You know, life can really get you down some times....... That
fact is soooooo true to me now after experiences over the past year and a half.
I realize now that life has just been bringing me more and more pain and I am
really struggling to cope with it. I know that through it I should fully trust
and rely on God's strength. I can truthfully say I have been striving to do
that but over time everything catches up to me and it is so painful. I am
really really discouraged right now with a lot of things going on. I feel like
I am taking a beating after I have already been beaten almost to death over the
past year and a half. I just wish I could have a break without pain. I wish I
could just have some time to fully recover from dealing with the deaths of
friends. Yet I find no time to do that. Don't get me wrong, I know I have
learned so so much and I have grown so much through those horrible experiences
but it doesn't numb the pain of the experiences knowing that. It can only do so
much to know that. I know I sound really depressing and I am sorry. I know that
God has a plan for everything that has happened to me but I tell you - I HATE
GOING THROUGH IT! I am getting so discouraged! I can't really describe the
feelings I feel. I am just amazed that I have made it this far. I know that is
due to God being behind me and I am thankful for that. But again that doesn't
numb the pain enough. I would take rest in God and I do try to do that but
again everything catches up with me and I get so down. I can’t understand a lot
of things and I probably never will but I just try to trust God has a plan for
everything and a time for everything. Ohhhhh I am just getting really
discouraged. Maybe it is just that I am having a rough day, I don’t know. I…….
well enough about all of this, I hope each of you have a good day. I am sorry
if I have depressed you or anything haha. Just venting a bit to maybe talk some
stuff out. Oh well I feel a little better. I hope yall have a good day.

In Him,

Jonathan