so. life is filled with crappy emotions. i am such a girl. i am simultaneously attracted to 2 people. it's funny how some people just get to you. like, people can (and do) criticize me all the time, and it doesn't get to me, but this one person says a single thing to me, and it just kills me. gah. i can't stand this person, and yet somehow i am attracted to them. also, people that lead me on. gosh. can't stand it. but i still find myself attracted to them. i hate my brain. i swear, if i ever get married, it will be to an older guy, because guys my age suck. but god i miss Bruce. for so many reasons. and i am so gosh darn tired of being made to feel stupid or like i am crazy or like i am unhealthily dwelling on the death of my BEST FRIEND. so many people use that term lightly, but i mean it. he was my best friend. and it seems like most everyone else that wasn't close to him has just moved right along. i don't expect everyone to dwell on it. but i'm getting really sick of the fact that everytime i mention Bruce, people either roll their eyes and tell me "Cari, that was a year ago." or tell me that they think it's time i "let bruce go" or bluntly "get over it." i will not get over it, damnit! i loved him, and i think i'm entitled to mention him once in a while. it's only been a year. and not even that. it's been less than 11 months. god. but at least i have plently of people in my life that understand, are not condescending, and do not treat me like crap. i love you guys. well, i'll be ok by tomorrow, but what i said in this entry still stands. goodnight.---Cari