Seriously... Creative ads are great. And especially in a YouTube world, spending the extra creative effort will have a vast effect on the reach of your "second-life" internet video market.

 

It pays. 

I'm not sure if there's a way to describe how I'm currently feeling. I am in Mississippi, once again, and I think this may be the third trip now that I've made here with the shock that my grandfather is still alive. Everytime I see him I pray to God that He would take him home. But He hasn't yet, and I'm not sure why. I know he'd be so much happier there.

 

My grandfather has now wasted away to 115 pounds. As a thin, petite girl standing at 5'1" and weighing at 100 pounds, it marvels me that this man can survive at a weight only 15 pounds more than my one. When I was warned of his weight I was extremely shocked, but nothing could prepare me for the first time I laid eyes on his new, ultra fragile figure. I couldn't help but cry.

 

He also hasn't recognized me yet. Last time, in January, he actually realized who I was a few times. But this time, it's like he's on a whole other planet, seeing things that aren't there and talking to people who aren't there. He's always looking away, and rarely at my mom or me when we're in the room. It hurts so much to remember that just a few years ago he was my goofy old granddad, whose house I would love to go to, especially at Christmas. I remember hugging him when we walked in after our arrival, after he made some goofy comment, acting as if we were total strangers. But now it's not an act. Now we are total strangers to him.  

 

I feel as if to ease the pain, I am trying to disconnect from the situation, even withdrawing myself from my grandma. I hate to do that... it's not like she deserves that. I actually feel that I don't know how to act around her anymore. I've been so quiet on this trip, hardly talking, and that's very unlike me. I have been submerging myself in the fiction world of books, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, except that has been more of a reality to me than my actual reality.  It's been a tough two days, and there are only more days to come. Now as you read this and if you ever think to in the future, I would appreciate it if you say a prayer for my family. This is a rough time for my mom and me, and we're still trying to figure out how to handle it all. 

Whats up my people :)
So the past week has been *how should i put it* Intrusting! Yeah thats the word i was looking for. Anyway, it has been VERY intrusting, lots happening, lots changing! But i'm making it :) like always! The horse camp that i have been helping out with is going 2 more weeks! I suppose thats *Fantastic* but my arm has been hurting and i'm not so sure working with horses is going to be such a good idea. But we'll see what happenss now wont me.

I am pretty much out of school. My mom wants to look over all that i have done to see if i need to do Math all summer * i am hoping i dont have to but who knows * i am pretty sure i am behind :(
Moving On
Not much has changed, not a Life chang * many many little things have changed * but no Life changes!! I'm cool with that though.

I feel absolutley disgusting. Blegh. Where's some chicken noodle soup when you need it?

Yep, I'm still alive and kicking. Primarily blogging over at www.oldmanmorgan.com ..... I like the new look at Phusebox.  What I don't know is whether or not I will be able to post pics from Indonesia - as that is why I had to set up my own site ... couldn't get the pics to stick.

 

Ciao ciao

The messaging system should now at least be functioning... There will be some design changing, but for now, you should be able to check and send messages as usual.

 

I will press on with everything else.

 

 

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I'm the lady you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."

1.) my throat is sore. boo.
2.) i don't have to work this weekend! yay!
3.) Cebu! Achoo moo moo achoo moo moo
4.) i still miss charlie. 
5.) i want to go swimming. 
6.) nathan is funny. and great. and so is the new phusebox. way to go!
7.) that is all. goodnight. 

today was better…
i saw potency through pain.
i didn’t even imagine that was possible.
i saw a smile throughout all the horrible conditions.
i saw her pushing through when it seemed there was nothing left.
and i wondered why i couldn’t contain that myself.
why i had to worry and question anything and everything…
and why i couldn’t just take it and progress with life like she seems to have achieved.
why i had to be the pathetic and weak individual that can’t make it through a SOLITARY storm.
i seem to have to rely on so many people,
even when i recognize that they have tribulations of their own.
why can’t i be like them and hold on forever?
i don’t know. but i wish i could be tough enough for other people additionally.

will i ever be that strong?
strong enough to bear my burden plus other’s?
is my determination adequate, or will i fall short like everything else i attempt to accomplish?

recently it seems i’ve been relying on more people than i have ever before.
i’ve been fragile within my core…not able to keep my situate for extended periods of time.
and when i would love to be there for others, all i can say is “i’m sorry”
..which, in truth, isn’t very apologetic at all in the first place..
knowing that will never be enough…cause it’s never sufficient for me.

i don’t know what happened to me.
whether it is the state of affairs i’m in
or whether i’m just wasting away as an individual.
i can’t really tell the differentiation any longer, anyways,
why even attempt to distinguish which one of the two it is?

the only way to liberate my emotions
is to release them on paper.
i’m sure they don’t even seem sensible any longer
i frankly don’t care anymore…
when you have nowhere else to turn,
a pen and paper will always “take note”.
regardless of what kind of an individual you are,
where you’ve been in life,
or what you’ve had to go through.
neither of the two worry about your appearance or outward show…
how many friends you have,
what type of car you drive,
or what vicinity you reside in.
they’ll forever be present, listening conscientiously.

well, i hope i’ll go somewhere at some stage in life.
and i hope that somewhere isn’t “insane”.
i’ll just continue walking..hoping to stumble upon something in this life
to keep me going.
because i’m running out of options rapidly.

 

I firmly believe that when you take a picture and capture a moment on film, you stop time, and that moment never ends. That is why I like to take and keep photographs; it is my way of preserving things so that I don’t lose them.I know the pictures in this entry are of flowers but it was the best I had, and they are really pretty. But they do make my point as well. These two flowers are in bloom and were in bloom yesterday. But soon they will fade away and the blooms will be gone. But these pictures will stay the same. The blooms are there forever.

 

I know it may seem crazy, but here is my reasoning. In a photo subjects are in a position permanently. They don’t move; they don’t change or disappear. So it holds the memory forever in place. That means that though in the outside world, time keeps going and wipes things away; in pictures they last forever and do not change at all. Isn’t it possible that we possess the power to stop time and prevent it from destroying things as it passes? I argue that a good photographer possesses the power to save a moment forever.

 

 

Accepting and denying friend requests is working now.

 

i have no clue how to work this

So Life is pretty tough right now. There are a lot of things going on and there is a lot of pressure. I'm glad i have all of you that i can run to when i have a problem. Just wanted to thank you all for being there for me.

 

 

 

                                                 
 

Ok... So many of you have had a chance to look around the new site...

 

Like I said before, there are still several features that I need to "finish out" - mainly a way to edit photo titles and descriptions, friend requests, and the messaging system.  These should be done shortly.

 

Also, this is just Phase 1 of the new PhuseBox... there is lots more to come. I wanted to go ahead and launch the site with the new look and interface, but watch for more stuff soon.

 

 

<big> Flordia organges Texas cactus we think your team needs a little practice put em in a highchair feed em with a spoon put em in a box and kick um to the moon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

constantly, i feel like i can't hold on any longer.
when i'm at the conclusion of my rope…
and i still have miles to go before i'm at the bottom of my valley on the ground.
when the end keeps getting closer and closer
and all i can do is watch and wait for it to be over.
i feel like i'm trapped and no matter what endeavor i formulate
or how hard i press on and strive, i will never achieve anything.
…ever…
so i keep hanging on for precious life
waiting for something or someone to come rescue me
or waiting for the end.

i don't know how to handle this kind of stress
all the anxiety that's been weighing on my mind for so long
wondering if i have something to anticipate in the morning or not.
…or if i'll even manage 'til morning…
sometimes i don't even desire to. sometimes i wish it'd all just cease
and i could have my true happiness back.
my old life. the way i used to feel.
not having to question, worry, or lose sleep over everything.

i know that some of you assume i'm too extreme or crazy.
that's all right. you haven't been where i've been.
you haven't walked where i have walked.
you don't know what i've seen or what i've experienced.
you have no idea how i feel and how i think.
so many things tally up to make me what i am at this moment in time…
and even though i'm not faultless, i am who i desire to be
well, when you deduct the melancholy.

i'm eager for a change.
i don't want her to feel pain any longer.
i don't want her to have to experience this any longer.
i wish i could take it for her..i truly, honestly do.
and all i can do, is pray.
that's it. and to me, it just doesn't appear like it's sufficient.
but, i'm just a teenaged girl…no wealth, no verve, no supremacy.
just me. and it's not adequate. it never will be.
i love her.
and i'll keep on waiting for my happy conclusion
whether it comes or not.

Girls are like on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along. The one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

OK, i'm not so sure about this NEW PhuseBox! Its kinda confusing, but i get confused really easy so hey it might just be me :) Anyways its kinda confusing but i'll work it out! :P

This is rather interesting. I'm not sure what I think of the new phusebox yet. I guess I'll just have to wait and see won't I?  But I would like to know how to delelte pictures because for some strange reason it uploaded two of my pictures as black squares, and I know they were actual photos.

I'm happy.

Ok, guys. Here is the deal.

 

The new PhuseBox has launched, but there are several things and features that still need work, so you may see some things that are not functioning.

 

I thought it would be better to go ahead and launch it this way than to keep the site down any longer.

 

So, there are still a few things that are not working, but everything should be functioning soon. Just hang in there.

 

 

this looks a lot better...now it's tring to figure it out lol well i'll try...and i got my car back so me happy.......lol well laters

i discover myself wanting something so terribly it hurts.
wishing i could alter things about myself to make things happen.
but i know that i must obliterate this obsession from memory.

i'm much too juvenile to be this attached to something so mature.

i've tried this once before and failed.
i only dug myself a deeper grave.
becoming excessively misplaced in my emotions...
letting them control my existence.
i don't want to relive those moments.
by only wanting something i couldn't possess.
caused myself to fill a void that i fashioned for myself.
i still sense the ache within my heart.
and still desire that i would never have considered any of this.
occasionally, my thoughts threaten my welfare.
putting myself into situations i'd rather not be a part of.
but i know that i'll be all right. i just have to keep telling myself
that despite the fact that i want this so horribly, i'll have to allow it to fade away.
i'll have to let it go no matter how bad it hurts…
no matter how much i'll lament releasing it.
don't think i'll be capable of looking it in the eyes with unchanged manner.
i'll always have recollections of the long lost history…
but i know this is for the better…i just have to be strong


and let it go.

here it goes. i'm throwing it over the edge,
into the profound, sinister, abyss..
never to be seen once more.

i sense the grip of my hand gradually lose its influence.
as the obsession that apprehended me for so long
floats downward at a steady velocity.
a few moments later, vanished from sight.
gone forever.

i can, at last, breathe once more
and salvage my previous being.

I went to Florida. It was awesome. Now I have to work a lot. Call me and we will hang out. 

I found some cool quotes that have made my sad, sad, sad life a little better.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt

After the game,
the king and the pawn go into the same box.
Italian Proverb

The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live.
Elbert Hubbard

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

This totally describes my life right now. I think I'm going to take this little piece of advice, and stop dwelling on the little things that made me happy this year and dream of the huge things that will make me joyous next year.

There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus

Every artist was first an amateur.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This isn't really a quote, but it makes me really happy.

Girls are like on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along. The one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

(I can't wait for my tree climber. ;))

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

Fortune favors the brave.
Publius Terence

He who hesitates is lost.
Proverb

This isn't really an inspiring quote, but it's how I feel about certain people right now.

I'm torn between the two.

 I really want to be with you,

but something tells me I should leave you alone.

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.
~ by Elizabeth Bowen

After the game,
the king and the pawn go into the same box.
Italian Proverb

The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live.
Elbert Hubbard

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

This totally describes my life right now. I think I'm going to take this little piece of advice, and stop dwelling on the little things that made me happy this year and dream of the huge things that will make me joyous next year.

There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus

Every artist was first an amateur.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

This isn't really a quote, but it makes me really happy.

Girls are like on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along. The one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

(I can't wait for my tree climber. ;))

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

Fortune favors the brave.
Publius Terence

He who hesitates is lost.
Proverb

This isn't really an inspiring quote, but it's how I feel about certain people right now.

I'm torn between the two.

 I really want to be with you,

but something tells me I should leave you alone.

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.
~ by Elizabeth Bowen

This is my new favorite group:

iTunes store link

Click and listen to the 30 second preview... best music you will hear all day... seriously.

Ok, so I laughed out loud. Really hard.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life




yes i know that things may not be going our way. But lets just sit back and enjoy what we have for now. Once its gone, it is gone. You can't take it back.

Why can't happieness just come to you??????
Why does it have to be so difficult?????

 i havn't been on here for a while but heres an update. i have been out on my own since october 2006. thus far it has had its ups and downs; thats life for ya. i havn't given up yet and i don't plan to. alot of things have happened to me since i have been on my own, for example i got involved in the wrong group of people and for a while and realized that it wasn't for me anymore. i realized that i didn't want to be around them anymore. n'e ways i am still going to school full-time to become a certified draftsman( architectural of coarse) i have also been struggling somewhat financially but somehow i am managing to survive. this friday i am signing a new lese for an apartment close to MTSU, Raiders Ridge to be exact. well i guess thats all i have to blog avout right now but will return.

so i like this guy and idk if he likes me back like today he slapped uh nothin and he started to laugh and i was like u invaded my pivracy and he did not care... im so mad!!!

i love them g33ks!!!

I'm having so many emotions right now. I'm really sad because eighth grade and middle school's over for ever. I cryed like all day long. I've felt so stupid all day today. This morning I missed my chance for ever to talk to Joseph. I really hate myself for that right now. I started crying this morning in homeroom, and Austin asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I was like it's just because it's the end of the year, but Carmen told him what was really wrong. That I'm sad that I won't get to see Joseph all summer. (Carmen, if Austin ever calls or e-mails you, you so have to get Joseph's # for me.) Austin was like oh. We tryed to explain to him that I couldn't just go up to him and talk to him because they are popular and I'm not. He was like you're popular too. I was like have you not been alive for the past year. What are you thinking? Then I found out Joseph was checking out early, and I just started crying extremely hard. When he was leaving he patted my back, and now I wish I would have done something or at least tell him bye and have a good summer. I've been all mad at myself the rest of the day now. I talked to Ms. Redden outside. She made me feel really bad, but I know what she was saying was true, and I should try to be more like she said I should be. Today when the bell rang I couldn't help it anymore. I just started bauling. Lane and Charles gave me a hug, which is really weird, but nice I guess. Then I saw Ms. Murrell crying, and I thought I was going to die. Keri and I walked to House Blend, and the whole time we cried and talked about how we are going to miss middle school and we don't want to go to high school. We met Jessica there and talked about how we felt and stuff. Jessica told us not to worry about it right now, but I just can't help it. Carmen got there a little later. After talking a little while I felt better, but I'm still really sad. I felt really stupid at House Blend today because I was rambling on about nothing because I felt so out of my body then. Have you ever just felt so dumb because you say one thing and then try to fix it but just made things worse?  Have you ever felt really self-concious because you have to hand out with somebody you doesn't like you, but you don't want to sit by yourself?

Well on a happier note, Kentucky Kingdom was awesome yesterday. I had so much fun. I mostly hung out with Carmen, Keri, and Batey. Austin and Joseph were so HOT. We got Ms. Murrell to ask them if they would ride a ride with us, but they said they were done riding for the day. I think it's because they just can't stand me. Two times yesterday I got embarresed while getting ketchup. The first time I was trying to figure out which basket it was in and I hit my head on the window. The second time was in the restraunt Austin and Joseph were in. Austin said my name, and I got embarressed so I just walked off. I had so much fun yesterday, I can't even remember all the stuff that happened.

I made hip-hop team, but the bad thing is Aleisha did too. That means I have to spend three times for two hours a week with her. I plan on just not even speaking to her unless nessecary.

Middle School is over. As i blog, i weep over the memories of the past 3 years of my life. Now i have to go to High School and die. Im tired of people telling me 'high school will be the best years of your life'. That is a lie. You lose all your friends, get lost, and mugged. "Dont let anyone tell you that High School is fun. High School is to be endured, college is fun."       Stephanie Meyer said that and i personaly think it's 100% true. In 2 months, my life is over.

As the title says, I got new stuff. Namely a new phone, a
shirt (currently being worn), and the best part… a book!! Don’t get me wrong,
the phone is friggin amazing, but the book is one of my favorites and I got it
for 6 bucks at Wal-Mart. Normally priced the hardback copy (which it is) runs
for almost 30. I scored a deal.

So here I am wasting time letting you guys know what
happened thus far today when I could be reading. What is wrong with me?

okay i'm confused.  i don't want to say why because i don't want this person to know how i STILL feel about them...even though that SO gave it away.  so could you guys please pray.  i feel over burdened.  does that make sense?  but yeah, it's still there.

So, being a worry wart rarely pays off, while being concerned can sometimes pay off. And it sure did today.

I must preface all this by saying... God's time sure is amazing!

Last Thursday I went to go get my eyes checked, just to get a new prescription for my glasses and contacts. Nothing out of the ordinary. But it was during this routine check-up that the doctor noticed a virus in my left eye, believed to be caused by a severe cold I had.


Then, over the weekend, I learned that the contact solution that I have been using is being recalled in foreign countries because it is causing infections that may cause blindness. Uh... yikes. I'm getting a little concerned, and my mom and I talk about trying to get an appointment with another eye doctor to make sure things are going alright.

There was a cancellation this morning at 7:45, so I was able to get in. We went in asking questions about my virus and if it was getting better and what solution I should be getting now that there is no way I'm going to keep using what I have been using. Well it turned out that my virus infection deal was healing quite nicely and things were going quite well in that department. The doctor also confirmed that it came from my cold (which was probably actually allergies gone wild) and not my solution. Good news there.

But upon further examination of my eyes, he spotted another problem that was totally unrelated. And this time it was worse in my right eye than my left. It is a little something called pigment dispersion syndrome, which is a possible forerunner of glaucoma. Well, the doctor decides I probably don't have glaucoma, and noted that everything else in my eyes looked good, but this was something that we need to take care of. So in June I will be taking glaucoma tests and have a quick surgery on my right eye to move my cornea (or do something like that) to hopefully prevent glaucoma. More good news. And I'm not going blind. That was nice to know after the guy freaked me out with his medical jargon, long pauses, and saying things like, "that isn't normal".

So all will be well by the end of June… hopefully. After my two weeks out of town, I will have a week filled with eye appointments, including a laser surgery. Fun. I'll be wearing glasses and using eye drops for another week, and should be able to wear contacts by the time I hit M-Fuge. Thank goodness.

So that's what's up in my life!

Also, I thought I would add to my previous entry about the latest Pirates sequel. While I am still disappointed in the movie, I have decided that the characters of Will and Elizabeth are not entirely to blame. As it was pointed out to me, Will and Elizabeth end the movie nobly. I do think their journey there is a little rocky, but really, I see several problems throughout the story that just bug me. But mostly I hated the ending. And I just wish they had stopped after the first Pirates movie. And overall it was very well-made but the story itself was just completely lame and very incomplete feeling. But that's just my opinion. :)

One last thing... I very rarely confirm friendships (on Phusebox) with people I don't know. It's nothing personal, it's just my nature. Obviously, anyone can stumble across this page and read it, which doesn't bother me too much, but I have gotten a lot of friend requests from people I don't know and I just don't accept them. So I hope that doesn't make anyone too sad. I guess it's cool you find me interesting, but I'm just not into the whole meeting people online thing, since you never know if anyone is actually who they say they are. So anyhow, point being, I don't mind if you read my entries or comment on them (as long as the comments are nice), this is the Internet after all, but if I don't know you I'm not going to confirm friendship with you.

All that being said, how are YOU doing, friend?

              Friends are there for you when you need them.. friends dont talk behind your back or gossip about you.. there is not a real friend. Friends are those you love, call, check up on you. come and visit you in the hosiptal.. etc friends also dont use you for what you have. I really dont know if i have a real friend.. most of my friends gossip and talk behind my back... yeah well that all  ---Corey

i give.

new summer. new adventures.

new bed sheets and comforter for my new dorm room next year : ]

i finally made it back to knoxville this morning at 2 AM. i sat in the same spot on I-40 for 2 hours. it took forever. i got out and walked around for a while. talked to people. you know me.

but i made it back to knoxville. i didnt really wanna leave. i mean, when i first got home i wanted to come back like right away. but when it came closer to time for me to come back,i didnt want to. crazy how life works huh?

i have a job interview here soon. i'm nervous. haha. we'll see how it goes.

hope everyone is having a great day!

piece

hey this is bell i am in 8th grade bout to go to CW i am in a relationship with ben haley!!!

It's sad what it takes to begin discovering who your true friends are.

Anyone interested should look up:
1 John 4:7-12 and John 15:12-14.

Unfortunately it seems that even small sacrifices are too much for some "friends". Especially those who you didn't expect would consider it a sacrifice at all.

I'm sure there at least a few amens out there.

I mean really. How many of you have seen the Charlie Brown
movies and not noticed that this kid is totally emo? I mean my goodness,  it’s sad.

I had rather interesting weekend, but eh. It’s over and done
with.

 Robert’s little brother was over from Sunday till today, and
I have never felt so murderous. The kid was going bonkers!! He was literally bouncing
off the walls, and about to be bouncing off my fist. It was probably a good
thing he went home today.

 Not a whole lot is going on, so if anyone has any plans
please give me a call. The walls of the house are slowly shrinking in on me!!

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE NEW VERSION OF PHUSEBOX!!!

Has anyone else been watching "On the Lot" on FOX? It is like American Idol only for inspiring film makers... in fact, it may be too much like American Idol. But, nonetheless, what a great concept for a show.

Maybe I just like it because my major in school was video production and so I had similar "short film" type projects in many of my classes.

So, if you have watched "On the Lot," does the hostess seem a bit awkward to you? I feel like she has watch tapes of Ryan Seacrest over and over again. Anyone agree?

Am I the only one who still likes Myst?  I still dig it out a few times a year just for old time's sake.  Oh well, I'm sure there is someone out there that has fond memoiries of Myst.

Had a lot of fun at the lake this past weekend. I am now landing big jumps on the wakeboard without many problems and I can jump and do a 180. I took a big spill and had my first bloody nose caused by water, surprisingly it was on the skis rather than the wakeboard. Aaron and I tried to barefoot... we couldn't get up, but it did hurt. I made a perfect dive out in the middle of the lake off of the side of the boat, I had perfect form, was going straight down, and had very little splash, the only problem was that the lake is apparently very low right now and there was only six foot of water. So I almost broke not only my hand but my neck as well, fortunately I only jammed my hand real bad. There were plenty of amazing jumps, saves and spills over the weekend made by all involved and there are some really cool pics that we got that I will post as soon as Havan and Aaron send them to me.

The LAN party was a lot of fun even though I had to leave early because of my lack of sleep. Unfortunately the dirtbikes canceled monday morning but all in all it was a fun weekend.  

If you guys can, please pray for my uncle. His name is Timmy. He was in a motorcycle crash Sunday night and is in critical condition. That's all I know right now.

So this might be the most spontanious trip i've ever taken.
Here's how the conversation went yesterday...

Me-"Leslie, we really need lives."
Leslie -"We really do."
Me- "dude, let's take a road trip."
Leslie-"Omg, yes!"
Me-"I have nothing to do for the rest of the week & i can leave tomorrow"
Leslie-"same here, i just have to be home by 11am on saturday"
Me-"omg. well meet me at 10 am tomorrow at my house & we'll go"
Leslie-"yay! alright. see you then."

And it's really happening.
So in less than an hour, we're going to be on the road
Heading 8 hours away, to some beach in Alabama.

:]

I'm really hoping God has something insanely cool planned for us through this trip.

oh my goodness i'm so excited.

    Wel today is my last day of school and exams.. uhh i hate exams b/c its a good percentage of your overall grade... i do really good in school.. no i, not a nerd or a geek,, but i do try to do my best.. my teacher really dont like me b/c i talk a lot..lol but some classes are really boring and it makes you want to sleep but then i have noe clue where this is going... uhh i forgot what i was gonna say.. well just pray for me.. oh and today is only a half a day b/c as soon as you take you second block exams you done! So im getting checked out at 11:25. well yall have a great day.. and yes this is boing....

I can't sleep right now if my life depended on it. I know I should try to go to sleep because I have to get up extra early tomorrow because we are leaving at like 5:45 for Kentucky Kingdom. (Yay!) I just have so much on my mind lately. School might as well be over. I don't want it to. I've loved this year. I've met so many new friends and made other friendships stronger. And no matter what anybody says I think I've become a little more outgoing now that I look back on this year. Some of the things I've did this year, I never would have done before this year. I think it's partly because this year I've made all the right friends, who I'm pretty sure like me for who I am finally. It feels like it's been so long since I have had really good friends. Friday at lunch we were talking about the end of the year and stuff. We were saying we don't want to leave middle school behind. I think it's because when I left elementary school my "friends" left me, and I'm so scared it'll happen again when I go to high school. I know it probally won't, but I just never know. I don't know what I would do if it happend again. I don't know if I could handle it. I guess the other end of not wanting to leave middle school is because I'm afraid I'll leave my friends next year. I don't want that to happen either. I just wish I could stay in eighth grade forever. (Or just stay with the people from eigth grade.) I'm going to try to make the best of tomorrow because I don't know if I'll be friends with those people come fall. In only four more years and I'll be headed off to college. I still feel like a little kid in elementary school. Things are ending way too fast, I don't know what to do. I want to stay friends with everybody after high school, but I know most of my friends now will find better stuff and leave me here in Dickson to rot by myself. I'm crying so hard now, I can barely see the screen. ;) I just don't deal well with change. I just want to kick myself in the butt because I've let so many great oppurtunities fade away in my life. I'm tired of just sitting there, being a home-body. I want to do more things with my friends, but nobody ever invites me to do things, and I don't have anything exciting to invite anybody to. If anybody else feels the same way I do, let me know so I know I'm not some crazy who doesn't know what she's talking about. Well I guess I should try going to bed now, or I'll be a walking zombie tomorrow. ;)

So I am still up and waiting for my shorts to get out of the washer so I can throw them into the dryer and go to bed. I am really tired from a long weekend of camping and would love to just not wake up for a long time. But when I finally do get a chance to sleep I will be rudly awakened by and very annoying loud sound called my alarm sounding proudly at 4. Yes I know it is early but I am going with my school to Kentucky Kingdom...is it worth it though? I am not sure I hear that they don't even have that great of roller coasters. But I also get to hang out with my friends for a very long time. I am really excited well kinda cause my friends will want to do something and I will want to hang out with someone else but I think it will be worth it in the end. If not oh well. I usually don't post much. But this is just an update I have been complained to about the amount of my posts and that I should bring it up so here it is I hope that you enjoyed reading about my nothing. 

So today was *ok* for me. I hung out with Libby W. ( you probably dont know her but who cares ) I took pitcures the whole time but it was fun :P Nothing much is different, and i am ok with that! The last time something changed it was horrible, so i hope nothing changes anytime soon and if it does i am hoping it is good. I have to help with that horse-camp again this week. I suppose it will be fun, it gives me something to do AND i get to ride my baby so thats FANTASTIC :)

Question, Say you had something so fantastic that you said you wouldn't let this one go, yet in the end it is taken away. And theres nothing you can do about it, how do you deal? I mean i try so heard but Gods got a cruel since of hummer, because i can't go one da-gum day with out being reminded of what i am losing. I dont know * thats just it I DONT KNOW * but i am asking you how would you deal if that was happening to you? 

There aint no reason things are this way
Its how they always been and it tends to stay
I can't explain why we live this way, we do it everyday
Preachers on the podeum speaking of saints
Prophets on the sidewalk begging for change
old ladies laughing from the fire escape cursing my name
I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same
A window and a pigeon with a broken wing
You can spend you whole life working for something,
Just to have it taken away
People walk aroun pushing back their debts
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and braceltes
Talking bout nothing, not thinking bout' death
Every little hearbeat, every little breath
People walk a tight rope
On a razors edge
Carrying their hurt and hatrid and weapons
It could be a bomb or a bullet or a pen
Or a thought or a word or a sentence

There ain't no reason
Things are this way
It's how they've always been
and its tends to stay
I dont know why I say
The things that I say
But I say them anyway
But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set my free yes.

Prison walls still standing tall
Some things never change at all
Keep on building prisons, gonna fill them all
Keep building bombs, gonna drop them all
Working young fingers bear to the bone
Breaking your back make you sell your soul
Like a lung its filled with cold, sufficating slow
The wind blows wild and I may move
The politions lie and i am not fooled
you don't need no reason or a three piece suit
To argue the truth
The air on my skin and the world under my toes
Labor is stiched into the fabric of my clothes
Chaos and comotion wherever I go
Love I try to follow

Love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set my free yes.

There ain't no reason things are this way
Its how its always been and it tends to stay
I can't explain why we live this way,
We do it everyday.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Oh, but God, I want to let it go.


Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.

Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.

Never wanted it to be so cold.

Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.


I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me.


Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.


Don't want to let it lay me down this time.

Drown my will to fly.

Here in the darkness I know myself.

Can't break free until I let it go.

Let me go.


Darling, I forgive you after all.

Anything is better than to be alone.

And in the end I guess I had to fall.

Always find my place among the ashes.


I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me.


Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...

Lithium, ...stay in love with my sorrow.

I'm gonna let it go



Lithium- Evanescence. Yep, that's how it goes. That's it.

Well, to follow up my marriage anniversary yesterday, today marks 2 years of PhuseBox goodness.

It has been amazing to see PhuseBox grow from a small group of people I knew to a large group of people - most of whom I have never talked to in my entire life. It has been great even though most of the originial PhuseBoxers have left the site (and thanks to those that have stuck around).

I know we were supposed to launch the new PhuseBox site today, but because of Memorial Day being today and several other factors, there is going to be a slight delay. The plan will be to launch this Friday, June 1st - what a great way to start June, right?

Well, until then, I hope everyone has a great Memorial Day!

Senses Fail Lyrics

Calling All Cars Lyrics


Calling all cars we've got another victim
'Cause my love has become an affliction
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

I'm sorry but I think I failed to mention
I lied at my very first confession
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

'Cause this has been building since I have been breathing
And I know how it's going to end

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You knew all along
Try to forget me and just move on

Oh my dear, what have I gone and done now?
It's curtain call, I'm about to take my last bow
What did you expect from me?
What did you expect from me?

Without giving away the entire ending
I ruined the evening again

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You knew all along
Try to forget me and just move on

I don't have love left inside, inside
And I don't have love left inside, inside
Are you desperate for an answer?
I don't have an ounce of good left in me now
That's why I walked out

So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on
So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word and you hate me for it now
You hate me for it now
Try to forget me and just move on

I am not the one that you should blame
So take what I left you for the pain
I am not the one that you should blame
So take what I left you for the pain
And do your best to forget my name

damn my busy schedule.

damn your busy schedules.

damn graduation.

damn diets.

damn temptation.

damn stress.

          will power. [or lack there of]

          ergs.

          music.

          emotions.

          memories.

damn it all.

                                                may i live like a hermit lives?

                                                       just for a day?

It's the stuff that runs through my vains as it shouldn't.

It's called jealousy. I can't claim everything i love..

Because what i love is not all mine.

This poison that threatens my life, has consumed me with grief.

All was perfect...and i don't doubt my words for a second. Because perfect was the perfect way to describe what we did have.

Now, there are all these questions. & these questions,  question the only thing in my life that i never worried would change....

Don't worry baby, I will take care of it.

....i always did have a problem with trust. My worry is not disbelief, or spiteful distaste.

...I'm just tired of not having anything to hold on to.

If you are ever going to experience love, you must surrender to it.

a la the movie "Fools Rush In"

It was one year ago that I said, "I do" to the most beautiful and wonderful woman in the world - the last year has been the best year of my life. Happy Anniversary, Rach! I love you!

Take ‘em away, take ‘em away, Lord
Take away these chains from me
My heart is broken ‘cause my spirit’s not free
Lord take away these chains from me

I'm so nervous about recital tonight. I feel really bad because nobody's coming to see me but my family. But I guess that's because I didn't tell anybody. But I don't think anybody would come even if they knew about it because I'm never able to go to anybody else's stuff. I'm so scared I'm going to mess up, and I'll look stupid. I'm really mad because hardly anybody in my class this year even cares about dance. Half of the people haven't even been through the whole dance once without stopping to talk or answer their cell phone. I feel really bad for them because I don't want anybody to forget something and mess up. Oh well, hopefully everything goes as planned. Maybe. I hope.

--------------------------------------Rectial was...OK. I think I messed up a couple of times though, but who doesn't right? I'm just glad we didn't have to use the dressing back stage this year. It's always so crowed. I hope I make dance team so I can do production and have more than one costume. And then my costumes will actually be cute, and not ugly ones.

"One must be lost to find what cannot be found. Elsewise, everyone would know where it was." - Pirates of the Carribean 3

Pretty much the only thing cool about the movie.

So, my sister brought up an interesting topic tonight on her blog and I thought I'd post about it.
Adoption. Yes, the question of what you believe about adoption. It runs through my mind sometimes. Like, I wonder what my friends think about it. I don't discuss it much but tonight I think I'm going to. :)
It's weird to think that so long ago I was put up for adoption by my birth mother. But, it's nice to think about it. The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that people just come to their own conclusions without finding out what the truth is. I mean, just because you are adopted that doesn't mean that you weren't wanted by your birth parents. That is the most stupid thing I've ever heard. If anything that shows how much love they have for you. Ya know, it's weird to even think of it differently. Lol....I'm laughing. I just thought about the first time I actually realized that i was a different color then all my friends. But, it lasted for maybe 10 seconds then i was off into something else. : ) Adoption is cool.
But, I honestly want to know your view. What do you think about adoption????

"But Will and Elizabeth, as
characters, are destroyed. They've become a mass of multiple motivations and
loyalties. Lacking consistency, they're shoehorned into any configuration that
the screenwriters devise, to the extent that when we look at them, we no longer
see Will and Elizabeth. We see Bloom and Knightley gamely struggling to locate
a shred of authenticity in their roles. They don't find it, and it's not their
fault. It's not there." - Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

This reviewer is absolutely correct. I went through the movie, skeptical and wary at first, but slowly giving in to the little pleasures it tossed to me. It was very well made, which I can't resist as someone who is learning how to make good movies. The last ten minutes of the movie, however, destroyed what decency the movie actually had. Just when I thought Disney had righted the wrongs of the second movie, they hanged themselves again! They killed Will and Elizabeth's characters and turned them into completely different people. I know that people change, but the changes here are unnatural and just downright foolish. All I can say is... what a letdown...

LOL this is a random picture :P Lane took it as i was running to look at a really weird looking tree :) Oh all the random things that happen when Lane and i get together.
Moving On

So its another Fridaynight that i am sitting alone on the computer. Another time i wish i was doing something with my friends. But this time i am on my sisters Lap-Top and i am in my room listening to Odyssey's. Oh how my life is so fun.

Oh yeah i didn't fail my test in Physical Science, i got an 88 ( that would be a B ) Its not what i was hoping for, but its better than an F! So i'll take it.

I am oh so confused. I know it seems like everyone is saying that, but i am really and truly confused. Most of my friends are also confused! The devil is getting better at confusing people and its getting harder for me ( i'm not sure about how my friends are doing with it ) but i am so so so so confused! I am so tired of complaning! I'm so tired of feeling down! SO i have decided to change the way i feel. No one can make me feel anything i make myself feel the way i feel so i am going to make all my negative into posative.
 
I am so tired, i have been working all week on a Horse-Camp that Lane has going on. I am pretty much working to pay for my horses feed. Something posative about the whole Horse-Camp thing, it is helping my mom and i am getting to hang out with my friends and ride my baby ( Kate ).
* ok well my brother is kicking me off the computer just b/c he HAS to get on XBOX-LIVE! Grrr little kid he drives me craZy! *

R.I.P. Patrick (Patty) Johnson

: ) Don't we love politics? grrr....some people in the whole political realm are so annoying sometimes. Life would be easier if they weren't so darn stubborn. I've never really thought about it, but I'm a Republican and I've come to realize that whether I want to or not, it's kinda important to know what is going.
Here's a song that makes me smile.

Follow your Leader, John Reuben

They've got me pinned against the wall
it's political and predictable
anything you say will be exaggerated and completely blown out of proportion
ignore them if you can but I doubt you will
they're out to control how people feel by pushing their agenda on you sub-conscience
while you're unaware they start the brainwashing process
time to call out the unwilling
the ones that need to be cut deep in order to have feeling
you're not used to facing opposition
you've done all the talking now it's time to listen
I understand you want to make a difference
well you can start by sticking to your own business
you're an entertaining man trying to be a politician
stop abusing you position

Follow him
follow them
follow me
follow you
follow who,
follow your leader
do you even know what your buying into
before you follow your leader
it's the blind leading the blind
don't be so eager to follow your leader
know the truth before you try and turn me into a believer
and make me follow your leader

conservative, uptight right wing republican
last time I checked I was none of them
but that's the brush you want to paint me with taint me with
some aim to please but you aim and miss
A.D.D maybe but I can't tune you out
I would change the station but your signals too loud
and you're too proud to realize you're a moron
defend what you want whether it's right or wrong
and this applies to both sides of the equation
arrogant men in power sure are frustrating
on a pedestal you hear them ranting and raving
proudly proclaiming what they know nothing about
I hear you talking loud
but I will not allow tinsel town to show me how to live my life
sure you can sing and dance
but that don't mean that you are qualified to give America advice

 

        Well i wont be on for a while...:( b/c im gonna go to Ketuckey (the best place to be) i bet some of yall are glad im not gonna be on here.. but thats ok.. pray for the trip up there b/c i know yall dont want me to get hurt..lol unless you hate meor something like that.. but seriously... have a safe week end....

        Does the word i love you you mean alot to you? If someone told you that would you that how would you fell? like what does those words mean to you??

   Well im home.. i got check out as soon as my 1 and 2 block exams were done.. then i we went to mickie ds.. umm it was better than school lunch..lol yeah only a half a day left which is tuesday!!

Sing it for me, I can't erase the stupid things I say. You're better than me. I struggle just to find a

better way.



So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars. I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly

say goodbye. The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone. I'll be home tonight, take a

breath and softly say goodbye.


You're running like me. Keep moving on until forever ends. Don't try to fight me. The beauty queen has

lost her crown again.



So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars. I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly

say goodbye. The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone. I'll be home tonight, take a

breath and softly say goodbye.


Goodbye.


So why are you so eager to betray, pick the peices up, pick the pieces up.


So why are you the one that walks away, pick the peices up, pick the pieces up.



So here we are, fighting and trying to hide the scars. I'll be home tonight, take a breath and softly

say goodbye. The lonely road, the one that I should try to walk alone. I'll be home tonight, take a

breath and softly say goodbye.


Just take a breath and softly say goodbye


Here we are- Breaking Benjamin

A bunch of us saw Pirates if the Carribean III last night. I liked it... pretty reandom but good. I am not to sure how I liked the ending though... but you will have to see it because I'm not going to tell you what it is.

Who doesn't enjoy a free cup of coffee, or smoothie, or a ice cold frap??

WELL TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!

Maxximo Joes in Smyrna is having free coffee and more.  Everything on their menu is free until 8:00 p.m. tonight.  It is off of Sam Ridley Parkway close to Wendy's!

Just thought you would want to know!

I Am Hooking you UP!

If You Love Something Enough Let It Go....
If It Comes Back It Is Yours.....
If It Doesn't, It Was Never Yours.....

Be choosy: don't "settle" for second class treatment - you deserve someone who values you as a person....and shows it.

 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawness? And what communion has light with darkness?

                                 2 Corinthians 6:14

im lonley and i want to have a shoulder to cry on.{sniffle}i.....{tear}

    A kid from Creek Wood.. who was a senior committed suicide last noght.. b/c he want going to be pass and it will be his 2nd time being a senior.. his name is Patrick Johnson.. keep his family in prayers and my school..

Well good grief.

Let me preface all this by saying that I am generally a very healthy person. When I get sick, it's usually a simple cold due to stress that I can shake off. It's not like the one I battled this weekend when I harldy moved off the couch.

It started off with my nose acting up. And then drainage dominated my chest and I coughed constantly. I finally saw the doctor, fearing bronchitis was just around the corner. He gave me antibiotics, and I started improving. Yesterday, things were looking pretty good for me.

Well, today I had a divine appointment. I went to go have my eye examined, as it was scheduled weeks ago, when the doctor notices that my left eye is way off base from what it's supposed to be (based off last year's prescription, which I know hasn't changed all that much) so she decides to check it out. And what do you know, but the virus from my cold inside my body has made its pesky way to my left EYE! That's right ladies and gentlemen, I have a VIRUS IN MY EYE!

So I obviously could not get my eyes properly examined (dang it, because I'm really wanting some new glasses!) today and have another appointment scheduled for the middle of June. My eye doctor prescribed some eyedrops for me that will kill the virus.

So no contacts for at least a week, and as of now I'm having trouble seeing even with my glasses on (and though they may be old and slightly off base, they're generally not as bad as they have been today) all because of the virus in my eye. So for those of you who noticed my red eye last night at AO, it is actually because of my cold, as I had speculated; it's just a little bit more serious than I thought!

Maybe one day I'll be normal again.

Yeah... so this weekend is going to pretty much be amazing. I am leaving tommorrow afternoon/night for the lake, I will be there till Sunday afternoon where I come back for a LAN party at Kennys, then after the lan party I grab a couple hours of sleep and run off to go dirtbiking on monday... talk about complete schweetness!

OMGI cant beileve jordab won last night on american idol blake was sooooooo hot he should have won he was better what do yall think?I mean she was good but blake was better oh well he still got second place!

This is my favorite disney charcter

This is so crazy we had to take 3 exams today and the reading 1 was most boring but i only had to take 2 because i got exmit i dont now if i spelled that right or not but you probbably now what i mean well g2g see yall later!

Hey yall whatsup im am doing really good everything is awesome,and as far as well you know what it is going great too.Well i have to go i will talk to you guys later! BYE YALL!

Last night was not what I would call pleasant. I got into a heated discussion with a friend (through e-mails. Ugh!) about cursing. I quoted Eph. 4:29 (duh). I was told that the word for "Unwholesome" actually meant something like "unnecessary." O...K...

First of all, the word "sapros" means "rotten." Despite the content of the discussion or the ::ahem:: interesting Biblical interpretations, what he did next was not called for. He said that I don't know how wrong I am and he will never speak to me again.

Why did I get dropped as a friend (after about four years) just for doing what the Bible says to do? He says he is a Christian, therefore I am supposed to watch out for him and call him out on things in love (which I did) and he is supposed to do the same for me. Persecution? Naw, not really. But it did indeed cause a lot of pain. YHWH made it better, though.

Pray for this boy.
He is angry at the world, and I happened to catch one of the fire balls he was flinging at everyone.

Its funny how swiftly life can change. One thing can happen and in that moment your whole life can be changed. Most people know that I have been planning to move to FL this summer. It wasn't a decision I had taken lightly. It was prayed through, I had even gone to a leader for advice on it, had peace that I was making the right decision. Things were starting to set in place for it to happen. Then 2 Sunday's ago Mel told me that she had accepted a position at a church AL and that she was leaving in three weeks. In that moment – well more like after the shock of it wore off; my mind immediately went to the kids. W/ Amy, me, and now Mel leaving – what's going to happen in kids church?? I went home that day utterly confused. I went for a long walk to talk w/ God (more like yell…) and still came up w/ nothing. I knew that I did not want to leave right now. That if God still wanted me to move to FL it was going to break my heart. I just wasn't sure on anything at that point.

Then Monday, just one day later Barry wanted to meet w/ me. I took a little time off from work and went to see him. He then offered me the position of interim children's pastor. Apparently he had already met w/ the board about the idea and they decided on a 6 month position for me if I wanted it. Well let me tell – I wanted it but I also knew that I was supposed to go to FL…. right?

Needless to say I yet again had a long prayer time that night! Really – the whole time I was praying I felt God calling me to stay here and take this opportunity. I guess I just did not understand why He gave me a peace about FL if this is what He wanted all along…

After debating about a few different reasons why God let me have a peace about FL just to keep me here I came to the conclusion that it really didn't matter. If I spent my life trying to figure God out I would never have time to do anything else!! :o) I trust Him and I trust my relationship w/ Him and I know that both decisions I have made were made w/ His help. I don't know why it's happened like it has but it's not for me to figure out. He has a reason for everything, even if we can't see it.

All that to say – I'm staying here, at least for another 6 months. I start working at the church next week so I can train w/ Mel for a week before she leaves. It's all very scary but very exciting. I am seriously so humbled that God will call me to do this. It is amazing!! It also amazing how He has helped me through it all. He has shown Himself to me through this time and I am completely ready to do His will (even if it is totally frightening!!).

OH! One more thing – to all of you who have already known about this decision as there were several of you, I just want to say thank you. I have had nothing but support from everyone here and you have helped me in huge ways just by trusting and supporting me. I have had so many parents in the church tell me how proud they are of me, how awesome they think this is for me to do, how they are so glad I am staying to do this… so many good things that I do not deserve at all but I am so grateful for the help!! I wish I knew how to describe how grateful I am for all the support I have gotten. Through every decision I have made recently God has shown me what a huge support system He has built around me through my church and I feel so blessed to have it. Thank you so so so much for all of you who have believed in me. It means everything to me.

the lost season finale was tonight. and it was amazing. i don't think i can wait until next year for the next season. lost is seriously the best show on television.

however, it was not all that great... poor charlie died. he was one of my favorites. so so sad.




no more awesome drive shaft songs or funny charlie moments. so sad. so sad.

well, now that i have showed all of you what a huge loser i am, i am going to go to bed. i hope that you all have a great night!

  Isee pretty girls everywhere i go everywhere i go i see pretty girls everwhere i go everywhere i go.. at the beach (repeat) at the mall (repeat) in my dreams(repeat) ... scream...lol lyrics from the ringer.. the coolest movie.

      Jordon won American Idol!!! There are a lot of mimes on phusebox now!!! which i guess is a good thing...lol oh plus a weris leader named Jarred :( lol

: ) Yes, It was a very good night. I enjoyed it. Too bad I got my clothes all wet...well, not me, but carmen. : P I'm not please with her. Did I mention I haven't swimmed in like two years or so? But, yeah. It was fun ducking Lane. : ) Oh, yes.  

school is out and im partyin! cant wait till i start to go back to CROSSVILLE! the coolest place in the world! and then of course Panama City! but ya hope yall have a good summer because im sure as heck goin to have a good one!

dear boy,
i wish you wouldn't have hurt me so bad. i say that i'm strong and i will make it, but it still hurts like crazy...and i feel like you've ripped out my heart and torn it up as many times as you felt like it.

all of the promises you made, apparently were just made to be broken. i can't believe i thought you were telling me the truth about everything. you lied to me and stole my happiness. i thought my life was hard enough already, and then you go and do this to me.

you are the third guy in my life in the past 6 months who have done this to me. i gave you the benefit of the doubt, even when i knew about your past. how could i have believed it? am i really that oblivious? apparently. the reason i didn't give you my first kiss was because i was testing you to see if that's the only thing you were out for...i don't know if that was the case, but, it happened the way it should have. i'm glad i didn't give it up..even though i planned on it for our next date.

everything that you told me...i was amazing, beautiful, pretty, cool, a great person...do you still think that? or did you ever? was it all a lie like everything else? i can't even tell with you anymore.

my self esteem was already low enough...so when you started saying those words to me, i believed them because they made me feel good about myself, i now know how vulnerable i am..thank you for pointing that out. what was wrong with me? please tell me, i'd like to know.

don't expect me to be your friend right away..i have to heal and get past the realization that it's true that we won't ever work out. you were my first real boyfriend...and you'll always be special to me. believe me. it will take a lot to disreguard all of these feelings. just give me some time to heal...then we'll see how it plays out after that.

i loved you.
guess that doesn't matter anymore.

thank you for making my first date the way it should have been...
i just wish it could have been different.
this ends the first chapter in relationships..
and so far, i don't like it.

i don't think i'll be dating for a long time.
-becca

Hey guys im doing great just came to update my blog well g2g see ya

I forgot (no idea how) to put in my last post that I am buying a house. It is pretty sweet, I should be closing on it the end of next month. I will put some pictures up when I get some.

OMG i caint wait till school gets out because i get to go to Mertle Beach with my aunt Suzy to babysit but i still get to do other stuff like go to the ocean,beach,pool,hottub, and thats the best thng to do oh and i still have to babysit though

                             
                             Set Me Free
It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Chorus:
Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All alone with my demons I am
Who is this man that comes my way?
The darks ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me

Chorus

As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my eyes
And darkness cannot hide

Chorus 2:
Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All Power on Heaven and earth belong to me
(Repeat)

You are free
You are free
You are free

 Last American Idol is tomarrow..! :( i love american idol.. you do you thinks gonna win? Blake or Jordon.. Vote Vote Vote.. uhhh

"Remember it's not a sin to enjoy the fragrance of a rose, but he who grasps after its beauty carelessly will reap the pain and suffering of its hidden barbs," Hedge of Thorns.
I like that.