(TWO more chances to see West Side Story. 
Tonight and tomorrow night at 7.
You'll regret it if you don't go.  GO.)

I'm going to be seventeen in eight days.  That seems so impossible.  I swear I turned sixteen yesterday.  But at the same time, looking back over the past eleven months and twenty-two days, I cannot believe how much I have changed.  I had one major complaint with my sophomore year (Well, two.  But the second was just selfishness.), and that complaint was I felt stagnant.  I didn't grow at all, I focused on all the wrong things, I wallowed in mild self-pity but at the same time I enjoyed a sort of half-baked happy complacency that left no real room for inner growth.  Comfort was my goal.  Then summer hit, along with some major introspection.  I started out my junior year with my mouth closed and my eyes open.  And this year – I can't lie, it hasn't been nearly as fun as last year.  I haven't been as "happy."  Especially around September and October - I was in a major funk then.  But in retrospect, I see how I've been changing, and how I've been changed. 

For one thing, last year I allowed myself to be so vulnerable, but rashly and foolishly so.  This year I've come to appreciate vulnerability but I've also realized that allowing yourself to be hurt just for the sake of being hurt is as foolish as not letting yourself be hurt at all.  This year I've let myself question things I always considered obvious, only to find in the questioning reassurance of their truth.  I've come to a better understanding of my place with God.  Or no, not so much my place, because to be honest I don't think I'll ever have a total grasp of that.  But I've learned about God.  He gave us intellect for a reason, he wants us to learn about Him.  He's higher than man's understanding, but in striving to know Him I've found more of a sense of wonder.  People talk so much about God, and to God, but I rarely see people just take time and listen.  He's so much more extraordinary than I or anyone else can comprehend.  One thing I've really, really learned this year is I hate clichés, especially clichés about God.  

I really have grown this year.  Not in huge leaps and bounds…I don't know the secrets of life and I still can't solve a system of equations (no thanks to Mrs. Matuszewski).  But in little ways, I've grown.  Little significant ways.  Enough to where I don't regret my lack of shallow happiness.  Because there's no true satisfaction in that.

That's my reflection du'jour.

I hope you've grown too.

I expect a birthday present in eight days.

And I love you.

Christina