Lately, I have realized that the ASG and the people in it are not all that they say they are.  The Honors Program advertises that it has a "supportive community", when in fact it is a complete lie.  The reality of it all is that everyone is a conniving little rat trying to make it to the top.  Most everyone is concerned about padding their resumes and sucking up to all of those in charge.  It is ridiculous.  Not to say that I don't enjoy a little power every now and then, but my main concern is not how well I can suck up.  When I first got involved in leadership within the ASG, I naively thought that I would be able to make changes to the program.  Wow, how sorely mistaken I was.  I've realized that the ASG is nothing but political rubbish.  I am not going to abandon my responsibilities just yet, but I will soon be pulling away from the program.  What a let down.

I will never be able to understand why people can't be honest to each other.  Recently I learned the truth as to who my real friends are and had some very hurtful things said about me.  Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm sure this girl isn't honest to everyone 100% of the time."  I'll admit it I'm not, but I'm not continuously hiding my true feelings about people.  I let people know when I don't like them.  I think there is a definite difference between hiding your feelings and being civil and respectful in public.  I attempt to let my feelings be known by how I act, not by going behind people's backs and talking about them while pretending to like them to their face.  And when you confront someone on an issue, its nice when they just tell you the truth instead of continuing to lie to you.  I just don't get it.  I wish we weren't forced to play the "do they really like me?" game whenever we befriend someone.

I got adventurous and cut all of my hair off.  It's the shortest it's been since I was a little kid.  It was time for a change.  I like it a lot, plus, it's great for the summer.

Yesterday, Jonathan and I returned from Memphis.  It was a really fun, but busy trip.  I had a blast.  It was so much fun to meet all of his family and friends.  I'm so tired.  I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation.  A week of non-stop activity will do that to you.

Sadly, school starts back tomorrow.  I still have so much to do for classes.  It seems as if there just isn't enough time.  AHH!

I am so done with my family.  Since Dad is out on the road, there is no one to police my Mom and my brother, Matt.  Matt is Mom's "little golden boy," and that's all he'll ever amount to in life unless he starts to use his own brain instead of acting as a carbon copy of Mom.  And apparently Mom has failed to realize that I'm different from Matt.  For starters, I don't like to talk all day long.  I need time to myself after a full day of intereacting with others.  Second, I don't agree with everything that she thinks.  Third, I won't just sit there and take her crap, I'll fight back.  I'm so tired of it all.  It's continuous, and looks as if there's no end in sight.

Last night someone tried to break into our house.  I was so scared.  I was at home with my brother while my Mom was at work.  It was about 10:30.  I had a lot of lights on in the house, which strikes me as weird.  I wouldn't try and break into somebody's house if I saw lights on.  It was dead quiet because Matt was asleep and I was in the process of putting in a movie.  All of a sudden, I heard the glass door open, and someone try to open the front door which was locked.  The dogs immediately went to the door and started to bark.  It scared the crap out of me.  I immediately called my Mom at work and then called the sheriff.  When the sheriff arrived, He talked to me, looked around the outside of the house, and then drove around the neighborhood.  He told me he would have the neighborhood patrolled for the next couple of nights.  The dogs are probably what scared the attempting intruder away.  Hopefully it will never happen again.

2006 is coming to an end.  It's hard to believe that time has gone by so fast.  My life has changed pretty dramatically this past year. 

My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Because my grandmother and I are so close, it was something I struggled a lot with.  Luckily I has such wonderful support from my friends and and family.  She had a mastectomy to remove the cancer.  We then found out that the cancer had reached her limp nodes, so she had a second surgery to remove that cancer.  She is cancer free now, but there is still the chance that the cancer could return.  I also graduated from high school this past May and moved to Tennessee about seven days later.  I left my closest friends and the majority of my family.  It was a big change.  I moved a lot when I was younger, and this transition was the hardest I've had to make by far.  I think the biggest thing for me this year was starting college.  I started my first semester at Tennessee Tech this fall.  It was a new beginning.  I have made some wonderful friends and am now in a relationship with a great guy.

2006 was full of smiles, tears, struggles, and joys. There was a lot of change, but mostly for the best.  I can only hope that 2007 will be just as great, and I am welcoming all that it has in store for me with open arms.

Is introversion really that hard to understand?  Obviously it is for my parents.  Today the whole family went out for the After-Christmas Sales.  Even though I was dreading the crowds and having to deal with all those people, I still went.  The day wasn't all that bad and I did get some great deals.  After all was said and done, I headed to my room for some "me time".  I needed to take a break from people.  Well, I was called out to potty the dogs, so I left my room and did it.  I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, so I wasn't the nicest when I answered there question of whether I had seen something that was saved on Tivo.  Immediately I was dubbed as being "bitchy" for not wanting to talk to people.  I don't know how many times I've tried to explain to them it is in my nature to not want talk to people sometimes, especially when I've already been doing it all day.  Grr!

Today was wonderful.  For once I didn't have to deal with my other family.  No nosey Grandparents and no cousins seeing just how hard they can hug me. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but living too close to them for the past four years has made me want some space.  In Florida, my Grandparents lived next door, so there was no privacy.  And my cousins lived about 10 minutes down the road, so I saw them a lot too, and was nearly hugged to death at least three times a week.  Change is good sometimes. 

It was a nice Christmas.  Just hanging around the house with Mom, Dad, and yes, even Matt.  We opened gifts, had our annual breakfast casserole, watched movies and television, played board games, and ate Christmas dinner.  There was only one person missing....

For the good:

I got to see Jonathan today!  I had to follow my Dad to Memphis today so that he could drop off his tool truck that he just sold.  So while we were in Memphis, we met Jonathan for lunch at Brad's BBQ.  Then Jonathan went with us to the drop-off site so that he could spend a little more time with me.  Even though we only got to spend a little time together today, it was wonderful.

For the bad:

I just learned from my grandmother tonight that a friend of mine from my church in Florida tried to commit suicide.  My friend has had a really tough life and it has been particularly hard for her lately.  I feel really bad that I'm not there to help her right now.  We were really starting to get close before I came to Tennessee, so I feel like I've abandoned her.  I am going to try and get in touch with her and try to help her, I just hope I can.

Tonight at church was so much fun.  We had a bunch of crafts for the children to do so that they could make gifts for Christmas.  They also got to bake cookies and decorate them.  It was such a blast.  A lot of the kids from my LOGOS class were there.  It was nice to see them again, since I really haven't spent a lot of time with them since November.  And Kailey was there, too.  She was so excited to see me.  For some reason, she absolutely adores me.  She was so cute when she came in the door tonight.  Kailey walked in and as soon as she saw me, she ran and jumped into my arms for a great big hug.  Her mother was telling me tonight that she had never seen Kailey get so attached to a person as quickly as Kailey got attached to me.  It really makes you feel special when you hear something like that.

In other news, I get to see Jonathan tomorrow.  Yay!

Christmas Break is already here.  It amazes me how quickly my first semester at college went by.  Things seem to be going really good.  The transition up here from Florida was pretty painless.  I have made a lot of friends, found my place in the church, and have a wonderful boyfriend (who I miss dearly right now).

Things with my brother seem to be calming down.  Yesterday was pretty bad though.  We never stops purposely annoying me.  Err.  He's pretty sick today though, so I feel bad for him, but I can't help but to wonder, could this be Karma?  As bad as that sounds, I really do want him to get better, I hate it when he's sick.

Overall things are good.  I finally fell as if I'm finding my place in life.