so.....an update.

i still hurt like woah, but i think in the long run things really will be ok.

i always see girls hanging all over guys....in the courtyard, at the movies, at the mall....everywhere.

i pity them.

dont they realize that to guys we are just coats.

we can be discarded at anytime due to others once the newness wears off.

guys think we are just here to make them look and feel good.

i'm so tired of being thrown away like an old rag when i'm of no further use.

i don't want to be just some guys old sweatshirt.

i also want to be his friend.

i want to be someone he can trust.

someone who he can talk to when he needs to talk.

i want to be some one he can tell anything to.

i dont just want to wrapped around his shoulders and discarded once he's found another one to take my place.

i guess what i'm getting at is that i'm really tired of having to pull myself together.

i'm sick of picking up all the little pieces of my heart.

this time i'm just going to let them lay there.

i'm not going to even try to glue them back together.

they are just going to sit there and serve as a reminder that once you've told someone you love them it's the key to the ultimate oppotunity to hurt you.

and opportunity they will take.

well, another blogring to waste my life away upon.  when will the madness stop?

well, i guess i'm starting over.

and not just with a new blogring...i mean in my life too.

when  tyler broke up with me, i took a step back and i realized that i didn't like the person i have become.

i'm too cynical, too distrusting, too negative.

but im changing that.

sure, it hurts, but the Lord works in funny ways.

ending a almost year long relationship is the worst feeling in the world, but it's changed my life.

it's taught me to live life to the fullest and never hold back.

you have to keep trusting, keep laughing, keep breathing.

you can't ever just give up.

i was trying to play it safe; i didn't want any pain, but now i realize that the pain and excitement and risks are what make life fun.

when i die and i'm watching my life flash before my eyes, i want to be able to smile and say i had a blast and i wouldn't have it any other way.

i don't want to lead a boring life just because i couldn't trust anyone.

God always has you on your toes.

you just have to trust Him.

so, i guess this is starting over...