so basically..

life right now is amazing.
i wouldn't change a thing.

so, yeah, when one thing doesn't work out...
maybe its for a good reason.

and i definitely learned that...
and i'm glad it happened, even though, i was hurt...
i'm happy now, and its great.

anyways, today i went shopping..
then i went to greenhills with richard.
davis kidd, starbucks, ruby tuesday.
its so great hanging out with him, b/c there's never a dull moment.
and yeah.
so, thats all i feel like typing for now.

g'night.

so.
for some reason,
when i'm in the mood i am now...

i like to make myself miserable.
i like to make myself sick.
i shut myself down from the world.
i isolate myself.
i cry.
i get lazy, and i don't want to do anything.
all i want to do is sleep.
i don't let people help me.
i become mean.
i become a pessimist.
i find something to be unhappy about.

and the sad thing is..
is that as much as i don't want to do these things,
i won't let myself NOT do these things.

i don't understand myself.
but i'm hurt.
and as of now, thats all i know.

i need a change.
i need something that will bring me happiness.

when you try your best
but you don't succeed.

when you get what you want,
but not what you need.

when you feel so tired but you can't sleep.

stuck in reverse.
and the tears come streaming down your face.
when you lose something you can't replace.
when you like someone but it goes to waste.
could it be worse?

so.
i feel like LIFE itself is going downhill for me.

i don't understand anything anymore.

and nothing makes sense anymore.

so, what's my purpose?

how his words can make me cry just like that.

he's so wonderful.

having him tell me "karla, i really like you, a lot"
just made my night.
i cried tears of joy/happiness.

and then
"sleep good darling. goodnight beautiful"

thats all  i need.
a guy who will say those sweet things to me.

and, i think i found him.

so yesterday was quite eventful-ish.

first of all, there's this boy... and i like him, a lot.

so, yes, he's my promdate, and he was my valentine. =]

but, anywho.
yesterday i went to go see him,
he had to work though,
and he works at opry mills..

so, i got on I-24 at 5:00..
3 miles later...
stand still rushhour traffic...
and it lasted 30 minutes.
= /
i was about to turn around,
but i was determined to go see him =]

so, i finally got there at 6:30
"/ but its okay.
i got to see him, and i stayed for an hour.

but yeah.

he makes me happy, and its an unexplainable feeling.
i LOVE this feeling.

his morning phone calls put a smile on my face...
as well as after-school phone calls...
and the phonecalls that end my night.

i'm happy.
and this is just what i needed.

so, being patient really paid off.
=]

[thankyou God]

photo from ohsnapitskarla

ohhmyygoshh

i'm litterally sick of people.
i hate how people can be so hateful, mean, and pretty much cowards.

ugh. i have serious rage towards hate. its stupid.

whyy are people so stupid?!

i've come to the point in my life where i just want to get away from everyone.
don't get me wrong.. i love my family, and some friends.
but, i just want to go somewhere so that i can be alone.

i can't stand drama, and anyone that starts it.
its ridiculous, and pointless.
aaand a major waste of time.
but, some people have no lives.. and that is sad.

but like i said... i don't like how most people think/act here in murfreesboro.

please whatever you do
do not lead to conclusions with limited information.
and do not assume anything.
don't judge people.. you have no place to judge anyone.

"I guess some people just feel the need to try to steal the silver-lining of another person's happiness."
-danny jones

and i've been thinking.. i am not going to prom.
why not?
well, why should i? i don't want to waste my time with people that i cannot wait to get away from.

 i just wish that people would take the time to try and understand other people..

"take me away from this wretched place
that is dominated by fake people.
take me far away from this town
that i call home."
-me

i f*cking hate how certain people act as if they know what they're talking about... when they know nothing about it...
and then they all of the sudden become obsessed with it.
damn... i hate that crap.. seriously. i try to be me without anyone else copying me, but  no, thats impossible.

so. there's this guy that i'm thinking likes me..
which is weird b/c we're friends..
and i kindof have a crush on his bestfriend..
but his bestfriend has a girlfriend.

so that basically sucks.

oh well.

i need to stop thinking so much about my single life. and enjoy it while i'm still single.

BUT ANYWAYS

today was fun.. i hung out with Scott and Garrett. We went to Toot's, books-a-million, starbucks, then to pick up Kacey, then to ToysRus, then party city.

and garrett made a good point and made me realize that
i should stop worrying about being single so much.

but anyways... i thought i had 1 crush.. but now... i have 2.
bleh.

♥

wow.

gaaah.

there are somenights where i cry myself to sleep...
wondering wtf is wrong with me to where i can't get a boyfriend.

i swear i have the worst luck.

its basically impossible for me to have a boyfriend.
prettymuch.. i'm not appealing to guys or something.

i hate feeling like this.
but  i just always have a constant reminder everytime i look in the mirror.
i feel like beauty is a burden.
[and i'm not being all conceited or anything,
its just people tell me so, so i'm guessing its true]

but i mean.
look past that..
learn about me. realize that my personality > my looks.

bleh. i don't know anymore.

i'm sick of this... sick of it all.

i've tried to fix things with her, i really have.
i've tried to keep our friendship, but its like she doesn't
care at all.
i can't fix something that i didn't mess up. Yet it seems that i'm the one to blame for whatever the hell happened.
I just don't get it.
this is definitely not fair to me.

but i see it in her attitude.
she doesn't care.
she's a different person.
she changed.
she doesn't acknowledge me.

so, i guess its over.
our friendship, is over.
i wish this weren't true. but she doesn't care.
and i am sick to my stomach.
why does it have to be like this?

so, people have told me to just forget her since she's being like this,
but she was my bestfriend.
and its just so hard to see her treating me like i'm stupid or something.
but along the way of trying to move on,
i've made some truly amazing friends.

and i thank God for them.
because they've helped me get through this sadness.
So, maybe this was meant to happen for a reason.

BUt i just don't know.

Yeah...

Pretty sure that...

The Sims 2 is my all time addiction.

seriously.

i'm afraid of what the future holds for me..
and this feeling makes me uneasy.

I've been thinking a lot lately about college.

which also leads me to the fact that my bestfriend will most likely be going far away. =[

but anyways.
COLLEGE.
it startles me so.
But I have narrowed it down to:
Lipscomb University, UTk, MTSU, Georgia Tech, and UGa

ah. i'm confused.

oh and another thing that confuses me....

THe male gender... yes, boys.
whyy are you boys so confusing?
why am i not in a relationship?
is there something wrong with me?

but yeah. ahem. i'm just seriously ready to find the love of my life.
time will tell though... ah i hate that saying.

REMARKS are lovely and they make me smile =D

yeah... simply amazing.

But yeah, if you didn't go to it, well, you should have

it was at the exit in for $12 = 4 bands:

Lenny, some weird band, The Spill Canvas, and Gratitude....

pretty sure that I got 3 videos of TSC and a picture with the lead singer... yay.

but yeah, i'll update later with some pictures to share with.

okay soo

last entry... yeah, i was pretty mad.

i'm better though.

School= yuck.
i'm just counting down the days until i graduate.

and i still don't know where i'm going to college... most likely i'll end up at MTSU. but yeah.

random entry.

erg. yeah.

Does anyone give a fuck about how i feel?
about my feelings?

I'm effing human.

And damn... I just cannot get over something thats been bothering me for a few months now... and i'm still extremely sad about it all...

Here's the thing...

Me and Morgan used to be bestbestfriends, well, all the sudden we meet Brianne, and it was on the CatholicHeartWorkCamp that they got to know each other better...
as time went on.. I became replaced by her.

It fucking sucks to be replaced,
and the feeling hurts a lot.

Sure... everyone tells me to move on, because i have more friends... but Morgan was just the only true bestfriend that i hadn't had in a while.

but now, i'm hoping that our friendship isn't completely diminished..

but i think it is...
and it sucks.

i hope its not true.

And so... i've practically cried every night because i lost the best friendship, and i wish i knew what the hell i did wrong.

will i ever know?

but seriously, i'm so effing emo... i never was, but i guess i've changed, and sometimes,
just sometimes,
i feel like giving up on life.

the truth is
you just don't realize
what i'm thinking.

if you read this...
the least you could do, is c o m m e n t.

So wow...
Fall break.. was fairly boring.

Not much is new, other than the fact that
I got a new job. YAY..

Um.

And, I have a new bestfriend.. well not new, but he's still my bestfriend.

OH, what else..
OH yeah, the main cause of my frustration and emo-mood....
b o y s
yeah.. urg.
I don't understand them at all.
I mean, first he's interested and whatnot, then you talk for a while, and then he apparently thinks that you don't like him at all, when you do.... and so they just give up...
just like that... over.
and you're left there wondering wtf you did wrong to make him do that.
and then you just lose all hope
because apparently you're not good enough or whatever for him, or for that matter
any other guy.

yeah, i relate to that, partly because its a true story... as in it happened to me. erg.

whatever.

i don't really care anymore.
wait... i lied, i do care.
i just hate having to wait for that special guy to come along.

yeah, well that concludes a portion of my thoughts.
© k a r l a

So apparently some people are really good at pissing me off
and hurting my feelings...

i'm only human you know... and i too have feelings...

Hmm...

If you REALLY want to piss me off... exclude me, don't talk to me, exclude me, stand me up, use the same words i effing do (that most of the time i make up), ignore me, act as if i don't exist, tell me you want to hang out with me and then don't even bother calling, hang out with everyone BUT me...

damn

its like some people have mastered this "lets piss off Karla" whole deal.

and h o n e s t l y, it hurts ME more than you will ever care to know...

but whatever...

I've seriously gotten to the point in my life where... I don't care anymore...
Go ahead... walk all over me... i'm used to it by now....

this is only a fraction of how i feel... but apparently no one gives a fuck...

Signed...
- Another stupid emo kid..
aka k a r l a

yeah, so i'm fed up with being single.