well. . . where to start. i got back from Impact yesterday afternoon. it was a very cool experience indeed.

Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you can participate the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. -2 Peter 1:4

The theme was Escape. It revolved around four characters imprisoned in a POW camp during WWII. One of the characters wanted to get out of the camp, one did not realize he was in camp, another was comfortable in the camp, and the last had been at the camp so long, he'd lost all hope of getting out. If you havent't figured it out, the "camp" represented sin. In the end, the character who wanted to get out so badly read a letter from his father ((God)), and realize that all he had to do was just walk out and not listen to the threats the guards were making.

Being a roadie was extremely cool but very demanding at times. I'll do a quick rundown of what I did: Helped build the set. Sold merchandise for Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. Got Hypnotized by Michael Blaine. Runner for Barlow Girl. Did spotlight for Dave Horsrager ((sp?)), Tait, and Col. Ingleson, a former POW from the Vietnam War. Loaded a TON of equipment for all of the entertainers. Ran back and forth to Impact Central for one thing or another. Cleaned out a blender that totally minced a meal from Taco Bell.

. . . those are all the highlights; i'm sure I'm forgetting a lot of things.

Your Spirit brings me liberty
Your breath of life has set me free
Jesus, Your love, it lifts me high
Gives me reason to run the race with joy
This song within me, Lord, will bless Your Holy name
Jesus, I'll dance before Your throne
Bring this heavenly sound to You alone
This song within me. Lord, will bless Your Holy name

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

i ran spotlight for michael tait ((dc talk)) and his band tonight!!! didn't even realize who is was until he started singing "in the light". Woooohoooo. . . and then he sang JESUS FREAK!!!! AHHHHHHH!

figured i'd delet that post and just do a big one once i'm home. i'll talk about the roadie aspect and camper aspect and all that stuff. i miss everbody. i've got a FOUR hour break tomorrow from about 10-2, so if y'all wanna call ((or visit-- haha)) that'd rock my world.

love to all.

hey everbody! i'm backstage making a really quick howdy do to everybody back in the boro! i've been having a really good time here. . . last night, Denver and the Mile High Orchestra performed, and i sold their merchandise. afterwards, Denver came back and signed stuff, so that was pretty cool. sunday night, Barlow Girl will be here, so that's insanely awesome-- they're my favorite band! anyway, i'm off... morning impact is getting ready to start!

I'm leaving for Impact in about twenty minutes. I'll be at Lipscomb until June 25th. My birthday is soon after; hopefully I'll come up with SOMETHING to do, because I'm not having another party here, lol. Renfroe and I about went crazy last year.

I love you all. Be safe.

So many things are becomming evident in my life. . . wow. Things are different. I feel different. But it's all good. Mmm. I'm listening to Jack Johnson, I've got a can of ravioli for lunch, and I tomorrow, I leave for Impact to do something so completely different that I have ever done. I am excited. I've started The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and I'm liking it a lot. I may run to Hastings later on to grab another book for my entertainment.

Mmm, I bought Nicholas Spark's Message in a Bottle on a whim. I'm not starting it until I finish Sisterhood, and I've still gotta read the book we're "expected" to read for school.

In the youth section of our church bulletin, Skid shared part of a passage Kyle McCabe had journaled as a response to the idea of "baggage claim" during our quiet time on the spring retreat:

"As people, we naturally stand in line waiting to pick up our bags of guilt, fear, doubt, and sin. . . but while we're in line waiting for what is ours a stranger quietly walks to the front. At first no one notices him as he seems to be just one more man in the line, then something raises everyone's eyebrows at once. With his back to the crowd, the man raises a hand to shut off the conveyer belt. As his hand raises, the people catch a glimpse of the sunset through a hole in this man's hand. Then, with a sky of red and orange aflame behind him, he faces the crowd for the first time. He crowd takes notice of his haggard appearance and tear stained eyes. The path he walked to the front is a trail of blood and tears. 'Enough,' he yells of the murmurs. 'I have paid with all my blood, all my tears, and all my life.' A few people take this man at his word and leave the place and walk through the automatic sliding doors to find a new day of endless possibility instead of the impending night faced by those inside. . . all because they took the steos and said yes to this stranger. Yet the vast majority, those who profess belief and want so badly to have the courage to take the chance and those who coudn't care less about the battered and his words. . . remain. The man's eyes plead with them to leave the place. As a tear begins to roll down his cheek, in a wavering voice just above a whisper, he addresses all who have claimed belief, but are still there with a single question:'Why do you remain?'"

-Kyle McCabe, March 2005

everbody is either in florida, at a party, or just out. and i'm here. . . alone. blah.

I officially registered for MTSU this past Tuesday, but I waited until my schedule was how I wanted it before posting it up here:

MWF: English, Understanding Mass Media, and Computer Science Orientation.

T/R: Biology and College Algebra

T: Lab

On MWF, I'm done at 11:15, so that's awweeesoooommeee!!! Tuesdays I'll more or less be on campus all day because my lab is soon after bio, then I'll eat lunch, then head to algebra. Thursdays, I'll have like, three and a half hours between biology and algebra, but I guess I can just hang around and get some work done.

Something I struggle with is worry. Several times, it's turned into anxiety, and that's turned into a panic attack; I do not wish those on anybody. One thing I've begun to realize is that I worry myself to a point where I'm right in the middle of what I'm worrying about! Confusing? Let me give you an example: One thing I often worry about is that I'm not going to enjoy my life. Because I'm so hooked on that one small thought, it begins to spread throughout my mind, and I'm really not enjoying my life at all! I'm embarrassed to say how long I went before realizing that. . . seven to eight months. And you know what? I STILL struggle with that single thought from time to time, but thank God, I'm getting better at it.

I've been thinking a whole lot about guys, relationships, and God. Having a relationship with a wonderful guy/man is something I desire very deeply. Often times, I do not let those around me see how much I desire to be in a relationship. I want to love, to show affection, to give, to talk with a man that's very special to me and vice versa! After awhile, a throught struck me: as much as I desire that from a guy, God desires to give EVERY BIT OF THAT to me and for me to return it just as much ((and even more)) as I would to a man I was in love with. But that's so hard to fathom: that God wants me that badly, and more times than not, I wind up not giving Him the attention He deserves, and just like my heart has been broken when I haven't received attention from a guy, His is crushed even more.

Some of you may have wondered ((or may not give a flip)) where I got my Phusebox name: Superchick's latest album is titled "Beauty From Pain" with a song under the same title. The song is beautiful, and it struck my heart the first time I read the lyrics. I think it not only describes my life and walk with God over the past year, but the walks and lives of every other Christian who strives to have a good walk with Christ but sometimes just gets hung up:

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Here and I am at the end of me(at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn

Today was Tennessee Seccession Day, and a group of us gathered under a pavilion at Old Fort to celebrate. After awhile, Brian, Aimee, Sara, and I treked through the Greenway creek for about half an hour. None of us came out dry:



photo from BeautyFromPain

I have more pictures from the journey, so be sure to check them out.

sometimes, i can't believe how self centered some people can be.

((edit))

and so nobody is getting mad and pointing fingers, this doesn't involve anybody y'all know.

making schedules is such a pain. . . .

My first day of Customs was today, and what a day it was. I rolled out of bed at 6:00 and was out the door by 7:15. Got to MTSU, took the Spanish placement test, and got a random score on it. We went to several assemblies and meetings, and then Mom and I ate lunch in the KUC. Did something else, and we finally got to get our classes together. . . I can't take Spanish until ((at least)) 2nd semester because the advisors were all like "You would probably be on an overload, etc." because I'm taking Science as well. . . but I've got a semester class that I may fill with Spanish next semester, and. . . I don't know. Whatever, lol. I'm so tired.

I also set up a checking account today, woot woot. There's like, no money in it, but that'll just motivate me to get a job, lol.

But yeah. . . aside from being insanely tiring, today was pretty neat. Met some cool people and all that jazz.

i think the title says it all, lol.

the little girl is my cousin's daughter, Lydia. she turned one a couple of days ago. the young man wearing glasses is my cousin Nathan.

Kelly Clarkson- Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

i didn't mean to fall in love with you,
and baby, there's a word for what you put me through;
it isn't love, it's robbery
i'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
-bbmak

does this apply to anyone? maaaaaybe. . . but not really.

i loaded a few more pictures.

Powers and I were talking about how excited we were to get back on this thing once we left Kaylei's. . .

In other news, I'm in need of a job. Right now, being a counselor at Girl Scout camp is looking REALLY good: I could have off for Impact, and it's about $175 a week. However, I would have to leave very soon, and I wouldn't be back until the end of July. . . so I probably won't take it. But it's nice to think about.

I'm supposed to be getting my computer soon. I hope so; I want to start loading pictures on it, and getting things set up just for me. Woot.

Liking who you think and know what someone can be, and liking who they really are are two totally different things.

I guess it takes really seeing what you don't want to realize what you do want.

All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. -Song of Songs 3:1