Why can't I accept that the boy-thing isn't going to happen soon, and be happy with that? Why do I always have to be wishing that there's something more going on than what there really is? I feel so much better about myself even compared to one year ago, so much more comfortable in my own skin. And I've loved hanging out with my friends this summer, being able to laugh and be stupid and not be worried that other people will think I'm unacceptable. And now I'm really excited about this marching season, not just because the music is cool and I'm actually enjoying being a section leader (so far, knock on wood), but because I'll get to be with all these awesome people so much for the next year. Why can't I just be happy with this level I've reached, why do I have to keep wanting more? It's not like a boy would make me a better person. I know deep down somewhere that I'm fine just the way I am, and it's not a big deal that I haven't found someone yet. I know the right one will come along and everything will be just great and beautiful. I know that I should enjoy each part of my life, because they're all definitely worth savoring. I know these things. It's just hard to convince myself when I see the couples holding hands, looking at each other like there's no one else in the world at that moment but them. It's hard not to want that so badly that it just destroys my happiness with whatever other great things I have. I'm trying to be satisfied, I really am. It's just hard.