tigerlily

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In A Relationship

Grrrr

October 01 2005
Why am I such a fool? Why did I fall for him? And why do I still want him even now? He said he doesn't want to be with me because he doesn't need any additional stress in his life? Well, you know what? I don't need any additional bullshit in mine. And a girlfriend should not be a stressor. She should be the exact opposite; someone you go to to relieve your stress. Why did he do all those things to make me become emotionally attached? And why am I siiting here crying my eyes out over him? Why did I let him in my world, make him my world? Now it's all shot to hell. Why can't I have Sprng back? Life seemed so perfect then. Was he just carrying on because it was comfortable? He's put me through so much crap and I still love him. I hate him right now, but I still want to be with him. What is this, love or insanity? And he said I can decide how things will be. Well I was complacent and hopeful. So now that hope's not there. Should I carry on the same? I suppose so. How should I act around him now? It's not like we were ever friends, there was always intent for more, but I got not any longer. I guess I'll act like none of this ever happened, and continue living in ignorance. It was nice that way. Even as I sit here crying, I think to myself how to win him over, but you can't make someone love you. I guess I never will have love, and no I'm not just saying that because of the current situation. I'd like to say love doesn't exist, but it does. Just not for me.