My braces, here's my digits 6158380872 :)

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It's still morning, but it feels like this day has dragged on forever. Maybe it's because I still count down to when my birthday is, and every day in September feels like the closer it gets to my birthday, the slower the time moves.

I'll be sixteen.

And I don't feel like celebrating, but I am this Saturday and Sunday.

Be there, or be square :)

I'll be lookin reaaaaal fly.

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna want to make it move

There's always gonna have to be an up hill battle 

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

It ain't about how fast I get there

It ain't about what's waiting on the other side.

It's the climb.

I really need you.

As in all my old friends, I feel like we're all complete strangers. Which we are, well at least I am.

And it hurts.

I have this huge feeling I'm dying.

Like my life's a ticking clock,

and there's someone out there smiling.

Maybe he can make it stop.

I feel like I'm only hanging on by chance.

No reason to catch a gleam.

My life is just a dance,

nothing but a dream.

when will it ever end?

I'm scary sick.

And I'm afraid.

I need your prayers,

please pray for my heart, my chest, my head, and my legs.

 thank you so much,

kaelynn

And I'm glad people stayed in touch with me and made me feel good.

I have a truly wonderful life.

I'm trying to find happiness in myself instead of the people around me.

Figuring out that I shouldn't rely on others for my happiness.

And figuring out how different I am than I was almost a year ago.

My have I grown up and realized I have who I need.

i'm stuck in this rut.

messed up my job interview because i kept stuttering.

it's pretty horrible.

i'm extremely afraid for my future

I know what i want in life.

I know who I won't as my savior.

I know who I need.

I need no one.

I can make it with out everyone but Jesus.

Tell me I'm confused!

I dare you....

Am I angry?

You bet.

I'm sick of people running their mouth.

If you have something to say about me...

SAY IT TO ME!

... sigh.

not really my final thought but it sure feels like it.

I've felt like I still have my "God Shaped Hole" in my heart.

and I've tried to fill it...

you know like those little kid toys that you have to match the object with the shape and put it in the right shaped hole.

I feel like I've been trying to place all the wrong things in it. And I feel like I don't know where I'm going.

I know what I want I just don't know how to get there,

I know where I wanna be but I'm lost in my own direction.

I don't know who I am.

It's like I'm lost but I'm not?

I plan on getting right with God, but I'm learning how.

I feel like I've been doing what I should do, but there's something missing.

Like what's my motivation?

And now I'm realizing it's the

-unconditional love

-understanding

-powerful

-faithful

-compationate

-humble

 -my one and only father

-the mother I miss out on

-the arms that are open

God.

I feel like I'm pouring myself into nothing.

I feel like I'm trying for a relationship that's never going to work.

I feel like I'm gaurding everything I say because I don't want another fight.

I feel like I'm a bad person for this.

I feel like you don't try.
I feel like you just have me around to have me... like I'm just there?

I feel like I'm in this by myself.

Straight up

Since there's a group of you who believe so

call me out on what I've lied on!

Do it! I dare you!

...Cause I've been nothing but honest, and it breaks my heart.

What can I do if my heart won't let go of you?

What if you told me there's still a chance to make this work?

What if I told you I didn't wanna start over?

But I would've lied.

What if I wanted to move on?

But I know it's impossoble.

What if I'm happy? What if I love him? What if I really want to be with him?

Would you let me? Would you still love me even if I pretended not to love you back?

I can't just give up who I am now and chase who I was?

Can I?

I loved you, I love you. 

When I'm with him I feel like I'm in a whole other world,

But when I'm with you... I'm free.

With all seriousness, I'm faced with a trial.

A really big one. And I'm so confused.

Place your hands on mine

It looks like Tarzan and Jane

Place your hands on mine

then my hands start to tremble

Place your hands on mine

I feel like the world just stopped

Place your heart in my hands

And I promise I'll be gentle

Place your heart in my hands

And I promise I won't break it

Place your heart in my hands

And it will be the best choice you ever made.

We can be like Noah and Alley,

with that Love that never died.

We can be like Tarzan and Jane,

two completely different people that made each other whole.

We can be who ever we wanna be

cause you're the only thing that makes this heart skip.

...I'm disaponted.

I was asking my friend if the knew some people from another school.

And I told them I knew them from Church Based beliefs.

And they busted out laughing and said "You say they are Christian, really? There's nothng Christ like about them. Have you ever hung out with them outside of the church. They don't act one bit like a Christian. You should hear the things they talk about."

I was discusted. How can you call yourself a Christain of you don't show a Christ like manor. Especially if you go out and preech the Gospel.

I just feel like my efforts as being a Christian are going to be cut down if "Us Christians" aren't going to act like Christians.

It's just really pathetic.

So the title has to do with what I'm going to "type" about in my thought.

I've noticed a major difference in a lot of my friends and the way they express there selves. It sorta turns my stomach a little.

God should be the only one influencing our descions on life, or with our relationships with our peers or loved ones.

And I believe people with a higher power or in a leadership postition should have a good heart and be in the right place with God.

It reminds me of a story in the bible about those Teachers with the scroll boxes on there for heads, and they'd teach about Christ vividly and told you about God. Then they would Lust after women and do the opposite of their teaches and then God said "Do as they SAY not as they are doing, for they are not Glorifying the Kingdom of God"

And if God was saying that I was doing wrong, don't follow Kaelynn, I would be embarassed. And I would want people to see God in me. Not see a person they no longer recognize. And I recently discovered that if you are a "True Christian" you will have the desire in your heart to Not Swear, Lust which in God's eyes is Adultry, Not cheat, Lie. That you will want to be Like God.

God said that we as christians are strangers to the world, Aliens sent to spread to spread the word of God. To not Conform to the ways of the wicked here in this place.

And that's what I've noticed, we've changed. A lot of us are no longer where we need to be with God, and we think we're happy. But then when you realize how incomplete you are with out him....

It's gonna come crashing down... hit you like a bunch of... Football players.

:)

Honestly I do believe in my heart that atleast one person needed to hear an ounce of what I said. And it's not just what I said, it's got some thing that God said too. 

I noticed the moment I walked in things were gonna be weird.

I love people, like I had no problem with anything.

But they did, what happened was like history, and I got over it.

Apparently the didn't.

Ouch. 

(the new Batman movie me and Tyler saw last night)

Woooooow!

That movie was incredible, I cried.

but i cray in every movie so... no point.

But it's awesome.

just thought you guys would like to know....

...man this  feels weird, like I don't belong on this website?

or in the social group on this website... whatever?