so far my day has gone pretty well. my friend jen found me in the hallway this morning and asked if i liked ben. i said that, while i did have feelings for him, i did not think that a relationship would end up working. things went way too fast on a trial relationship, so there is no way i could survive a real one with him.  i have to take things at a steady pace. this means no putting the arm on my shoulder, no hovering over me, and no following me.  oh well. at least i gave it a shot. i would gladly go with him if we could just take things one step at a time.  that is, unless greg moves first. which i think he is so i believe that i should do what a former m.b. told me. drop him and move on. i know that sounds harsh but, unless he or i can come up with a better solution, i might just have to take it. so my heart is torn in two.

i also have to get my grades up before i can officially date anyone.  my math is doing pretty well and i think that i actually understand what we are doing right now. my english grade is soaring because we are doing the holocaust and i know a whole bunch about that and adolf hitler. so i am no longer worried about those grades. i saw this awesome movie on the sci-fi channel called, dark prince: the true story of dracula. i already knew most of the things that was in it. i did learn something new however. i had read that when the turkish ambassedors did not remove their turbans they had them nailed to their heads. i thought that dracula thought of that, but apparently his son did. there is alot of things that i wish that they had shown but even so it was a really great movie. i am going to special order it from hastings.

oh well, lylas everyone

so. nothing new to report. i am only updating because i was lectured. friday went okay except for the fact that i had a mental breakdown in fifth when i had to do my soliloquey. i officially hate soliloquies. i freaked out, which hasn't happened before. i guess it was because i hadn't had that great of a day. on the upside my dad got a puppy. his name is jack and he is eight weeks four days old. he is a yellow lab retriever and the sweetest puppy in the world.

lylas

There's so
many words I have I
could say to you. But,
I dont know where to start.
The first time I talked to you I was
lost in thought. But, than my knee's went
to drop & my heart melted away. So,from
here on out I knew you were the one.

Than again I kept falling
again harder until I brought
myself to look ito your eyes
& say I love you.

by. kirsten

found this poem on a random website and thought that it meant alot.

i finally had a good night's sleep. yeah. however my problems are far from over.  greg has been calling me alot. however this might interfere with my plans. i am going to be super busy these next two weeks. oh well, as long as my english grade goes up i don't care.

Wherever you are i'll be there too. thats what i want to say to someone. but i can't. too many people r telling me too many things at once. assignments are piling up and i am going into a frenzy. i think i am practically killing one guy and another has just entered the pic after apologizing like crazy. my nightmares are back and i want to scream. i stressed so much that i blacked out from exhaustion at 9:13.

it was really weird. there was a house with a gorgous family in it. they were all killed savagely. blood everywhere. a zombiefied vamp appeared in front of me and killed the girl next to me. i tried to get away but was unsuccessful. he grabbed my arm and instead of biting my wrist he bit my hand. it hurt so bad in my dream, in my dream i blacked out. i wanted to cry. when i awoke in my dream i was in the house where the family was murdered. i was in a room with bunkbeds and there were people in them. suddenly they were pulled into the beds and their nightmares came out of it. 

i only have totally bad dreams if something bad is going on in real life or if i am under alot of stress. i am trying to figure out everything. hopefully i won't go crazy in the process.

i love this picture and it has absolutely nothing to do with my entry.  i have been swamped with homework. i have a soliloquey to memorize, some section in history to do, a section in sociology to do, a test to study for and so much more. oh well. lylas

bored again. i just got an awesome pic from a friend

boredness. nothin new to report. just listining to my chemical romance. my new fav group

well life has been interesting. i went to the movies with jordan, chelsea, and ben. the movie turned out to be really good. the other day josh, garret, and sam came over, and there was like a pool playing marathon. i talked to garret who was pretty well educated about horror films for his age. i must say that i was very impressed.

lylas

well life is throwing me some curve balls right now but with the help of my friends i shall be able to avoid totall disaster. i am going to the movies with ben, chelsea, and jordan. we are going to see the underworld: revolution. i hope that it is good. i found out some interesting things about someone, which i am hoping are false.  still a little bored. i hope that i did well on my math test. i am not going to the homecoming basketball game, which kills me because i love basketball. oh well. i have to leave.

lylas

hey. i'm back. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. nothing much to report.

hey, im back. life has been prettty good. my nightmares are almost gone and those that i have i am able to control. i owe it all to jamie. thanx girl.  i've been talking to ben alot. tried to get in touch with sean but he was busy. greg contacted me. first contact this year. he cracked first. yeah, i win the bet. i am still trying to sort through the emotions that i feel for this one guy. i think that he likes me, at least that is what my friends are telling me. but who knows maybe this guy is just playing me for a fool.  only time will tell. that means that i have to be patient. i hate being patient. oh well, i will try to write more later.

lylas

almost finished with my christmas shopping. i saw the lion the witch and the wardrobe today with some people from my youth group.  it was a great movie. i am still anxious about how i feel about this guy. i really need to stay away from them but every time that i swear them off, one guy does something really sweet and i end up going back in. i didn't get to talk to ryan that much this past thursday b/c i was busy talking to amanda. she's really cool and she seems to have turned her life around or at least is trying to. we played alot of games together and i only got to talk to ryan towards the end of the hour. i feel really bad about that. sean still hasn't updated his xanga, which confuses me b/c he made such a big deal out of getting one.

will probably write more later.

journal-

did nothing today. i did good on three  of my midterms. i took my math midterm today. i think that i did okay. i talked to ben again. much to mi amigos dismay.  if u read my xanga then u know that i am struggling through relationships. my nightmares have done not but gotten worse. i am still surrounded my them and yet again i cannot get rid of them.  my nights are filled with chaos and turmoil. murder and fear. i cannot escape. i thought that i had solved the problem but it has started over again. normally when nightmares worsen it is because i have something weighing heavily on my mind. i wish to figure it out but it is beyond my grasp. sk i need ur help, now more than ever, b4 this problem totally consumes me.

will type more in a few

so, i'm at school. totally bored. ben was here. i can't wait to finally meet kris. tonight is  is the christmas party at  world outreach

interview with a vampire is one of the coolest movies ever!!!!!!!!!!!!

 section1- 125

section two-123

section three-125 or4

section four-12

essay:  five p. effects of the expansion of industry. what happened socially, politcally and economically. read section 1 hows it effectiong people

what effect does the rr have on gov. and on expansion to the west.section two

what is the effect of labor and labor unions on the economy and does it have an effect on our government section three

bored again. this time we have a free period in speech.  hmmmmmmmmm. mid-terms are coming up. tomorrow i am going to youth. Mr.cing said that we are having a christmas party or something like that. chelsie got grounded b/c she crashed the car.  i have to do some last minute shopping and figure out if i really do have strong feelings for one guy. at first i didn't think that i did, and then i thought , wow i really like him, now i am not sure what to think. i finally figured out how to enter onto the anime club website and have been in communcation with the members.i took my criminal justice mid term today and i think that i did fairly well. normally when i think that i end up doing poorly but in this case i believe i did do well. i still am doing pretty poorly in math but my mid terms should bring that up.

bored out of my mind. i finally figured out how to use this thing so i guess now i have yet another journel.  i have to take my criminal justice exam today. i hope that i do well. i have been worried about a bunch of things. first nick and then daniel. when will it all end? my drama is supposed to be over. not beggining all over again.