"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."--2 Timothy 1:7

September 11 2005
Wow, youth group tonight was much needed. All through the week, I have prayed non-stop. Bible reading hasn't been nearly as often, but it has occured some. But I still don't hear God's voice in my life. I feel like it's my fault, like I've done something and now he's not with me anymore. But tonight we talked about fear. Why we fear, how we deal with it, and fearlessness. I fear for my brother so much. I just want him to come home from Iraq and be here with me; I want to KNOW that he is safe. I miss him so much I can't even describe it. When I'm in prayer I cry. A lot. But somehow I know that whatever happens is in God's hands.

Mike said tonight that sometimes Christ is so near to us that we can't see or hear him. Sometimes we just have to trust that He is there, even if we can't feel his presence. He said that it's hard, but that we have to trust in Him. I'm bad at trusting people. I'm bad at giving up control of the situation. I'm bad at not knowing what's going on. But that's what being in a relationship with Christ is all about. It's all about trusting in God, no matter what, and honoring Him in all that I do. It may not be easy, but no one ever said it would be.