well, it's been over a month.

all-state orchestra was beyond amazing, i believe that's the first time i've ever felt accomplished with my music. this week is senior week, then prom. my brother leaves for boot camp two days afterward, then it's my final blackman band concert ever.

(( the nostalgia is suffocating yet comforting in its own absurd sense ))

i have had alot of time to think about my brother leaving. the only certain thing i know about it is that it's the same day of concert dress rehearsal & all the freshmen are going to be wondering why their drum major has no emotion.

i am going to get over it, i just don't know if things will be the same.

i know they won't.

<3

the lyric of

" your skin & bones turn you into something beautiful "

has never made so much sense.

running everyday is making me so tired, not to mention i havent been eating at school to begin with. (considering how hard some of the allstate orchestra stuff is, i don't have the time anyway) i guess this will aide in mine looking okay for the prom fashion show. oh wait. i'm surrounded by twigs. yaaaaaay.

but running makes me forget that my brother is leaving. and not eating makes it okay to run, because it actually shows something. & i've been going to the tanning bed so i won't be a casper for prom. so i've basically slipped into the whole conceited persona that i never wantd to become. atleast for now. maybe it's because i'm really tired and stressed.

this thing is nice to rant on, because no one ever reads it.

(( the one bright spot is that the boy and my friends are amazing, just to let you know ))

<3

i love the wintertime. and my music, and my friends.

(( i called you from paris, to tell you that i wrote out names on the observation deck of the eiffel tower ))

<3

am i wrong to say that everyone can be overjoyed, it's just the act of finding it?

(( i'd have to say life is pretty sweet ))