It's been a week and a day since we buried my grandfather.

We were really close; I was his oldest grandchild and he always told me how proud he was of me.

I miss him so bad. When my mind wanders, I find myself thinking of him during his last days. I know I did everything I could possibly do for him at the time but sometimes I wish I'd said "I love you" more or held his hand more often, or not been terrified to hold him.

And then I cry. I don't know if I cry because I'm sad that I'll never see him again, if I cry because I'm relieved he's not in pain anymore, or if I cry because I regret that I might not have told him enough how much he impacted my life.

I guess I cry a lot now. It's just so hard. I am not a strong enough person for this.