August 03 2006
I know what they say. They say I'm crazy. I see the looks in their eyes and as I walk past them in the supermarket, I see them turn to one another and begin to whisper about me.
It's not that I'm paranoid.
It's simply the truth.
They say I'm hooked on a love long past. Just because I never wanted anyone but him and never dated after him doesn't mean I'm hooked on him. It just means there was no one worth my time. All those other women just went from man to man, searching for "Mr. Right." And where did it end them up?
In a smelly house with five kids and a dog.
I don't even like dogs.
And that's another thing. I'm not a senile old cat lady. Twelve cats is nothing. Now make it even baker's dozen and you've got problems. But twelve? Twelve it just a nice number. I know the kids down the street bike past my house and say mean things about my cats and me. I keep my cats inside, for Christ's sake! How do they even know how many I have?
I paid a little kid a nice shiny quarter to snoop about and tell me how many cats they say I have.
He reported back with numbers in the hundreds.
Hundreds? Where would I get the food to feed them??
No, no. Twelve is just a nice number.
But nice a number as it is, it's just not equal to that one guy.
Twelve cats doesn't equal him.
I've been living here with my twelve furry disciples, holed away, just waiting.
I couldn't even tell you what for.
I don't expect him to come back.
He's happy. I like it when he's happy. I don't want him to ever be anything but. But, God, it hurts so much to see him so happy with another woman. They don't even have a dog. She's allergic. He loves dogs. I would have let him have one, even if I was allergic.
No kids, either. I'm not sure if that's her fault or not. I've heard rumours; they say she's sterile. I bet it's all an act. He always wanted kids. He loved the sound of children laughing. I would have been a good mother for his children.
I guess that's why I'm coming to you. I don't know who to turn to. All my friends have long since left this town and he... well, he just sits with her when he's not working.
They say she might die soon.
Would it make me a bad person if I wished she'd just pass on?
I guess it does. I mean, he'd probably still be so in love with her he'd just die of a broken heart.
Why couldn't he be that in love with me?
I'd gladly switch places with her.
I'd take on her disease and suffer, just to have him hold me.
Does that make me crazy?
I think it might.
That's a lovely cat you have there. You say it's about to have kittens? Any chance you'd let me have a couple?
I could use a few more disciples.
Maybe if I just keeping bringing them in, I'll finally have enough disciples to equal one of him.
But I doubt it.