okay.. since i know not many people read this thing.. i feel like i can be way more personal & let alot more things out on here than i could on xanga.... so here goes

ever feel like you just dont fit into your "group" anymore? like.. you were just an add-in? and no one really wants you there....
man thats a freakin crappy feeling to have....
like... i know i have friends.... but i just dont feel like i'm completely wanted anymore... & that they have a good time without me.. & i realize that maybe i havent treated them the best lately..... which is probably a big reason why this is going on... i mean who wants to hang out with someone who is mean all the time?! i dont know... today was just... BAD ...
like... nothing really bad went on... i just felt left out.. unwanted.... not needed.... unloved... forgotten..... & those feelings all stink realllllly bad.. and it doesnt help much when people pile on to your bad day by saying very mean things that were completely uncalled for....... yeah i'm talking to you....

but anyway.. i just felt the need to get all that out....
thanks for reading it if you read this far....

by the way.... i'm definitely NOT looking for sympathy & i'm not trying to sound all depressed & suicidial & emo- like..... thats not me AT ALL... i just wanted to get some stuff out so i would feel better

everyone have a great weekend!

 
& i freakin love my sister... no matter how many times she takes my clothes without asking or steals the phone... ill still always love her... shes always there & i dont know what id do without her..... i love you shawniebonnie.... you're my favorite <3

edit//
so i thought all these insecurities & doubting myself was over with.. i thought i had conquered my fear & i was finally happy with myself and left all that horrible, horrible stuff back in the summer where it belongs... but sitting here thinking about it..... i know i am over it.... its just.. something about today brought that feeling back again... it just came rushing in like a flood.... & i definitely dont want it here.. i really shouldnt let what "people" say affect me.......... but i guess its an old habit coming back.... Lord PLEASE help me overcome this fear again & keep it away for good.... dont let satan come back & release this fear into my life.. theres no reason to doubt or be insecure... i know i have Jesus in my heart and i know HE'S with me & would never say ANYTHING bad about me.... and thats all that matters