I was recently told that when a guy says "It's not you, it's me," he is actually telling the truth.  Being a person who has received this let down about 4 times in the past year and a half, I should be an expert,but alas, I am not.

What do you think?

1) Male or Female?
100% woman, hormones and all.
2) Do you pray?
constantly
3) Are you in love?
only with Jesus right now.
4) Ever wish on stars?
yes
5) Do you believe in karma?
yes, in that one reaps what one sows.
6) What's your zodiac sign?
pisces...like it matters.
7) Have you ever almost died?
I'm sure we all have and really don't know how often.
8) Ever broken any bones?
slight fracture on my nose at church camp...ahh church camp
9) Do you cry during sad movies?
Heaven help me, I cry over everything anymore.
10) Do you like to dance?
heck yeah!
11) Ever laid under the stars?
yes
12) Ever sat on a rooftop?
yes.  I have a rather nice one outside the bedroom window in the house I'm moving to that I fully intend to make use of.
13) Is there a such thing as a soul mate?
Yes, but not necessarily of the opposite sex or romantically.  I think mine is my best friend, Emily.
14) Could you live without the television?
I have for the past year.
15) Could you live without music?
It's kind of my livelihood
16) Do you have any self inflicted scars?  Define "self-inflicted..."
17) What do you dislike the most about life?
Nothing really
18) Have you ever been to jail?
Only as a minister
19) Ever had a job for less than a day?
yeah
20) Ever been fired on your first day?
never been fired
21) Ever been fired because of your attitude?
see above^
22) Do you get jealous of other people?
On rare occasions, and nothing that's enough to really notices
23) Would you rather love someone or be loved?
I've been in both situations, and either without reciprocation totally sucks.
24) What's under your bed right now?
Drawers.  Wrapping paper.  An electric keyboard.  probably some tissues.
25) Ever done anything illegal?
I speed a lot.
26) Have you ever been dumped?
yes, thrice in the past year
27) Ever dumped somebody?
yes, but it's been a while
28) How cool are you?
the coolest
29) Do you support abortion?
no
30)Do you believe in God?
More than believe
31) Did you graduate high school?
Yes, and it seems like a million years ago.
32) Do you wear the same clothes two days in a row?
too many times to mention and keep my pride
33) Have you ever driven someone crazy?
are we talking annoyed or certifiable?
35) Ever done the Macarena?
I did it before it came out, because I still contend that in the 8th grade, I helped make up a dance to "Love Shack" that was not unlike the Macarena, although the Macarena didn't come out till I was in 9th grade, so therefore, I helped create the Macarena.  God, forgive me.
36) Do you act your age?
Usually far older or far younger, but never in the same range...
37) Is it okay to disrespect your parents?
My parents are my dearest friends.  One needs one's parents and therefore should treat them with the utmost respect.
38) Do you flush the toilet when you're done?
naw, I just let it all pile up and overflow my bathroom till I'm evicted from every place I inhabit...what do you think?
39) How long do you stay in the shower?
depends on the day and the length of my hair.
40) What kind of soap do you use?
whatever.
41) Are mullets cool?
depends on who is sporting it.
42) Spiderman, Batman, or Superman?  SUPERMAN! Always and forever.
43) Do you like your middle name?
no
44) Has anyone ever cheated on you?
sort of
46) What's your favorite animal?
Penguins!
47) Favorite flower?
peonies
48) Have you ever shaved your head?
no
49) Do you think marijuana should be legal for medicinal use?
on the fence
50) Do you think it is okay to drink and drive? I am decidedly against it.
51) If you won $1 million dollars, what would you buy first?
buy nothin'...I'd pay off my college loans and my car.
52) Do you fear terrorism?
sometimes
54) What's your favorite candle scent?
vanilla all the way
55) Do you use profanity?
only euphamistically
56) Who's the last person you talked to on AIM?
uh.....
57) What's something you're ashamed of?
my failed relationships
58) What woke you up last night?
my bladder
59) What did you dream about last night?
I dunno
60) Ever been to the zoo?
many
61) How many beers did you have today?
It's three o'clock...are you kidding?
62) What's the last movie watched?  Walk the Line
63) Are you usually late or on time?
it's a mix
64) What's a cartoon you watch often?
I don't have cable
65) Do you have any imaginary friends?
I have people that I imagine are my friends and are probably not.  Does that count?
66) Are you waiting on something right now?
Always
67) Who's pretty?
Me!  Maybe not.  My students told me I was having a bad hair day
68) Who's ugly?
Only those who take into account outward appearances as a judgement of character
69) Are you worried about something?
Always

Scenario: You have strong feelings for someone who probably does not have those feelings in return and definitely is not up for a relationship for at least the next 5-6 years.

Do you:

A: Go ahead and date other people, knowing that it will probably be completely futile because the entire time you will be thinking of the other person that you cannot be with? or,

B: Sit at home every night for the next 5-6 years in the hope that said object of affection will finally come around and figure out what you already know?

I blog on this for 2 reasons:

1) it's toward the end of the school year, and as much as my students think they want to be free, it could never compare to how much I wish I didn't have to grade papers or write lesson plans...

2) I need freedom.  I thought I was free from some things, or rather, I am free from those things, but I still have a hard time claiming it.  I don't know how to.  The scars that were healing may have never healed.  They were just covered by really good bandages.  But then the bandages came off and the wounds were exposed, and I found myself buckling from the pain rather than facing it.  Instead of fighting my foe, I had him for coffee and donuts. (Could I use any more analogies?)

So here I go again.  Starting over. Again.  God, help me.

Okay, this whole deciding which site to blog on is difficult, but today Phusebox wins!  I may just copy and paste this to MySpace...

I saw in the Religion section of the paper the other day that there is a church in Minnesota that refused to care for a transsexual.  For those of you who do not know, a transsexual is someone who begins life as one gender and then later in life is surgically altered to become another gender.  In this case, the person was born a man and became a woman.

A little more information: the church worked with the community to take care of invalids and others who may need care during the day.  People who needed assistance would register with a community organization that would then divide up the list between the participating churches.  This church received this person and refused to care for her.

When asked why, the minister at the church said that the church wishes to minister to everyone, but this person was living in direct contradiction to the teachings of the church.  First of all, who is NOT living in direct contradiction to the teachings of the church? Last time I checked, we're ALL sinners and ALL sins are in the same book.  They would have to turn everyone away if they were consistent with this policy.  Secondly, what exactly is this church teaching? Certainly not the Bible, because the book of James advises the church not to turn ANYONE away, to not be a "respecter of persons."  Thirdly, if you want to minister to everyone, like you say, DO IT.  The people who are living in such "blatant disregard" of the scriptures are the ones who need ministering most.

What have we done, church?  Where did we turn wrong?  We've lost our heart.  We've lost our burden.  We've lost our vision.  We are to LOVE.  Christ said to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Guess what?  Sometimes our neighbors struggle with different sins than what we do.  Love them anyway.

I hope that with this Easter, or as it is popularly called in evangelical churches, Resurrection Sunday, that we focus on Jesus.  Not on our new outfits or who is going where for dinner, but on Jesus.  Newsflash: He died for ALL of us.  We don't get to choose who can be saved.  Christ already did that.  He also decided who we have to love.

Love everyone.

I gave in to the power.  I have a myspace.  I wish it was myDANCEspace instead! That would be great.

I just need to keep in touch with all my friends.  And most of them are already on mySpace and don't want another blog...or they are on mySpace, Xanga, LiveJournal, Facebook, and have half a dozen email addresses and honestly can't keep up with another blog.

Oh well.  I'm a proud Phuser and will always be.

Well, going before the judege wasn't too bad.  Actually, praise God, he waived the whole ticket and let me off with a warning.  Yay!  So I took my mom to dinner.  And I was in such a good mood, I left an $8 tip.

Thursday I felt kinda yucky at school again, so I went to the doctor.  He asked what my symptoms were.  I said sinus poo.  He asked if I had trouble breathing...a bit...sore throat?...yes...fatigue?...yes...feel like you've been hit by a truck?...y- what?...Do you feel like you've been hit by a truck?...well, yes.  Yes I do!

So I have a virus. And it's not from using the internet.  Wait a minute until your Norton pops up and you'll get that. 

Thursday was the night from you-know-where.  I coughed till I thought I would vomit (again, only this time without an audience).  Then I would get the chills till I was too sore to move.  Then I would try to move and the process would begin again.  I experienced vertigo for the first time.  My first thought was, this must be what it's like to be on drugs...  I didn't sleep at all.  My fever climbed and climbed until finally breaking about 4am.

Yesterday I was better.  Today a little better yet again, but I really want to know why this elephant keeps standing on my chest, and would someone please get rid of the cappuchin monkeys that have invaded my sinus cavities?

No, seriously.  That's the story.  I set them to work standing on one side of the room listening to music.  They were to use movement to figure out if the rhythm was even or uneven.  And then I thought to myself, "I kinda feel funny.  I think I need to sit down...and take the trashcan with me."  And then I blew chunks.  You should have seen the look on those 8-year-old faces.

It's in keeping with my week of insanity.  I apparently was driving without insurance for a week and a half.  I did not know this.  I have to go before a judge tomorrow.  Woo-hoo!  What a week! and it's only Tuesday.

hyperCalvinism or Deism?

Does God have every single move of ours predestined down to breath, thought, heartbeat, and tripping over rocks, or is He closer to the other end of the spectrum--setting the world in motion and watching from afar as we make our own decisions without intervening?

Should one go into a relationship with high expectations or no expectations?

I'm turning 24 on Tuesday.

Last year I had the best birthday ever.  I was surrounded by friends.  I had multiple celebrations.  I even had the day off from school.  Four friends took me to lunch.  Another offered desert.  I received gifts from friends--not something that happens a lot to me.

This year, I don't know what will happen.  I have many of the same friends, but a dozen or so have moved, and the rest are living in a completely different world than I.

I had a group with which I fit perfectly at one time...to be honest, for the first time in my life. University Christian Fellowship.  They've saved my life so many times in so many ways.  But now I go there--because I really don't know where else to go--and I don't fit anymore, or at least, not like I used to.  I have no way of serving.  The jobs I used to do are now filled by others due to the fact that I simply have no time to do them, what with teaching and driving and spending two days a week with my Nana.  I'm in limbo.

I need to find somewhere else to go, some other way to serve, somewhere to fit.  But it seems impossible.

"I wanna run, I want to hide.

I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside

I want to reach out and touch the flame

Where the streets have no name"

--U2 

"There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance."  --Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) When Harry Met Sally

I agree with this statement in one sense: There are, in fact, two kinds of women in this world.

However, I contend that the two kinds are as follows:  Those women who know they are high-maintenance and those women who don't know they are high-maintenance.  You see, all women are high-maintenance.

Before all my fellow females get mad at me, I want you to consider that there are many forms of high-maintenance.  You see, I used to think I was not high maintenance, but about a year ago, I discovered otherwise.  I am high maintenance in the category of communication.  I want communication from people--especially significant others.  Usually a simple "Hey, I'm alive and thinking about you, but I have to go, bye." will do for me.  But I need some form of communication (text message, phone call, email, visit, letter, etc.) almost every day, because, you see, I worry (a side-effect of being high-maintenance).  When talking to other women, I usually am told that this is a reasonable expectation--communication, that is.  I'm told that it's perfectly normal.

The story is different from the guy end of the spectrum.  So many of the guys in my life think it's asking just a little much to expect daily communication (I'm really only asking for a hello, not a full-fledge conversation, folks, but, alas...).  For guys, apparently, this is not an easy thing.  They like space.  They like freedom.  They don't want to be obligated to call and check in.  This I understand.  But I could be the needy or attention-seeking form of high maintenance, in which case I would demand to know the details of every day and would also require x-amount of time to be spent with me.  I am not this kind of high-maintenance.  I just want to not worry.

But the real question here is, am I worth my high-maintenance needs?  After many a failed relationship in the past few years, I have had more than my share of doubts.  I often think that I'm not worth the trouble and therefore refrain from expressing my need for communication (is anyone else seeing the irony?).  The truth is, though, that I just need to find someone who thinks I'm worth it.  I need to think I'm worth it.

And I just realized this today.

So, wherever you are, I know you are going to be incredible when I meet you.  You will be the most amazing guy I've ever met, because you will not only understand my high-maintenance needs, you will love them.  You may not like them, but you will love them.  And I will love you.  100%  I can't wait to meet you.  I'm praying for you.  I love you already.

I hit a skunk with my car Wednesday.  It stinks now.

Glad it's the weekend, even though I'll probably spend the whole thing in a doc's office or working.  :-P

Anyhoo.  that's me in a nutshell.

Okay, so I'm a little under the weather today.  Took a sick day.  I hate doing that, but I needed it.  You can't teach kids when standing up causes dizziness.

My wait is finally over!  I have finally seen a Steelers victory in my life time!  And what a game it was!  We've had so many boring SuperBowls the past couple of years.  Same old, same old.  Patriots win, Patriots win, Tom Brady checks his makeup...  The most excitement has been in the wardrobe malfunctions (almost remniscent of the Yankee dynasty we saw in baseball in the late nineties).  But this year's game was impressive.  The Seahawks played a great game.  Both teams had their mishaps, bad calls left fans of both teams cringing, beautiful plays renewed our hopes, and it was an all-out great night.  Until this morning when I realized that something I ate during the athletic tour-de-force was planning to make its own comeback.

I was excited though.  What a way for a man like Jerome Bettis to retire: victorious and in his own city.  And Jurevicius...what a player. That man is amazing.  But nothing compared to that amazing 70+ yarder by Hines Ward, the imaginative trick play by Roethlisberger and his receivers, and the supernatural action that is Troy Palomalu.  Wow.  I am vindicated.

Next year, this lifelong Steelers fan will cheer just as rabidly as always, possibly more in the glow of recent wins.  But deep down, I will harbor a hope for the New Orleans Saints.  Just because, as a Marshall grad, I love a good "Ashes to Glory" story.

Speaking of, they're making a film about my college!  Shooting in WV and Atlanta.  And with a resounding GO HERD, I take my terrible towel and rest in utter satisfaction.

Song titles that fit my relationship status at the moment:

"Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen (because my relationships keep dropping like flies)

"All By Myself" by Celine Dion (self-explanatory)

Anything on the Breakaway album by Kelly Clarkson (just listen to the album, you'll get it)

"Deliver Me" by David Crowder (sounds like recent conversations with God)

"On My Own" from Les Miserables (because I relate to Eponine)

"Song for the Dumped" by Ben Folds Five (duh)

"Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins (because the world really is a vampire)

"Get Over It" by the Eagles (because I need to)

"Heartbreak Hotel" by Elvis (yeah)

"Take Another Little Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin (just take it!)

"You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'" by the Righteous Brothers (sounds like my life)

"Crazy" by Patsy Cline (because I am)

"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor (I can't believe I'm saying that)

"Ain't to Proud to Beg" by the Temptations (because I'm not)

"My Immortal" by Evanescence (because these wounds will take a long time to heal)

"Breakdown Here" by Julie Roberts (because country music artists understand pain)

"I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton (not as much the Whitney Houston version, really, because, like I said, country artists understand pain)

"Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional (because I like that song, no other reason, really)

Here's a question: Is fear a sin?

I, for one, would be a terrible sinner if it were.  I fear so many things.  This morning is an example.  I was late for work and driving out of my parking lot.  A woman started walking toward my car.  All I could tell was that she said "Stop" (my stereo was to loud to hear anything, but I read that word on her lips).  Of course, I did not stop.  Instead, I locked my doors and avoided eye contact, fearing that she was strung out on crack or meth and would attempt to get in my car.

But I couldn't shake the thought of her.  Did I do something wrong?  Was I really protecting myself from danger, or only from my own fantastic fears?  I have been successfully socialized to the thought that one should not talk to strangers or panhandlers, should not pick up hitchhikers, and should never walk alone in the dark.  I've watched enough Law and Order and CSI to figure that out.

I fear other things: loneliness. failure. disappointment.  I fear them and avoid them with all my might.  Yet Christ said that He would be with me always.  Fear not.  That He would give me peace.  I need the peace that passes understanding.

But while I know fear is harmful, I still wonder, is it a sin?

When all around is fading

And nothing seems to last

When each day is filled with sorrow

Still I know, with all my heart

He's got the whole world in His hands

He's got the whole world in His hands

I fear no evil, for You are with me

Strong to deliver, mighty to save

He's got the whole world in His hands

I feel for Leah...the one in the Bible...the first wife of Jacob.  See, she knew that Jacob didn't want her.  She wasn't the most attractive of the daughters in that family.  At that time it seems this was a big deal.  Maybe it is now, too.

But Rachel was barren--infertile is what we say now.  Her one short-coming.  She couldn't provide the most important service a woman could at that time.

So Leah saw her opening.  She started making babies.  And with each one, she thought, "Surely, he'll love me this time."  But Jacob never did. He always put Leah right behind Rachel.

Most men today don't have two wives.  But some women find themselves in the same struggle.  Maybe if I do this, make this change, act this way, he will love me like I want to be loved.

Yeah.  I feel awful for Leah.  She was a little petty, for sure.  But who wouldn't be?

So I was raised in the Independent Fundamental Baptist tradition.  There are many things about this style of worship that I love.  One of them is that the Bible is unquestionably the word of God and that we should live our lives around it if we claim to serve God.

However, fundamentalism has taken some turns for the worse.  It has become associated with legalism.  There are suddenly all these rules among the "Bible-thumpers" that I'm pretty sure are not in the Bible.  I still consider myself a Fundamentalist in the truest sense--I believe the Bible is the word of God and that it should be followed as a blueprint for life.  I believe in the fundamentals of the faith.  I am a Bible-thumper.

But I don't fit with that crowd anymore.

You see, all through high school, I challenged youth leaders and pastors about things they said.  Rock music is bad. Dancing of any kind is immoral.  They even challenged dating way before Joshua Harris kissed dating goodbye.  I thought, music is good.  Rock music is fun.  Christian rock reaches people that Gospel music doesn't.  Dancing is an expression of emotion.  That's a good thing, right?  I tap my feet to the church choir and clap to the quartets just as much as with everything else.

Well, I learned today that the Bible backs me up!  Check out 2 Sam. 6.  King David has experienced a great amount of triumph in his life at this point.  As they are bringing the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem, he dances through the streets in his uderwear (the Bible says linen ephod, but it's the same thing)!  He is so overwhelmed with joy, with the vitory God has given him, that it is not enough to simply speak about it or sing about it.  This joy has taken over his entire body.  It wasn't immoral or alcohol induced.  It was his way of expressing his joy.  David was a man after God's own heart.  And if you'll notice, there's a pattern in scripture.  If God isn't happy with something David does, he lets him know, usually through Nathan.

Then Michal, the daughter of Saul, comes up to David.  Now let me just say that I think her intentions were good.  Michal was all about serving God, she would have been considered a good Christian today.  But Michal called David down on his actions.  She called him vulgar, among other things.  Just like today's Fundamentalists, Michal called David down for worshipping in an undignified manner.

But look at what David says in v. 22: "I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes."

Na na na na na na, HEY!

Worship God however you are led. Don't look down on anyone else's worship.  Just make sure that it is from God--what He is leading you to do, and not your own show.

And dance away.

As a life-long WVian, I want to say that my heart truly goes out to the families of the 12 miners who were killed this week in Upshur County.  It is a tragedy that these men died doing their job, nobly trying to put food on the table by working unlike so many in our lovely state today.  My prayers are with you.  God's peace be with you.

Meanwhile, I have a bone to pick with national mass media.  I suddenly understand why all those so-called "backwoods hicks" want to be left alone by the outside world and why they are suspicious of outsiders.  I don't condone it, but I understand it.  I am apalled that the news media is actually pressuring the families--the already bereaved and distraught families--of the deceased miners to sue the mine company.  As if this state isn't sue happy enough as it is, first of all.  Has anyone noticed the exodus of doctors from our borders.

Secondly, anyone who has grown up in or near a mining town knows that it is a dangerous business.  It's right up there with deep-sea fishing.  You don't see the families of the victims depicted in "A Perfect Storm" suing the makers of the boat they used or the retailers of sea food that cause such businesses to be lucrative.  Those men knew what they were getting into when they signed up for the job.

As for the OSHA violations, it's the nature of the beast.  All mining companies receive scores of OSHA violations every year.  It's not a good thing, but it's a fact.  And it's not like they're not trying to fix them.  However, the deadlines they are given are just not realistic.

Furthermore, there are few other ways to obtain that coal.  And until someone comes up with a more or equally efficient way of mass producing energy, someone has to obtain that coal.  That, and as long as people like flipping a switch and turning on their light, or their television, or their computer.

Oh, and maybe this will change some people's tunes about mountain top removal.  I really see both sides of the story, because I LOVE the mountains in WV.  I fully intend to climb some of them this summer and thoroughly enjoy hiking on them.  But what mining companies do to the landscape is no worse than shopping centers. In fact, I'd rather it was the mining companies than the shopping centers, because the outlets and malls have more options for location than the mining companies.   They have to mine where there is coal. Shopping centers can be located anywhere.  How about some of those rat-infested former crack houses in Huntington, or some of the abandoned downtown buildings in Charleston? No parking?  Tear down one of those condemned buildings and add a parking garage--not a parking lot.

Those of you in the media: get your facts straight.  Live here before you cast aspersions and ill-got opinions.  And the last time I checked, journalists were supposed to be watchdogs informing the public--objectively--of what is going on.  Stop pressuring the families to sue.  If they feel the need to do so, believe me, they will.  But it is not your place as the reporters of happenings to decide how a situation is handled.  Leave that up to the public.  Keep your opinions to yourself.  That's why I got out of journalism.

With that, I'm putting my soapbox away. 

I can't go to Passion '06.  A) It's sold out. B) I can't take the time off of work.

I went to Passion '05.  It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and led me to Paint the Town, and even Phusebox.  I am broken hearted that I cannot partake in the blessing that is Passion.  So now I'm looking for conferences that I can go to.  Maybe a weekend Women's thing.  Beth Moore (B-mama) is coming to my state in September, and you bet I'll be there, but I would like something a little earlier than that.  I need refreshing.

Passion is great.  It is this amazing resource for the college generation.  It's my generation.  But what happens when my generation graduates college and becomes the working generation?  We have all these tools for reaching the colleges of the U.S. and of the world, but I have found nothing for the Passion-withdrawal generation, i.e. those of us who graduate college, still have a fire for Christ, want to reach the world around us, but have no idea what to do.  I can go to "adult" conferences, but they are a disappointment a lot of times.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't want to be a conference junkie.  You can't just go to conferences and never use what you learn.  But I need some refreshment.  Has the church completely forgotten the young, unmarried professionals who have yet to start a family, who still get excited when they hear Crowder (New CD in March!), who have a fire and passion for God, but don't quite fit with the college crowd or the "adult" crowd?

I can't hang with the college ministries that changed--and in many ways, saved--my life as much any more because I just don't run on that schedule.  Every event starts at 9pm, but I'm in bed by 10 because I have to wake up at 5am, the time at which many of my college friends are just discovering the comfort of their pillows (especially the ones with the last name "Taylor"!).  I can't do the whole adult ministry thing because they're all talking about their marriages and their kids--two things I don't have.  I have a job, but I am not completely sure where I'm going to live next year, or whether I'm going to stay in this job forever.  I would like to keep it, but that just might not happen.  My future is little more stable than a college student, but I don't have the same things to talk about.

There just aren't a lot of people like me.

So those of you going to Passion, promise me that when you graduate and get out into the "real world" that you will not lose that fire and passion for God.  And maybe those of us who are single, passionate, non-parents, with jobs will start to make waves, come together, and minister to one another.  Maybe we can be a forgotten demographic no longer.

Meanwhile, enjoy every second.  Open your hearts.  Drink in every word that Louie, B-mama, and Piper say.  Sing praises at the top of your lungs--Make a LOUD noise...as Crowder says, "not a little bitty quiet, quiet noise, but a LOUD noise."  Lose your voice, and in doing so, find it.  Raise your hands and hold them high until your fingers turn blue because they have no circulation.  Cry.  Let loose.  Be changed.  And then GO.  Because what good is a conference if you don't GO with it.

I'm reading this book called Practitioners about the church in today's culture.  See, Jay, the campus minister at my church has a subscription to Relevant magazine.  They did a promotion recently and sent out a bunch of extra mags and books.  I picked this one up because the forward was by Erwin McManus, the barbarian that helped take over the Bronx with us this summer.

I'm on this chapter about prayer.  The Moravian church way back in the day did an entire year of 24-7 prayer.  It really shook up Western Europe and launched a lot of missions.  Why aren't we doing this?

One of the essayists wrote that his church attempted it because prayer was--as it is for so many of us--the thing that they were bad at.  Relationships were good, hospitality was good, zeal for Christ was good, but the prayer thing just wasn't there.  They created a space for prayer.  It was hard at first he said, but they ended up praying for months on end.  They did so by creating a space for prayer.  Why aren't we doing this?

My campus ministry (although I'm more alumni now than anything, and rather a prodigal member because I have not been able to attend for a while due to my school schedule and my illness and my grandmother's illness) has created a beautiful prayer room.  But we're not using it.  Why aren't we using it?

Here's the thing: every story I've heard about God taking a place by storm is prefaced by the Christians in that area praying--fervently, explosively, constantly.  This is not like a week-long thing, like Passion.  This is coming back from Passion and making time every day to fuel mission's flame.  We as Christians, in my neck of the woods anyway, just don't worship individually.  We're really good at the collective thing.  But we stink at the one-on-one communication with God thing. 

My small group Bible study delved into the subjects of prayer, fasting, and meditation last fall (and I began reading Hunger for God by John Piper, which I still haven't finished because I have to read every word at least three times to understand what he's saying).  We started experimenting.  Only a few of the girls really went through with it, but those that did really got something out of it.  Prayer is the hardest thing for me, because I don't know what to say.  Go figure: me, speechless...

Look at scripture: James said that the "effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much"--which means that if you are seeking God and are His redeemed, you have the ability to pray and have a huge effect.  You must mean what you say--have a passion.  But that's not hard, is it?  We all have a passion for something.

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray"--HUMBLE OURSELVES and ask for HELP--He will come and HEAL us.  I think we need healing for this generation.  I don't know about y'all, but I have had a lot of pain in my life.  I know a lot of people who have had a lot more.  Ask one of my students who has been sexually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and in all other ways abused.  She needs healing.  So do I.  So does everyone.  Life sucks.  We need to recover.

Paul urges us in Ephesians to pray at all times in the Spirit and to pay attention to what is going on around us and pray for our fellow believers--that's intercession, by the way, not "Lord, gimme..."--and again in II Thes. to "Pray without ceasing."

Why aren't we doing this?

I have an hour commute both ways every day.  I'm on the road from approximately 6am to 7am.  I'm going to start setting aside at least 15 minutes from loudly and obnoxiously listening to my amazing car stereo (it really is amazing, folks.  Graduation gift--and it pumps!) and PRAY.  I'm asking for someone to read this blog and hold me accountable.  Message me.  Ask me if I'm holding to it.  Anybody with me?  We have this great random network of believers--granted, not all phusers believe in Christ, but many do, and Lord-willing, many more will if his people will humbly pray.

Anybody with me?

Well, I wrote a blog about a month ago about how I was happy being single and would everyone please leave me alone (mom).  So a week later, God decided to make me into a hypocrite by dropping into my lap a wonderful man who suddenly became the other half of my  pair.  Yes, indeed.  I paired off.

And I like it.

And this time, the relationship is different than it always has been. First off, we are trying to center the relationship on God, not us (good intentions, right?).  Second, it's kinda long distance, so we have to talk.

But here is the most amazing part:  He hasn't annoyed me yet.  How the heck did that happen?  Or not happen, as the case may be...

I like this whole relationship thing.  I have someone to vent to other than my blog.

On a completely different note:

I have discovered that the words "Christmas Program" and "ulcer" actually come from the same word in Ancient Greek.  Hmmmm...coincidence?  Heck no!

Here's hoping everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving.  Me, I'm thankful for my job, my friends, my family, my apartment, my roommate, my neighbors, my car, my church, God, salvation, colors, oxygen, little bugs....

So I spend two days a week at my paternal grandmother's.  I call her Nana.  Nana is eccentric, to be sure.  She is also one of the most understanding, non-judgemental people I have ever met.  She has done everything: owned a business, achieved higher education, taught Sunday and Bible school, held political office, written for a newspaper, played on a basketball team, learned an instrument, sung in choir, starred in a play (for which she also made all the costumes), and raised three amazing, successful, and completely different children.  I admire her and her opinion greatly.  Here's a taste of the wisdom that flows from my Nana:

On Youth:

"If you've got it, you might as well use it.  You won't have it forever."

On Friendship:

"How many friends do you have that you like because of how they look, or how clean their house is, or what they have?  I don't have any like that.  I like them because they're people."

On People in General:

"I've learned that if somebody is especially particular about their house, they have something they did in their past that they really regret.  Obviously, I have nothing to hide (referring to the momentary disarray of her kitchen)."

On Uniqueness:

"I say if you don't like it, you oughta let people know.  They ought not make you eat something you don't like or wear something you don't like.  They probably don't want to, so let them know.  I like when someone's picky.  At least I know what they like."

"Be yourself.  Who cares?  They don't like it, they don't have to be around you all the time."

At this point, I should probably add that this is the woman who makes sculptures out of scrap wood that she finds in her yard and decorates religiously for every holiday.  My Nana is fantastic.  She knows what she is talking about.  She has lived life to its fullest.  I want to be like that.  No regrets, no reservations, just simple, all-out living.

Love you, Nana.