When I first got my Apple computer, I thought OS X 10.3 was simply amazing after using Windows my entire life.  Now, I'm using OS X 10.4 and I'm completely blown away.  I love Dashboard!  There's infinate possibilities in such a simple concept as widgets.  I was playing really old games on Dashboard like Frogger and Minesweeper (I still need to download pong and asteroids), and you can look stuff up on Biblegateway.com using a widget.  There's also widgets that show your system status, buddy list, the weather, etc.  I could go on for a very long time.  It's simply amazing.  Another program, Spotlight is pretty cool too.  I've been using it a lot.  It's kind of a search thing that only takes a few seconds to find anything on your hard drive, and it's conveniently located on the taskbar.  To summarize, Mac OS X 10.4 is the same to Windows XP as XP is to Windows 95. 

I miss old cartoons.  Whatever happened to good quality cartoons?  Is Family Guy the best they can come up with nowadays?  Where are the Saturday morning cartoons we all grew up with and loved?  I'm talking about cartoons like Jetsons, Flintstones, Looney Toons, Animaniacs, Transformers, Popeye, Inspector Gadget, and Scooby Doo.  This (Saturday) morning I was looking for some cartoons and the cartoons I found were all anime.  What happened to American cartoons?  What are TV networks thinking?  Do they really think kids like this stuff?  Think about it, all the cartoons I mentioned above were enjoyed by several generations of children, and even many adults as well.  Modern children's programming is lucky if it lasts two seasons.  One day I hope to own many DVDs with old, good cartoons on them so that my children can enjoy them.

Well, here I am, waiting for my keyboarding class to start.  Sorry it took so long to make an entry on here.  My computer broke, and I can't get on phusebox on the BCM computer.  Anyway, I've been really bored lately, and anybody that wants to hang out or do something, needs to call me.  I'll try to make a longer entry on here later.  Godspeed!

I just found out that my Dad had a nightmare where he was wrestling with Eva Braun and Adolf Hitler.

Wow, it's been too long since my last blog entry.  Of course, Phusebox was down, so there really wasn't anything I could about it.  Anyway, I hope every had a Merry Christmas, and will have a happy New Year.  I've been for the most part, really really bored.  I wish school would hurry up and start again.  I miss all my friends.  Anyway, I had a pretty good Christmas.  I got the new Battlestar Galactica DVDs, a bread machine, Star Wars Risk, and some flashlights.  Other than that not much has been going on.  Just hanging around.

I was reading this book Jessica got me, and I just finished the first
chapter and it's already starting to change my life. It's called Wild
at Heart. It's really good. It makes me want to be something different
from what the world, and even the church expects me to be. I want to be
something more than a simple nice guy. It makes me want to be a knight,
a soldier, a warrior, a man fighting for a cause he believes is right.
A man who is courageous, valiant, unafraid of anything that the world
throws at him. I want to be a man that will stand his ground even when
it seems that all hope is lost. I also want to be a good man. This book
made me want to go out in to the woods alone and go camping for a few
days.

I volunteered to paint the backdrop for the pictures for the formal at the BCM. I worked on it Wednesday night and Thursday morning. I painted it blue and then spattered it with white paint to make it look like snow. I thought it looked pretty good. Then of course we had Christmas Manna on Thursday. Manna is the worship service that the BCM. Anyway, Amanda and I signed the Doxology for that. It was fun. Amanda made me twirl her after the song was over. Tricia was supposed to sign with us but she couldn't make it. I still think it's really cool that Amanda, who is blind, wants to be a part of an American Sign Language praise team. Of course, Tricia is also visually impaired, and that's cool, too. I wonder why I can't get anybody that can see to join it... Oh well. I wish I knew some Deaf people at MTSU. Anyway, on Friday, I set up the lights for the Christmas banquet. I also hung the sails. And hung the Christmas lights. I broke on of the Fresnels that the BCM has, but I can fix it. I just need a new lamp. I'm also going to talk to Amber about a cheap way we can improve the lighting at the BCM. Anyway, Friday night was the actual banquet. It was good. I wanted to go by myself, so I didn't have a date. I had fun. During the banquet, Daniel told Amanda to hit me with a pillow, and a pillow fight started. She said she didn't think I'd fight back. Well, I did. Everybody liked the coat I wore. Then on Saturday, I helped with Habitat for Humanity. After that week, I was hurting so bad, I could hardly stand up. It was great though.

Then last week, I had some of my blind friends come over to teach me how to cook.  It was a lot of fun.  It was also my birthday so they brought me a cake and stuff.  Jessica got Elizabeth to make me a cake, so now I have two cakes.  If anybody wants to come over and have some birthday cake, just write me. 

Tonight, I started thinking about love. I know I don't have it, at
least not in a romantic sense. I know I don't need it in a romantic
sense, but I still want it, romantically. Why? What's so great about
it? Is it just horomones? Does it really matter? Why does my heart hurt
when I think so much about it? I think about the one and only time in
my life that I was truly in love with a girl. There was no lust, I
remember that much. I could just think about her smile, and I would be
happy. Just remembering that I was the one that she smiles about filled
my heart with an unspeakable amount of joy. It was just us and God.
Nobody and nothing else mattered. Then I remember when our love was
broken. I couldn't bring myself to eat for a week, and even after that,
I had to force myself to eat because food had become tasteless and dull
without her love. This kind of love is what I seek, not physical
pleasure, but spiritual closeness. This is the kind of love that I
cannot find. A few days ago, I helped a friend plan a date for her
boyfriend. From what I heard, her boyfriend loved it. Why is it that I
can help someone plan one of the most romantic dates they've ever been
on, while I'm stuck sitting at home watching TV? I guess it's the same
with lighting, I can light up a great show and give the audience one of
the most spectacular shows they've ever seen, but I'm not the one on
stage. Nobody knows that I spent days, even weeks, staying up late at
night running between the lift and console, focusing and refocusing,
until every light and every shadow is exactly where it needs to be.
When the show opens, all the work that I've poured my heart and soul
into is hardly noticed, and all the glory goes to the actors or
musicians on stage. This is how it should be. The same can be said for
my friend. The same can even be said for my walk with Christ. I must
let my light shine before men, but my light is only a poor reflection
of the true Light of the World. I myself, am doing my job. The less
acknowledgement I get, the more I know that I'm doing my job well. So,
I suppose that I should take heart, and not be concerned with other
people and their love interests, but should do what I know in my heart
that I need to do. What I need to do, now, is to reflect the light and
love of God to all men. Still, it would be nice to not feel so lonely
sometimes.

Well... what can I say. I volunteered to run a followspot for Rocky
Horror at the MTSU theatre. I've never seen it before, and I wish I
hadn't. It's cheesy. It's stupid. It's just wrong! However, the
technical aspect of it is awesome. I've never seen a show quite like
it, and i hate to say it, but it may inspire some things that I might
like to try in church one day. I've got a few of the songs stuck in my
head. This is gonna scar me for life...

Okay, so here's a story about me a few years ago. My church had just
built a new sanctuary. We were having some trouble with the new
technical systems, especially with the video screens. So anyway, I was
sitting behind the lighting booth, either praying or reading my Bible
during a church service, when both of the video screens suddenly start
acting weird and switch off. I just kinda ignore it and go back to what
I was doing. Suddenly, I hear this voice. "Michael," it whispered,
"Michael!" Thinking that it is the Almighty I look up and ask, "yes
Lord?" Then I hear it again, "Michael!" Then I look back and see the
technical director standing behind the camera. He asks me to run the
camera while he fixes the problem with the video screens.

All my friends are posting songs on their blogs, so I thought I'd post
one of my favorites. It's called Mal's Song. It's based on the TV
series Firefly and the movie Serenity. If you haven't seen Serenity,
you need to. It's an awesome movie. This is it:

Mal's Song


When the stars shine bright through the engine's trail

And the dust of another world drops behind

When my ship is free of the open sky

It's a damn good day to my way of mind

There's a barren planet you never can leave

There's a rocky valley where we lost a war

There's a cross once hung round a soldier's neck

There's a man's faith died on Serenity's floor


But I stood my ground and I'll fly once more

It's the last oath that I ever swore


[Chorus]

Take my love, take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care, I'm still free

You can't take the sky from me

Take me out into the black

Tell 'em I ain't comin' back

Burn the land and boil the sea

You can't take the sky from me

You can't take the sky from me


When you see a man and he's standin' alone

Well you might just take him for an easy mark

And there's many a man has tried his hand

And there's worse than wolves in the borderland dark

From the savage men to the government hounds

Try to take what's yours and tear you through

But them that run with me's got my back

It's a fool don't know that his family's his crew


Don't you tell me what I cannot do

Don't you think I've got to run from you


[Chorus]


When you've walked my road and you've seen what I've seen

Well you won't go talkin' 'bout righteous men

You'll know damn well why I want to keep to my sky

Never cry 'neath nobody's heel again

I've seen torment raked 'cross innocent souls

Seen sane men mad and good men die

I've been hounded, hated, married and tricked

Been tortured, cheated, shot and tied


You won't see no tears when I say goodbye

I've still got my family and my Firefly


by Michelle Dockrey, (c) 2004

chorus from "Ballad of Serenity" by Joss Whedon (c) 2002

     My English teacher told me to drop English.  At least I'm not going to fail this time.  Third time's a charm, right?

Things are going better.  I'm just hanging out at the house playing games and watching TV.  Most of the drama is over, I hope.  I suddenly got a strange urge for Turkish food.  Unfortunately, the only Turkish restaurant I know of is in Nashville.  

I think things are going a little bit better, now. I took my best friend to see Serenity last night. I thought it was pretty good, but she hated it. She complained the entire time. It was kinda hard to follow, but I liked it. It had a very original story. There was almost too much action, but by the time it was over, most of it made sense. One thing I liked about it is the good guys aren't invincible. Only one of them doesn't get shot. It's pretty realistic for a sci-fi movie.

Last week was probably one of the worst in my entire life. Also, my best friend is probably hurting really bad right now. I'm going to talk to her as soon as I get the chance to make sure she's doing okay. Why is that everybody has to hurt everybody else? I don't get it. What is the point of telling somebody something and then changing your mind two day later? I just don't understand.

If anything could go wrong yesterday, it did go wrong.

Okay, so I didn't get any sleep. I stayed up last night and read this forum on myspace about cochlear implants. It was pretty interesting and both sides seemed to be really passionate about it. It was pretty cutthroat, too. I learned a lot about them, and I've come to the conclusion that if I ever have a Deaf child, I wouldn't want them to get a cochlear implant. There's too much risk involved. I don't think I like the thought of brain surgery on a kid that might be able to make the kid hear little bit better. Besides I'm learning a lot of sign language, and I'll definitely immerse the kid in Deaf culture. Anyway, toward the end of the forum both sides agreed that the medical community wasn't doing enough to inform parents about the risks and side effects of the cochlear implant, and that parents have other options with sign language and the Deaf community.

Tricia wanted me to write in my blog about her. I never got around to it. Of course, she only gave me about five days, and I was busy almost all day every day. It doesn't matter, though. She just broke up with me. She says she wants to date casually, but I doubt she really does. I'm really hurt right now. I wish she would give me another chance. Am I really such a lousy boyfriend? I guess so. I can never get a relationship to last more than a week, and I don't know why. I can't sleep. It's three in the morning. Tricia's mad at me that I changed my relationship status back to single so quickly. What did she want me to do? Not change it back? I don't have a clue what this girl wants from me. I've tried my best to get her to like me, but she's always pushing me away, and she doesn't want to work through any of our problems which are mostly just breakdowns in communication and can be easily resolved. I'm sorry if I hurt her. I hate myself now. I'm going to try to sleep again.

The Celebration of Sign was awesome. For those of you that I invited and didn't come, you missed out on something amazing. The only thing I didn't like about it was the lighting. It was too distracting, and I couldn't see what they were signing half the time. The worst part was when they shined two of the moving lights out into the audience. Pointing a light into the face of a Deaf person while they are watching someone sign is not good. Whoever the designer for this was, knew nothing about lighting for the Deaf.
On a completely different note, I'm doing the lighting for a play at Murfreesboro Little Theatre called the Bad Seed. You better come this time. It's going to be good. It opens on the seventh. I'll post the dates and times of the performances later.

photo from parcanman


I'm going to the 7th Annual Celebration of Sign Language today. I'm really excited about it. I don't exactly know what's going to happen over there, but whatever. I love ASL. The celebration is today at 7:00 at TPAC. I just created a group for Deaf, hard of hearing, and hearing people that are interested in ASL and Deaf culture.
I'm really hungry. I think I might go get something to eat. My options are peanutbetter, potatoes and rice. I need to go to Kroger. I love the culinary arts. If any of my friends on here want to get a great homecooked meal, let me know. I hope you like chicken. Anyway, right now, I think I'm going for the peanutbutter.

For all you Star Wars fans out there, I found this website that you've got to see:
Star Wars Pants

photo from parcanman

It occurs to me that I have the screen name parcanman and most of you don't even know what a parcan is. PAR stands for Parabolic Aluminized Reflector. The reflector is attached to a lamp which is mounted inside a can, thus the term "parcan." There are two parcans in the above photo, in front of the striplights. If you can't figure out what a striplight is, I'm sorry. It should be obvious.

I finally got to take a good look at the Murfreesboro Little theatre's lighting system. They've got 15 Source 4 Juniors! Unfortunately, I'm only going to be able to use two. :( I'm really looking forward to doing this play called the Bad Seed. The lighting system needs a lot of work, though. I think I got electrocuted on one of the little fresnels. It's going to take a lot of work.

photo from parcanman

I finally got some new pictures of myself. Cheryl, the pastor's wife at my church, made powerpoints of a lot of the pictures that were taken at camp. I pulled some pics off of it. I miss Camp Summer Sign. Of course I was almost always at the point of exhaustion, but I miss all the missionaries and the kids. I need to write them. I think I might talk to Jessie and Leighanna about teaching me to sign another song, and seeing if they want to sign it one Sunday. Jessie and Leighanna were missionaries this summer, and they liked so much they just decided to stay for a few more months. Anyway, here's some of my favorite websites:
deafworldministries.com/deafpoetry.html
brentwooddeaf.org
aslquest.com

Well, I'm bored. In about 15 minutes, I'll be watching the Simpsons. After that, I'm going to work on a play. I've been waiting for a chance to work on for the past few weeks, but for some reason they haven't given me an opportunity. I don't even know what kind of lights they have or even what the console looks like. I'm sure I'll get it done though. I'm used to staying up until 3:00 in the morning working on lights the day before a show. That's really annoying, though.