Sometimes I wonder when I'm ever going to get off this roller coaster. It's like one of those rides that fool you - it slows down enough for you to think it's over and just when you begin to relax it starts up again. Up the hills, down the hills, around the circles you go... again. You want so bad to get off but there's no emergency exit - just the long fall down. You either stay on the seemingly never ending, nauseating, terrifying ride or you get off - falling to your inevitable death.

I don't want to fall, but I want so badly off this ride - is there not some other option??

As of now I simply wait - ride it out holding on to my Support, white knuckled knowing I'm safer the more I hold onto my Protection.

Until the day the ride stops. It's over. You look back and realize you did it. Satisfied.

Okay.... so I haven't written one of these in a really long time. I actually haven't really been on here in a really long time!! But anyway! Things have been going okay. I've had a lot of up and down times really. I feel like I'm on this never ending roller coaster! But it's looking good right now! :) I'm just learning how to trust God in ways I never have before... but that's good right??

Anyway, I just moved out into my new apartment!! It's pretty exciting! I'm scared I'll get lonely though... I dont know. I guess if I do I can always call up one of the kids from downstairs! lol You'll have to come up and see me sometime! (I say that to whoever's reading this altho I'm sure Grace is the only one that will!)

I'm really needing to use the facilities so I'm ending this now... lol

Its funny how swiftly life can change. One thing can happen and in that moment your whole life can be changed. Most people know that I have been planning to move to FL this summer. It wasn't a decision I had taken lightly. It was prayed through, I had even gone to a leader for advice on it, had peace that I was making the right decision. Things were starting to set in place for it to happen. Then 2 Sunday's ago Mel told me that she had accepted a position at a church AL and that she was leaving in three weeks. In that moment – well more like after the shock of it wore off; my mind immediately went to the kids. W/ Amy, me, and now Mel leaving – what's going to happen in kids church?? I went home that day utterly confused. I went for a long walk to talk w/ God (more like yell…) and still came up w/ nothing. I knew that I did not want to leave right now. That if God still wanted me to move to FL it was going to break my heart. I just wasn't sure on anything at that point.

Then Monday, just one day later Barry wanted to meet w/ me. I took a little time off from work and went to see him. He then offered me the position of interim children's pastor. Apparently he had already met w/ the board about the idea and they decided on a 6 month position for me if I wanted it. Well let me tell – I wanted it but I also knew that I was supposed to go to FL…. right?

Needless to say I yet again had a long prayer time that night! Really – the whole time I was praying I felt God calling me to stay here and take this opportunity. I guess I just did not understand why He gave me a peace about FL if this is what He wanted all along…

After debating about a few different reasons why God let me have a peace about FL just to keep me here I came to the conclusion that it really didn't matter. If I spent my life trying to figure God out I would never have time to do anything else!! :o) I trust Him and I trust my relationship w/ Him and I know that both decisions I have made were made w/ His help. I don't know why it's happened like it has but it's not for me to figure out. He has a reason for everything, even if we can't see it.

All that to say – I'm staying here, at least for another 6 months. I start working at the church next week so I can train w/ Mel for a week before she leaves. It's all very scary but very exciting. I am seriously so humbled that God will call me to do this. It is amazing!! It also amazing how He has helped me through it all. He has shown Himself to me through this time and I am completely ready to do His will (even if it is totally frightening!!).

OH! One more thing – to all of you who have already known about this decision as there were several of you, I just want to say thank you. I have had nothing but support from everyone here and you have helped me in huge ways just by trusting and supporting me. I have had so many parents in the church tell me how proud they are of me, how awesome they think this is for me to do, how they are so glad I am staying to do this… so many good things that I do not deserve at all but I am so grateful for the help!! I wish I knew how to describe how grateful I am for all the support I have gotten. Through every decision I have made recently God has shown me what a huge support system He has built around me through my church and I feel so blessed to have it. Thank you so so so much for all of you who have believed in me. It means everything to me.

Alright.... where to start? Well, I'm guessing it was kinda obvious from my last blog but in case you don't know my big news is I'm moving to FL this summer. It has DEFINITELY been the hardest choice I've ever had to make but I know it will be worth it to do God's will.

Anyway, on to the next subject.... well I don't really have another subject! I'm just at work and extremely bored so I thought I would get on here!! What I'm doing on here is basically nothing though... oh wait! I'm talking to Grace. hehe I knew that! Dude, I am so tired I can't even remember what I'm doing! I need sleep. A lot of sleep..... I really love sleep. I'm not sure why... I just have this passionate love for sleep... is that bad??? LOL

Wow, I just re read this blog and it's kinda weird so I think I'm going to stop writing before I embarrass myself anymore than I already have....

Alright, I'm not usually one that likes to write about serious things but in this case I think I will.

God is requiring me to make a huge change and sacrifice in my life and it so very hard. It makes even harder b/c it's affecting the people closest to me and I hate to see them hurting. I'm not really sure if I want to make the big announcement yet as to what it is (although Grace, if Lane hasn't told you yet I will). I just need prayer. This is so hard. I know I have to trust God and that's what I'm trying to do but trusting something you can't see the outcome of is VERY scary!! I guess that's where faith has to come in though.

*Sigh* Growing is so much harder than I realized. I wish I was a child again...!!

Alright before Grace strangles me for not posting anything I thought I would. What kind of things do people write about in these posts??? Am I supposed to tell you all about my life...??? B/c what if I don't want to??? hehe j/k

Anyway, I think I'm going to run to Mexico and become an albino w/ Grace. If Lane's nice we may take her w/ us. The end.

So, I'm not really sure what I'm doing. Grace and Lane have made me get one of these... So if anyone feels the need to help me, please HELP!!