Wow, youth group tonight was much needed. All through the week, I have prayed non-stop. Bible reading hasn't been nearly as often, but it has occured some. But I still don't hear God's voice in my life. I feel like it's my fault, like I've done something and now he's not with me anymore. But tonight we talked about fear. Why we fear, how we deal with it, and fearlessness. I fear for my brother so much. I just want him to come home from Iraq and be here with me; I want to KNOW that he is safe. I miss him so much I can't even describe it. When I'm in prayer I cry. A lot. But somehow I know that whatever happens is in God's hands.

Mike said tonight that sometimes Christ is so near to us that we can't see or hear him. Sometimes we just have to trust that He is there, even if we can't feel his presence. He said that it's hard, but that we have to trust in Him. I'm bad at trusting people. I'm bad at giving up control of the situation. I'm bad at not knowing what's going on. But that's what being in a relationship with Christ is all about. It's all about trusting in God, no matter what, and honoring Him in all that I do. It may not be easy, but no one ever said it would be.

So, I decided to take everyone's advice and get one of these things. Supposedly they're better than xanga, but we'll see. I don't know how often I'll update, between my CRAZY schedele and still keeping up with xanga, but I'll try to get on here occasionally.

Mom and I get free tickets to the symphony tonight from a friend of a friend. It was a Pops concert, and Michael McDonald, the former lead singer of the Dooby Brothers (I think?), was the guest artist. They have a new conductor, and I decided that it would be ultra cool to play under him someday. The music they played by themselves was really amazing. Williams, Rossini, Dvorak, Williams again, and Berlin. Really awesome pieces. Then after intermission McDonald came on, and he was great. He sang a bunch of Motown stuff, which I wasn't sure I'd like, but it was all fun to listen to. So, besides Mom getting us lost, yet again, trying to find TPAC (which she's been to 1000 times...), driving the wrong way on a one way street, and being in the "straight only" lane on Gay street (I thought that was ironic) while trying to make a left turn, it was a successful evening. A good mother-daughter bonding night out, which we haven't had for fun in a while.