Sometimes I really just don't know what God's doing with my life.  It seems friends come and friends go.  After my dad's death, things just don't shine like they used to shine.  I'm kind of in a rush, but I needed to vent that simple thought out.  I will one day look back and realize why things worked out the way they did, but until then I'm in the dark.  I get jealous over the dumbest things lately.  Mainly people who seem genuinely happy.  I've got joy, yes.  Everyday I wake up and find joy in the Lord, but I'm hardly happy.  I get so lonely sometimes and I think it's God's way of keeping me too attached to this world.  Why, though?  Others don't experience the same pain and they're Christians.  I'm so self-centered sometimes.  I hate it.  I should be happy for the things God's given me.  I am, and I need to focus on that.

I really like this new layout... but that's besides the point.

So- I just realized how utterly screwed up my life can be.  Well, my best-friend decided that he was too much drama in my life lately (which, lets face it, if you've been keeping up he has been) and hasn't talked to me at all today or last night despite any message I might send him.  I feel bad for him but he's been crazy lately and if he feels it necessary to stop talking to me for a few weeks I'm okay with it.  I need a break.

It's time for registration again and I've realized... hey... MOST OF MY CLASSES HAVEN'T COUNTED TOWARDS CRAP!!!  I'll be in school forever.  I'm not sure I can handle this business school stuff.  These classes just aren't for me.  I was much more content being stressed out over art classes than Accy 201 and Cal 261.  I'm too right brained for those subjects.  My mom keeps saying that college isn't easy... but what's the point of TORTURING myself with these classes.  It's not that I don't understand, there's just a mental block there.  I don't see any practicle reason for taking these classes OTHER than getting a degree in Print Advertising.  I'm sorry... advertisers from this school will NOT be that creative if they completely grasp Accy and Calculus.  There's no room for any right brained activity.  Just thinking about it hurts.

So I was throughly disgusted in BSU last night.  The praise band was extremely flagrant, people avoided Jeffrey like the plague because he's gay and whoever they decided to preach yesterday was clearly found in some backwoods community where they like being yelled to about random, off-the-wall issues and those who go into the ministry ONLY go to Christian schools because God would never, EVER call anyone to get an undergrad from a State funded university.  GRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr......

Okay, so I'm going to go study now for my Accy test which I'm probably going to fail.  If any of you happen to read this before six today- say a little prayer for me.

So now that I have been OFFICIALLY labeled as a "near" totalitarian, I have to move on to subjects a little more important.

Do you ever feel pulled in so many directions that you feel like you aren't accomplishing anything? This question can apply to many, many, many aspects of my life. *sigh* I'm just tired...

And I leave you with that question to ponder or ignore. LOL

Thoughts, comments, words of harsh advice that I'm ALMOST A TOTALITARIAN??? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT??? Overall, though, I've always said I was a true moderate, and according to this thing I am. When you take this test, you can see were famous people fall on it too, and I land smack dab on top of Pope John Paul II. LOL

center>You are a
Social Moderate
(41% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(36% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Centrist



Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

So... I haven't posted in a while. I've been meaning to though. LOL What's running through my head at the moment? Well... I feel trapped sometimes in my head. God is the only one that understands, I guess, but is it wrong to wish that I had someone I could truly confide to? I was thinking... I used to say I could truly confide in Jeffrey, but I really never did. I couldn't tell him a lot of what I was feeling about a situation because I was afraid of his reaction. I went and saw a movie with him tonight and I realized just how much I missed him being who he was, thinking that I might just be better off letting go more than I have. It made me stop and realize that I've been clinging on to our ever deteriorating friendship because I don't feel I have anyone else. This happened when I thought to myself that I used to have a circle of friends and don't know what happened to them. I have friends, but not a circle. I don't even hang out with anyone anymore, mainly because of work. I'm sorry this is so dang selfish and pity-party-ish... but I'm #1- very tired and #2- very sad about loosing such a close friend and not sure how to handle it. I mean, this guy is suppose to be the best-man at my wedding. Anyways... I'll leave it at that. It just makes me sad and realize how much I need to stop leaning on others and lean on God. I guess that's what this is suppose to teach me. Don't know... Gah I'm tired. lol

So... does anyone else notice the subtle change of air quality lately? It's been this way since around the time Katrina came through. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's still wicked hot but I think the air has gotten crisper. I notice this at night when it actually gets a little chilly when the breeze blows by and how the car actually cools off if I roll the windows down while driving. It's hot, but when the air moves it's actually cool.

This excites me to no end! Fall is my FAVORITE season. I think it is so beautiful- the sunsets are more purple than red, the trees become a rainbow of colors and things just seem a bit more cozy. It makes me think of great childhood memories. Even if this change isn't temporary just yet, the taste of the coming season has me in a very good mood. :)

I might also associate Fall with beginnings instead of endings like is traditional. I think it's how our society is set up as Americans- especially those of us in school. Our year starts at the close of summer and ends at the beginning of the next summer. I've never liked summer for that reason, I think. It represents change to me. AND as a hardcore Taurus (lol) I am not a personality that appreciates permanent change. I actually like changes such as someone visiting, going on vacation and doing something odd as long as when I get done doing whatever it is I can come back to the life I left behind.

Wow... just realized that I won't be going back to the same Picayune that I left. Really makes me upset. So...

I'm going to move and end the rambling. LOL Peace out.

So I just couldn't take not knowing what my town looked liked. My mom mainly had pics of my neighborhood, which were distrubing enough, but I needed to know how my town faired. My friend Julia had a few pics posted to her blog, but most were of her house. I saved a few of them and posted them on here but the large majority of them came from the Picayune Item's website. My eyes welled up seeing some of the pictures. Things just won't be the same in Picayune, yet I have to count the blessings. My town still looks like a town. My town is still there though heavily damaged. My town won't be the same ever again but it's far better off than most of the Coast. As I was reading through the backissues, I came across an article talking about how Picayune was adopted by a town in Nebraska called Beatrice. The town, as a collective, wanted to do something. So they searched for a town with a similar population, size and economy. They said Picayune was almost exactly like Beatrice. They've taken it upon themselves to offer Picayune as many services as they could provide including medical staff, resources and a labor force to help in the reconstruction efforts. What a blessing. I can't help but feel other places need the help worse than Picayune; however, it's very nice to know that a small town so far removed from the devestation is doing what they can do to help and be involved. It's such a blessing. A very real blessing for the town. Well, it's late and I want to head to bed. Catch you peeps later.

I think there should be a support group for people like me who get doped into creating absolutely every kind of weblog out there... even if I don't use it. Haha!

Hope y'all find my profile photo humorous... because I know I do! lol Sometimes I can go overboard with Photoshop and spend a few hours playing around instead of doing homework. I need FOCUS!

Well... yeah... I've gotta go to sleep... because... well... I just do. It's almost four o'clock and I've gotta wake up in three hours.