i want to come right out and say it.....

so I prayed to God, and said if you want me and austin relationship to end, and if we are not supposed to b together right now, then lord take him away from me.so he did. and i honestly don't understand.

God always hears my prayers, and he seems to never answer right then, but when i offer him something i could barely studder the words to give him, something that i love , something i value so much... He takes it, and all i can think about is why?  I have thought about it so much from being angry to saying oh God you heard me , and this is where i am supposed to be.... and right now i am hurting.

 And soon very soon you will read this austin mathis! & i hope you know , i hope you see, i hope you remember.... Every piece of me you have, and i cant let you go. but someday... i might be able to. i will press on because i promised you i would.

i just wanted to be upfront with all this, and i didnt want a big trail of gossip about me or austin to go around about you heard, and ill say this up front neither one of us broke up angry or upset with the other person, and yes, he broke up with me , because i could probably not been able to let go, and God knew that.

Ive made a swear with my best friend i will not date another guy for at least a year, and a commitment for 2 years. & my only exception will be If God brings austin & I back together in this time, and i doubt we will neither be ready for another try within 2 years....

 so just thought you all should know that,too.

  it starts with goodbye.