Friendship

September 19 2005
So... I haven't posted in a while. I've been meaning to though. LOL What's running through my head at the moment? Well... I feel trapped sometimes in my head. God is the only one that understands, I guess, but is it wrong to wish that I had someone I could truly confide to? I was thinking... I used to say I could truly confide in Jeffrey, but I really never did. I couldn't tell him a lot of what I was feeling about a situation because I was afraid of his reaction. I went and saw a movie with him tonight and I realized just how much I missed him being who he was, thinking that I might just be better off letting go more than I have. It made me stop and realize that I've been clinging on to our ever deteriorating friendship because I don't feel I have anyone else. This happened when I thought to myself that I used to have a circle of friends and don't know what happened to them. I have friends, but not a circle. I don't even hang out with anyone anymore, mainly because of work. I'm sorry this is so dang selfish and pity-party-ish... but I'm #1- very tired and #2- very sad about loosing such a close friend and not sure how to handle it. I mean, this guy is suppose to be the best-man at my wedding. Anyways... I'll leave it at that. It just makes me sad and realize how much I need to stop leaning on others and lean on God. I guess that's what this is suppose to teach me. Don't know... Gah I'm tired. lol

laurabee

September 19 2005
hey friend, sorry i haven't been there to encourage you the past few days. i promise i haven't been avoiding you or anything crazy like that! i've been a little stressed and overwhelmed, but that's no excuse. have a happy monday, and do lean on God; that's probably what he's teaching you to do anyway. see you soon, amigo.

Jaimee Redd

September 19 2005
jonathan, it must be a God thing that i got on here when i did. i was just about to post a journal almost exactly like yours. it sucks feeling like there's no one you can turn to, and even more when you thought you had people, but you really don't. i think God is also teaching me to lean on Him and to depend on Him fully. maybe we can learn this lesson together.