November 18 2005
So this semester has been tough on me.
Man, I just got to thinking the other day about how people with addictions and eating disorders have trigger signs that they can watch out for, to help them not fall back into that cycle.
I seriously think I have an approval of man addiction. It's been rampant this semester, only I didn't really realize it till last week. It's not tangible like a substance or lack of it, so I don't know it until I've been doing it for a while. At first I just felt really needy. Like I just couldn't get enough from my friends and professors and parents and people at church.. and even God.
And I didn't know what to do with all of it so I just tried to run away with my thoughts.. and I've been inconsistent with my quiet times and talking to God.. which hurt me even worse.
God has lavished me with his love. It's unfailing. And it seriously- sometimes- I just want to cry with joy and gratitude that God loves me that much to just deal with those times that I'm struggling with being ______ TOO MANY TIMES.
It's never too many for God.
I'm never too much for Him. NEVER.
Not when I'm crying. Not when I'm utterly silly. Not when I'm sweating bullets because I'm nervous. Not when I fail. Not when I succeed again and again.
God is just Good. That's just what He is.
November 10 2005
August 19 2005
I started out this summer really kinda bummed out because I was thought I was going to have to have knee surgery but it was definite so I didn't know when anything was going to happen or if I should try to plan to have a job, etc. There were just a lot of unanswered questions, and I really was trying to cling to the belief that God really had something in mind for me this summer but it was tough some days.
However, it was really an incredible playing out of events.
When I learned that my knee surgery wouldn't be happening unleast until July or something (insurance matters), I decided to apply for the swim coaching job at Ravenwood where I worked last summer. Turns out they had a coach! I was really disappointed, but I couldn't blame them, because who would want to hire somebody who couldn't really commit for the whole summer?
Then I went to Colorado. The day after I got back, I went to the pool and found out that that coach had quit! Kind of out of the blue! The next day, I was hired as the coach.
God taught me a lot about myself through coaching those kids. It's amazing how 45 kids can make you really aware of your insecurities and your faults, but they also respond to your strengths. I don't know if that really made any sense, but I was really happy and gracious to get to work with such great kiddos. It was so exciting to see growth and confidence in the water with some of those kids... Two little girls started and they couldn't swim very well at all.. but now, they're jumping off the diving board and swimming like crazy! Anyway, I just hope that I was a good coach to those kids.. and that God used me to love on them! :)
Then the week that swim team ended, I got hired as an associate at Kohl's. haha- It really made me furious at first because I wanted to kill people for making such big messes in the dressing room and just for being rude. Turns out- it's just been a huge lesson in grace. In our Bible study this summer, we read The Ragamuffin Gospel, and it was all about extending grace to others because God has given us so much grace. How can we not extend that grace to the people that we encounter? God has changed my heart... not always. I still struggle a lot with expectations of wanting to be treated like I'm significant and "how I feel like I should be treated" instead of being satisfied with the love of my Creator. It's also been an excellent opportunity just to be exposed to people's character. It's discouraging sometimes, but it just really encourages me to be set-apart, you know, to really put my everything in Christ so that Christ is in me and I'm not alone to fend for myself in a dark world.
Also, with my knee and everything, it's been almost 3 years since I've been able to run around and be normal, I guess... It's frustrating A LOT!! especially with my athletic history. I've gotten 2/3 shots that are supposed to take away my pain, and I'm still awaiting surgery in the near future. But I asked my doctor about getting a second opinion and he was just so okay with it that it was just really comforting. He said, "You're 20 years old and you've got a complicated knee problem. I want you to be happy!" He volunteered a doctor's name and offered to get me an appointmen with that doctor.
It's kind of funny because I really wish that I could go to my doctor and tell him that my knee's better... because I know that he cares. And for so long, I just felt dissatisfied and I just kept praying that God would just be with Dr. Reid and give him proper wisdom and knowledge to diagnose me and patience to listen to me so that I could get better. He's been there for me... and I am so grateful.
So this is a really long entry, but I just wanted to thank God for working in my heart this summer. I had no doubts, but I find constantly amazed at how much He can do in me.
July 23 2005
..which I very much need after tonight's mess at Kohl's. The store made close to $100,000 today. I think I touched that many items of clothing. *sigh* Retail is such hard work. haha.. But it's all good! At least I had fun doing the hard work!
July 17 2005
Anyway, more on that later.. In a few hours, I have to go to Ravenwood for our swim team banquet. Supposedly, 74 people (!!!!) have signed up to come. O_O
I'm a little nervous.. but the way I figure it, it's only a short time in my life so far. And I'll probably get through it.. unless I just completely embarrass myself. :)
June 20 2005
June 12 2005
So I've finally got all my kids entered in their events for the swim meet on Tuesday. It took me WAYY too long!! We start 2-a-day practices tomorrow.. Hope they aren't too crazy. I have 50 kids on the roster now!! O_O And if we get too many more, I may have to find me an assistant coach!!
YEP YEP.. things are going pretty swell right now. Praise the Lord for this summer.. for the bad and the good for I know that He will be there in whatever lies ahead, constant and unchanging, continuing to love us as His children. Man, am I one lucky girl to be loved so much... *happy sigh*
>>Check out that silly picture!!
June 09 2005
This just occurred to me earlier, because I see it all the time in little kid books and cartoons... but never have I ever heard of an actual kid who did that.
I know, guys.. It blew me away too.
I just can't help this quick mind o' mine.