"When you come home to me,
I'll wear a sweeter smile,
and maybe for a while, I'll..."
Oh - okay, thank you.  Thank you so much.

I'm climbing uphill, daddy, climbing uphill...
I'm up every morning at 6,
and waiting in line with 200 girls
who are younger and thinner than me...
who have already been to the gym.
I'm waiting 5 hours in line
And watching the girls, coming and going,
in dresses that look just like this...
til my number is finally called.

When I get in the room
There's a table of men.
Always men.
...usually gay.
Who've been sitting like I have
And listening all day
To 200 girls belting as high as they can:
"I am a good person!
I'm an attractive person!
I am a talented person!
Grant me grace!"

*ahem*

"When you come home
(I should have told them I was sick last week,
They're going to think this is the way I sing...
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder?  I'LL SING LOUDER.
Maybe I should start and stop over...
I'm going to stop and start over...
Why is the director staring at his crotch?
Why is that man staring at my resume??
Don't stare at my resume...
I made up half my resume...

Look at me, stop looking at that,
Look at me!
No, not at my shoes,

don't look at my shoes,
I hate these f-ing shoes!
Why did I pick these shoes,
why did I pick this song,
why did I pick this career,
Whyyyyy

does this pianist hate me??
If I don't get a callback I can go

to Crate and Barrell with mom and buy a couch.

Not that I want to spend a day with mom,
But Jamie needs space to write
Since I'm obviously such a horrible and annoying distraction
to him, what's he going to be like when we have kids...)

 And once again,
(Why am I working so hard??
These are the people who cast Linda Blair in a musical!
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suuuuuuck...)
When finally you come home to-"
Oh - okay, thank you.  Thank you so much!

I will not be the girl
who stays home in the 'burbs
with the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs.
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues.

I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
to be trotting along at the genius's heels.
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by!
And I -

"When you come home to me,
I'll wear a sweeter smile,
and maybe for a while, I'll..."
Oh - okay, thank you.  Thank you so much.

(From The Last 5 Years)