meeting with the BOSS man

July 29 2005
so I am meeting with the boss in a few minutes and it is driving me insane because i dont know why we are meeting. I know that it is not a bad meeting, but it still makes me nervous because my boss is all business and very little personality so it kinda scares me.

Boring day

July 27 2005
So today as been extremely boring with exceptions of watching the notebook & getting paid to do so, and going to La Siesta.
*Update on the nephew: he is doing really good. He is in Atlanta with his other grandma while his parents celebrate their anniver.
* Another prayer request: My friend jenn had a baby on Friday. He is doing pretty well, but he has down syndrome. She is handeling it very well and every time i talk to her she is thanking God for her little blessing. It is really and truely amazing how God works. Anyway she is 19 & a single mother so she really needs your prayers.
Thank you
Verse of the day:1 corinthians 6:19


July 19 2005
So i have friends now, that is exciting! I havent really figured out how the whole picture thing works, but when i do i will get some on here so you have something to look at. I hope everyone is having a good day

*please pray for my nephew. He is in the hospital for dehydration, and some other stuff. He will be fine, but he is just so little. i hate to see him in that big bed.


June 17 2005
Hey guys! i think that this is my first entry. I was messing with it the other day so i cant remember, have a good day