Theres a bear in living my house, eating all my food! How do I get him to move out!?

-You don't. Come to terms with the bear and then ask him about some compensation. If that doesn't work, creat a honey trail to the back yard. When he is seduced by the trail and goes outside, lock all the doors and put large furniture and appliances up against all the windows. Don't worry about the upstairs: the gutter drains are not strong enough to sustain his weight, and he won't climb the house.

My big sister has it stuck in her head that shes God, and I can't pursuade her otherwise. What do I do?-

-Kill her, decapitate her, and steak the head near the town commons for the villagers to see as a strong, set example. Remember to burn the remaining body in a pit of hot ashes and cinders made from a cedar tree, otherwise the Redman will haunt you for all eternity, for you shedded the blood of your kin, and though it was for a noble cause, it is still a cause for vendetta.

Theres a banana in m.. uh.. yeah..-

-Go away, you sick S.O.B.

My best friend just went behind my back and had sex with my girlfriend. What do I do?-

- Go down to Southeastern Tires in Murfreesboro, TN. Purchase 4 brand new michelin heavy dudy tires. They are expensive, in these times of economic despuit but they are the best.

.. But that still doesn't help my issue.

-Shutup. I don't care

I just aquired an Atari and I don't have an RFU adaptor, where can I get them?-

-Radioshack still carries standard issue RFU adaptors for vintage game consoles. They work with both UHF and VHF connections and has a 75 OHM input. However, you are still a loser for buying it in the 1s place.

It burns when I pee..-

- Yeah I know, you slept with your best friend's girlfriend. Now you got the clap and God knows what else, and he has a brand new set of tires.