i reallllly miss how things used to be. but i didn't realize it when I had it. I realize everything I have when it's gone and too late to ever have back again.
I don't like how people change. I don't like that people move away, because it changes everything in both people. It changes the dynamics of the place they moved from. It's so inconvenient. but yet, in the long run, helpful i suppose.
{this isn't what I expected at all}
I suppose I'm just in a state of confusion right now. Finding where my heart lies and sticking to it. I guess that's what preping for college is all about...you can't simply change your mind once you're there. your inital heart's desire is your decision for the next several years that mold your life. 

but I'm doing it again...
wishing away the time I have right now.
I always hate the first semester of school. it always brings me down. second is so much more uplifting and fun and exciting. and I can't wait for it to roll around to see what it has in store for me. I can't wait for this confusion to get sorted out, and for everything to go back to normal.

so New York was amazing as I expected it to be.
lots of shopping, lots of amazing cityness. i loved every minute of it.

especially....WICKED! loved it a bunch! my fav, most def. *sigh*
oh, and I was in Little Italy during the semi finals between Italy and Germany. what an amazing experience. being in a crowd of hundreds for the entire overtime, and then everyone cheering when we won. woah!

then my wisdom teeth got cut out last week. boy, what an experience.
dry sockets twice. still in pain. oy vey, not so fun. and I need to play my clari, but can't.

2 weeks til band camp. oh joy, out in the heat all day. boooo....
I hurt, I 'm leaving.

wow, that was a long time ago. well well well...
um, school's over. yay. graduation was sad. but we'll move on to bigger and better things dog gone it. oh yeah, my dog died this past week. i've been very upset about that. hmm...uh, new york ci-tay in a couple weeks. including Wicked on Broadway. psh, i cannot wait. plus time with my grandmother, just us without my cousin, which is good because I never get to have that and she always gets it. so that will be the best. i'm one of the three clarinet section leaders for next year so trying to get some stuff together for that. and that's about it. oh, and as a backstory for the last post, san antonio was absolutely gorgeous. the riverwalk is one of my favorites places in the world now. um...yeah. and all that happened in between, jazz fest and stuff. that was all good. whew, i need to update more so I don't have to bring allll this stuff up. well, at this rate i probably won't update before NY unless i just get bored one day. oh and kels leaves for japan next week. that'll be sad to see her go. well, that's about it. i'm drained of info, and i'm off to bed.

wow. i'm awful at keeping this up to date....
hmm....it's spring break. then texas trip. if people say yeehaw and wear cowboy hats and boots, i just might get angry. new york this summer...i get to see Wicked on broadway. score! and heaven forbid teachers give us an actual break, so I have a project a paper and a lab to type this week. boo on them. and now I'm going to enjoy the wonderful spring-like weather. ahh....

sweet 16 and golden birthday was yesterday. and it was the best.
went to the Trans Siberian Orchestra Concert Monday night with some awesome people.it was great. and we were in suite 16. that made me smile. so yeah, had a magnificent birthday. with great people. and...there's stuff that people know that I don't and it's wigging me out. rar.

this is amazing. amazing. ahhhhhhh.
haha. ok, so in latin today. i was looking in someone's old yearbook when i would have been in second grade. and i looked in the third grade. and I was browsing over the names to see who I knew, and I saw "Mr. Pig" at the bottom. I thought, that's kinda mean. looked over, and after all these kids, there's a picture of a guinea pig. it was hysterical. me and spencer and lauren about died.ahhh...funny funny.

everything's all good. little stressed this weekend, because amy dent is a difficult person to plan a surprise party for. but whatever. other than that, everything is a-ok. i'm feeling pretty unexciting about now. rar, these journal things are going out the window. didn't get to go to the ruddy talent show because they sold out of tickets? would have gotten one sooner if i knew that...so i had to sit at a table with 3 drummers talking drummers talk and drumming on the table and a practice pad. my ears were ringing. it was painful on my head. then we were supposed to have rock band practice during mr. bhs. did not want to go to that at all. but they made us go to it anyways...yeah,whatever. we haven't practiced in a few weeks and are trying to make your school look better by sounding better. darn people. we did well at the game anyways. so booyah. :) texas?...i think it should be fun.

well last night was crazy stuff.
was able to eat one slice of pizza before the game. bus ride there, mild compared to coming home. talked with spence the whole time basically and listened to a little of what he was listening to. game. went well. played layla and was told everyone was waving their instruments behind me. they rock. almost got tackled by football players right before half time. bus ride back was complete insanity. everyone kept me from sleeping, freaked me out because they knew how. shuttle rocket simulator. flip flop almost out the window. they were crazy. unloaded bus. another game under our belts. good stuff.

maybe not the best, but it's up there.
I love band camp. and my schedule. and I made 4th period band! and ultimate frisbee last night was amazing. and we did an awesome job on performing, as in we didn't mess it up again. and we got to play layla in rock band. so good. so many jokes. this year should be amazing. God Bless.

I got my driver's permit yesterday! whoop.

Capitol Swing, including me, is playing in the boro's square tonight at 7. if you like big band music, come check it out. it's free admition! God Bless.

gosh, i forgot how awesome a movie A Walk To Remember is. wow. i love it soo much. definitely inspiring. and will make anyone cry. especially me.

well, David's on his way home. and we now have a second band director. maybe everything is getting back to normal again...hope so.

band camp next week! yay! and i'm not being sarcastic.

1 more summer reading book left and I'm done. sadly, it's really boring. it shall take a while. then it's time for school. i'm kinda ready though. should be good. and I really just need to go get my permit. but the driver's book is sooo boring. ugh. that's about all that's going on. thank you and God Bless.

Finished HP 6.
it was incredibly sad.
I knew what happened before I read it, but I still couldn't hold back the tears. and couldn't stop shaking in anger at a person....*sigh* so sad.

well, Harry Potter 5 comes out, officially, tonight at midnight. and I'll be there. visit the xanga for a deep post. they don't happen often. God Bless.

man, 3 of my best friends are out of town at the same time. this is awful. i'm really starting to miss these kids.

I think I may call up my wonderful british friend, jade, to go for a walk. sounds good.

had rock band today. yep, me and chris. that's it. but we didn't have to fight over Sara's amazing brownies with the rest of them that didn't come. mmwahaha. Sara is my hero.

mmmk....onward to find something to do. atleast i can look forward to Friday when Christie is finalllly back! ugh. it feels like forever since I've seen her. i miss hanging out with her and david, but alas, that won't happen for about another month. rar.

God Bless.

got my hair cut! super short. but it's pretty cool.

there's a pic of it over in the pictures --->

still getting used to it, but it's good.

hope you like.

God Bless.

well, I've been kinda impatient lately. and I realized tonight at church that I shouldn't be. I've wanted answers that I obviously can't and shouldn't have at this moment. It's tough to not have questions answered when you really want them to be. but that's where patience comes in. So that's what I'm praying for rather than to have the answers themselves...patience. And one day, I'll have the answers to everything. Well, atleast what I want to know...I hope. PA is Saturday ....earrrrly. So I'll be back much later. God Bless.

went to a bridal shower today for a girl i haven't seen since I was 2. I love her. she is a lot like me and she's now one of my role models. and i am in love with her story on how she met her husband. for girls, or guys who like romantics or want to get a good idea, check it out....

so she went as a missionary to Australia. and her husband-to-be was there from England. when she came home for a few weeks she realized how much she missed him, but they were just friends. when she got back to Australia, he was there again. and they became good friends. sometimes she would see girls around him and get upset, but she came to the conclusion that she wasn't going to flirt to get him, but rather he had to come to her and fight for her. so she prayed about it and that she was shown how he felt about her. well, one day she was on a country ride with someone from the camp and they came across a couple they knew and stopped. and she was lead to a tree, and behind it there was a blanket laid out with roses and rose petals and her husband-to-be was leaning against the tree in a suit. he then said he'd liked her for a year now. that was just their first date. then for christmas, which both families spent in Australia, a few nights before, he led her away from everyone else and they went on a boat in the Sydney Harbor or something and he proposed. hoowwww romantic is that?!
she's like the sweetest girl. i like her a lot.

but yeah. I like stuff like that. well, David left yesterday for Interlochen. and I leave next week. and then I won't see Christie again for a while because she's going to be gone for a majority of July. so we went to Starbucks one last time yesterday as a threesome. gonna miss those kids. already do. so I kinda hope summer hurries up. first off, because I love band camp and can't wait for it. second off, so they'll be home and we can hang out some more. but meanwhile, I'll be off to Pennsylvania and then summer reading and studying for permit. finally. but the driver's book is boring. ugh. so I have my work cut out for me. and I'm practicing a lot. and teaching myself some violin. so I probably won't be on the computer a lot. which is good. so you guys have a great summer! God Bless.

yes. my upstairs, where I basically live most of the time I'm home, is 88 degrees! ahh. our AC broke. it's been like this for a few days and is hopefully finally getting fixed tomorrow morning bright and early. ugh. heat! i don't like it. and i'm too paranoid to keep my window open all night....even though it's upstairs.
ugh.

I'm melting...!!!!
God Bless.

so a few weeks ago i came up with this plan that I told my mom about. and it was to start a conservative clothes line one day. because, I think there are some clothes that are cute, but keep you covered. this if for girls mostly. guys keep everything covered. lol. just no speedos. and so I was all into it, thought it was going to be awesome. and then...a few days later mom sees on the news or something that someone had said the new fall fashion line was going to be conservative! ugh, that's the 3rd (?) maybe more...time that I've called what the next season's look is going to be. rar. why can't I be the trendsetter. it always gets set after I think it up but before i completely start wearing it. this stinks. but i guess it's cool at the same time.

New York, New York. by sinatra. says it all.

I miss New York sooo incredibly much. just looking at pictures....gah, i wanna go back like super badly. I just miss the thrill of seeing so many people everywhere, and figuring out where to go next and looking at all the interesting people and places around you. All the bright lights and big signs and noises and smells (some not so good). I miss it. The random music playing, but it's really super cool, on the sidewalks. the awesome shopping. the beautifulness of it all. it's just become a part of who i am. i dont know why, but it has. and i for serious want to move there one day. *sigh* God Bless.

sometimes I wish i could help others realize stuff.

vague huh?

well I just had a wonderful weekend. I hope this week is that good.

still vague....

hmm...i love practicing my instruments a lot lately.

now that's just random...

I feel like a gap in my life has been filled. but not completely filled. like it's been covered with saran wrap. it could easily break if it goes wrong, but if it's what I hope for, it could be filled for the rest of my life. that just came to me. sorry, it's still kinda vague. I'm obviously in a vague mood. now I'm going to shower. I said "vague" 4 times. that one makes 5. again with the randomness. God Bless.

had good times with 2 of my best friends last night.
and i got starbucks.
made me happy.

I also found this quote on my email this morning and it kinda coincides with what I was talking about in my prayers last night. I thought it was ironic.

"To succeed you have to believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a reality."

Anita Roddick

yeah....God really is special to listen to my ramblings at night. And that quote that I know he left me completely cleared up a lot of stuff. I actually feel kinda secure about a gut feeling I have. and that never happens because I'm so indecisive always think about the what ifs...maybe this is different? I hope.
God Bless.

totally just watched the movie Beyond the Sea just now and it was really good. Bobby Darin was such a cool guy. had no idea he married Sandra Dee. hah. Kate Bosworth is so pretty as her. but he did such good music.

I love these biography movies they've been doing lately of all the good music people that have passed on. but it's sad, because you get to know the person's life, and then they die in the movie, even though you know they are already dead. it's still sad.

I wish that music now a days was that good. i mean, he was as big as all these crappy people "singing" today then. I totally want to live back then. when jazz was the cool music and big band and such. ugh. that makes me sick how people have completely left it in the dust and have moved on.

I believe that is now one of my accomplishments i want to do before I die. bring back good music. like, jazz. I may listen to some of today's music sometimes, but i wish for the times when jazz was the big music at all the clubs and coffee houses. i wish today was like that. and i will make it like that if I have to die doing so. I want good music to be back on all the radio stations. to be played at all the restaurants. to be blasting from people's huge stereo systems. please help me with this. I really want to see it done. listen to something good. expand your horizons. learn an instrument for pete's sakes! it's summer. you've got loads of free time. and you can appreciate music more than ever before. ugh. I'm rambling. so that means I feel strongly about this. which i do.

so go with me on it. God Bless

well, thinking i'm going to have to go to a doctor today. yeah, the spider bite isn't going away.

{that bites. heh. silly kid}

and jazmin has an awful spider bite so i read. it sounds pretty bad. so remember her in your prayers.

hoping i get to go to 6 flags thursday. that would rock my face.

how about....Spamalot won 3 Tonys last night including best musical of the year!! and they did an act from it!! that was the best show ever. ugh, it was awesome. made me happy. whoop.

but it made me miss new york. what doesnt?

The Ring is on TV tonight!! yay!
have a great day. God Bless.

I had the strangest dream last night. I won't go into what and who all was in it....but i do know that Aladdin and Jasmine were in it and I thought about the weird dream when I got up and about jasmine. i don't know why, but i thought about how lucky she is. I mean it's not human how lucky she is. okay, check it out. She's a princess, has a tiger for a pet, a pretty fountain in her castle court yard, and is married to Aladdin who is a really cute guy. And she has cool clothes and she's pretty. ugh. it's like....she makes people feel horrible because they can never have all of that. I want a life like Jasmine's. I don't have to be princess....a tiger would be cool, but maybe i could find a cat and spraypaint it. but I want to fall in love with a guy who rides on a carpet to the balcony to talk. that would make me happy. carpet rides are awesome. so i hear....
God Bless.