Swing dance tomorrow night!
Otter Creek Church (formerly Living Word Community Church, formerly Brentwood Baptist), on Franklin Road.
Dance lessons 7:30-8:30, with generic dancing until 11:00
$6

As none of you know, I recently went out to Phoenix, AZ, to help my aunt move here.  Well this evening I made my triumphant return, but along the way, I witnessed several remarkable.... Things.  Now, "things" is not the most evocative word, but given the vast amalgam of phenomena which was presented to me during my drive across the greater part of America, it is certainly the most comprehensive.  I recorded most of them faithfully, and present them here for your digestion and entertainment.  Bear in mind that every single one of these were recorded while driving at upwards of 80 mph, so it is not merely a labour of love, but a risking of life for the enjoyment of others.  (Um, that's other peoples' lives.  Very important.)

Byler's Amish Kitchen

Wildfire Danger High
Use Ashtray

Detention Centre -- Do Not Stop For Hitch-Hikers
(At 6:00 am without coffee, this is not the ideal sign to see.  Actually, it's never the ideal sign.  Hit any pedestrian you see.)

Scenic view vending machines

Golden Cobra Kickboxing

Elk Country --
Be Aware

Chain up area

Black Bart's Saloon and Musical Revue

Lone Tree Drive
(It's in the middle of an (actually forested) national forest)

Dinosaur Park This Exit!

Winslow, Arizona
(No, we did not stand on the corner.  We didn't even get on the exit ramp.)

On a scrolling marquee: "(Gas price).... (Cigarette price).... AND TACOS!!"

Second Mesa, This Exit
(There is no First Mesa.)

(Route 66!!)

Got Petrified Wood?

Aunt Katie: "Well, if I'm reading that tree correctly...."

Win A Big Rig!

Mocassins For The Entire Family!

Knife City!  Wholesale!

(The random collection of plaster dinosaur statues on dunes along the freeway.)

Ostrich Eggs!
Meteorites 50% Off!

(A random school bus perched on top of -- no joke -- a cliff.)

Microsurgical Vasectomy Reversal -- Money Back Guarantee!
(And they said everything was bigger in Texas....)

(A 2-headed lizard statue, also on the side of the freeway.)

(A graveyard.  With a grave on the wrong side of the fence.)

(Big random white "S" painted on the mountainside.)

(The Navajo reservation!)

Ortega's Tacos

Blake's Lotaburger

Gusty Winds May Exist

Want A Natural High?  Grant's Has It!

Ice Cave!  Bastera Volcano!

Caution: Dust Storms May Exist

10,000 Video's
(How possessive of them.)

Notice: Do Not Pick Up Hitch-Hikers In This Area
(Again.)

Zero Visibility Possible
(If it's zero visibility, we can't very well see that, can we?)

Albuquerque -- It's A Trip

Flea Market In Louisiana!
(As advertised in New Mexico....)

Albuquerque Next 17 Exits

Caution: Entering Congested Urban Area

(The cement which forms Albuquerque's freeway lamp posts, guard rails, signs, walls, et cetera.... Is all Pepto-pink.  No lie.)

World Pyro Headquarters!

(What appeared to be a giant eggbeater attachment in the middle of a New Mexico field.)

(Falling rock signs have insanely amusing pictures on them.)

(And seeing an 18-wheeler full of onions is always interesting.)

(More signs warning of the perils of high fire risks.)

Billy The Kid Tombstone Race
(Something tells me it's not very fast.)

Big Rig Truck Service!
(The billboard had a pink-and-white theme.)

Enough Is Enough.
Vote Democratic.

Adult xxxSuperstorexxx
(So, is it.... Straightedge?  Hardcore?  Disillusioned emo?  I ceased to ponder this when I realised that, more importantly and ironically (or not so-), the store was conveniently positioned across from a motel.)

In God We Trust.
United We Stand.
(To Lease, Call 864-7935)

And now for some observations:
~ In Arizona, there are plenty of national forests.  You just have to get 45 minutes into it before you see what would pass for a tree.
~ In New Mexico, there are plenty of weigh stations.  They're just all closed.
~ In Texas, there are plenty of rest stops.  They're just all closed.
~ In Arkansas.... Yeah.  No entry for Arkansas.  The Ozarks are still there, like they have been for the past several centuries, so that's always good.
~ In western Tennesee, there are plenty of adult bookstores.  And they're all open.

Mmmmmmm, Americana.  How it pervades our very pores.