so.
for some reason,
when i'm in the mood i am now...

i like to make myself miserable.
i like to make myself sick.
i shut myself down from the world.
i isolate myself.
i cry.
i get lazy, and i don't want to do anything.
all i want to do is sleep.
i don't let people help me.
i become mean.
i become a pessimist.
i find something to be unhappy about.

and the sad thing is..
is that as much as i don't want to do these things,
i won't let myself NOT do these things.

i don't understand myself.
but i'm hurt.
and as of now, thats all i know.

i need a change.
i need something that will bring me happiness.