1 more week til im back at TTU! im so excited i can hardly stand. new year, new faces, new fun times lol. i miss cookeville a bunch, but in a way im a little sad..which is odd for me. but i made a lot of friends this summer who dont go to tech, so im gonna miss them a lot.

we got a new horn professor and im a little worried about that too lol. im going to get my ass handed to me on a silver platter.

*sigh* and then i am going to HAVE to work this fall and spring if i have any hopes of gettin an apt this summer. wow, im gonna get an apt. when did i get old enough to do that?! anyway im poor, and im about to be even more poor when i call verizon in about 5 minutes to pay my phone bill. i hate bills.

so here's to a summer to remember. got a good job, great friends, and unprecedented amounts of free time. and i wanna hang out with YOU.. yeah you.. so just let me know when & where!

I'm just a summer girl
I wear my flip flops
When I let my hair down
That's when the party starts
Who needs a boyfriend
I got my girlfriends
And when we get together
The summer never ends

i havent put new pictures on here in awhile so theres definitely a large picture update =)

only 2 weeks left, and im done. God help me get through it because this week is gonna be ROUGH.. i have an a.t. final and my voice final tomorrow.. and i play in convo AND my juries on thursday. 

but then summer will be here and everything will be wonderful.....

well its all so overrated
not saying how you feel
you end up watching chances fade
and wondering whats real

ok... this new thing is really cool. i havent written on here in forever.

home on fall break. thats about it. cut my hair.

its weird, you know... coming home. its like everything is different but it all stays the same. hmm.  crazy concept.

IM me!! i deleted my entire buddy list accidentally. i am friendless
:(

Okay so maybe that title is a little on the cheezy side, but it's what I truly feel like.
You know how some people are highschool people, and some people are college people? I am definitely a college person!! It is SO much better than highschool. Everybody's accepting and nice and although there CAN be drama (but alas, you will find drama everywhere throughout your entire life), it's not nearly as bad as highschool.

One thing I love about being here is I've actually found a group of friends. I mean, I've always had friends, but I have never exactly had a certain group. (It was more like there was 1 person that my world revolved around, which was fine, but its so much different now).
Plus, I just wasn't allowed to "hang out" with various kids much when I was at home. So it was hard to maintain a lot of friendships.

Anyways, this group is amazing. Some of these people I have known for a LONG time. Some, I just met but I have already grown to love. In just the 2 or 3 weeks I've been here, I've had papers to write, I've had late nights and early mornings, I've had a Harry Potter fest, I've laughed like I have never laughed ever ever before. Sometimes, I wasnt even sure I could laugh like that. And honestly, I've had some of the best times of my entire life.

So that's what I mean when I say I have arrived. I feel like I am home.

happy birthday to you

My life is currently about as messy as my room.

I'm SUPPOSED to leave for TTU in oh lets see...not even 3 full days and Im not close to being finished packing. Im just disorganized. I thought having all organized up in the ol' noggin would be just fine but hey guess what i was wrong!! lol Im very afraid I'll forget stuff, like my toothbrush. And I mean I know if I forgot anything too major, I could always just run back home... oh wait... well I KINDA can, if I have the time and/or gas and/or car!! And anyways, I HATE not having everything with me. Plus if I have everything it'll seem more like home.

My poor dad had a heart attack. He's stable and everything, but.. you know how it is. Once you have a heart attack youre never really the same again. I mean it's gonna effect a LOT of things.. like his job (he works at Bridgestone, lifting heavy tires, and guess who cant lift anything over 5lbs for about 6 or 8 weeks?), his home life... I'll be gone, Brett wont be home much b/c of band... so who will do all those "necessary" chores, or whatever, like mowing, i dunno, stuff like that? Anyways, this whole thing kinda came out of nowhere, b/c my dad's pretty healthy in general. I mean his cholesterol and blood pressure are great, he's a diabetic, but he's not really what you'd consider "overweight," and he doesnt smoke... so this was just kinda sudden. And it just really sucks, not only for him, not only for his health, but i really feel for him b/c it seems as soon as things in all 4 our lives are getting back on track and everythings going alright for a change, something major happens to mess it up. like this. i mean it'll really change things.

Not ONLY that.. but tying it in w/my college life, this means I might not be able to attend the first day or so of band camp. becauuuuse, he MIGHT have to have heart surgery, and heart surgery is always major. and if he has it, it'll prolly be on mon. or tues.. and tues. is the day im SUPPOSED to move out lol. so of course if it came down to it, i'd stay.. it just REALLY SUCKS b/c i was so looking forward to moving out ~ and i know i still will but that would really make things harder. it would be more hectic, i would miss the first day of my college band camp life ever, miss learning all the basics, have to play catch up.....

geez why does everything big ALWAYS happen at once!!??
thats it. im becoming a nun and... wait that doesnt apply here does it... damn

"You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of bitch, and I tell you when you're a pain in the ass, which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second recovery rate, and then you're on to doing the next pain in the ass thing. So it's not going to be easy; it's going to be really hard. We're going to have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that. Because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday!" -the notebook

Im so glad I have that. ^^

Fri. night was DCI!! I had a blast. I got to see Dennis, and I hadn't gotten to see him in a LONG time.
Saturday, I worked, and then came the fun. :) lol I got to go to the mall!! I got 2 new bras from Victoria's Secret. (I

I don't think there's anywhere online anymore I can write what I truly feel. On xanga, there's too many people.. on here, there's a couple of people who just DONT need to read it. Although, I would kinda like them to.

Of course, I could always resort to a journal... you know, the original kind. But what's the fun in that? I wouldn't be able to receive you lovely kids' advice. Plus, my hand always cramps up really bad b/c I tend to REALLY let loose, and I have a lot to say, and yea... :)

So, I'll guess I'll just have to edit myself.

We accept the love we think we deserve-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Today is July 21st. Do you know what that means? In 1 month & 2 days, I will no longer be a residence of the home I have been living in since 4th grade, or the town that I've been claiming as my own since.. well... my whole life.

Im excited. I cant wait to be a college kid... on my own (to some degree of course lol). Im very excited... and I'm also nervous. I hope I can accomplish what I've set forward to accomplish b/c let's face it, I'm an outstanding procrastinator. I also dont like practicing my horn, and what's my major again lol? Music ed. :)

And as I am excited and nervous...Im very sad too. Im sad to be leaving behind all of you fine people. I'll miss my family (even my brother!) even though I do NOT like admitting it. I'll really miss this one kid.. he means a whole lot to me. I'll miss sooo much...

And that makes me afraid. :(


the seaweed is always greener
in somebody else's lake
you dream about going up there
but that is a big mistake
just look at the world around you
right here on the ocean floor
such wonderful things around you
what more is you looking for?

Sometimes I wish I could go to a college in a small town in Connecticutt or Vermont (those are nice peaceful places you know, with babbling brooks and such) ~ somewhere far away where NOBODY knows me. Somewhere where I can just begin totally new and fresh and where I don't have to worry that I've hurt any of the people around me. Somewhere where things are not complicated. Where I can figure out just who exactly the heck I am without anybody who loves me getting hurt, so I can come back home and make things right. Somewhere where I can be a better person.


someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me// where troubles melt like lemondrops // away above the chimney tops - thats where you'll find me

evidentally, i've been causing my parents a LOT of stress lately. mainly my mom. bless her heart.

apparently, my attitude has changed since i hit 18. thats no good. i really dont think it has.. its just now im able to say some things that i've been thinking for a long time, and if i'd said it before.. well... heh.

and now that im 18, im "out too much.." (3 nites a week, my friends, 3 nites.) oh yea. and im "dating too many boys." (im NOT! lol but i wont tell you how many...)

and seemingly, the mere fact im 18 brings insurmountable amounts of worries to my parents. they're afraid of what bad things im going to do. like, get credit cards, and be promiscuous and such. or smoke.

along with a multitude of other things....

and how the heck does my little brother get away w/so much more than i ever did?! um, can you say "not fair?" lol i can... :)

I would absolutely LOVE to dye my hair!! (i think i've had this convo with val & kat...) but im quite afraid of doing this for several reasons.

1) what if it turned out really badly?
2) i dont know how to do the at-home kind, u know.. the kind that'll WASH OUT...
3) i would have to get it professionally done... which means $$ i dont have.
4) i've never done this kinda thing before...
5) what if it really damages my hair?
6) its possible my mom MIGHT end my life.

i mean, i like my hair pretty well, u know? it isnt BAD hair. God coulda given me a better shade, but hey. u win some.. u lose some. But who am i to mess w/momma nature? "if it aint broke, dont fix it." (maybe i should apply this to other areas of my life?) but its SO BORING!!

i wish i could just be a rebel, and daring, and do what i want! throw caution to the wind!!

...but... what if i mess up my hair?

i just accidentally deleted all my old posts. maybe the last one was a good idea. i dont know. anyways hopefully things are getting better.


youve got to admit its getting better// a little better all the time