well, i dont think im going to be posting here any longer. no one ever comments...honestly its boring. but i have a myspace and xanga still if anyone cares to chat or leave a messsage. xanga: innocenceneverlost.

seeya!

its wierd....lately ive been in this mood where i just want to be alone. i just want to be alone and think. my life is crazy right now. almost every night ive been up till 2 in the mornin just sittin around thinkin....its peaceful. i wish i was able to do this more often....

well today was the first out of 2 days at customs. i was there all flippin day. but it was worth it. i got the feel of what it will be like this fall. the campus is amazing! sure its hard finding places right now but im sure itll get easier once i actually start classes this fall. i cant wait!

   donalds in florida for the summer...... : (

well im house sitting for the next week...fun fun....no it really is.

just imagine....a big house all to yourself, internet, 500 freakin chanels to surf, a huge fenced in backyard, free food, and getting paid 100 flippin dollars to make sure a dog is fed, and loved.

how sweet is this!!!?

well im back! duuun duh dun...duuuh! ......lol. its summer time! ahhhh! so much as flippin happened since i last updated!

• i graduated!


• me and the prom guy are no longer buds.
  


• i got my first kiss!
  
  


• i wish the guy that kissed me, didnt.
  
  


• i found out the guy ive been wanting to date for the past year and a half also wants to date me, still.
  
  


• i found out that the freshman orientation for elementary education thing for mtsu is in like 3 weeks!
  
  


• and ive been kinda in and out of church.
  
  


• but im back in church and chior now! yay!

phew! yeah... i just hit the major parts.

what hoe? a foe?

lets just say ice age is one of my favorite movies now.....and leave it at that..lol.

well i cried in 5th and 6th period today. .... i cant believe today was our last full day of highschool! ahhhh! i cant believe its really over. i definately know now that theres gonna be some waterworks and graduation.....

ok. well i think me and that certain person are ok now. i just hope things go back to the way they were before all this crap happened. and now im faced with another dilemma...wondering whether or not to talk to him about something...BLAH...

last night i got in a huge fight with a person i have recently realized i have fallen hard for. i think i screwd a good thing up...once again. i jumped to conclusions that i shouldnt have. i should have trusted him like the back of my brain kept trying to tell me. but would i listen ...no. way to go carol! i should have kept my mouth shut. youd think i would learned this by now. but i called him back and apologized. i just hope the whole thing will blows over. he has had such an inpact on me. even though weve only known each other for a little over a month. ive noticed that im more out going, even if it is just a little bit. hes help me show a side of me i thought i would never get back. ..... i might even....no...shurely, not already....

blah.....blahdee blah blah....prom....blahdee blah blah.....fun...blahdee blah blah...lol....blahdee blah blah...

*Countdown to Prom!*

5 more days!

well ive noticed recently that certain people have been spreading rumors about me dropping out of church. all i have to say to you is...HA! you actually think im gonna give up something ive had to fight so hard for?! you would like that, but too bad for you its not gonna happen. no i havnt been to church lately as often as i should be. but thats something that only i and the people i decide to includes business not any of yours. and no matter how hard you try your not going to bother me. you can dish out all you want. all that you have been showing is your pettiness and how immature you are. so, go on...give me your best shot. your the one thats gonna be falling flat on your face...hypathetically speaking.

 .....ha! im a loser...

ok....i know we are to love one another. and i do love everybody. yes there are a few people that i would rather not be around. but the point of my last blog was that people use the word "christian" way too loosley. "yeah i go to church!....omg! i was so wasted this weekend!".....etc. you see? i know im not te perfect person. i was just puting my thoughts out there.

you know what i dont get....

people who call themselves christian (i mean got the church family, go to church whenever possible, read their bible, pray...etc) and yet they act nothing like it. they are just like the people in the world if not worse. dont call yourself a christian if your not willing to be one! i mean everything that goes along with it, including turning the other cheek, not gossiping, people not agreeing with who you are, etc. this is the life a true christian lives. you think because people didnt like jesus or because he didnt quite fit in that he did whatever possible to fit in?...no! thats not what were here for. dont worry about fitting in here! this is not our home. the heavens is our home, not this waste of space we call earth. would you rather be popular, fit in, whatever while youre here or live for christ and live eternally in heaven? i myself choose heaven. looking like a christian does nothing if you dont live up to the name of christ. no, we cant be exactly like Him, we are humans. but we are supposed to live like christ as much as possible. if you truly love christ its not much to ask. afterall He DIED for us.

well i didnt go to school yesterday...i was "sick". i went with travis to get his tux, show him where proms going to be, and get the corsage (?). it was fun...proms next week! ahhh! im so excited! so far everything ive dreamed prom would be has happened or atleast ive been told its gonna happen...the traditonal prom night...minus the cliche' end...you know..hotel...lol. but yeah....prom!!! ahhh!! lol.

well...this weekend has been pretty fun. friday a bunch of people from our limo group for prom got together for lunch at this cool little place on the square, yesterday i went down to greenbrier to see my grandmother and she took me shopping for an easter outfit, last night i came over to my cousins house to talk to my date about prom and just hangout, and today...well today is Easter..enough said.

i so dont want to go to school tomorrow....ugh.

yeah pretty shure i have about 30 thousand emotions running around right now and i cant quite decide which one to grab ahold to. theres anxiety of graduation, im excited about prom, scared to be an adult, but yet again happy at the same time because that means im that much closer to having a family of my own, thats just a few.....

wow..wow...wow... i finally got an amazing prom date. my last one ditched so i thought i would never find another one on such short notice but...i did! lets just say that IM FLIPPIN EXCITED! he is so sweet and fun and..lets just say.. not bad lookin either! lol. the only down side is i dont know him that well. weve only hungout twice. but i have close family that knows him well so im not worried. but....ahhhh! i cant wait!

wow....yeah i went on a little icon spree yesterday these are the ones that made me smile and reminded me of me, certain people, or great times:

 i tend to say this a little too much...lol

 this is so me...all the time

 ha! this is to all the emo kids that hate life

 this is the hot vocal for relient k...ahhh dreamy...lol

 finding nemo rocks my face off!...this reminds me of all my dramatic friends...i have alot of them..

 ha! anchorman! good times good times. matt bain, jeff, ......i love this movie...ahh...sweet mahogony..lol

priceless memories......

this sunday was amazing. i have been struggling spiritually. i dont know why or how but somehow a barrier rose up around my heart. but sunday it let it down. i cried like a baby. it first started in sunday school when one of my teachers said that she loved me and that if anyone or anything wanted to come against me they would have to go through her and that im never alone. and then after morning service my other sunday school teacher prayed with me at the alter and i cant put into to words how amazing that was. then in night service the youth chior sung and we brought the ceiling down it was amazing. and after service i think one of my closest friends broke through what ever she has been going through. sunday definately changed my life.

well pictures arnt on here yet...hopefully they will be soon....

this prom thing is so stressful....

my weekend has been pretty crapy so far:  cant find a prom date (since the one i had ditched a couple weeks ago), im not talking to one of my closest friends (cause he said he didnt want me comin over his house for a while because his mom thought we were more than freinds....is that not stupid?!), and while typing my last sentence for my term paper i hit some key and deleted half my paper (therefore i have to do it between church services on sunday).....

ahhhhh!

im finally gonna get some pictures of my own on here! woot woot! lol. they will hopefully be on here by friday.

but yeah...have you ever been so confused about someone that you didnt know whether or not you should feel the way you do about them? ........

ahhhhh!

lol. sorry....

sorry ... had to rant ....

besides all that mess life is pretty good right now. i just found out yesterday that i got a raise at little caesars. yeah-ya! lol. .... im just kinda floatin around in my own little world lately. i like it alot better than this world...ya know? all the drama...hate..hurt....drama...i dont know. i guess its my only escape right now.

i always seem to set myself for disapointment. i see life as a fairytale. i want prince charming to come and rescue me from this world of hate into true love. i want to graduate from college become an elementary teacher get married and have a family. i wanted the guy of my dreams to ask me to prom and pick me up at my house and watch the sunrise in the morning.........

of course i know none of this is going to happen. considering one of them already didnt happen. and i know i have set my bar too high. but all a girl can do is dream.....right?

had a clothes drive at church on saturday. result?...helping low income familys with there wordrobe, brushing up on my street basketball (lol), and....

A MAJOR SUNBURN!!!! OWWWW!!!

its getting better though. it doesnt hurt quite as much as it did. and i dont look as much as a lobster. lol. but i have a farmers tan now cause i wore a tshirt. so im gonna have to get ove rmy fear of the tannin bed and go....ahhhhh! skin cancer here i come....

yeah thats pretty much how i feel right now. the funny thing is...i cant really tell you why. wierd... i dont know im just stuck in a rut. but i dont quite know what it is. i mean ide fix it if i did. but.....yeah....and ive tried everything. the beastie boys cant even seem to lift these spirits of mine. darn it! lol. well i guess im off to try something else....

toodles!